Like It Is

A question deserves a response, right? Yes. Sometimes. That depends on the question.

When I first started writing my responses to “Reactions to the Childfree Choice Part I” I wrote mostly from the point of view of someone who was presented, or more often confronted with, these assumptions, to which I would generally give short, sarky and very much to the point responses. Designed to stop the line of questioning in its tracks, for I had neither the time nor the patience.

Then I thought, this was an ideal blogging opportunity to inform people who:

1. Think that it’s o.k. to have these assumptions and that they do no harm

2. Have never stopped to question their own assumptions about Childfree men and women

3. Think that they can change the Childfree woman’s or man’s mind

4. Have never even considered how offensive their inferences and questions could be

5. Have simply never questioned that the fact that there is an alternative lifestyle to having children,

6. Don’t believe there is any other life other than one that involves having children

7. Are just interested in knowing more

For Childfree people, both men and women, it’s sometimes hard to answer the person who poses these questions and makes these comments in the many and varied ways in which they come. Sometimes, this is because, so insulting are the comments that it’s just not worth the effort replying. Or the setting may not be appropriate. Sometimes the childfree response is likely to be curt and direct (well, why should we always have to explain ourselves to someone else? Others - namely the with-children- never think they need to explain themselves to us or anyone else) while we try to correct misconceptions and ignorance. It gets tiring, particularly when it is made clear that the Childfree woman’s choice is unimportant at best and just plain “wrong” at worst.

I hope the series of articles (which I’ll be posting at regular intervals) give other childfree people some angles on which to build their own responses should they be confronted with these and other assumptions and intrusive questions. Most of us have heard them, some so many times that we tune them out. I think many of the assumptions made about Childfree people – certainly the ones in my previous post – are not only untrue, but can be quite hurtful and damaging.

My own responses to people really depends on what mood I happen to be in when I’m confronted by an offending comment, and the setting. You can’t always let rip at someone who is clearly ignorant about you even though you would like to. Usually there is no time to prepare, you don’t have a script. You are caught unawares in many cases. And the majority of my responses would be directed at strangers – since people who know me, and my friends whether they have children or not don’t assume and have never made any of these comments to me.

In the interests of my readers I’ve grouped the points (1–22) that are similar. I have also split the article into separate posts, to avoid reader fatigue! I found that some of the points needed a bit of commentary, however they are by no means exhaustive as I am sure you’ve had your own experiences and how you’ve responded. Feel free to add them.

Prepare to be informed, learn something new, see a new angle on something you already knew, get some ideas for your own responses, get validation, support.

Childfree? Read on. Have children? Then read on.