Like It Is

How fair is it to rely on or expect your children to look after you when you are old or sick? I can only suppose that if they don’t, then they aren’t “good” children.

First, there is NO guarantee that children will be able to take care of you when you are old and or sick. Even if they were willing, they may lack the means to do so. If I did have children I wouldn’t wish to be a burden to them, expecting them to be responsible for me would make me feel that I would be. With the cost of living spiralling daily, how can anyone put this responsibility on a child? Yet, when you inform people that you’ve chosen not to have children, the “who’s going to look after you when you’re old” question is one they require you to answer. So I can only assume that in their case they are expecting that their children will take on the responsibility for them.

Second, the expectation that your children have to take care of you in your old age comes from a selfish viewpoint, though strangely it isn’t seen as such. In days long gone by children were indeed seen as a kind of insurance policy – for example in many countries, the more children you had, the more wealthy you were deemed to be – at least if you were a man. Today though it really does assume a lot and this never seems to be questioned. In reality it also usually means that the female child shoulders the burden and becomes the carer, sometimes in addition to looking after their own families, often having to make sacrifices in terms of work and or career.

Isn’t it better to make arrangements for your own old age and other long term care? If you don’t have children you have a much better chance of being able to plan for this, sooner rather than later. Seems the only people who consider this necessary are those who are childfree. They know that they have to plan appropriately.

Third, I really do think this has to be one of the worst reasons to have children. I sometimes can’t believe that people actually come out with this question at all. It’s all about the parent/s and not the child. Maybe it’s all about payback (implicitly or otherwise)… “I gave up a lot when you were growing up, now it’s your turn to look after me…” Or maybe children are an alternative insurance policy. For your old age.

Another penalty shoot-out. Or penalty lottery. France dominated the match and really should have won this game, but it was not to be, as at half time, the two teams were 1–1.

There were many twists and turns in this contest. But the strangest thing was Zidane’s red card. Not that he shouldn’t have been sent off, for what he did that was the only response. No, what was strange was that he would do what he did. I can only imagine that whatever Materazzi said to him, it sent all thoughts of finishing the World Cup out of his head. That headbutt in the chest was fierce and tumbled Materazzi to the ground. I know this was Zidane’s last World Cup, but even so. Now all people will remember him for was his sending off for headbutting his opponent in the World Cup.

Have to say though, it was something to see..he looked like he wanted to punch him.

Oh, but I do. And since I know I don’t want it, I can hardly be “missing” it can I?

But wait, let’s consider this for a moment. How can you miss what you have never had? The simple answer is you can’t no matter what anyone tells you. You can want something really badly and feel you are missing out, but you are only missing out if you think you are. It really is relative.

Every day I’m thankful that I am “missing” these so-called wonders, because I absolutely love my life just as it is. I aspire to be and do certain things, but don’t crave what I’ve never had. I’m pretty content. I know there are things that parents simply would not miss out on when it comes to rearing their children. And that’s fine. What I find hard to understand is the insistence that everyone has to experience them as well, and if they haven’t because they’ve decided not to have children, they have to be made to feel bad about it even though they may be very happy as they are.

In Reactions To The Childfree Choice Part I, One of my readers and commentors provided an ample list of the things that childfree people are indeed missing – happily. Read it and add to this the daily struggle to bring children up, the expense, the noise, loss of sleep, potential and actual loss of career, potential and sometimes actual loss or deterioration of your relationships, reduced opportunities to do other things you may have wanted to do. And if your child turns out to be not so ideal despite your best efforts, (which is entirely possible) you’ve that to deal with too.

Of course, if you mention these things to people with children, in response, you will find most parents will assure you that “it’s worth it.”

Britain’s oldest mother is 62, and is currently on the receiving end of criticism for having a child at such an advanced age.  She and her husband, who is 60, have nicknamed their new child JJ. JJ was conceived by IVF through a donor egg and, because of her age, IVF specialists in the UK refused giving her the treatment, which I think is right. Mrs Farrant therefore had to travel to Russia. Not that Mrs Farrant hasn’t had children – she has three aged 18, 22 and 26 from a previous marriage. But this is the first child for her current husband. And it was their fifth and final attempt to conceive. At around $15,000 a try that’s pretty expensive, but affordability isn’t in question here.

Opinions vary from one end of the spectrum to the other, from calling her absurd to those saying its great as the child was wanted and that those who are critical are applying double standards as after all men father children at 60 and over. True. I find it hard to get my head around becoming a mother for the first time in your sixties if you really are thinking of the child.

But never mind them for the moment.  Did these parents really, honestly think of the child? Did they not stop to consider that when their son is 18 they will be in their 80’s and late 70’s? How will their child feel about introducing his senior parents to his friends? Apparently they did think about it. They say they felt it was the “right thing to do” and that they have plenty of good friends to step in if anything happens to them. I think that is pretty sad. Best of luck JJ.

You can read the full story here.

Today is exactly a year since London was hit by suicide bombers. Today, as we prepare to commemorate those who died, I think of how they would have started their day - an ordinary summer morning setting off to work. Nothing would have prepared them for what they were about to experience. Not the 52 who died, nor the 100 plus who survived but were terribly injured.

At around the time I am typing this, at 0850 GMT, a year ago bombs laid on three underground trains went off. If you have ever used the underground in the morning rush hour, as I did for many years, you will know how completely packed it is at this time. I knew or worked near all the stations that were affected - Kings Cross, Edgware Road, Russell Square, Aldgate East. Liverpool Street, and of course Tavistock Square where the bomb which was on the bus went off. The stations are busy as ever today, full of people as usual. But a year ago it was pure chaos.

There will be a two minute silence today in London and across the country to remember the people that died on July 7th as well as services, laying flowers at Regent’s park and a commemorative event at Queen Mary’s Gardens in Regent’s Park for the families affected by this cowardly act. A suicide bomb. In London. On a train. Underground. And on a bus. Innocent people, just going to work and school as usual. Now with their lives changed for ever, some beyond repair. Just think of it. I think there will be many who will be thinking “it could have been me”. It could have been me. Or one of my family. Or one of my freinds. Or just someone I knew. I thank God it wasn’t. And I’m so, so sorry for those for whom it was. I’ll be thinking of you today.

It’s said the British summer is two hot days and a thunderstorm. We got that right this week. IA sweltering, hot, hot hot. And thunderstorms. And people griping about the heat (as usual), and the humidity and then the rain (because of course there were floods) and then the hail. We just love to talk about the weather! It’s the reason we holiday abroad so much.

There is something really lovely about being back home in England though. For me it’s many little things. The fact that everyone speaks the same way I do, and I don’t get the interested stares and the “where is that accent from?” questions that you do in my wonderful host country. I appreciate people’s curiosity, and I know it comes with the territory of being from somewhere else, but on this trip it was just good not to sound different from everyone else for a change.

It’s the fact that people tend to make eye contact more and really look at you, whether it’s to greet you with a good morning or just to smile. I could use idioms and phrases and not have to explain what I meant by them or use my alternative words. I could say car bonnet and car boot with abandon (yay!) and people wouldn’t give me a strange stare while they worked out what I meant (hood and trunk). They were using the words themselves with equal abandon of course. Sweets are sweets, chocolate is chocolate and biscuits are biscuits.

Good old British humour. I didn’t realise how much I missed it until I was back in it. It was like picking up a conversation exactly where you left off, even though you’d left off some time ago. And it isn’t that Canadians aren’t humourous, not at all. It’s just different. Hard to explain,when you’re in stiches over something seemingly completely silly. It just is.

Catching up with friends… having a laugh. Making new ones.
Catching Wimbledon in the rain. Although I didn’t have time to watch a lot of it, it’s the being able to watch it in “real time”, not quite down the road, but close.

I’m looking forward to being back in my second home! But I have really enjoyed my trip home!

Italy 2 Germany 0. Blogging from a very hot England, I watched the match last night tucking into a Balti chicken curry and naan bread and lots of cold water. Ice cold water was the only drink that would do in the sweltering heat. We are having a heat wave for sure. The match was 0-0 into extra time, but after all is said and done the best minutes were really the last three… that first goal in the last two minutes of extra time was brilliant - and at that point I feared it was just about over for Germany.

The second goal was the icing on the cake - and, as if to cruelly underline the fact, the end of Germany’s hopes of the World Cup in 2006. Just cannot but say that Italy played very well. They just refused to give up, and they clearly did not want the game to go the dreaded penalties. Germany also played well, but Italy became more difficult to cope with as the game drew nearer to the end. I suspect that, had the game gone to penalties, Germany may have had an advantage, and may even have gone on to win. We’ll never know, will we?

Italy will play the winner of tonight’s match - Portugal v France… starting in 15 minutes. Time for me to go - I’m planning to catch it!

I’ll be in England for the next week, part holiday, part business so there’s likely to be a gap in my posting for that time. If (and it’s a big if) I have time I may still post and I’ll be checking Like It Is from time to time.

I’m looking forward to going home, although I know it’ll not be long until I start missing Toronto, my second home. I hear England’s having great weather - well actually I know it has, since I’ve been keeping an eye on it in advance of my trip. But get this. I will be in England for the team’s World Cup match against Portugal! So I will be watching, and celebrating or commiserating on home ground. Cool. I’m wishing the boys all the best of British. Let’s hope it shines on them on Saturday. See ya!

France 1 Brazil 0. What an upset! France knocks out the favourite Brazil to go through to the semi-finals. Zidane is the man of the hour. Brazil are out after playing as if they had it already in the bag. They hadn’t. It’s goodbye to Brazil for this world cup. They shouldn’t have been surprised - France has beaten them in three of their four encounters.

Portugal 0 England 0 (3-1 on penalties). England goes out of the world cup after being beaten by Portugal on penalties. Again. The penalty shoot-out followed 120 goalless minutes of play. There is an eerie silence outside, for just one moment it seemed that England would have a chance to be in the semi-finals, but it was not to be.

I thought England played very hard and very well, after losing David Beckham to injury just after half time and Wayne Rooney in a send off. I will forever question the decision to play Rooney up front in the first place.

I was very happy to be able to watch the match in England in spite of the loss (and my jet lag). We are all very sad for the boys, it’s heartbreaking for them but I did think that, as far as the penalties were concerned, Portugal did better than England in getting them by England’s goalie. Ricardo was good, no doubt about it. They managed to get through in spite of two of their shots hitting the post.

So England’s dream of World Cup glory is over, the boys are gutted, many are in tears. The fans are rallying round. The post mortems will go on for a long time; I hope the media will not be too hard on the team. And Sven’s reign is well and truly over. So it should be.