Or one great reason Chad Skelton should stfu and write something else on a slow news day at the Vancouver Sun. It’s actually none of his business what choices the childfree make. But of course, it makes for great fodder for posting on the Interwebz. Especially with titles like:
4 Reasons the Childfree may have chosen wrong
As soon as I read that I knew it was a bingo. It was actually several childfree bingoes really, chief of which was “hey childfree ppl, do ya know you’re missing out on a fulfilled and happy life? Well, do ya? Here’s why and what’s a few assumptions here and there?”
Yeah, I know he’s simply trying to stir up various bingoes and arguments between parents and those of us who are childfree (note he says “childless by choice” as he seemingly can’t even bear to to call us childfree). And under the guise of “oh I just want to explore the topic – sorry “clarifying my thinking” he dives right into it. All in all, it’s really one great gi-nourmous bingo.
He says – and this makes me laugh somewhat:
“I’ll start by saying that I find myself conflicted on the question of whether those who are “childless by choice” can truly have lives that are as happy and fulfilled as parents. So, to help clarify my thinking on the question, I thought it might be easier to write two posts instead of one: One laying out the arguments for why childless people might want to think twice about their decision. The other on why they might be on to something.”
Earth to Skelton – Exactly why should we care if YOU’RE conflicted about OUR choice or happiness or fulfillment? Or whether we “truly have lives that “are as happy and fulfilled as parents?”
Fact – It’s none of your business.
Fact – you assume all parents are happy and fulfilled and that children are the only route for happiness and fulfillment. We blasted that old myth years ago, you need to catch up. Do a search on the Internet.
Fact – quite a few people regret having children but they’ll never actually tell you so because it’s a taboo subject. Your bias is showing… and your “research” is like Swiss cheese.
Fact – you are PARENT and you seem to be one of those parunts who’s mission in life is to dabble in things they don’t and will never understand… and then try to convince others that they’ve made the “wrong choice” based on your own limited frame of reference. Le sigh. Hence we have:
“But I still believe the evidence — and anecdotal experience — seems to suggest you’re more likely to regret not having kids than to regret having them. Indeed, several commenters over the past couple weeks have said they were once adamant they never wanted children but, now that they have them, can’t imagine life without them. And, for the reasons already given, I think the unique and profound nature of parenthood means regretting not starting a family is likely to cause you a lot more emotional pain than, say, never going to Greece or not buying that great flat screen TV.”
Seriously, we childfree really don’t need your approval, understanding or your supposed thinking that “we might be on to something.” You’re patronizing and condescending.
You see, it’s not about “being on to something.” It’s about well-thought out life choices about whether or not to have children, not the latest great fad find. Choices that, last time I looked are OURS to make and aren’t subject to yours or anyone else’s “approval.” Choices about what works for US as individuals and families. Something that many parents should probably do a lot more of instead of bleating that having children is “just what you do… or that “having children is what will make them happy and fulfilled.” Maybe that way we’d have a few less broken homes and single struggling parents… or are you simply using the Cornflake Family as your limited frame of reference? Seems so.
Even though the bingo is alive and well – “ the only way to be happy and fulfilled women is by having a kid” – Skelton, you need to go read a few childfree blogs. Or how about taking off your blinkers and get to know a few childfree people – without lecturing them on how they probably regret not having kids.
Better that then spouting off about about stuff you don’t will never know anything about. I’d like to think that most childfree folks (you know the ones you think might be freaking out because you think we may not have made a wise choice and we’re gonna be in throes of regret later on…) have moved beyond what others think and know without a doubt that their happiness and fulfillment is self made and within their control – not via the route of procreation.
I suppose one good thing about your post is that it brought out lots of people rebutting a lot of what you’ve said in your “clarifications.” Always a good thing, that.
Oh, and I think this comment from Hydee really sums it up
Oh wow! You put sooo much effort into this first part of the article. But in reality, it’s nothing more than a few of the more popular bingo’s that we childfree hear all time. Simple, asinine reasons that could not possibly apply to everyone in the world.
I’m sure your attempt to look at the childfree’s position will be weak and probably condescending.
As for your research that “No one” regretted not having children, where did you find that? Because lately, all over the internet, are stories about how a lot of parents confess to loving their children but regret having them. Or is that something you just choose to ignore to support your love affair with parenthood? I’ll bet is nice to have a kid when someone else is doing all the work and you get to look at them when their all cleaned up & pretty and you get to be the “fun parent.”But if you want some real research, peruse some of the comments from these happy, happy parents!
Mr Skelton et al the childfree don’t go around trying to figure out why you’re a parent or or why people decided to have children. We really don’t care. And we recognize that is your choice. I suggest you take a leaf from our book… STFU bingoeing and mind your own business. Kids go back to school soon. Why not focus on that and leave the childfree alone.
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