The Fertility Industry - Good For Business?
28 11 2006A friend commented the other day that I hadn’t as yet tackled the lucrative fertility industry and its effects on the childfree dialogue. She was right of course, I hadn’t yet, though it has been on my list of childfree issues. Truth be told, I often wonder if the whole fertility issue – as apart from the industry – isn’t treated like some kind of sacred cow, to which we must all bow down yes – even childfree people – because people are willing to go to such extreme lengths to have a baby. It’s o.k not to be able to have a baby. It’s just not o.k not to want to have them.
So there must be something “wrong” with us childfree people. Mustn’t there?
Because such is our society’s fixation with and veneration of having children and motherhood that it readily feeds a booming fertility industry. A couple or a woman wants a child. In the quest to have a baby no stone will be left unturned in the pursuit of conception. This means arduous fertility treatments, considerable expense, disappointment and perhaps even personal ruin and, unless you have substantial savings, will probably cost you everything you own, including your home and all of your shiny toys.
But somehow, it is deemed to be worth it, after all think of it, you may be tens of thousands of $$ poorer, but you would be holding your very OWN baby. If the IVF treatment is successful. Meanwhile, as childfree people we either tiptoe around those trying to conceive, or we suddenly become strangely silent in their presence. I mean, come on. How can one be so callous as to articulate that one does not want a child when said woman/couple would apparently give their right arm to have their very own baby? And is clearly in an agony of longing for their own baby? (I’ve even been told that it would be cold and unfeeling of me to mention being childfree, if I know a woman is trying so hard to conceive. My view of that will be addressed in a separate article).
Personally I might be inclined to say something along the lines of “But there are so many children in need of adoption, why not adopt? Why go to all this trouble to conceive? But would I dare to say it? Is it worth the hostility I might get? I’m not sure. Would you?
I suspect the responses we get back may contain some of the following:
“I want my own baby…not someone else’s”
“ I won’t feel like a real woman unless I have my own baby…”
“I have a right to a child…”
“We have so much we can give a child…why us?”
“How could you possibly know what it’s like?”
How indeed. Being in the group of women who has never been overcome with the need to be a mother and as such never felt driven to have a child (quite the reverse), I don’t and can’t identify with such an intense need for a child that drives couples, but women in particular to extraordinary lengths to have one.
Yet, I am supposed to be sensitive to women who are trying to have a child to the extent that they are deemed more important. Why?
Because society’s message is that having children is a woman’s crowning aspiration and anything that supports this is to be encouraged and if not actively encouraged (since IVF is not available on the Public Health service just yet), then accepted in a way that being childfree has never been accepted.
With one cycle of IVF costing costing an average of $7,800 (According to the American Society of Reproduction in 1995), fertility treatments are not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. And with patients willing to invest thousands of dollars in treatments - and because an estimated 10 percent of American couples have trouble conceiving - infertility is estimated to be $3 billion industry annually in the US (2006 figures).
The industry at the moment is unregulated, with Pharmaceutical companies investing millions in fertility-related drugs. Clinic management corporations traded on Wall Street are in the business of making a profit on infertility treatment for investors. Brokers are charging hefty fees to help couples find egg donors and surrogate mothers. And the number of U.S. clinics offering IVF has been climbing upwards since the mid-1980s, to about 330 today.
All this, of course, leaves a wide open door for sharp practices and exploitation by all involved of sometimes vulnerable infertile people who will try anything and listen to anyone if it means there is hope of having a child. How can this be good?
Unsurprisingly the fertility industry has now moved on-line as shown in this article, which my friend also brought to my attention. Complete with the inherent risks and pitfalls (plus a few uniquely ones) associated with on-line ventures, but with the added potential for lost money, disappointment and dashed hopes.
Who is this good for? The fertility industry certainly. The would-be parents? Young women? Couples? Society?
One could wonder why the alternative of not having children isn’t seen as a viable option to what more often than not seems like the gamble of fertility treatment.
Thoughts? Views?
Funny you should write about this. I was speaking to a friend of mine just yesterday who was telling me about a mutual friend of ours begining this process. Because I feel an intense disgust for the whole industry, all I could say was “What a shame”. Her response was to give a disapproving grunt. In the past I have countered these stories with “Why don’t they adopt”? Usually the reply is “But do you know how expensive that is?”. What that answer tells me is that said person/couple only want their own flesh and blood, which, when all is said and done, is the ultimate expression of narcissim. If you really want a child, and can’t conceive, there are plenty babies waiting for adoption, and you’ll save your body and mind the heartache.
Perhaps what should also be addressed are the multiple births that usually arise from these treatments. We’ve all seen the news reports of quintuplets being born to IVF parents, and the children are always underweight, and often have serious medical issues, with some even dying in the first few months.
And the childfree are selfish?
As a CF person who was adopted at birth, I find the heroics of infertility treatment to be disgusting. I have seen first-hand one couple who went through three rounds of IVF treatments, two of which led to misscarriages, after which the mother was told flat-out that she would never produce a viable fetus (for genetic reasons). They spent close to $75,000 US on this. In the end, and only after much heartache, they adopted. The father had always been open to adoption, but his wife felt that it wouldn’t be the same if she didn’t carry the child…
I know another couple that after failed IVF, the mother’s sister donated the egg, and the embryo was subsequently implanted in the mother. The mother had a horrible difficult pregnancy, at the age of 41. Had they considered adoption? Yes, but it wouldn’t be the same if she didn’t carry the child.
My own (adoptive) mother, who desperately wanted children, always said she had kids the easy way: somebody handed her a complete baby. As a result, she had a lovely figure until the day she died. People said the worst things to her about having adopted — cruel things, like “you’re not a complete woman if you haven’t carried a child” or “you can’t possibly love your children as much because they’re not really yours.” And these are exactly the thoughts that the infertility industry relies upon.
My mother loved us just as much. The fact that there was no biological relationship was immaterial.
Carisa hit the nail on the head: “What that answer tells me is that said person/couple only want their own flesh and blood, which, when all is said and done, is the ultimate expression of narcissim.”
And they call us selfish.
Thank you britgirl for this very well written article and thanks to carisa and lisa too for their very thoughtful and sage comments.
I’m more sympathetic towards couples or individuals who want to adopt or be foster parents. Fertility treatments, besides being expensive, seem to be a crap shoot method. There are so many who end up with no results, then the parents who end up with four or more kids at one time when they were only shooting for one.
“Yet, I am supposed to be sensitive to women who are trying to have a child to the extent that they are deemed more important.”
Yep, the old double standard. It seems to be sanctioned to treat the CF with contempt.
Applause also to:
“Fertility treatments, besides being expensive, seem to be a crap shoot method.”
“…quintuplets being born to IVF parents, and the children are always underweight, and often have serious medical issues, with some even dying in the first few months.”
and Lisa’s comments - yep, I agree, adopt all the existing kids first.
@All - thanks for these thoughtful and insightful comments. They really shine the spotlight on the complete double-standard of society and would-be parents chasing babies - their own flesh and blood babies - when it comes to the issue of fertility treatment. Clearly a number of issues worth revisiting too.
With all the children in need of adopting, it beggars belief that anyone can even contemplate spending sometimes in excess of $50,000 on the off-chance of having a child. Even worse, with the expectation that everyone should be supportive and in awe of these people, who are, as has been mentioned, more selfish than any childfree person I’ve met. Having fertility treatment isn’t really about giving a child a chance at life. It’s about their wanting their own child - and needing a child to make them complete or real, or whatever it is they need to feel. It’s about people feeling that only a child they conceive matters. This is sad.
And, as Carisa mentioned, it seems to be o.k. for these couples to take the chance of multiple births… even though they know that most of the babies will either not survive, or have difficulties surviving. The only thing that counts is having a baby. And they call us selfish!
@TT - Thank YOU - for bringing this issue to my attention
I enjoyed reading this post and the comments.
Having never wanted kids, I simply cannot comprehend how strong the drive to have a child must be to go through the cost, emotional and physical turmoil.
See I have a problem with ivf, I have been called a lot fo bad things for my opinion.
If a couple is having trouble conceiving then nature or god ( if you beleive ) doesnt want you to have a child.. if you have a kid after the treatments, what would the chances be of that child having the same kind of infertility, so in essence, I feel that the ivf only contributes to the infertility rates..
(I am a brit boy still in britain and I have a few ideas that people have called me a female hater, a lonely freak etc.. when i am actually engaged to a wonderful cf woman).
Mercuricor - thanks for visiting and contributing to this conversation. It highlights yet again what childfree people have learned…that if anyone dares to say anything against the “sacred cow” of fertility treatment they are branded as freaks or worse by many who think that having children is the ultimate and only meaningful aim in life.
In fact, it’s similar to the way childfree people are branded as freaky for deciding not to have kids…. Hope you’ll contribute more of your opinions to the childfree discussion here… I like your blog by the way.
ooh thanks, just my insane ramblings on every subject on the planet and then some,
i had a friend who worked in hope hospital in the UK dealing with IVF, we sort of never discussed it not really.
but it seems that there has beena massive increase of infertility since ivf was invented.. maybe its just press, but there is something wrong there..
I am a mother of three who strongly respects the child free notion. I have many CF friends both male and female. It is perfectly common for people in my career to have no children to focus on their research.
One of the most infuriating things happened at work recently. A CF friend of mine who recently got pregnant accidently and decided to keep the baby was described by her boss as follows “I knew she had always felt incomplete without a child. She was always holding children and playing with them. I am so happy for her.”
When I responded that she had never paid any particular attention to my kids when I brought them to work, and asked when he had ever seen her holding a baby, he just shrugged.
It bothers me as someone who has had a few too many children that everyone always has to act like every child is something we were desperate for and that our lives seperate from our children is somehow meaningless. While I love my kids very much, I could easily be a fulfilled and happy CF person.
I have also seen happy CF people get married to the wrong guys and suddenly at 40 agree to have a child. Then the fertility hormones click in and they are no longer “agreeing to a child” and have suddenly become “desperate for a child”. I think it would be more ethical to ask a women, before starting fertility treatments, to list just how far she will go to get pregnant (one in vitro, two?). Once they are on the meds, they seem to be transformed into people I hardly new and desperate to go for more and more advanced treatments.
“A CF friend of mine who recently got pregnant accidentally and decided to keep the baby was described by her boss as follows “I knew she had always felt incomplete without a child. She was always holding children and playing with them. I am so happy for her.”,
Cristina - I read this and I shake my head. We can’t win can we? Don’t want children around? Then you hate them, But if you have one, you’ll see the error of your ways. Play with children? Then you secretly really want one because playing with a child means you feel incomplete… and if you accidentally have one, well it means you’ve come to your senses of course. Nuts. Somehow I feel that the battle to prove that our lives as childfree women are equally meaningful as those who have children hasn’t even begun. Thanks for this comment.