Like It Is

My husband and I don’t have children. This is our choice. When we first got married we weren’t too sure if we wanted children. Actually, my husband knew he didn’t, but would have had them if I’d wanted them. Having grown up in a large family, thinking that I’d have children as a matter of course, it still wasn’t an issue that I wanted to rush into. Then there was our ages, I married late and in no way wanted to have children in my 40’s and up. There was also the fact that I didn’t feel any overwhelming need to be a parent, or “mother pangs” or whatever the name is for the feeling that women are supposed to feel as soon as they get married. I felt and still feel, pretty complete as I am. We also looked at what we would have to give up if we wanted to have children. Basically life as we knew it would change and everything, from where we could live, to what work I could do, would be affected. I was realistic to realize that if we had a child, it would come first – in everything.That was the way it should be.

I listened and learned from other parents and from many read between the lines. This was HARD work. Sometimes the rewards were great, but not all the time. And NOTHING prepares you for what it’s going to be like. Some parents told me the truth, others were more intent on drawing me into the fold. I read books extensively - they were hard to find but I found them – on parenting, non-parents, being child-free (still a very new term, people seem to prefer “childless”. More on this later.) and much,more. We discussed, we talked. I made up my mind. I didn’t need to have children if I didn’t want to. I like children, but I had no need to have them around. The choice was mine. And ours. We made the decision not to have children and have never regretted it. In fact, confirmation that this was the right choice for us abounds. in many ways.

The freedom we have being child-free is amazing and the life we have very full. Being able to nurture and build our relationship, to travel, to live where we want to and to focus on whatever we want to is something we make the most of every single day. We discovered others that feel exactly the same way and that both women and men are realizing that they have a choice.

Even if exercising that choice brings its own trials…