Like It Is

How about that? Childfree and invited to a baby shower!

Being invited to a baby shower is one thing. Deciding what you’re going to do about it is quite another. Especially if whoever is inviting you isn’t really a stranger. That you’ve been invited probably means that:

The prospective mother to be wants you to come to her baby shower

The prospective mother or the person inviting you doesn’t know you quite well enough to know that you are childfree, or maybe isn’t sure if you are

One half of the prospective parents is a friend of your husband

O.K. – It could mean a lot more to some, and something completely different to others.

However, in the five minutes after receiving the invite that’s what it meant to me. It also meant I had to think quickly.

I was recently invited to a baby shower by a friend of my husband. I was faced with a “situation.” There was no way I could see myself sitting in a room full of women, cooing over pregnancy, impending motherhood, baby stuff and all the other things that are taken for granted at a baby shower. I wasn’t going to do that. I wasn’t prepared to pretend either. Yet, because I had became a friend of the couple through my husband I didn’t want to refuse in a way that might be taken in the “wrong” way or even affect my husbands friendship with his soon-to-be-a-dad friend who I also get on well with. I also didn’t want to have to go into explanations in manner of “I like kids but baby showers really make me cringe.” Or “Sorry, but I’m washing my hair that evening…” And I did want to respond to the invitation.

Well, I didn’t attend the baby shower. And everybody’s still friends and happy. So what did I do?

I made a suggestion which I asked my husband to relay (since invite and response was all taking place on the phone and needed a somewhat immediate response). Saying that baby showers weren’t really my thing, however that we would like to take them both out for dinner a few weeks later. Just the two of them at a time that worked for all of us at a very nice restaurant. Our treat.

I wasn’t sure how they would take it, but they were really happy. And it worked well. I didn’t have to even mention the shower. We asked a couple of questions about her and the baby, although not that many because she was probably already fed up of answering loads of similar questions from friends and family. Which was fine by me. She is a pretty down to earth person and really great, so very easy to talk to. And that meant conversation touched on many things, not necessarily baby related.

The four of us had a really great time. I was surprised it was so good, although I shouldn’t really have been. For both myself and my husband, it felt great because we could sincerely enjoy the occasion – not something I could say of a baby shower where I would felt like a square peg in a round hole. And I felt we were doing something that was meaningful to all of us.

Would I do it again? Yes, in similar circumstances, I most certainly would. I believe that, outside work a stranger wouldn’t invite me the their baby shower in the first place (at least I hope not) and if they did (for example at work) I would feel quite comfortable saying “no”. People who know me well enough to be aware that I’m childfree would know better than to invite me to a baby shower and that I really appreciate not being invited.

And you? If you’re childfree and have found yourself in a similar situation what have you done? What would you do? Does it even matter?

Something to think about.