Childfree? But What Will You Do With Your Life If You Don’t Have Children?
29 07 2006What will I do with my life? What a question. Why do people ask it?
Because children tend to completely fill and even take over the lives of their parents and many women can’t even remember their lives before they had children. O.K. Fair enough. The inference I get from certain quarters and from mainstream society, however, is that a life without bringing up children is somehow less meaningful, less important, empty, and needs to be filled with children to count for anything. Which I find a load of sanctimonious rubbish.
Equally nonsensical is the underlying assumption that Childfree lives are empty and/or frivolous. and should be questioned, if not looked down upon. There is a decided air of superiority of those who parent over those of us who have decided not to parent. And even though you shouldn’t have to, you sometimes feel you have to inform, to set the record straight.
Yesterday was just one illustration of how free I am to order my life more or less as I choose. Friday afternoon, end of a hectic week at work. My husband rings me at work and says “hi honey, we hadn’t planned anything for this evening, but how’d you fancy dinner tonight, we could meet at 6 at our favourite restaurant…” My response – “great idea, see you there at 6.” Later that evening as we sat enjoying our dinner I reflected on how much I enjoy and appreciate the spontaneity of my life. Collecting children, arranging baby sitters, making alternative arrangements, pacifying significant others, worrying about getting back in time, phoning in to check on children – I do none of these things.
I am able to do all the things I want to do, which I wouldn’t be able to do had I children. Investing in my relationship, travelling, professional and personal development, exploring other places and cultures, playing instruments, sports, reading, writing, working at the career I want, theatre, dining out, volunteering, relaxing, building relationships and just being. I can have days when I simply choose to do nothing if I want. It doesn’t really matter what it is, the point is my life isn’t circumscribed by children. That may not count for much with parents and may even be dismissed, or frowned upon, however for me and many other Childfree people it is wonderful to have this freedom. I’m very thankful for it.
So what do I and other Childfree people do with our lives since we obviously have chosen not to have children? Pretty much whatever we choose, when we choose. Whatever it is you really want to do, there is no denying the fact that you have a lot more freedom and money to do it if you don’t have children than if you do.
Perhaps the best test for anyone who thinks they may prefer the childfree life is to volunteer to babysit while a friend or relative goes on holidays. This can be a great convincer. My cousin and her husband did a two week stint with 3 kids under 8 years old while her sister and partner went on a holiday. They still refer to it as “taking the kid cure” and have been happily childfree now for 21 years.
I’ve heard others say that too. And the key seems to be - you have to spend some extended time with the children to really get the experience - the odd evening here or there doesn’t work in quite the same way.