Childfree? You Obviously Chose A Career Instead of Children (Part 2)

Continues from Part 1.

The very fact that a woman could even consider not having children, let alone weigh this against having a career offends the anti-childfree to an unbelievable extent. Rather than appreciate that a woman who decided to be childfree is likely to have given much more thought to the impact of the demands of a career on potential children and vice versa, their response is to viciously criticise childfree women, berating them for daring to think a career was more important than having children. Well here is the deal:

For some women and men having a career is more important than the need to reproduce themselves. It is their choice. Some have difficulty accepting this. The problem is theirs, not that of the childfree person.

To make the childfree woman feel guilty for preferring to focus on her career to raising children though all sorts of pressure is applied, subtle and overt.

You might hear something along these lines:

“I gave up my career as a (…)to bring up my kids and I’ve never regretted it”

“I gave up my career when I had kids and it’s been so rewarding/more rewarding than any career…”

“Nothing is more rewarding than being with/raising/being there for my children…”

“Wait til you have your own kids… you’ll find out there is nothing more important..”

“I gave up my career to raise my children… and I can’t understand women who want to work, raising children is so fulfilling…”

Now, these may be true for some. But the underlying message to the childfree woman is only too clear:

You must be a cold, heartless calculating bitch if you could even consider that your career could even begin to compare to the grand duty and high calling of having children.

O.K. So I am not a candidate for sainthood. I’m totally and utterly devastated.

Whether I actively choose “career over children” is neither here nor there. The important point is that my husband and I did a lot of thinking about the potential impact children would have on my career should I decide to have them and it played a large role in my decision not to have children.We also did a lot of observation of working couples, who, while on the treadmill of work and childrearing continued to tell us it was “worth it”. As far as I was concerned children, if we had them, would have to come first. That would mean reduced ability for me to work.

Apart from the fact that I have always supported myself, enjoy earning my own money, and we both enjoy having money in the bank, having children would have meant that my husband would have to become the sole breadwinner. Not a burden I wanted to put on him, certainly with today’s cost of living. We would also have to find money for child care as it was unlikely we’d be able to afford to live comfortably on one wage. I’d be going back to work, since being a stay at home mother was not an appealing option to me.

Yet the childed and the SAHMs as well as most religious communities are, in the main, dismissive of any such thought process. As far as they are concerned it shouldn’t require thinking about. “Normal Women” want children. A woman’s “job” is to have and bring up children; any other aspirations are subordinate to this ultimate goal and should be summarily squelched. A childfree woman with a career – well such a person, it seems, is worthy only of their scorn. In a few years, they say sagely, those career women will be sorry when they look back and realize they want children…then they’ll remember, “we told you so!”

They’re welcome to their opinions because I know my decision was the right one for me and for us. And every time I read of one more woman who has to give up the career she loves or retiring from the workforce to bring up kids, because it’s so hard to combine the two, it reinforces to me that I made the right choice.

I am a professional who works for a large company. I enjoy what I do, I work hard. Even though my company has extremely good benefits for parents, the fact that I don’t have children gives me considerably more career options. Being childfree means I was able to choose what I wanted to do, where I wanted to work, and how much time I can devote to working and advancing. That freedom is a great and valuable thing to me. I am free to take on interesting projects that lead to promotions and raises. And I am free to put in the hours that I need to into my work and to have those recognised and rewarded. I can do all this without feeling guilty that it’s at the expense of children missing out on my presence, or divided loyalties. Life is great.

I wonder – do the childed put as much thought into their decision as non-parents when it comes to working and career? From how they seem to insist that women to have children, and criticise them when they don’t it would appear not. Perhaps if they put as much energy into thinking about it instead of criticising childfree people they might find that they themselves would have made a different decision. But perhaps it’s just easier to criticise childfree people. No intelligent thought required.

For some it’s a no-brainer. No thinking required. Just have a couple of kids.