Jan – Yes, it is a Catch 22. And even though there is the option to take shorter hours, men won’t take them unless they are prepared to sacrifice their careers.

TT- Spot on. Interestingly this never comes up in the mantra to “have kids and have more kids.” And it should. It’s another example of how both sides of the story are never presented… the ads for the supposed perfect family (with 2-4 kids) always show a well off picture perfect scene, when the reality is that unless you are rich, it will be a struggle to maintain an average standard of living. And it will require two substantial incomes, not one (or one and a half). For the reasons you mention more “family time” is a distant dream,(unless you’re childfree of course) but most refuse to believe it.

Carisa – Indeed misery loves company! You would think that he’d be advising you against kids after his own example. Or admiring your decision to be childfree. Now she’s single parent with two kids she can probably forget about “family time”, while he will probably have to figure out how to work even harder to pay the child support he’ll be on the hook for. I also agree with TT – if people considered the financial realities of having children (not just babies) they might just rethink. Instead of which, most people put more financial thought into buying a car or house than they do having kids.

I think Timethief is 100% on the mark when she says that couples do not have a clear grasp on the financial realities of having children. If they did, perhaps they wouldn’t have so many, or so quickly?

The long and the short of it is that we are all working harder and getting poorer. The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives released a study which demonstrates the income gap in Canada is growing at a faster rate than ever before and a majority of families are falling far behind the top earners.
The report clarifies what we have long suspected: the rewards of Canada’s booming economy have been going disproportionately to a select few. Most families 80% are getting a smaller share of Canada’s growing economy than their counterparts did in the late 1970’s.

The reason Canada’s income gap between the rich and poor is growing, largely because the lion’s share of Canada’s economic growth is going to the richest 10% of families and not to the majority, the 80% of families earning under a $100,000 per annum.

I wrote a blog post on this here http://timethief.wordpress.com/2007/03/01/canadian-families-working-harder-and-growing-poorer/
And the situation in the United States is just as bad if not worse. And I wrote a blog post on that too http://timethief.wordpress.com/2007/02/24/us-has-record-numbers-in-severe-poverty-while-military-budgets-soar/

It’s a bitter pill to swallow for those who truly want children but unless the couple in question is in the upper 10 percentile they will be poorer. That in turn means that one or the other or both parents will be compelled to work more hours than they would have had to work in the late ’70’s just to maintain the same income level.

Now is the time for the stigma against those making the childfree choice to be eradicated but first “awareness” and acceptance must take place. And IMO most couples do not have a clear grasp of the financial realities of choosing to have children. There will not be more “family time” until wages increase and hours of work decrease.

“Awareness” aside: BTW if anyone would like to call attention to the posts I wrote at the links above by “stumbling them” or whatever I would be most appreciative. I’ve just gone through a 2 month period of writing good stories that didn’t get many hits. In contrast to those posts a “quickie” post I filled with quotes soared and for a couple of days made it to 85/100 on the Wordpress “Top Posts” list. You can imagine my chagrin as I watched an unworthy post top out because it was “trendy” and the other good ones get ignored because people didn’t want to hear about “family” realities. What a downer.

if she was the main breadwinner, i am sure she would expect me to do the housework. being a man, and being for equality for everyone, i get flamed, because i dare say the truth as seen from a mans standpoint.

in a lot of boards, there is a anti male bias, in this first paragraph, on other boards they would call me a sexist, without reading the second paragraph.

but there is a hell of a lot of pro family (read pro mother) bias in the workplace and in the home place. theres many stories about stay at home mothers, not doing a lick of work. then expecting the man to look after the children when he comes in from his job.

Men will never be treated fairly unless women say “thats wrong”, unfortunatly a lot of these pro mother people cannot see anything wrong with using a man just for what they can get out of him. Thats the saddest part of the whole thing.