Like It Is

You may have to search for it, but it is there to be found.

In one of my previous posts I asked how child-free people deal with some of the issues they face as a result of their decision not to parent. Here are some of my contributions, which have either assisted me in coming to my decision, supported me in making it or, once made, validated it.

I hope you will add your own ideas and things that have helped you.

1. Find support from like-minded people. Don’t underestimate the importance of this. You may need to find and connect with a new network of friends and this can be daunting. You may have accepting friends, in which case you are fortunate. You will also probably be in the minority if you do. You can’t always rely on your family to be supportive, but if they are you are fortunate.

2. Search – thanks to the Internet there is now more information than ever for those who are or want to be child-free. Find a group like “No Kidding” in you area, or start your own if there isn’t one already.

3. Get clued up about what the child-free life is like. Educate yourself, because Knowledge IS power. Reading was enormously helpful to me, as I was then prepared for some of the reactions through reading about others and how they had dealt with them. I learnt a lot from reading, and I spent a considerable amount of money obtaining every book I could find on being child-free (and they are scarce) and, for comparison, a few about parenting too. It still feels really good to know that there are men and women worldwide who identify with me, have thought the same or similar thoughts, had the same dilemmas, and are living wonderful full lives – without being parents.

4. Read positive stories about child-free people. Again, you may have to seek these out as they aren’t going to be found in mainstream society, groups or media, which is generally negative and full of stereotypes.

5. And then there were blogs… find a positive one (Like Purple Women!) and actively contribute. They are like on-line communities. Lend your voice, your perspective, your time – tell your story. The more child-free voices we hear the stronger we feel.

6. Try to avoid activities where you are going to feel isolated in your choice. This is one is a little harder until you get the hang of it and until you find replacements. Baby showers are one, work gatherings to celebrate a mother going on maternity leave,gatherings with the neighbourhood mums for community events are others… you know what I mean. Even church may become a toxic environment once you declare your decision. You’ll soon know. Note, if you feel good going to the above, do so. Some things are harder to avoid than others. But even if you are strong in your decision or choice why spend time with people who don’t support it?

6. Speak up when you have an opportunity. Everyone has their own comfort and confidence level, but the more people meet child-free people as part of their daily life, hopefully the less the stereotyping.

7. Enjoy being different! Why the heck not?