“If You Had It To Do Over Again – Would You Have Children?”

by britgirl on October 19, 2006

This was the question Ann Landers asked in her famous survey. With shocking results.

In one of my recent articles I quoted the Ann Landers survey. You may or may not be aware that Ann Landers (you can do a search on her) was a popular advice columnist who wrote a regular column in the 1970’s. She wrote it for over 20 years, however one of her most famous articles was the one where she published the results of the question above. At the time I searched for the survey in its entirety but could only find references to it. best iphone porn When one of my commentators asked me if I knew where she could lay hands on the survey I started searching again, without much success. And then I stumbled across a link to Happily Childfree and amazingly, there was the Ann Landers mobile porn survey!

It makes such interesting reading that I thought I would reference it again and share it with you here.

As has been noted – phone sex porn YES, it was done in the 70’s. BUT, many of the observations made by parents who wrote to Ann are, in my opinion, just as relevant today. In fact, today it seems even more difficult than ever to be a parent. And, as HCF points out, this was not a scientific survey. It didn’t need to be.

The point it makes is very simple.

Many people iphone porn app do not enjoy parenthood but they will only admit it under the cover of anonymity.

The fact that such a huge number felt they would not have children if they had to do it again (a shocking 70%) mobile phone porn may boggle the mind at first, but when I think of it, I (and I would guess many childfree people) probably shouldn’t be that surprised. Or should we? Some of the reasons the respondents gave were the very reasons that I decided I didn’t want to have children. Still, 70%!! Ann admitted that the number shocked even her. mobil porn And she thought she’d seen and heard everything.

No, what is more shocking (even today) is the fact that the dirty little secret is covered up, complete with a conspiracy of silence by parents, while women are continually advised that they need to have children in order to be “real women” derided if they decide not to, and badgered into believing that parenthood is, or should be, their ultimate wonderful goal and that without children they aren’t really a “family”. For some, I don’t doubt parenthood is wonderful. But for everyone? Clearly it is not.
As Ann mentioned in her article hd iphone porn and I quote:

If it is true that a large percentage of the parents in this country are sorry they had children, why don’t we hear more from them? Because such an admission goes against the grain of what we have been taught is human nature. Parents are supposed to love their children no matter what. To speak disparagingly of one’s offspring is socially hazardous.

Trouble with a husband, on the other hand, is a common topic over teacups, luncheon tables, bridge hands and telephones. By the same token, a battle with the little woman is discussed candidly at bars and clubs—wherever men meet. Plain talk about marital problems is a national sport, because everyone knows no marriage is perfect. But parents who gay mobile porn have trouble with their children are inclined to keep their mouths shut—unless their troubles have been in the newspapers, or the parents happen to be in the company of other parents who they know are having trouble with their children”.

I hope you enjoy reading the survey as much as I did. Thanks to Happily Childfree (who has a great site by the mobile ebony porn way and is listed in my Blogroll) for posting the survey.

{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

shuffling October 20, 2006 at 5:05 am

Interesting link. If this was presented as two separate questions:
– “If you had to do it over again, would you have children?”
– “Do you regret having children?”
I believe the answers, in most cases, would be appear inconsistent, even if they do essentially amount to the same thing.

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Jackie June 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Exactly. Do I regret getting my PhD? No. If I had to do it over, would I get a PhD? No. =)

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RMS October 20, 2006 at 10:49 am

The book “I’m Okay, You’re a Brat” by Susan Jeffers also breaks this taboo of discussing the dissatisfaction of being a parent. I think it’s a must-read for anyone before they have kids, and even afterward. Let’s face it, some people will always have kids and they shouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed if it doesn’t match up to their ideal. Compromise and negotiation is a big part of life but it’s difficult to accept if you’ve been sold a bill of goods that only shows the happy Kodak moments. It’s a disservice to not tell people the truth about parenting, that it’s a difficult job and often times, not enjoyable. If more people went in with a clear idea of the challenges I think there’d be less dissatisfaction and less judgment against the childfree. So often the pressure and comments from childed people comes off like sour grapes. They got roped into it, how do we get off scott-free? Short answer: we did a lot of thinking about it and decided it wasn’t for us (key word – decided).

The bottom line is the more real information people get about what it is to be a parent the better a decision they can make for themselves (and for any potential children).

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stormcloud October 21, 2006 at 12:36 pm

The implications are of course, regarding the standard of childrearing. The better parents would be the minority 30% who didn’t regret it. In fact, all of society would be far better off if this forced breeding programme wasn’t so entrenched.

I know my sister would fall into the 70%. She has never said directly, but I know she is jealous of my child-free status.

And my answer to:
“If You Had It To Do Over Again – Would You Have Children?”
is NO !

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britgirl October 21, 2006 at 5:33 pm

@stormcloud – “”The better parents would be the minority 30% who didn’t regret it.”

I don’t know – I wouldn’t necessarily agree that the numbers correlate with how good or bad the standard of parenting was. Given how hard parenting is I know that there are parents who ARE good parents, try their very best and still their children may turn out “bad.” And there must be those in the 70% whose children turned o.k., but still the price they paid to bring them up made the parent think that, given their time over they wouldn’t do it again. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Perhaps, as RMS says, if parents were more honest about parenting, less people would buy into the myth and end up disappointed.
But all you hear about is how wonderful having children is.

Well, people lie.

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Phoena November 10, 2006 at 11:07 am

When I was in college in the early 90s, I hadn’t seen or heard of the Ann Landers survey, but I knew I really didn’t want kids. So I asked my friends who were older students who were married with kids if they’d still want kids if they had it to do all over again. One of them was a total breeder (and it was reflected in her kids who were always in trouble) and said OF COURSE she’d have her kids and she couldn’t believe anyone would suggest she might not have wanted them. The other three said, “You know, if someone had told me how hard it was, I might not have. I would have really had to think about it. Maybe I’d have had them when I was older and more prepared, but maybe I wouldn’t have had them at all.”

That was enough for me! I didn’t realize at the time how rare it was to find parents who would be truthful about the experience.

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Britgirl November 10, 2006 at 8:34 pm

@Phoena – yes, parents like that really are like gold dust.

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m May 22, 2008 at 8:14 pm

RIGHT ON! After 20 years of marriage, I have to admit I regret that we had kids. This is terrible, as they are great kids and it certainly isn’t their “Fault”. But it is undeniable that having children bled all the fun, ease, spontanaety, — all the things that made life happy – out of our marriage.

It is a never-ending stressful chore just to exist from day to day. Some people glide through it with ease, and don’t even miss what they gave up. But for most of us, forget it.

I wish to GOD more honest things like this were made public, instead of all the “parenting” crapola books that I got suckered by.

Don’t let this happen to you! Think about those long Sunday mornings lying in bed with your wife, those times you just drive out of town for a weekend and spend 2 days doing nothing but stare into each others eyes. I could go on and on. Once you have kids, those days are OVER and they are never coming back. Make sure you really are willing to trade that for being a parent, because the “parenting” books are a CROCK. There is no “balance” between child rearing and intimacy. It is a TRADE.

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Ryan July 31, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Wow! Great write-up. Especially the last paragraph…100% spot on!

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Griselda Garcia February 25, 2013 at 2:24 pm

Yes, totally true! The last paragraph is a brilliant quote!

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Dana June 25, 2008 at 1:10 pm

I love having a child and being a mother but I wholeheartedly agree that parenthood — and marriage for that matter — should not be automatic steps for everyone. Rather than the majority, I believe it is the minority that can emerge from the reality of marriage and/or parenthood without regret. Not necessarily because those institutions are so horrible. No. It’s just that life offers so many choices beyond the traditional ones. Parenthood became automatic back in the day when a girl couldn’t just pick up and become a graphic artist in Toronto or San Francisco. Today it makes no sense to shift into autopilot and go the traditional route, because with parenthood, when you discover you’ve made a mistake you can’t turn back.

It is good to have this honest forum so that women and couples can really think things through before they make the leap. More food for thought … another automatic thing people seem to be doing is having a SECOND child. Again, this is something people should make sure is truly right for them and the child they’ve already brought into the world before they just “do it”. I’m willing to bet that many who regretted having children had more than one and couldn’t stand the fighting.

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David July 13, 2008 at 7:13 pm

Hummm….if I could do it over again would I….have children….NO NO NO!
Hummm….if I could do it over again would I….still get a vasectomy…YES YES YES!

…see how easy that was to answer…snip snip…smile smile…

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Casey July 23, 2008 at 11:20 pm

Thank you all soo much!

I stumbled on this website by accident and it is the best thing I have ever done. For so long I said I never wanted kids from the time I was about 13. People always told me that I would change my mind when I met the right person…blah, blah, blah!

I was shocked to find out that I thought they were right, I had a miscarriage in January 2006. It was a very hard part of my life and after that I was convinced that i needed to have children at some point in my life to be happy with myself. My boyfriend of 3 years has always said he never wanted children and we just had the discussion the other night. I called him selfish and told him that it was crap that he wouldn’t care to include me in the decision to have a vasectomy. OMG!! What have i turned into?!? I don’t want children I just liked the idea of children and I was really about ready to lose the love of my life because I was the one being selfish!! Again, thank you soo much I really dont know that I would have realized what I was doing without some kind of support.

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CFSinceSix July 24, 2008 at 9:33 am

Casey,

It’s so easy to just fall into line and go with the huge pressure women receive to have children. It helps to just shut everyone up and get people off your back. Problem with that is, they’re never “off your back.”

And I think that you hit the nail on the head with your comment, re, “I just liked the idea of children.” I think so many women fall into that trap. It’s an idea that’s been romanticized. The reality of the situation is so so different.

Stick with us. We’re a great support group. Visit other childfree blogs. And never forget that the person who is here NOW (your boyfriend that you love) is worth more than mythical, non-existent people (children – that can be a crap shoot when they grow up anyway.) Sort of a different take on the “A bird in the hand is worth more than 2 in the bush.”

:)

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Lynn August 7, 2008 at 9:43 am

The best thing I have ever been blessed with is my son….I have never wished that I didn’t have him although I have often wished that I had never gotten married.

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Just sayin' June 21, 2010 at 1:29 pm

@Lynn “The best thing I have ever been blessed with is my son…”

…Wow, that’s a sad commentary on your life.

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really? September 30, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Wow ‘just sayin’ could you have said anything more horrible to another person? I think you’re jealous. Lynn, any child would love to have a parent who was so grateful of them.

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Stasha March 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Why is it such an awful thing when parents say “yes, I would have it again”. I’m a childfree woman too, but it pisses me off when people presume that all people who talk about their children as being a beautiful and wonderful force in their lives and presume they’re being delusional and/or pompous.

For a lot of people, having children is part of their calling. While we ask them not to judge or presume the worst about us, who are we to judge them? People like “Just Sayin’” are the reason a lot of us have such a hard time explaining to the parents in our life that the childfree community is NOT full of hate and spite.

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I agree with Just Sayin' April 17, 2011 at 11:26 am

If all you were worth in life was what your reproductive organs could do, you weren’t worth very much. You could have used your life to help kids who were already here, help the sick, help the elderly, help the disabled, do research to help discover cures for diseases, dedicate your life to volunteer work, be a hero, save a life, make a real difference, etc. The list goes on. Instead of bringing more people into this terrible world, we should try to make it better for the people already here.

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Beth January 7, 2012 at 2:49 am

I agree. While it’s good for parents to appreciate and love their children, to say that having children is the greatest “achievement” that anyone can accomplish is ridiculous. Almost anyone can produce. It’s nothing special.

Jackie June 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

She said it was the best thing she was ever blessed with. That has nothing to do with achievement. You seem to be looking for a reason to attack anyone who believes in the lifestyle. That suggests that you’re a highly judgmental person or you have a need to justify your own choices.

I’m sure being a parent is a difficult but amazingly rewarding journey. Even though ‘just sayin’ didn’t say it, I think being a good parent is a great achievement. I don’t think I want to have children, but it’s a selfish choice. I’m tired. I don’t want to work that hard. Almost anyone can reproduce, but most people can’t be good parents! A big thanks to all the great parents out there for bringing good people into the world!

Hannah April 2, 2013 at 2:08 am

So true, there is so many other ways to fulfill your life.

bunny wabba January 28, 2011 at 6:14 pm

i can’t stand the things parents tend to say. one common barf-worthy phrase is “you can’t know unconditional love until you have a child.” i would have to completely disagree. i think what they’re really saying is “i have spent so much money, time and energy on being a parent and you haven’t so you can’t have unconditional love. no! there is no way to know it without the suffering and sacrificing.”

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sadhearted March 30, 2011 at 3:59 am

If I could do it over again I would not have kids & IF I were to I would have to be making a ton of money to pay for babysitters.
The thing that people never talk about in schools is that once you have kids your life is theirs 100%.
No more partying every night ,weekend or even yearly if you are lucky
no sleep ins
no quietness
constant whining, problems , have to break up the kids fights
talk about how EXPENSIVE it is the cost of clothes, school supplies, & forget going to get a hair cut or manicure
forget having sex when you want it or dating if you are single
forget just watching TV when you want
forget traveling
forget being able to do what you wanted in life because from the time the baby is born you have to care for the baby & put food on the table & pay bills & I’m not talking savings , money for fun or partying
It will be very hard to go to college once you have kids
It will be hard to pull a fulltime job & kids
You get more stress, tiredness & all your youth of energy is gone
Your alone time & marriage will hurt & the husband may end up spending more time out of the house or an affair because of the constant care of the kids
The kids don’t really show appreciation for all you do for them till they become adults
Your kids will argue, talk back & give you hell in their teen years
If you had them young like 19 then your future plans may be out the window & you are now NOT young but old in the sense you are not free to go & do what you want when you want
BUT kids are cute when a baby , a lot of hard work in grade school -high school & they will love you forever if you try your best & love them.
I would say don’t have kids unless you are rich, have a home , married & are at least 29 or older so that you can party , travel & get to do all the fun stuff. Take it from someone who had a kid at 20 & never got to party , have fun & worked hard all her life for her kids & when they were grown then she’ll be 43 & then will have to get plastic surgery but not be able to try to live her dreams as she will be old & all her life gone. Live your life FIRST then if you want to what I call “SETTLE” THEN have kids.

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MK June 30, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Yes, I agree–birth control and planned parenthood shuold be a sexual active teenager/20-something’s best friend. Having kids when you are too young, and/or not ready to do so (i.e. don’t have a decent education, a good paying job, a dependable partner that is willing and able to help you out, etc.) will make life MUCH harder. I’m almost 30 and still childless, as I consciously made the decision to wait to have children until I got my master’s degree, and until my husband received his BSN. We wanted to make sure that we could financially support our children (and ourselves) as well as have fun, party, travel, etc unencumbered in our 20s. We still plan on waiting a couple of years so we can finally enjoy the benefits of having professional, full-time jobs, as well as save up money to afford these very expensive little beings. And we would never even consider having more than 2…I’ve never understood why people want to have a ton of kids…so much stress! On yourself AND environmental resources. Seriously people. Birth control.

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Hannah April 2, 2013 at 2:21 am

This is a good list and I’m sure there was more to add to it and I agree with every
bit of it It’s all true, this is really how your life changes. You give up your life for
their life. Basically your life is over.. And you talk about expense just wait til they
become teens and adults. It is thru the roof then. And if you have one who is lazy
and won’t get a job or has no ambition then you really have problems. It’s not
what people make it out to be. And yes I think you need to be well off or rich if
you have children that want only the best money can buy. Because that is exactly
how my teen is. She won’t settle for anything that is cheap and this makes me upset
and sick. We only have a monthly income and she will not work or try to help out
we pay for everything. It’s truly disgusting, and she is very disrespectful and very
mean to both of us. So I know how parenting can be. Thanks for the info.

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Hannah April 2, 2013 at 2:29 am

I also might add my teen has brought a deep wedge between me & my husband. I
have even got angry towards him lately because he tries to give her everything she
asks for. And she don’t want us talking or going out together. She basically has ruined our marriage. She runs this household too, I’m sick & tired of it. And I’m getting more angry at him all the time cause he never does or says anything about
how she does. He don’t know how to say enough is enough, I’m so fed up. I hate
marriage and parenthood both.

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blip April 9, 2011 at 6:02 am

DANG! I forgot to schedule my plastic surgery when I was forty-three. But, then again, I never had kids to grind me into dust… so, at forty-six, I still look pretty darn good. Oh, and I forgot to die, too. After all, I guess “all [my] life [is] gone.” Enjoy that whistling sound betwixt your ears, sadhearted: it’s nearly as good as a trip to the beach….

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sadhearted April 20, 2011 at 1:57 am

What whistling sound? Yes , kids stress & age you & you get old fast. I love my kids BUT I wished I had waited longer to have them. My life would have been better. Yes, I worked hard to give them a place to live, nice things & tried to be the best parent I can & could be, I gave up my life ( University plans, Frat parties, traveling, being happy being single & carefree.) to love, care & give them a good childhood/teen years ( which mine were horrible) & to hope & pray I did it right & that they will become successful & happy adults & do their life right. But growing older & not being able to “start” my life till 43 is a little depressing & I don’t even know if I’ll have retirement money saved then , money for plastic surgery so I don’t look old & ugly, money to pay for me to go back to college or University if I don’t have my degree by then & $ $$ to pay for a vacation alone.
There are days I love being a mom & enjoy my kids to pieces but then there are days when I am sick as a dog keep working & feel myself getting old, & not able to take care of myself, or go to the gym, get my nails done or even have a day off & feel myself getting older by the day & more stressed. I guess that’s one thing you never hear about being a mom , that you pretty much don’t have a life as you are 100 % giving your life to your kids & you can’t complain you brought them into the world & it’s bad to feel burned out as a mom by society. Moms are suppose to be superheros. Just because you get stressed, burned out & feel like you need a break doesn’t mean you are a bad mom or don’t love your kids it just means you need a break from your kids & or a night out to have fun & know that you are allowed to have fun too.

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Chrissy August 3, 2011 at 10:07 am

“Just because you get stressed, burned out & feel like you need a break doesn’t mean you are a bad mom or don’t love your kids it just means you need a break from your kids & or a night out to have fun & know that you are allowed to have fun too.”

I agree. I think more moms should give themselves (and other moms!) a break. I hope you do try to take time to enjoy yourself after working hard to raise your kids, and thanks for being honest on the topic.

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MK June 30, 2011 at 10:07 pm

And I apologize for the misspellings LOL. There are, of course, similar negative effects of having a full-time job as well as having kids: mental exhaustion. If I have the luxury, I will certainly give up the former to attend to the latter. Part time is where it’s at baby!!

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Cathy UK July 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Hi, I’m Cathy, live in Bristol, south west England and am aged 46. Finally I’ve found a place where (I think,!!) I can explain how I feel about having my 3 kids. And to say how I feel without the fear of social workers and psychatrists appearing on the doorstep first thing tomorrow!! Yeah …….the kids are gorgeous, stunning looking now they are teenagers and looking at promising careers once they leave school ……..BUT?? I look at myself and wonder why the hell did I agree to have them at all? I do actually envy those who opted to not have any or can’t for infertility reasons! This post is full of contradictions so be warned lol!!

I feel sad at saying this and sad I can’t be a better Mother to my children but I wish my ex husband and I had just stopped at the one. As babies and toddlers, the kids were very cute and sweet but fast forward ten years and we are now in the teenage phase! The arguments they have are horrendous and happen on literally a daily basis …..and no parenting book in the world tells you how to deal with this. The ex husband left 5 yrs ago so since then I’ve had to deal with it by myself, which is hard going. I try to be reasonable first, letting them try to resolve things themselves but then I just lose it when they keep being nasty to each other, and one of them will get a smack. There I’ve said it and probably horrified all of you. Yes i get so angry at their arguing, I lose it and smack them. I hate myself for doing it and hate myself for getting in that state …..after all “I’m the adult here” but their constant arguing gets me like it. It’s like living in a war zone sometimes. Basic care of them is ok, and yes clothing them is very expensive, but for me it’s the arguing that really gets to me. They do it so often, that once they leave home, I don’t want to hear from them for a very long time. Am I really so terrible in feeling like that? All I ever wanted was a peaceful and quiet life anyway, and I get lumbered with these 3 and their petty silly arguments.

I’d got to 31 and still hadn’t had any kids and had decided that now I really didn’t want any. Then my husband decided he did still want them so I thought it couldn’t be that bad etc, and went along with it. 15 yrs later, boy am I regretting that decision!
When my first daughter was born 15 years ago, I struggled to feel that ‘rush of love’ that parents rave about. I still don’t remember it with my other 2 either who are currently 13 and 12. 15 yrs ago, I was exhausted and sweaty, covered in blood and high on gas and air …….but a rush of love??? I wanted to take care of the baby I’d just given birth to and spent all the first night sitting up talking to her but I still don’t know if I love her like I’m supposed to. She has been the most argumentative of all of them over the years. The terrible twos carried on all her life so far, she still goes into screaming strops now and I’m told ‘its her age,’ ‘her hormones’, etc, but every time she yells abusive language at me (despite me teaching her not to use words like that at home) it wears away more of any love I’ve ever had for her. She plays cello well and has a nice group of friends who she spends lots of time with but is just so prickly to talk to. She’s got to me inside, to think of her leaving home hurts like hell, yet I would love my freedom and my peace back!! What a contradiction!!

The others are a son of 13. He’s ok but a typical boy, chronologically 13 but about 10 in his mind! Loving, untidy, leaves dirty cups and glasses in his room for days on end until I go in, see them and call him upstairs to decant them to the kitchen for me! Hasn’t got a clue what career he wants to follow after school, he gets an idea but it changes from week to week, varying from being in the Army to paramedic, to builder and he is currently on a truck driver phase! He did start violin lessons but I let him give up when he became bored of it, is now learning drums …at school!! Out of all 3 kids, he’s the one I get on most with.

Youngest is a girl of 12, loves pink, ballet, fairies, plays flute (well), but who is also very argumentative like her older sister. Drives me mad by telling the others to sit up straight, eat with their mouth closed etc, the list goes on! Her harping on at the others is usually what starts an argument. She wants to be a teacher and I think with her attitude she’ll be a Head teacher/Principal very quickly!! God help any man who marries her, she’ll nag him to death!!

All I want is to leave this lot to it, and move to a little cottage somewhere in the country but near the sea, with roses climbing up the walls and just live out the rest of my life in peace – by myself. Without the arguments of teenagers driving me crazy as they are now.

And to answer the question: No I would definitely NOT have children if I had my life over again.

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Chris July 25, 2011 at 9:27 pm

Thank you for your honesty. You sound like a very loving, patient person and I hope that some day your kids appreciate what you’ve done for them. I also hope that you get that cottage by the sea and some peace and quiet as well!

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Wellokaythen August 2, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Thanks for sharing your honest feelings about having kids. What you’re feeling isn’t horrible. It’s right common, I reckon. If social workers took kids away from all parents who felt any regret, where would the system put all of them? With all of those people who regret being foster parents??

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Chrissy August 3, 2011 at 10:12 am

See, this is why IF I ever have a lapse of reason and decide to have a child, I’ve always said just ONE is attractive. I fought constantly with my sister growing up, and I don’t buy that crap about “kids needing a sibling.” There’s other kids to play with. I don’t think I could take fighting like this.

Thanks for sharing Cathy, I hope everything works out well for you.

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Kate December 9, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Have got 2, now age 1 and 3. Agree hard work, but a wonderful experience. You have to really want them not just be ticking box as too much hard work for that!

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Sarah April 4, 2013 at 12:07 am

I am a 27 year old newly-wed (prime fodder for breeder bingo) and neither have nor want kids. The topic of whether we will regret not having kids is interesting to me and I have always wondered what proportion of parents regret their decision versus the proportion of childfree couples who regret theirs? Hearing from parents who would not do it all over again given the chance is heartening because the pressure from society is so great that sometimes even I wonder if there’s something wrong with me!

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Saille April 10, 2013 at 4:22 pm

I think the thing people “forget” is, that that baby is going to grow up to be a PERSON. Another human being, with its own personality, ideas, likes, dislikes. It isn’t necessarily going to be a “cute concoction” of both you and your partner, its an individual. From a VERY young age. And the responsibility of taking that on is huge. Too big for me. At 41, I look at my life, and I absolutely DO NOT regret my decision to not have children. I love my freedom, my husband and I are happy and get time together, my house is peaceful and quiet. I tell people that want kids, get a puppy first. If you can handle raising a polite well adjusted dog, then maybe you might be a decent parent. It takes WORK! and consistency! And the biggest mistake I see parents make is “giving their kids everything that they want or didn’t have”. Children need to learn a sense of accomplishment through work, it teaches them to value their things, especially if someone gives them a gift. Give a kid nothing, and they’re miserable… but if you give a kid everything, they’re still miserable! Too much work and hassle for me, I know I would never have the patience or consistency it would take to be the kind of parent a kid needs, so I opted out. Thank god I did! :)

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Emma April 12, 2013 at 4:52 pm

I was really grateful to read this article. By the time I was in my early 20′s all of my friends had gotten married and were having children. I thought they were mad?! I still think they are mad. I have so much pressure on me to have children, since I no longer have any friends to hang out with and when I do see them all they can talk about it their kids. They don’t have anything else going on in their lives. Once they stop talking about their kids, I ask them ‘so what else have you been up to?’ To which the answer is always ‘nothing much’ and then they start chatting about their kids again and the wonderful artistic picture that they made by smearing ice cream all over the train seat/table. Yes, how creative and wonderful they are. Then they give me a lecture about how I should not be single at my age and that the clock is ‘tick-tick-ticking!’. I am only 25 and I miss my mates :,-(.

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Catherine April 14, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Just be glad you don’t live in a country or era where spousal consent is/was required to obtain an abortion. I fell pregnant due to birth control failure (certain antibios and the pill don’t mix) and husband decided he was not going to agree to abortion. This was years ago and having a child was just as bad as I thought it was going to be. And made much worse (I am sure) by basically being forced to carry out a pregnancy I absolutely did not want. I bucked up and was a dutiful mother, but I hated it. So, to all of you who are unsure, DON’T DO IT!!

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Warren June 4, 2013 at 2:48 pm

No! for their sakes no! I have 2 wonderful daughters and would never bring kids into this mess of a world/system if I could do it again.

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