Despite the women being well educated learned prosperous active. However never heard of a case where a man with mental issues has been sterilised with that level of quickness. Either way. Ladies you can’t win.

But there is always private health care available. In britain in the mid ninties loads of young girls, career girls some of 19 were so set on pursuit of careers paid private health to be sterilised.

Have a great day.

Lynda

I was very lucky.

For your doctors who will not insert an IUD because you have yet to have a child, argue that the reason this warning is in place is because of an increase risk in ejecting the device and you are diligent enough to pay attention and willing to take the risk.

All the best – and don’t give up

http://www.mariestopes.org.uk/ they have a number of a place in new jersey that may have more numbers

its a near constant pressure, i have been told i am bullying my fiancee into having the tubal, that i should be the one instead. this argument is about choice, my choice, and your choice, people are denying my choice, by implication. if you visit any cf forums, have a look, at how many women want the man to get the snip rather than the woman.

but that last paragraph you put is in essence the argument for some people, i cant have it done because it changes my biochemistry, hormones etc, let a man do it, as it wont affect him as much.

perhaps i am more sensitive to this, non responsibility, being a man, in a group thats predominantly women. if you want it have it, if you dont want it dont have it, its a personal choice, i would say dont push what you want onto you partner (this is the same for males and females)

There would need to be a lot of discussion (one hopes!) within the relationship and that discussion would probably include the relative risks to each partner.

I don’t really know if there’s a lot of pressure in some relationships on men getting the procedure. Anecdotally I have not found this to be true in my own limited experience. But I don’t doubt there probably is in some cases as mercurior notes.

It’s not the man’s responsibility alone any more than it’s the woman’s alone. It’s both their responsibility and they both have to come to a mutually agreeable decision.

It’s too bad really that there’s no totally reliable long term birth control method that doesn’t do things to our hormones that could have lasting negative ramifications.

its wrong, for men and women, if a person is committed to not having kids, which may well be shown by a 30 min to an hour session explaining your reasons, and showing u have indeed thought about it, it should weed out the reversal people. then it should help those that really dont want kids, and really want a tubal/vasectomy.

as i said i am going with my rowan, to bypass the what if your husband wants one, i can put my point, just as a backup. and since we run a cf forum board, they have evidence

And I think the anecdotal “permission” issue for married couples is where doctors are afraid of having a law suit slapped on them. Looks like it isn’t universal but varies depending on where in the States you live. But it seems to work both ways as they are a couple. Although I think rather than permission the writer may have been referring to “consent.”

its not common, but there is a pressure, i have been told on these boards that *I* should be the one to have a vasectomy, instead of what my fiancee wants.

it may be different because on a lot of cf boards, men are the minority.

i know there are medical risks, i know theres the pressure against them by doctors, and i understand it, dont get me wrong, i am all for people taking charge of their own reproduction, but there is a subtle pressure, on men that they should be the ones.

and it does happen, that men are refused, it is a rarity,

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,12426,13100#msg-13100

and this one http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,12026,12070#msg-12070

“My husband just had the Big V last week and had to get my permission/signature. We’re in Illinois & apparently it has the highest percentage of malpractice lawsuits, so that could be one reason.

When we asked the doc why he needed my permission he said in so many words that it’s because many wives change their husband’s minds & force their husbands to get a reversal ”

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,10444,10563#msg-10563

but i still say there is a minority of women, who prefer the man to be snipped, rather than taking charge of themselves.

and todays world of keyhole surgery the risks are minimised, so the dangers are a lot less, so long as you can find a dr willing to do it that is.

My view – I feel that putting pressure on ANYONE to have any procedure done isn’t right.

I didn’t see that Christine was talking about anyone putting pressure on anyone else to be sterilized. An opinion does not a trend make I would think in any committed relationship there would be tons of discussion and eventual agreement about who would have the procedure done and why. But besides this – there are at least two examples in these comments where the men are quite willing to have the procedure done – the reasons are above so I won’t repeat them here. Kath’s story is one, mine in terms of my husband’s view is another.

More importantly, this post’s central message is key – it is about women who DO want to get the procedure done and, can’t for whatever reason are turned down sometimes for years. They are refused the ability to control their own reproduction. Meaning it often isn’t a simple question of “if you don’t want them you go and get fixed”… as you say.

Sometimes, the man having the procedure may sometimes be the only way if the couple want to remain childfree. In a committed childfree relationship this is about the couple, and what is best for them not about who “should/should not” do something. I would be surprised, if, in the face of obstacles his partner goes though the man wouldn’t at least volunteer…Kath’s story is inspiring.

But consider this. It’s the woman who’s been taking the contraceptive pill for God knows how many years, her body that runs any risks associated with the pill. And there are risks. Or endures the hassle of other sometimes painful forms of contraception.

It’s the woman who will have the abortion if an unwanted pregnancy accidentally occurs. Or have it adopted if she doesn’t want to abort or keep it. It’s the woman who will take the brunt of the
“scares”. It’s the woman who is refused a tubal ligation by much of the medical profession – even when she desperately wants one. It’s the woman who goes through the humiliating ordeal of being told “she doesn’t really know what she wants,” when she asks to be sterilized. It’s the woman who has to justify her choice to the doctors. And it’s the woman who runs the greatest risk if she DOES get the procedure – things can go far far more wrong with a TL than a vascetomy.

for medical reasons she claims and yes there is a slightly higher risk, but why should a man have it done if the woman doesnt want kids too, isnt it her responsibility to control HER own reproduction, rather than relying on the man.

if a man doesnt want kids, imagine the outrage if he says let the woman get it instead of me. but its ok the other way round. we all are responsible for our own reproductive rights, its our bodies, so if you dont want them, you get fixed. regardless of sex.

yes it may be less invasive, but is that any reason to put pressure onto the opposite partner if they really want to be sterile and really want to be childfree

mercurior – I didn’t know there was pressure by women on men to have a vascectomy… if there is, it could be as result of the obstacles women face in trying to have the procedure done themselves. But the key point is, to me, that if a woman wants to have sterilization done she should be able to have it done without having to justify herself.

Jack – From what I know about Marie Stopes they would be my first option, knowing about the obstacles that I’d face with the nhs. Unfortunately, having to fight the maze of medical opinion seems to be a given if you go via the NHS or any public health care system. Which, although it’s as well to be aware of it, is a shame. That database of sympathetic GPs is a really good idea. If I knew of any I’d put them up on Like It Is. I think that would be something worth sharing.

Christine 1 – and Kath – thanks very much for sharing your stories- you’re going to relate even more to my next article then It’s already written, yet to publish as I write this.
37 reasons not to have kids – that’s some list. Good for you. But the lengths you had to go to just to prove to your gynae that you knew what you wanted is just crazy.

As for Kath – kudos for sheer determination. Isn’t it odd – we’re old enough to get married, old enough to HAVE kids by the dozen, way old enough to go to war, old enough to die, but somehow not old enough to be sterilized? Something is very wrong with this picture…

Hillari – I had never thought of that it might have a monetary angle, but thinking about it for doctors in the States this might well be a reason. Coupled with the fact that the medical profession is solidly behind women having kids. In the UK, doctors working in the NHS (National Health Service) get funding for certain types of procedures, which in many cases they can decide how they use it. So you can also get doctors deciding not to spend funds on what they consider “non-essential” surgery.

Christine 2 – That’s my husband’s view. And I agree, of the two, a vascectomy is the less invasive of the two procedures. He’s been more than willing to have a vascectomy for a while now precisely because it is less invasive AND he knows how difficult it could be for me to get a doctor to do a sterilization. We’ve just been slow in getting around to it and if anything it’s me who’s been saying there’s no rush. At least I have the option. But I shudder to think of the lengths I’d have to go to, as a childfree woman to get the procedure done, even though I would stick at it until I succeeded.

Thanks again ALL for such inspiring stories!

Knew at 8 I didn’t want kids, started asking to be sterilized at 18. Was told, no, you are too young to know what you want and wait until after you’re married. When I responded why was it that teenage mothers at 18 weren’t told they were too young to have kids, my Dr looked at me like I had two heads.

Asked every single year, at every single checkup. Always told no. Switched Dr’s. Again was told no.

Married at 25 and my husband and I made a concerted effort to find someone to sterilize one of us. No can do, we were told. You are too young and you will change your mind.

FINALLY, at 32 my husband DEMANDED to be given a vasectomy. The way he phrased it to his Dr was ‘my wife has been on the pill for close to 18 years and I want her to stop taking it’. Then he threatened to sue for discrimination.

Vasectomy was scheduled within 2 weeks.

Case closed.

Even her female gynecologist was stubborn as an ox on the issue. Christine had to resort to that list just to make it clear to the gyne that her mind was made up!

I think Hillari hit the nail spot on on why the medical profession is so adamant on their objections to tubals. They say that they’re only looking out for the woman, and I think that is a half-truth. They’re also worried about their financial lifestyle; how much money they can get out of an expectant mother and her insurance company, not to mention the cash flow from all the new kid’s checkups and what not. Tubals, to them, may mean no more cash “mooooom” cow!

have courage everyone, if you keep trying and come prepared with a list of reasons…you might be surprised…(keeping fingers crossed for everyone)