Thanks for sharing Cathy, I hope everything works out well for you.

I agree. I think more moms should give themselves (and other moms!) a break. I hope you do try to take time to enjoy yourself after working hard to raise your kids, and thanks for being honest on the topic.

I feel sad at saying this and sad I can’t be a better Mother to my children but I wish my ex husband and I had just stopped at the one. As babies and toddlers, the kids were very cute and sweet but fast forward ten years and we are now in the teenage phase! The arguments they have are horrendous and happen on literally a daily basis …..and no parenting book in the world tells you how to deal with this. The ex husband left 5 yrs ago so since then I’ve had to deal with it by myself, which is hard going. I try to be reasonable first, letting them try to resolve things themselves but then I just lose it when they keep being nasty to each other, and one of them will get a smack. There I’ve said it and probably horrified all of you. Yes i get so angry at their arguing, I lose it and smack them. I hate myself for doing it and hate myself for getting in that state …..after all “I’m the adult here” but their constant arguing gets me like it. It’s like living in a war zone sometimes. Basic care of them is ok, and yes clothing them is very expensive, but for me it’s the arguing that really gets to me. They do it so often, that once they leave home, I don’t want to hear from them for a very long time. Am I really so terrible in feeling like that? All I ever wanted was a peaceful and quiet life anyway, and I get lumbered with these 3 and their petty silly arguments.

I’d got to 31 and still hadn’t had any kids and had decided that now I really didn’t want any. Then my husband decided he did still want them so I thought it couldn’t be that bad etc, and went along with it. 15 yrs later, boy am I regretting that decision!
When my first daughter was born 15 years ago, I struggled to feel that ‘rush of love’ that parents rave about. I still don’t remember it with my other 2 either who are currently 13 and 12. 15 yrs ago, I was exhausted and sweaty, covered in blood and high on gas and air …….but a rush of love??? I wanted to take care of the baby I’d just given birth to and spent all the first night sitting up talking to her but I still don’t know if I love her like I’m supposed to. She has been the most argumentative of all of them over the years. The terrible twos carried on all her life so far, she still goes into screaming strops now and I’m told ‘its her age,’ ‘her hormones’, etc, but every time she yells abusive language at me (despite me teaching her not to use words like that at home) it wears away more of any love I’ve ever had for her. She plays cello well and has a nice group of friends who she spends lots of time with but is just so prickly to talk to. She’s got to me inside, to think of her leaving home hurts like hell, yet I would love my freedom and my peace back!! What a contradiction!!

The others are a son of 13. He’s ok but a typical boy, chronologically 13 but about 10 in his mind! Loving, untidy, leaves dirty cups and glasses in his room for days on end until I go in, see them and call him upstairs to decant them to the kitchen for me! Hasn’t got a clue what career he wants to follow after school, he gets an idea but it changes from week to week, varying from being in the Army to paramedic, to builder and he is currently on a truck driver phase! He did start violin lessons but I let him give up when he became bored of it, is now learning drums …at school!! Out of all 3 kids, he’s the one I get on most with.

Youngest is a girl of 12, loves pink, ballet, fairies, plays flute (well), but who is also very argumentative like her older sister. Drives me mad by telling the others to sit up straight, eat with their mouth closed etc, the list goes on! Her harping on at the others is usually what starts an argument. She wants to be a teacher and I think with her attitude she’ll be a Head teacher/Principal very quickly!! God help any man who marries her, she’ll nag him to death!!

All I want is to leave this lot to it, and move to a little cottage somewhere in the country but near the sea, with roses climbing up the walls and just live out the rest of my life in peace – by myself. Without the arguments of teenagers driving me crazy as they are now.

And to answer the question: No I would definitely NOT have children if I had my life over again.

For a lot of people, having children is part of their calling. While we ask them not to judge or presume the worst about us, who are we to judge them? People like “Just Sayin’” are the reason a lot of us have such a hard time explaining to the parents in our life that the childfree community is NOT full of hate and spite.

…Wow, that’s a sad commentary on your life.

It’s so easy to just fall into line and go with the huge pressure women receive to have children. It helps to just shut everyone up and get people off your back. Problem with that is, they’re never “off your back.”

And I think that you hit the nail on the head with your comment, re, “I just liked the idea of children.” I think so many women fall into that trap. It’s an idea that’s been romanticized. The reality of the situation is so so different.

Stick with us. We’re a great support group. Visit other childfree blogs. And never forget that the person who is here NOW (your boyfriend that you love) is worth more than mythical, non-existent people (children – that can be a crap shoot when they grow up anyway.) Sort of a different take on the “A bird in the hand is worth more than 2 in the bush.”