Childfree people are well aware of the societal pressure to have children. It’s real and not very subtle. Though difficult, and often irritating, it can usually be dealt with. But there is another pressure that can be much harder to deal with, and that is the pressure from your own parents.
Depending where you come in your family, this pressure can vary in its effect. For example if you are the eldest child, as I am, you are unlikely to escape certain expectations. I always said that if you were the first child, you are the one your parents had to practice with. By the time my younger siblings were born, they could get away with things I never could. That’s because may parents had been there and done that, so to speak. And if your older siblings are having children, the situation can go a number of ways for you for example:
Your older sisters or brothers are most likely providing the grandchildren, taking the spot light off you or
You come under the “Well, what about you, when are you going to follow your (name of sibling)’s footsteps?” spotlight.
If you’re from a patrilineal family (Western Christian tradition generally) where the family name is passed on through the son, then the pressure will be on the son to have children. The pressure on women to have children is always there, regardless.
In my particular case, two of my younger siblings have had children, so at least the dream of being grandparents has been fulfilled for my parents. I believe, however, that parents bring different types of pressure to bear on different children at different times – they use whatever works.
Whichever way you look at it, often the message is the same: There’s an expectation for you to have children. If you decide you don’t want to have children, and can’t be persuaded that you’ve temporarily (or permanently) taken leave of your faculties, then it’s time for the big guns to be trundled out and the gentle hints to become a little more strident – and insistent.
You more or less stand accused of denying somebody else of something they have always wanted. And not just anybody, the very person(s) who brought you into this world and brought you up… probably at considerable sacrifice of their own hopes dreams and aspirations. Your parents.
Good or bad, we don’t get to choose our parents. Or anyone in our families for that matter. And for most people, there is nothing like the effect that parents have, even if eventually you break away from it. Some people never do. How else do parents always seem to be able to play the guilt card with no effort at all? Well, they do know all the right buttons to press.
These may be familiar:
“I’ve always wanted grandchildren..”
“When are you going to make me a grandmother/grandfather?”
“ So-and-so (who just popped out another kid) has made (name parents of friend) a grandma(or grandad) for the second time… they were asking me when mine would be coming along…”
“What a shame the family name will die out with you if you don’t have children…”
“When you have your own, you’ll understand…”
“I never thought you could be so selfish, as to deny me grandchildren…”
This last is particularly cutting and painful, because of course, you’re not setting out to deny anyone anything… you just want to live your life on your own terms and just want your life choice accepted without having to feel like a complete shitheel.
Of course, the worst situations are those where the words aren’t actually said.. but the wistful, sometimes faintly reproving undertones are there. You know it. And unless you’re a completely insensitive person, you can feel it. They know it. And there’s little you can do about it. There are also the little barbs dropped into family conversation, particularly the ones that get others going with the “Yes, you’ve been married how long now? When are you planning on having children? Better not leave it too long, blah blah… You know that so-and-so has just had their third… better get a move on, time’s running out…blah, blah.” And so it goes.
Should you come from a culture where having children is considered fundamental to life itself there is an added twist, by which I mean you can literally be viewed as an outcast if you don’t intend to have them. I won’t bother listing them because most cultures fall into this group.
It can be hard to deal with this particular familial pressure – parental pressure. People you don’t know you can send off with a flea in their ear if you wish. Family, you can’t quite do that. You will be seeing them again, frequently.
Sometimes, for a quiet life, when the issue comes up, if the childfree couple hasn’t already clearly stated their decision not to have kids, they sidestep the issue and try to deflect the conversation away from them, saying something vague like “we’ll see” or “we’re thinking about it” even though they’ve made up their minds already. While this may bring a temporary reprieve, it isn’t for long and it doesn’t really work. The next opportunity the parents return to the question of “When are you having kids?” or “So when are you going to make us grandparents?”
You haven’t told them “We’re not” so they think that if they keep up the pressure, eventually they’ll get the answer they are looking for. Chances are even if you’ve made your position plain they wouldn’t accept it anyway. And chances are deep down you may feel if you boldly state that you’ve decided not to have children, you’ll hurt them. So, why not put it off yet one more time? Anything for a quiet life.
Not a good idea. You can’t make them accept your decision. But you can let them know what it is.At the end of the day it is your life. In fact, that way you can actually refuse to entertain further discussion about it.
Let’s not forget there are all the shades of in-between… There are childfree people who have stated clearly their intention not to have kids – and whose parents still hold out the hope (or in some cases the certainty) that they’ll change their minds. There are childfree people whose parents accept their decision and as a result don’t continually pester their offspring for grandchildren and are supportive.
Perhaps the parents will feel hurt, perhaps they won’t. Perhaps they won’t believe you anyway, no matter what you say. Maybe they will agree that it’s your choice, but never really accept it. The question is, is what they want your responsibility? Is that enough of a reason to have children, if you really do not want to have them? To make someone happy? (Think about this one. How many people have babies simply to make someone else happy?) Then how do you deal with the guilt that parents try to make you feel for not making them grandparents? Do you/have you ever felt guilty about this? Most people love their parents and hate to see them unhappy. Most parents know this… how does their reaction to your decision make you feel? Uneasy? Worried? Guilty? At peace with yourself? Angry?
I don’t think these are easy questions, nor are there easy answers.
But it’s something that childfree people one way or the other, supportive parents or not, are faced with as a result of their very personal decision not to have children.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
“How else do parents always seem to be able to play the guilt card with no effort at all?” Oh yes, my parents can make me feel guilty as easy as a look or a few words. ;o)
For years, it was about how I was ‘living in sin’ instead of married. When I had two failed relationships before meeting Hubby and being truly happy, they realised that perhaps I had made the right decision by not jumping into marriage. My attitude to children was also an issue for some time (including when we were sorting out the wording of our wedding ceremony) but it seems to have gone quiet … for now.
I am an only child so there will be no grandchildren for my parents. As secure as I am in my decision, as certain as I am that having children should be the couples decision and no-one else’s … I do feel guilty.
@Rhea
” As secure as I am in my decision, as certain as I am that having children should be the couples decision and no-one else’s … I do feel guilty”.
Thanks for this comment, Rhea. It really is a difficult thing to deal with.And it is hard to describe. Even though my parents have grandchildren and even though they don’t really mention the issue of my not having them, and I am secure in my decision, I just know that if I suddenly announced to them that we were having a baby they would be completely overjoyed – in a big way. I refuse to feel guilty, but can only succeed in that by reminding myself that I should not take on this guilt. Aside from the fact I simply don’t want kids, it is a too huge a thing to take on simply to make your parents happy
been there! we got my mom puppies instead. it got all the pressure off me to deliver grandkids. now she can baby those things all day long and the guilt trips have ceased! also, i think she is finally getting the picture. mind you, i’ve been telling her since i was 15 (i’m not kidding) that i have no interest in having children. i’m turning 29 in 2 weeks and i think she’s finally starting to accept it. i love your blog. your writing is very intelligent.
@Tami – wouldn’t it be nice if people simply believed us when we said we had no interest in having children… sigh. Anyway, thanks for your comments
This is an interesting discussion, and I have a point of view that I don’t think has been covered.
It’s true that the decision not to have children is a personal one. My older son and his long-time partner have decided not to have children. My younger son’s new girlfriend already has two children and is 40 years old, so there will be no more children for her. I have accepted that I will most likely never be a grandmother … because it isn’t my decision to make or my place to express an opinion … but at the same time it breaks my heart.
The life I thought I would have as I aged has been altered completely. My father has died, one of my sisters has died, my mother is in a nursing home with severe dementia, my frail in-laws are in their 90s. My family is getting smaller. Christmas is particularly hard. My older son and his partner travel to spend Christmas day with her family, because her sisters have children and it’s more fun to be with them on the holiday. We will finally see them after Christmas. My other son lives too far away to come, or for us to go to him.
I try very, very hard (and I hope successfully) to never let on to my children, by a glance, a sigh, a silence, or a choice of words, that I feel this way, because I love them and I don’t want them to feel guilty about their decisions.
But don’t think this isn’t hard for someone who loves children and will never have any grandchildren, watching the family get smaller and smaller instead.
I know exactly how you feel. I have two sons and its looking like there will be no grandchildren. One girlfriend has a little boy already and the other girlfriend is a career girl. I have elderly parents and so has my husband. In fact his father recently died, and we are going to go through this three more times.
I get depressed that our family is dying off and a new family event would just be something for everyone to look forward to. The ironical thing is that I live near my sons and would be close, whereas when I had my children, they lived far away from their grandparents. I try not to get upset about all of this but I wonder what I will do when I retire and no longer have elderly parents to care for.
I love children and would have had more myself, but fate has its own agenda!
Hello Gill,
I have been looking for someone who expresses what I have been feeling about the prospect of not ever being a grandmother. I am a 60 year old woman and an only child who has been caring for an 84 year old mother with dementia. My husband(of 41 years) and I have been very fortunate to have two children of our own – a daughter of 32 happily married for 4 years and a son of 30 who is single but longs to find a partner. My son says he doesn’t want children and recently my daughter told me that she has no inclination to ever have any children.
I respect and accept their wishes but both my husband and I feel devastated and heart-broken. I admit to having dreamed of being a grandmother for many years. I remember my joy and delight at having my own children, the best thing that ever happened to me and I hoped to share the same joys with my son and daughter. I am finding it so difficult to come to terms with not having grand-children. It’s like going through a bereavement for the grand-babies that will never be.
Also, I wonder if my daughter especially has tunnel vision and will suddenly wake up when she is 50 or 60 and realise what she has missed in not choosing motherhood, when she is an old lady and has no children or grandchildren, no nephews or nieces, in fact no family going forward.
I know that when the world is bursting at the seams, many people might commend my children for making a sensible choice. But the idea of there being no-one to continue my already shrinking family is disturbing and upsetting. I also feel very isolated because all my friends are already grand-parents and I when I am out and about, the world seems full of grandmothers, daughters and grand-babies enjoying each others company or grand-parents and grand-children on days out.
It is depressing when there is no new young life to look forward to no matter how many hobbies and interests you might have. And when you spend so long watching elderly parents die and deteriorate and have no babies and young children to restore the balance, the prospect of old age looms very close. I feel sad for all those in similar circumstances.
Dear Sally,
I know your comment is from a few months ago, and this post is from a few years ago, but I feel like I should share my reaction to your post nonetheless.
My husband and I are thirty, we have been together for 10 years (married for 5) and have recently made the choice to be child-free. While we haven’t formally discussed this decision with our parents, we know that regardless of whether or not they support our decision, they will be as devastated as you are. I want you to know that knowing how much our choice hurts our parents really just kills me, and it’s not just the “guilt-trip” thing. I feel genuinely sad knowing that we are hurting people who we love, even though the decision ultimately rests with us and us alone.
I also want you to know this: In the conversations that my husband and I had leading up to our eventual (inevitable) final decision, I cried. A lot. It freaked my husband out, I think he was afraid that I was saying the words but not feeling them, that I was making the choice, but for him and not for me. The truth was, I am a very emotional person, and I was in part, as you commented, grieving for the baby we would never have and the life path we were choosing not to go down. I was crying in part because I could see that there must be something amazing about having a child, and even though we don’t want that, I was crying because we would never have that.
But the tears were also of relief. We had both come to our decision independently, after years of throwing off the “someday” comment when the discussion of children came up. But the truth was always there – neither of us ever wanted to be parents (and when you’re 25, that magical age of 30 or 35 as “the age to become parents” seems a long ways away). I cried because I was happy that my husband- my best friend, my partner – and I are on the same side.
We are a family of two.
I truly wish you all the best, and please don’t let yourself slip into isolation simply because you feel can’t relate to people in your social circle because you don’t have grandchildren. I maintain friendships with my friends who have children, or who are single, or of a different religion…. My point is that you don’t have to limit your friendships to people who are like you! My mother has worked with the elderly all her life, and the social ones are the ones who are healthy and happy!
Liz
I see I am not the only one feeling this way. I am an only child with one son. He is 40 and has a long time girlfriend who already has a 9 yr old son. I do not foresee them having any additional children. Ironically, of all my friends, I am the one who looked forward to be a grandparent the most, and now at 6o yrs old, I am the only one who is not.. It deeply depresses me. I take care of my elderly father who is ill. My mother passed in 1993. I have one paternal uncle and one materal aunt. That’s it, other than some cousins. I would love to share holidays, family traditions etc with a young generation. There is so much I wanted to share and do with a grandchild….
I am the only child of only children … no siblings, cousins, aunts or uncles. The most important relationship in my young life was with my grandmother, with whom my father & I lived after my mum died when I was 6. Despite having vowed never to have just one child, that’s exactly what happened. My son is now 35 and has been married for several years to a woman who is 10 years older than him, who has 3 children from a previous marriage. Therefore I will never have the chance to experience that precious relationship between grandmother and grandchild. My step-grandchildren are lovely, but they have 2 “real” grandmothers of their own and no time in their busy schedules to spend one-on-one time with me. I can’t talk about this to anyone …only someone who is in the same situation can understand. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories.
Susan,
I am a newlywed. Pressure to have granchildren for someone else’s life is so frustrating. It is so important to have your own life. Allow the new children the opportunity to make their own choices. You made the choice to have children, they may not want them. I would rather have children to want children because they want them, not to please someone else.
The more pressure you give shows that you need to find things to do in your life. Allow your children the opportunity to make their choices.
my mum has said, she doesnt want to be a babysitter so if you had them dont expect me to look after them.
now she knows i am cf, she is happy with my choice as my love my rowan is, suited to me, and mum said she has had her life, and its our choice what we do with our lives. parents have lived their lives, they are just trying to live vicariously through you, and your kids.
tell them its my life, my choice, my decision. got nothing to do with you.. pal..
Sorry, I thought I was clear that I’m putting no pressure on my children to have children. That would be so unfair to them. They’re adults, and need to make their own choices based on what works for them. My older son and his partner are 34 and 31, have been together 13 years and are very happy.
But, I feel the way I feel even though they don’t know it. I don’t think anyone would disagree that feelings are never wrong … the important thing is how we handle them.
Happy holidays to all.
i wasnt having a go at you susan, i was just stating what my mum feels.
that topic is for generalities, if you support your kids and their decisions then your a great parent. but there are pressures put upon children to have children of their own, maybe not by you, but by other people other parents etc..
(i wasnt singling you out susan, i was speaking in generalities)
Thanks, I do understand. Traditionalists tend to think everyone should do things their way, and that attitude is kind of pervasive.
basically my philosophy is, do what you wish, doesnt matter to me, unless it personally affects me.. someone could marry 20 men and women in any ratio.. i aint fussed, so long as they dont force me to change how i live.
if someone wants kids, fine.. just dont expect me to babysit them, or really be bothered by their first tooth etc.. i dont care if someone is gay, straight or celibate or whatever.. so long as it hurts no one and its done by consenting adults.. i dont care.. and if someone tries to force me to change to be a father when i dont want to be, i will fight.. for ME.. not anyone else i have my own life and my own decisions. its my choice..
(this is once again generalities)
Susan – I would never assert that your feelings are wrong and from your post the sadness you feel about not being a grandmother comes across loud and clear. Feelings aren’t ever right or wrong, they just are. I also don’t want to negate what you feel. What I would question is how healthy you feel it is to hold on to those feelings even though they make you miserable. You say you have come to terms with the fact that you will not be a grandmother, but from what you’ve said, I’m not sure you really have because of the feelings the situation evokes in you.
The one thing we can change is our feelings – or rather the beliefs that underlie those feelings. For example, the belief of many women that they can’t be “real women” if they don’t reproduce fuels their feelings that they must have children. It’s a flawed belief, but many hold it and their feelings around having children are based on this fundamental belief, which they then pass on. In the same way, many feel there is something missing if they don’t have grandchildren. You love children – is fostering an option? There must be many children who would benefit from your love of children.
If, however your need is for grand-children that are your own flesh and blood (rather than simply children) to stall a shrinking family, then I can’t see the situation changing in terms of how you feel unless you decide you don’t need to have grandchildren to be fully happy. And on this point, would you not consider your son’s partner’s children as your “adoptive” grandchildren? Just wondering.
It’s completely right that you don’t pressure your children with how you feel, but I would also be unsurprised if they knew how you felt anyway, even if they don’t voice it or show it. I know from experience that children can “pick up” on feelings more easily than people think – I certainly could – and that people underestimate how easily their own feelings show – though they think they have them carefully hidden.
I also have two sons and as time goes on I realize that I will never have grandchildren. They had great girlfriends in their twenties but could not commit. Now over thirty they’ve found out that there are few women in their age group who are free.
We all ignore the subject of children. If others talk about their families, I pretend that I am neutral about grandchildren, to avoid putting on “pressure”. I can’t talk about baby showers or friends having grandchildren, because that is “pressure”. I email one sentence about new great nieces/hephews to avoid “pressure.” My husband tells me not to respond to children in their presence, because that is “pressure”.
To the CF – Your parent is no doubt feeling the unspoken “pressure” from you. It was your decision. You made it. If you are so secure in your decision, then stop waiting for your parents to do something that you can interpret as “pressure” so that you can complain to others. What is that about?
As far as CF adult children never coming for Christmas because other families have children, that is so hurtful that words fail. Why not treat both families the same, spending every other Christmas with each Mom?
What good people you all are!
Christmas is very hard for me, but it’s over now and I’m feeling less grieved about grandchildren.
Fostering would not be an option for me, since I’m over 60. Been there, done that, anyway. I adopted my older son when he was an infant, and I was a foster parent for the state for a couple of years when my kids were young.
I have a happy life, great kids, and the world’s best husband. The feeling that there’s something missing is very sad, but as I said it’s generally worst at Christmas. Christmas is over, and the feelings that jump up and bite me have abated.
Thanks, all, for your thoughtful comments. Have a happy new year!
@Susan – so glad to hear it
A Happy New Year to you too.
Susan,
My situation is similar to yours and the pain you feel jumped off the screen.
How you reply so gently to the critics that don’t understand is a wonder to
me, they made me angry. The callousness of youth, I guess. I too am over
60, so fostering would be very hard. I’m thinking of volunteering at our city’s
Crisis Nursery, I could be an outstanding ‘hugger and holder’, I just know it.
To the young and childfree–try a bit of sympathy instead of self-righteousness!
I guess I have the same position in life as Susan and Dianne, except when I was young I thought like the cf….I just got pregnant anyway and found raising my son to be in hindsight by far the most fulfilling part of my life, as career by comparison was pretty disappointing. I would have dreaded at the time having my parents put on pressure but they didn’t have to. Now my son is 41 and not apparently looking for a partner, either. He’s just very focused on his own ambitions and possibly early retirement. A number of my cousins, friends, etc. have the same situation with at least one child continually putting off or just not interested in the subject of marriage. The difference is, most of them have a second child and end up with grandchildren and it looks like I won’t.
I admit part of the feeling concerns a hope that your investment will yield a kind of immortality as a “compensation” for life’s rough knocks, but it’s also about hoping to see your child have the same joy remembered from the first time, and a concern that your own child will face older age alone. Of course, intellectually none of us would really want to see our own child unhappy but we wonder if they won’t have regrets and if they aren’t underestimating the upside potential of the other path.
At the moment I have retired from an earlier career and I was fortunate enough to be hired this fall as an adjunct instructor for 2 classes at a junior college. I am trying to tell myself that I have 50 “distant part time” (and already 18-20 year old) substitutes whose lives I can enrich just a little, and maybe that will be enough, but it’s also not quite the same.
Ann, I hope this doesn’t seem rude, but I’m curious to know why you say you thought the same way as the childfree but got pregnant anyway? I don’t know any childfree person who would “get pregnant anyway”, and I suspect that in most if not all cases, if we fell pregnant we would abort. What aspects of childfree thinking do/did you relate to?
As for your career being disappointing and raising your child being the best thing you did, is it maybe *because* you were raising a child that your career was disappointing and you lacked the opportunity to do things *other* than raise a child?
I say these things not to be antagonistic but to gently suggest that your son might not actually feel the same joy you felt if he had children, in fact it might turn out to be the WORST thing he ever did! Maybe he sees other things in life that he would rather do, and I guarantee those things will be just as fulfilling for him as raising him was for you. He won’t be missing out, he’ll just be walking a different path, with different joys and experiences. Perhaps the “upside potential” just isn’t there for him, and perhaps YOU are underestimating the upside potential of HIS path?
As to the grandchildren thing, well to be honest I seek no immortality. I simply don’t care if I am remembered beyond my death. What does it matter if nobody remembers me, as long as I have done some worthy things in my life? I visit an old man in a nursing home every week (he has no family left as they all died) and every week I have to tell him again who I am – he doesn’t remember me. That doesn’t make my visits any less worthwhile and it doesn’t make his smile any less wide when he says he had a wonderful chat and to please come again soon. We have almost the same conversation every time, but each time I visit his face lights up when he realises somebody has come to see him.
Just a few things that might help alter your perspective.
Whatever my children decide will be fine with me. I would only want my children to have their own if they went into it whole-heartedly. If I do become a grandmother, I’ll do my best to be a great one, but I’m OK if my children decide not to become parents. They have to make their own choices for THEIR lives. I believe no one has the right to coerce, nag, wheedle or guilt someone else into having a child.
According to the rules of patriarchical inheritence, my family line ends with me. I’ve gotten comments from my day. He owns many guns and one day when he was cleaning them he told me, “someday when you have kids you can go hunting with this gun, just as we went out hunting when you were a kid”. He also says, “you need to find a good Wisconsin woman to cook for you.” I told him they’re all fat and I’m just not interested in being legally forced to give her money, while she is not legally obligaded to do anything for me (that’s what modern marriage is). I told my mother about my decision to have a vesectomy and she seemed very distraught, but accepted it. I have not told my father yet, and I don’t look forward to it. He really sacrificed alot for me. He worked in construction for 30 years to put food on the table. Now my parents don’t get along at all, and it seems like grandkids are the only thing he has to look forward to in life. But my attitude is: this is 18 yeard and hundreds of thousands of dollars! Not to mention the fact that married guys with kids don’t get laid. You can show me all the studies you want. I’ve talked to married men, I know the drill. I’d much rather get laid than change a diper. I know, I must be crazy right? So yes, I do feel bad for my dad. Hopefully I can make it up to him by making sure he never gets put in a terrible home. The rest of the people in my extended family can all go shit a brick. They are constantly harping, you dating anyone? engaged? what are you looking for in a women? can we hook you up with someone??? Fuck off! They piss me off and I never liked them anyway. They can enjoy all the bastard children my little welfare queen cousins are popping out.
Not to mention the fact that married guys with kids don’t get laid. You can show me all the studies you want. I’ve talked to married men, I know the drill. I’d much rather get laid than change a diper. I know, I must be crazy right?
No, I don’t think so. In fact I think that’s an interesting topic… do married men with kids get laid? That would be a good reason not to have kids.
When I was a kid I always thought I would someday meet a woman fall in love with her, get married, buy a nice house, have a couple of kids, and have a wonderful life when I grew up. It was all an illusion.
At age 20 I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease (may be hereditary) have been on and off dialysis have had two kidney transplants, and lost a very successful career due to my health problems. I want no part of bringing a child into this f—ed up world and putting him or her through the pure living hell that I have been through. If I had a child and they turned out to have an illless that I passed on to them that would be heartbreaking.
I am now nearly 40 years old, on disability, and back living in my parent’s house because I have basicly lost everything. I just can’t understand why people who know me and are fully aware that my life is a train wreck still have the audacity to ask me if I am dating anyone or when I am going to settle down and get married and have kids. Nothing hurts more than when people do this! My younger sister even asked me once if I was gay or something because I never date women anymore. Don’t these clueless people realize that no woman is interested in a man who is 40 years old, chronicly ill, has no job, has no money, and lives with his parents?
Not having grandchildren is beyond sad for me.
But I do not talk about it (beyond here) and do not bring pressure or judgment to bear.
Just remember that those of us who do love children, thoroughly enjoyed raising children and looked forward to the possibility of grandchildren, have rights to our feelings also.
My own parents were absolutely crazy about their grandchildren and were great role models and teachers to those kids.
Now I understand more than I ever did before, what a gift my husband and I gave them.
Raising children is very hard in today’s world and too many go into it without much thought, but because it is their right to be parents, or because it is expected. We can choose today not to get pregnant. It is expensive, stressful, demanding and the toughest job there is. But it can be so rewarding. I have 2 adult children , one who has a partner and one who is single. I have never asked either if they want children, nor hinted to them I would feel like I missed out not being a grandmother. I like kids, thoroughly enjoyed being a mother and feel fortunate I was blessed with these 2. BUT, that doesn’t mean I need to do it all over again through my kids! They have the right to make that choice and maybe their lives would be easier if they choose not to procreate.
There is an entire world out there to learn about and enjoy, including other people’s grandchildren! Do volunteer work with children if you want them in your later years. Why is it so important to see your family line reproduced- was is that superior?
Of course it is sad if your adult child wants kids and can’t have any – that is different. But many people have worse problems to deal with.
For all the wanna be frustrated grandparents: count your blessings, enjoy your adult children, their achievements, spend time with them and nuture friendships. We humans can all be one big family on this earth.