And I hear you. Given the stressfulness of a working couple’s life without children, not to mention many of the other environmental and social issues you mention, it never ceases to amaze me that people do their utmost to encourage more people to re-produce.

I call it the conspiracy of silence, but it’s more than that. It’s as if,on discovering how tough it will be raising children in today’s reality they set about trying to make everyone live their reality.

As you say, I have long been convinced there is more than a little envy when the childed attack and criticise the childfree. Except for a few very honest parents, who, if you find them are like gold dust, because they will tell you the truth and they will respect your decision.

Once the child is there, there is no going back, this is their life for the next 20+ years - or the rest of their life. Perhaps they see what could have been and resent those that really looked, saw a glimpse of what it would be like. And were able to say “no thanks”.

Donning the parental hat inevitably leads to a series of small scenarios of coming together and breaking asunder. Competiveness develops between parents and bewteen children seeking the favour of parents. Family factions form and dissolve. The emotions, devotions, expectations, and negotiations sap an individual’s energy reserve as characters are built, wounded and healed, or not.

Our “free” time is in short supply as Gary has so eloquently said. And that short time frame is rarely adequate to retrain for a new career or to pursue a hobby or passion with abandon. Following a workday or work week our energy levels are far below what it takes to deliver quality parenting, quality partnering and quality participation in sports, theatre, music, dance and other hobby pursuits. Moreover, in a relationship with children there exists a pressure to spend most “free” time together as a family and to give the children the best part of you.

This means that many couples become trapped in jobs we may want to leave with no way out. It means they can become frustrated because the creative, passionate, athletic, etc. aspect of their inner “self” does not get the opportunity to develop or flower. And it means they can become shadow people, who look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the vital person bursting with potential that they once were.

I have been married for 30 years to a person who has grown with me, beside me, rather than way from me. I have been married to a person who encouraged me to fly on my own two wings free from the obligation of taking him on my flights, confident in the knowlwdge that he would always be there when I returned to the hangar eager to share my report of the experience. Only two other couples we have known throughout those three decades can make the same boast of intimacy and independence and one of those couples is likewise childfree.

During this 30 years I became a libarary technician, a paralegal, a model, an equestrian, an actress, a dancer, a singer, an artist, an areobics and yoga officianado, and a writer and much much more. I gave my time an energy to many charities and clubs including children’s groups like 4H. When I took stock on my 50th birthday I celebrated my life recognizing that I became a “realized” fulfilled and happy person who is still transforming and growing. In a childfree relationship we are need not become obliged to play the role of being joined at the hip in all we do. Interestingly, enough my partner charted his own course a has a string as long as my own to report but only one of those “horsemanship” in common.

I personally think many people with kids attack the child-free because they’re a little jealous. It’s sad because I already see a gulf developing between us and our friends who have had children, even though nobody means for it to happen.

Frankly, modern life is stressful enough as it is. Even most average jobs today demand long hours and overtime, whether you like it or not, and by the time the weekend comes we’re exhausted. It takes two full-time incomes now to maintain the same standard of living as one income could in the 1960s, and we live a modest life: contrary to popular belief our lack of children does not make us rich. I wish!

If we had children the exhaustion would be much worse, and I fear we wouldn’t be able to be good parents. With the way the world is going — climate change, environmental destruction, wars, terrorism, religious zealotry from all sides — I’m not sure why so many people still feel a need to add to the population. I don’t think the children of today will enjoy the same safe, secure world that we knew until recently.

Sorry for such a long comment. Hang in there, and please keep sharing your insights!