What Is An Ideal Husband These Days?
12 03 2007Or, welcome to snobbery, Stepford Wives style. This unbelievable piece of tripe that passes for “journalism” is so dismaying that it’s almost funny. Almost.
Called What is an ideal husband these days? it appears in The Observer Comment section on Sunday 11 March.
My first impression was that the writer Cristina Odone was being humorous, and I looked for the punch line. Alas, there was no punch-line. It looks like she’s deadly serious.
She begins with reminiscing over the fact that her mother wanted her to marry a doctor. Because of the prestige, good salary, gratitude and deference doctors engendered.
Particularly the good solid income, just right for securely supporting a wife and children she might spawn. She then says that the recent reality of doctors being amongst the unemployed has rather upset the apple-cart somewhat. Doctors are no longer a safe bet – certainly not for the guaranteed income.
That puts Ms Odone in a bit of a tizzy. For even though her daughter will have her “own career,” mumsie is worrying about whom she wants her daughter to marry. Which high-earners will be left? She wants her daughter to be with someone who has status, and who brings a steady income to the table.
Hello? I think I am having a Mills and Boon moment here. Seriously. This is where I started hunting for the punch-line in earnest.
Still no punch-line. Instead Ms Odone, goes down the roll-call of “what makes a suitable career these days”
Lawyers? Yes, lots of money. Oodles of money. City bankers? With their million pound/bonuses they could be a safe bet, but she writes them off as being too crass. She forgot to mention that because of the 100 hour work-weeks they do, they might not be around that much either. Although, that might not matter, since there must be some trade off for income and status. Civil servants won’t do either, since they are dogged by scandals these day according to her. Maybe a vet? They earn a ton don’t they? I just love how she writes of swathes of people that don’t come up to her “standard.”
She laments that:
“New technology, new priorities, the new influx of immigrants: all conspire against the kind of professional security and prestige that my mother dreamt for me. We are slowly adapting to a culture where work cannot bestow honour, title, money and certainty on anyone. The smart money is on those for whom their profession is but one aspect of life. They are flexible enough to switch jobs, work from home and rounded enough to know that focusing on work alone is limiting.
After I realized that Ms Odone was actually serious with this piece of crap, I then wondered if I was in the right era. After all, the clocks did go back today, but I didn’t think they’d sent me hurtling back to the 50’s…
Rather than trying to fathom how her daughter would live in comfort and luxury on the income of a high-earning husband, perhaps Ms Odone would have done better to hope for someone who loves, respects and cares for her, and whom she loves too, who is honest and wants to share her life rather than simply be a pay-cheque. Hey, he might be a boring middle-income or even lower income earner and, gasp – her daughter might have to pitch in with her salary, but at least she will be loved for who she is rather than her income.
The Observer is scraping the bottom of the barrel with such a banal snobbish article – I guess they even paid Odone too.
And I think British women are better than Ms Odone gives them credit for.
Let’s hope her daughter doesn’t listen to Mama too much.
Original article by Cristina Odone, in The Observer, Sunday March 11
Technorati Tags: Stepford Wives, wife, husband, women
Bravo!! My side of this: My wife’s mother half-jokingly said to her, whilst being engaged to me, that she should be marrying a doctor. Of course, I took this to being the protective wishes of a doting mother, but I also took offense to this. Also, to her mom’s credit, she has enough sense to know that the heart and relationship are what matters more. She only said that because of her daughter’s prime tastes.
Still, it irked me. For a while, I was feeling a little defective for not having a college degree. However, I make enough money to pull my share. She makes a little less than I do, and she has two college degrees. What matters is the relationship and the teamwork it requires to live together.
Ok. Rant done.
i am not a great catch, i have no burning ambition, i am an administrator, or office clerk, i want to own my own little book shop and ephemera store.
thats it, thats my goal, a little shop where i can open when i want, close when i want, and to make enough to run the shop. i am not the most handsome, i have a few problems.
but my fiancee thinks i am wonderful, it doesnt matter about money, especially in this modern world, when jobs are lost every second, but imagine if a man was to say that, that he needs to marry a rich woman, who will provide just imagine the roars of outrage.
money, position, power, is not a reason to marry, love is, love should see beyond the ephermeral, into the heart of the matter. but love is becoming an outdated concept, especially for modern women. its more now what can i get out of it.
of course i am cynical. but i am never cynical enough
The second comment after the article summed up my thoughts about this article perfectly. Written by Steerforth, I quote:
“Did you get paid by the Guardian for writing this waste of space?”
Perfectly said!
yeah, i’ve joked about having ‘architect’ as a job title making girlfriends’ mothers happy. it’s hilarious because it’s more about prestige than about actual money (architects make shit compared to web designers, and it’s often said that you can’t practice architecture unless you’re independently wealthy).
as misguided as she is, pointing out the market forces that are pushing non-traditional professions to the higher earning brackets is a good thing. if she succeeds in making these ‘ideal’ professionals more tangible.
I like to think the answer to this is …. me!
Okay, as a man with plenty of single friends, I know the answer for most women doesn’t include many of:
- intelligent
- kind
- treats women well (with respect, but well)
- nice
If we proceed logically, what women look for in a man is therefore what they look for in a husband (flawed, yes - but it’s my post), then the ideal husband is
- abusive
- dismissive
- stupid
BUT
- earns more money
- has a nice ass, hair, teeth, and … so on (ahem)
I am being somewhat satirical, but after years of paying attention to what women SAY they want (see first list) and observing not only what they wind up with, but actively pursue (see second list), I find I have no time any more for whining from women about how “there just aren’t any good men out there.” I know several. They may very well all die single. Which is a bloody crime.
many a time i was attracted to a woman, but they always said i was too nice, i was too good a friend, etc. then they go out with men who beat them up, and guess who was there to pick up the peices, (even if it killed me).
a lot of women profess to want the good guy, a provider, yet they go for the bad boy, the alpha male. it has happened, it will happen good guys finish last.
Not so fast, guys!
As someone who DOES want a good guy, I put my $ where my mouth is. Have always had my standards and went for the kind, respectful, sweet guys.
The guy I ended up marrying made no money when we first met. I paid for everything which made more sense…cause I made the most! He wasn’t the tall guy I had hoped for ( I really have a thing for tall guys) but other than that he was a catch for his qualities and kindness.
He went on to make a ton of money…which was ok…but turned into a hermit closed away in his computer room with all his toys and gadgets.
The marriage ended but not for lack of trying. Didn’t ask for alimony even tho I was entitled to it. I didn’t want his money…I wanted his companionship. Screw the money.
So these days I’m looking for a poorer, younger, happier type. Cause if you can be happy when you are poor, you will always be happy.
Oh yeah, and they can’t want kids, or smoke, do drugs or have cats. And this time over 6 feet would be nice
I consider myself a clean living, easy going guy. Right now as a college student working various jobs I make next to nothing, barely enough to pay my bills and feed myself. If I ever fulfill my goals of getting into the tech field though, where I truly feel at home, I may some day have a comfortable income.
But the thing is, I could absolutely not be with someone for whom that was a big concern. I don’t care how attractive she might be or any other factors, if they think like this woman I simply couldn’t do it.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting security to provide for your loved one / family, but above all else love has to come first.
Everyone - priceless comments!
Adam - that was the one - and only one - saving grace of the whole article - that she manged to highlight that economic forces are forcing a whole new dynamic. But the thing is, the type of person who “switched profession and focuses on other things and works from home…” isn’t going to be the status king she’s thinking of for her daughter. The sad thing is many women are still waiting for the knight on a white charger crap of “ye olde romance novel” to come and “rescue” them… from, the job they don’t like, their single state, or, well life really. Sad, but true. My friends and I - before we knew any better - used to read the dreadful romance novel stuff. The guys in these books were all rich, tall, all-knowing and complete bastards, treated women like dirt but that didn’t stop the women from swooning after them. Infuriating. I swear that’s where the JR character came from… parents really should know better.
As for me, marrying late was one of the best things I did - not only was I after (and got) the things that mattered (love, respect, kindness, intelligence and humour) but I was also pretty independent, had been for several years and have my own career. I earn more than my husband - I have a higher pressured job - but it’s totally as Chris W says - its the relationship, mutual support teamwork and fun that’s important. Titles come and go. In terms of my husband I still marvel that I met such a great and well-suited person… via the Internet no less
Kath - don’t give up hope. They are out there!
HTH… this made me laugh, and sadly I did find it hard to disagree with you… I know too many guys on the receiving end of some of those women… recently a guy asked me point blank, having tried to be all the things that a particular woman wanted “but what do women really want?” I had to choose my answer carefully. On the bright side though I know at least a few women who went for “Mr Nice Guy” and who are very happy. So, there’s hope
mercurior - I know a couple of guys who wouldn’t turn their noses up at being a “kept man” just to know what it feels like… lol. I believe money is important - it is just bad for it to be the main reason two people get together. And even worse that the parent’s values (as in the article) are so out of whack.
yes but it would get wearying after a time, being always at the beck and call, having nothing to do, if my fiancee was rich, i would still go out work/volunteer, for my own self respect if nothing more.
Odone is insane. There is a saying that there are 4 animals a woman needs to be happy- A jaguar in the garage, a mink around her shoulders, a stallion in the bedroom, and a jackass to pay for it all. Sadly, this is true for too many women. People are so damn shallow these days. It’s NOT money or looks that should count most. It’s love, and how you are treated, and how you treat your spouse.
My fiancée doesn’t make lots of money, and I don’t care. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is absolutely perfect for me. We love and respect eachother, we are considerate of eachother. Don’t just ask yourself what your ideal husband is, ask yourself if YOU are the ideal wife. I do my very best to not ask something that I cannot also deliver. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but the thing is if you learn from your mistakes and become a better person and spouse. Always be considerate of eachother, and treat eachother with love and respect.
RowanElizabeth - Ditto to that! Good advice that Cristina Odone’s daughter would be far better off with than the status seeking her mother would prefer her to do.
btw, rowan elizabeth is my fiancee, and other half,
The wierd thing is that the mother in question has completely lost her own compass. She would not recognize the new *high status* *high paying* jobs if she saw one. If you turned up for Sunday lunch and announced that you were a web developer for instance she would be floored. The reason would be that she couldn’t immediately measure your social standing in her eyes, or your income - and hence your suitability as a son in law. She needs shooting really. Some of my relatives carry on like that. They all suck.
Root - but if you said “Imawebdesigner
buti’mapapermillionaireandmy porscheisjustmyrunaboutcar” she might invite you back for after dinner drinks. You have to say it fast though… so she’ll think she heard the word “millionnaire” and “Porsche” but she won’t be sure.
Thanx, BritGirl
Yep, I’m Mercurior’s fiancée.