Like It Is

While we are happy with our decision not to have children, it was soon very clear that other people were not. Other people were mostly people who didn’t know us well, but whom nevertheless always had an opinion about our decision once they knew we had chosen not to have children. I knew through my reading that my choice (and for my you can read our) was not a popular one, for the simple reason that it went against what society thought was “the thing to do” for any woman. Having children is still considered the ultimate accomplishment and nirvana for women, and therefore this was going against the grain, against the societal “norm”. I wasn’t bothered about this. It was my life and my choice. But that did not stop the unsolicited opinions, probing questions and comments from people about how misguided my decision was, how I was missing out, how selfish/freaky/bad/abnormal/shortsighted I/we are for not wanting or having children. Sometimes we’d even be pitied!

Women in particular, seemed to become immediately hostile and defensive, as if the very thought that an alternative choice to having children existed was a threat, and then nearly always proceeded to advise me that I would “change my mind”. It’s a mystery to me how they presume to know my mind! Having met and conversed with other child-free people, I know that this is a common experience. Sometimes the response was encouraging and positive, from friends for example, so I should mention that. But not often.

I’ll say it here – there is really no need to feel sorry for people who've decided not to have children. We are happy with our choice and just want our decision to be respected without having to defend it or explain ourselves. Just as we respect people’s decision to have children.