Like It Is

A friend commented the other day that I hadn’t as yet tackled the lucrative fertility industry and its effects on the childfree dialogue. She was right of course, I hadn’t yet, though it has been on my list of childfree issues. Truth be told, I often wonder if the whole fertility issue – as apart from the industry – isn’t treated like some kind of sacred cow, to which we must all bow down yes – even childfree people – because people are willing to go to such extreme lengths to have a baby. It’s o.k not to be able to have a baby. It’s just not o.k not to want to have them.
So there must be something “wrong” with us childfree people. Mustn’t there?

Because such is our society’s fixation with and veneration of having children and motherhood that it readily feeds a booming fertility industry. A couple or a woman wants a child. In the quest to have a baby no stone will be left unturned in the pursuit of conception. This means arduous fertility treatments, considerable expense, disappointment and perhaps even personal ruin and, unless you have substantial savings, will probably cost you everything you own, including your home and all of your shiny toys.

But somehow, it is deemed to be worth it, after all think of it, you may be tens of thousands of $$ poorer, but you would be holding your very OWN baby. If the IVF treatment is successful. Meanwhile, as childfree people we either tiptoe around those trying to conceive, or we suddenly become strangely silent in their presence. I mean, come on. How can one be so callous as to articulate that one does not want a child when said woman/couple would apparently give their right arm to have their very own baby? Read the rest of this entry »

On Friday we went to watch Casino Royale. We were impressed. When we first saw the trailers a few months back I wasn’t sure what to expect, particularly as all the trailers seemed to be just of Daniel Craig’s steely blue eyes, and pursed up lips expression (his constipated look as Sweetums described it).

But no. We really enjoyed this film. And Daniel Craig didn’t have that expression all the time, thank goodness. To me, James Bond in the re-made Casino Royale was more like James Bond is supposed to be, a suave ruthless spy and killer who likes what he does but recognises it will probably consume him, rather than just a suave debonair spy with a bunch of easy one liners. Read the rest of this entry »

Every Christmas my husband (whom I’m now going to refer to as “Sweetums” when I refer to him on my blog) and I swap Christmas lists with each other. Our lists have a selection of things we’d like and we just pick from the list and we set a budget, so we still have the element of surprise on Christmas Day when we open our pressies. Neither of us is easy to buy things for but Sweetums is particularly hard to buy things for because he either has it already, doesn’t need it, or won’t like it. No point me buying him a watch for example. He never wears them. I’ve been badgering him for his list for a couple of weeks and he’s been sending me ideas and the list is growing nicely. Today he sent me this and I just had laugh – and to share it. I did of course ask if he’d mind me using it as a blog post. He didn’t. So here goes…

“Okay, I really, REALLY need a new wallet, and if you’ve a mind to shop for one, I’ll let you <s> - I’m usually pretty cheap about it, so maybe you’ll
want to look at nicer ones than I usually let myself go for.

Here are my personal wallet does and dont’s (I’m pretty fussy)

Don’ts:
- I hate change compartments - I HATE them, please, no change compartments.

– I hate cheap plastic photo windows - I’d like to have a picture of you in my wallet, but remember that my wallet takes a lot of abuse, so it has to be a pretty high-quality picture slot, so if it’s not, I’d prefer one without a picture slot.

- I really don’t want one of those wallets that allows you to have more than one picture to be displayed - you know, the kinds where a guy flips out his wallet and starts boring the shit out of you with pictures of his kids, his dog, his boat …..

- I like black, but a nice dark reddish-brown leather would be okay - I also like a smooth leather finish rather than a stippled leather, a little bit of grain is okay, but not too much.

- I HATE two-toned wallets, wallets with stitching of a different colour than the leather, embossed or grooved fancy designs: simple and elegant is
my style.

- I don’t like a clasp or button closure - just a simple flip-it-open design - and NO zippers. Anywhere.

Dos:
- I like a nice tri-fold, but it might be time to go for a bi-fold as a change

- I don’t like the money well (where the notes go) to be too deep – remember, I have a wallet I use when in the UK, so I only need a wallet deep enough for Canadian/US currency, so a trimmer profile is good - I like ‘em a little smaller than average

- I like everything to be built-in - the more slots for cards the better, and please, no flip-out card things - you know the wallet I have, it’s pretty much one piece - 12 slide-in slots and some hide-away slots underneath.

Hope that’s not too much! I’ll love whatever you buy me (as long as it doesn’t look “gay” and doesn’t have any buttons, zippers or plastic
flippies!!!)”

LOL! Right… Wallet for the Man Who Has Everything…here I come!

The Times Online reported today that Pope Benedict XVI is considering “concessions” over the use of condoms to fight Aids.

Before we get all hopeful that this means that perhaps the millions of Catholics are going to reduce their rate of breeding, or that at last the Catholic church has at last stopped to listen to anyone other than the Catholic church, you might want to hold your horses. Crush that flicker of hope. The Vatican intends to keep perfectly intact the overall ban on condoms, the use of which is, of course, considered a sin even if you are married. Because condoms are a from of contraception. And contraception is banned. According the the Times report, medical and theological experts advising Pope Benedict have suggested that:

“married couples could be allowed to use condoms when one of the spouses is HIV positive or a drug user”

A chink in the armour? Or a false dawn? Read the rest of this entry »

Childfree people are well aware of the societal pressure to have children. It’s real and not very subtle. Though difficult, and often irritating, it can usually be dealt with. But there is another pressure that can be much harder to deal with, and that is the pressure from your own parents.

Depending where you come in your family, this pressure can vary in its effect. For example if you are the eldest child, as I am, you are unlikely to escape certain expectations. I always said that if you were the first child, you are the one your parents had to practice with. By the time my younger siblings were born, they could get away with things I never could. That’s because may parents had been there and done that, so to speak. And if your older siblings are having children, the situation can go a number of ways for you for example:

Your older sisters or brothers are most likely providing the grandchildren, taking the spot light off you or

You come under the “Well, what about you, when are you going to follow your (name of sibling)’s footsteps?” spotlight.

If you’re from a patrilineal family (Western Christian tradition generally) where the family name is passed on through the son, then the pressure will be on the son to have children. The pressure on women to have children is always there, regardless.

In my particular case, two of my younger siblings have had children, so at least the dream of being grandparents has been fulfilled for my parents. I believe, however, that parents bring different types of pressure to bear on different children at different times – they use whatever works.

Whichever way you look at it, often the message is the same: There’s an expectation for you to have children. If you decide you don’t want to have children, and can’t be persuaded that you’ve temporarily (or permanently) taken leave of your faculties, then it’s time for the big guns to be trundled out and the gentle hints to become a little more strident – and insistent.

You more or less stand accused of denying somebody else of something they have always wanted. Read the rest of this entry »

My husband and I are DVD enthusiasts nuts. Between us we have approaching 1,500 DVDs. My husband has more than me, but I’m not doing too badly considering I got into them when I came to Canada five years ago. In fact I got into them when I met him. Our collection includes TV shows as well as films (movies), however altogether we have more than most small DVD stores.

I used quite a few of mine in my popular post – Calling All Movie Buffs. We hardly watch any TV - Poker, baseball and some American football, the Footie is about it. If we like a show, we simply wait for it to be released on DVD. Then we can watch it without advert interruptions or waiting a week for the next episode and risking missing one. Of course, Read the rest of this entry »

You can now browse Archives by Month and Year, as well as use the Sitemap (arranged by Category) to check out other articles that may catch your fancy. I’m still tweaking the Sitemap, but wanted to provide you some additional navigation to make it easier for you to find your way around and read some of the great conversations we’ve had on Like It Is.

Enjoy!

Many people think being childfree is a phase. It isn’t. Being childfree is a state of mind and attitude. When people say “I used to be childfree” it tells me:

1.They don’t really understand what being childfree really means and

2. They are using the term to describe something other than being childfree.

Maybe parent-in-waiting would be a better term for these people - since that does describe a phase.

I am very fortunate to be married to someone who was not only sure they didn’t want children, but had given it a lot of thought and was also prepared, when we met, to talk about it again. Which we did early on in our relationship. I have to say that in finally making the decision to remain childfree I found my husband’s common sense approach really helpful. We still thought about it over time though.

But what about couples who start off seemingly on the same wavelength only for one to change their mind? I know of at least two situations where one half of the couple changed their minds. In one case it was the woman who changed her mind. In the other it was the man. Read the rest of this entry »

I went to see Borat today. And I laughed so much that I wept. I was creased up with laughter. Literally. This film (movie) is the funniest I have seen in a very long time, on or off the big screen. It’s about Kazakhstani TV personality Borat, who is dispatched to the United States to report on the “greatest country in the world.” With a documentary crew in tow, Borat becomes more interested in locating and marrying Pamela Anderson than on his assignment.

A fellow Borat veteran described the film as Totally Fucked Up. I have to agree. This film is hilarious, but it’s also very smart. I enjoyed Sacha Baron Cohen and Borat in Da Ali G Show. But Borat in Borat: Cultural Learnings… is something else. Sacha Baron Cohen amazingly, stays in character all the time, even when you might think otherwise. Which may not mean much – but if you see the film you’ll know what I mean.

This film is hilarious. It is offensive. Boundaries are pushed. It reveals a lot about America’s dark underbelly in a way that shocks even as it makes you laugh till you cry. And there will be images that you will try very hard but fail, to get out of your head. Half the time I was saying how the heck did they DO that?! As for the audience – it was in fits of laughter. Great film.

I could go on about it, but part of the film’s appeal is how it surprises you on screen. So all I will say is… go and see it for yourself. I dare you not to find it funny.

Well, well. Who’d have thunk it?

Britney’s wanna-be-a-pop-star-but-don’t-know-how husband Kevin Federline – also generously described as an “aspiring wrapper rapper” – is seeking sole custody of the two children AND a slice of her multi-million dollar fortune. Hmmm. Maybe he’s not as dumb as he seems after all. Her fortune in 2004 was estimated by Forbes at around $120 million. Dare we suggest the words “Gold” and “Digger” might be an appropriate description for Fed-Ex?

He did after all leave one heavily pregnant partner for Britney. Three guesses as to what she must be thinking on hearing the news that he, like she was, is now history.

Hey ho. I say that Britney owes her mother a cool couple of $$million at least for making her get an “iron-clad” pre-nuptial agreement. It looks as if Mr Fed-Ex is going to have quite the fight on his hands. Especially since, though she also isn’t particularly smart, Britney is smart enough to ditch the extra baggage now.

Perhaps K-Fed or Fed-Ex should give Lady Mills-McCartney a call for some advice as to what dirt he can sling around in the press to help his case. He’s going to need all the help he can get.

Judging by his singing ability (none) and record sales to date (lousy to none), he should probably quit while he’s ahead.