Like It Is

How fair is it to rely on or expect your children to look after you when you are old or sick? I can only suppose that if they don’t, then they aren’t “good” children.

First, there is NO guarantee that children will be able to take care of you when you are old and or sick. Even if they were willing, they may lack the means to do so. If I did have children I wouldn’t wish to be a burden to them, expecting them to be responsible for me would make me feel that I would be. With the cost of living spiralling daily, how can anyone put this responsibility on a child? Yet, when you inform people that you’ve chosen not to have children, the “who’s going to look after you when you’re old” question is one they require you to answer. So I can only assume that in their case they are expecting that their children will take on the responsibility for them.

Second, the expectation that your children have to take care of you in your old age comes from a selfish viewpoint, though strangely it isn’t seen as such. In days long gone by children were indeed seen as a kind of insurance policy – for example in many countries, the more children you had, the more wealthy you were deemed to be – at least if you were a man. Today though it really does assume a lot and this never seems to be questioned. In reality it also usually means that the female child shoulders the burden and becomes the carer, sometimes in addition to looking after their own families, often having to make sacrifices in terms of work and or career.

Isn’t it better to make arrangements for your own old age and other long term care? If you don’t have children you have a much better chance of being able to plan for this, sooner rather than later. Seems the only people who consider this necessary are those who are childfree. They know that they have to plan appropriately.

Third, I really do think this has to be one of the worst reasons to have children. I sometimes can’t believe that people actually come out with this question at all. It’s all about the parent/s and not the child. Maybe it’s all about payback (implicitly or otherwise)… “I gave up a lot when you were growing up, now it’s your turn to look after me…” Or maybe children are an alternative insurance policy. For your old age.