We know some people think it. Yes, we do. But it still must be quite a shock being told that to your face.
Here is an experience posted by someone in one of the forums I belong to. I replied to the writer (who I will call M) in the forum, but also mentioned that I was going to share this on Like It Is. Why?
So that Like It Is readers can weigh in with their comments and opinions. Perhaps M will read them and feel a little less alone as a childfree person, less dispirited and more encouraged. So that M can get some ideas of how to respond next time. Because there will, sadly, be a next time, only this time she’ll be better prepared.
I want M to know that there are many childfree people out there who understand just how shitty it is to be on the receiving end of crap like this. What struck me (and what I said to M in my response) is that it is often hard to find the right words when you’re bingo-ed like this. Some find it easier than others, but isn’t it always after the event when you think of all the things you should have said and didn’t? And that makes you feel worse.
I don’t know how many of you will comment but I’m hoping you’ll let rip on this one. Feel free to rant … When I read it I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears… M – you deserve a big hug. You bloody well are not “nothing.” You are OK!
Here goes:
“I am single, and childless by choice and am completely sick and tired and frustrated of being told how selfish I am for choosing a child free lifestyle. This past weekend I got into a conversation with some friends and a relatively new friend also in this group….and the issue of children came up, and things got very heated and the conversation turned into one huge massive argument and I walked away feeling so frustrated and angry, at myself for feeling like I hadn’t defended my decision adequately, and at others in the group for making me feel like an insignificant being in society because I didn’t have children.
I am so sick and tired of these conversations and don’t really know what to say anymore to put people in their places and get them to back off when I’m bombarded with these kinds of put-downs and this kind of ridicule for being childless. One man in the group who has 2 kids, well two adults now….asked why I don’t have children, I explained that I have simply chosen a childfree lifestyle for many reasons, one because I like to be independent, and like to travel, and wanted to be able to have a successful career and put whatever time I wanted into it, that I wanted to freedom of lifestyle to be able to go and come as I pleased and not be restricted in where I go and what I do, etc. He said, plain and simple, and loudly,
“YOU are the most selfish person I’ve ever come across. Who do you think you are that you get to go thru life and take up space in society without giving something back, what have you done, you’ve done nothing to contribute to society, I’ve done my share, I’ve raised two kids, and done my part, what have you done?”
So I reminded him that I have developed a great career that has allowed me to implement positive change in many ways, I told him I have learned how to be a great friend to people and have been able to give that back to others around me, I told him I have focused on developing my intellect through the years so I could impact the world in various ways with my intelligence, and told him that I have contributed to society economically, socially, intellectually, and morally, etc.
His response was: “family is all there is in life, friends is one thing but if you don’t have family you have nothing.” I said, you may have nothing outside your family, but I have much outside my family, I am a well rounded human being who’s life is well balanced with many things, not just family. He said, “without family you have nothing, without family you are nothing.”
I felt so ashamed and so put down and so distraught, and I walked away from there feeling like I really am nothing. I don’t have any family connections at all, I don’t have children, and my circle of friends are everything to me. I have my career, my friends, and that’s pretty much it, but I’m OK with what I have.
I just can’t shake this feeling though that people in society think this way about me because I am childless. It’s horrible and I really want to know how to respond to these people and shut them up when I am confronted like this.
Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions on what I can say to people like that to make them stop hounding me and make them realize how wrong their thinking is?
“ M”
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Wow! That is just so horrible! I’ve been very fortunate that I haven’t had to deal with this type of reaction when people find out our choice not to have children. Most people in our circles seem to be supportive.
For us, one thing that we have been able to do to contribute to society is provide financially for a teenager in our church to go on a short-term missions trip. We’ve not only impacted her life, but the lives of those she met and worked with.
Having kids is not a contribution to society! Especially when they end up as rapists or murderers! How is not having kids not contributing? That is such a ridiculous way to view life. There is so much we as childfree can contribute by NOT having kids! We can contribute environmentally, through humanitarian aid, working with troubled youth, mentoring, working for justice and helping to change the communities that we live in. The list just goes on and on. And a lot we’re able to do because we have the time and money that parents don’t have.
I’m not trying to be anti-parent. There are many wonderful parents out there who raise their children well and are definitely contributing to society. But it’s not a guarantee. And that guy’s attitude just upsets me! Who are we to judge others for the choices they make?
Hope I haven’t ranted too much!
I’m beyond words….
I want to talk to this “man” and let him know how wrong it is to treat a fellow human being in this manner. Forgive me, because I usually don’t curse, but he is THE epitome of a fucking asshole! I may diifer in opinion with many people, but I would never undercut someone like that.
Ok… I vented…
Children may be a contribution to society, but it’s just ONE way out of MANY ways to contribute. The impact you have on people’s lives can be just as far-reaching (especially if you’ve ever been in a leadership role). There are many people in history, who have never had kids, that nonetheless are in the history books for doing awesome things that made an impact on the world.
That guy sounds like a total boor. I can’t even imagine where he thought it was any of his business to tell someone else how they should live their life.
M, I think you handled the situation very well. There is nothing more you could have told him anyway, he wouldn’t have heard you — all the rocks in his head were making too much noise.
I have had a similar experience with an older relative who was very concerned about my aging ovaries. She was just shocked that I didn’t want children; she thought I would end up old and lonely. She assured me their was still time yet if I got a move on. I didn’t get into it with her as there was no sense. She was not a close relative and this took place at a shower where the whole room was baby crazy except for me. I just excused myself and got some more dessert.
I’m am looking forward to the other comments. I could use some ideas myself to handle busy-body relatives. I don’t have to deal with this stuff from my friends – just aunts from the old country.
i cannot believe this guy! i mean, where does this guy get off? saying that she has not contributed to society?? hello….she is a huge success as a person…doesnt that count? she is very sucessful with her career and her friends. what is with that guy? hes just resentful that if he chose a better life than deciding to have and raise kids…because he lacks true happiness and freedom.
i would have told him, that by my career outlook and contributions…and my kindness and love for my friends and people. . i am a big success..period
what a loser he is! i feel really bad for her. i know how she feels..i am looked at differently and looked down at at work…she is unfortnately is not alone
christine
I can’t believe she didn’t pop him one. I would have been in full smack mode.
I don’t know if one should ever answer such ignorance and obnoxiousness with an actual answer, but I am surprised no one else in the group took him to task for being such an asshole.
In terms of a real answer, I would like to think that I would have been quick enough on my feet to say that my husband is my family, that we are something to each other, and that, on top of all that, my friends are my chosen family and nothing he could say would convince me otherwise.
And then I would have popped him one.
She could have reminded the ‘gentleman’ that if she did procreate she could run the risk of producing someone just like this jerk…I mean, guy…and well…the risk is just too great!
/snark/
ok, rolls up sleeves, and get ready to rumble..
what utter stupid arrogance that man has, its selfish to work out why you dont want children, for your own peace of mind, or for the sake of the planet, if you extend this hypothesis further, does that mean any who he thinks doesnt contribute to society is worthless.
in the supermarkets the people who bag up, they dont “contribute to society”, are they worthless, just because they pack bags, same thing about breeding, (i use that word for thats all it is) you have raised 2 kids, ok, but how is that contributing to society, the government educates them, you pay for their food and clothes, until 18 or later then they are left to do what they will. how is that contributing to society.
if one of his kids decides not to have children, will he disown them, what are people only worthwhile if they poot out the almighty dna replicant.
i sort of feel sorry for him, sort of, he has no one but his family, but who is to say what is family, i have a few close friends i feel are my family, is family only relevant to dna if so what does his wife think of that.
tell me where he is and i will talk to him.
ok i find that how to respond is crucial, i go off the medical side, say, i have certain genetic predispotions, that may present in the child, possibly leading it to early death and pain, then go off the environmental impact ofhaving children, disposable nappies, take about 1000 years to degrade, and billions are used and chucked away each year.
then go off the personal reasons. then if they say well who will look after you when you are old, just say there is no guarentee your kids will look after you. there are no guarentees, your kids wont turn into childfree, or gay.
if we are nothing, then why do we pay more taxes to put your children into school, why do we pay in and take NO tax out, why do we work longer hours to cover for pregnant/mothers, yet with no financial recompense.
we do contribute, but in a quiet way, if the childfree, didnt work to cover, if they didnt pay the tax that gets paid for education, then you would be in more financial trouble, and with no guarentee that your kids will be like you.
(but i did think you did right walking away. he couldnt have heard you even if you shouted at 500 decibels. )
To be honest, I don’t even waste my breath on people like this man. The world is full of happily ignorant, boorish and tiresome fools and if I took offence and tried to defend myself against these people every time they said something negative about me or my lifestyle I’d have no time to eat, sleep or read.
I know perfectly well that I contribute to society and have no need whatsoever for that to be recognised by others or to tie myself up in knots trying to prove myself or change their stubborn, firmly entranced position with little hope of success. There are people you can have rational discussions with and those you can’t, and if someone says that you essentially amount to nothing because you don’t have children I think it’s pretty obvious which category they fall into and I just find these people pitiable.
If people want to be eaten up with malice towards others because of their lifestyle then let them; I’m certainly not going to let their attitudes upset me.
I am M, the one who had the unfortunate experience with this idiot, otherwaise known as a man. I love the many comments posted here about the subject….and appreciate the amazing support you’ve all given and the humor and the many great smiles I received from reading your posts.
I’d just like to respond to one thing, and that’s the issue of people saying, it’s important to have kids so there’ll be someone to take care of you when you get old…..Holy Crap……amd I’m supposed to be the selfish one…..what’s more selfish, having kids so there’ll be someone to change your diapers when you’re old, or not having kids and not being dependant on anyone to take care of you when you’re old, but rather focusing your efforts in life on becoming self sufficient, and independant, and secure enough that you’ll be able to hire the personnel you need when you get old to take care of you.
I think having kids so you won’t be alone in old age is in itself, extremely selfish. Also many times when I ask people, so why did you have kids, the answers I get will be, so I could have someone to love me back…..WOW, sounds pretty selfish to me, I bring a child into the world, they have to struggle through the hardships of whatever life deals them, they have to put up with the evils in the world and all because I was selfish and wanted someone who would be forced into loving me, just because I gave birth to them.
I prefer to have people love me for who I am, who I have become, what I have done and accomplished, and what I bring to the world, not because they are focred to love me because I gave birth to them. Friends love you by choice, families love you out of obligation. That’s how I see it.
I grew up in a family of 12 children, and my friends have treated me better and loved me more than any of my siblings ever did or ever will…..and I’d much rather have the love that comes out of free will, than to have the love that comes out of obligation.
M.
M. – I think you did well enough, you handle the situation with more poise and calmness than I would have. But I’m a bit of a cranky bitter person and I tend to swear a lot.
The man is a moron. If he told me I was nothing I would have probably responded, “well at least I’m not an a$$” (*cough* yeah, I said I had a temper!). There’s no changing someone like that with words.
Hang tough.
There’s plenty of us for you to associate with and you can leave people like that alone with their kids.
I would’ve just said, “Wow, sorry you regret having kids so much,” since that’s obviously the unspoken sentiment here. When he said, “Who do you think you are that you get to go thru life and take up space in society without giving something back…” well, that just gave it away. The translation: Who do you think you are that you get to go through life doing what you want when you want to without worrying about the chyldrun.
And I’m sure such a hateful person’s offspring will really be contributing to society, as they go around hating people just like dear old duhd.
not all men, are like that person M, i am a man, and i am almost as rabidly childfree as my fiancee, i am more anti social than her;:-)
and quite a few other men, would have no time for him, and some of these have kids and are good fathers, i have a feeling that his wife is the one really in charge, and its her ideas he is regurgitating. thats just my impression of him.
i repeat not all men are as blind as him, there are a few good men out there.
What wonderful comments, humour and support! Thank you ONE and ALL for these
. And M, thank you for visiting – reading, commenting and sharing so glad you stopped by. As Triana says, plenty of childfree folk around that the unfortunate twits like that man and his ilk can be left with their kids.
As for my thoughts about him, well the man is a fuckwit. An arrogant, idiot one at that. And one that feels so insecure that he feels the need to immediately try to discredit you, your life and your choice.
When I first read about your unfortunate encounter I was pretty angry… like Ann-Marie, popping him one would have been hard not to do if I’d been there
. But would it have been worth it?
I think that selfish people like him – as Jack says – are a waste of my breath and my time and my energy. Because no matter what, they are so full of their own ignorance they cannot hear anything beyond it. Strawberry Muffin commented on one of the main things that stood out to me… “who do you think you are that you… get to go through life without giving anything back.. blah, blah.” It says it all. I heard a lot of envy and malice and, yes regret in that sentence. He’s obviously put out because you’re getting to live your life the way you want to, instead of being chained to a couple of bratty kids.
And I also wonder what type of kids this person would have raised as his “contribution” to society with his narrow ignorant views. I just bet he is expecting payback from them, and they’ll rebel and decide to be childfree – what a happy thought. Heh!
Right now the the population of the planet is exploding, resources aren’t replenishing and he thinks he is “contributing.” Ah, well. Ignorance is a sad thing. As everyone has said, you certainly don’t need anyone to tell you your worth, least of all people like him. In fact if your lifestyle angers people like him, you’re probably doing things completely right
Anyone who still wants to comment, carry on… wanna rant? Carry on.
Yea, I still want to comment on.
I just fail to understand what kind of a society we have.Anybody who tries to do something out of the ordinary gets thrashed, even if something they are trying to do does make sense. But no, we can’t think can we? We can just blindly follow the rules of the society that have been going on since eternity. Everything needs to be updated to be successful, whether it be a blog, a country’s constitution or the thinking of the people.
This is one of the lamest things I’ve ever heard. If having children was the only way someone could contribute to the society, then the best people should be Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden, whoever knows how many kids they have? What is the logic of giving birth to a child when you can’t even survive as a family of two? That way you’re making life hell for the kid as well as yourself. You know, here in India, people think that giving birth to kids is good because that ways there can be more earning members in the family and so there..you have families with 11 kids and then the parents force them to work in furnaces when they’re like 10 years old. What’s the logic of all that?
I agree with whatever you said M but it’s just that sometimes, you should care for the parents, but again that’s if they helped you live a life when you were young because frankly, it isn’t easy raising a kid and parents do have to work hard to take care of you and change your diapers so expecting you to take care of them when they’re old is justified to some extent. And in almost all cases, they don’t need you to be stuck them but all they want is that you should love them, visit them sometimes and show them they’re wanted. But yea, in some cases when they start getting nosy and start interfering, it does tend to become difficult.
I am so so happy I saw this thread! “M”, you are 200% right! You defended yourself very well, and I would have punched the guy if I had been in your shoes! So fairplay to you! ;o)
So not having children is not contributing to society hu!?!!! What about infertility? Are those who cannot procreate useless as well?
ANYWAY!!
Just wanted to say that the very REASON why you should want to have a kid is because you have the DESIRE within you! The reason shouldn’t be: not to feel alone when I am old, to have someone to take care of me, or to copy my neighbour (yes I heard that one too!) and so on! that is pure SELFISHNESS.
Then of course, when my mum is old, I will most probably do my best to take care of her, but I like to think she did not conceive me for that reason!
That sounds fair I think!
I was asked last year by a friend (who has a kid) when my husband and I would conceive. I said very calmly (as usual) that we did not want any kids. She said : don’t you say something like that!!” as she was shocked. I wonder who was shocked after what she said!!!???
I have explained that just like some people have the desire to have kids, we have the desire not to have any! When you ask a person: why did you have kids? Some answer silly stuff that I will not mention, but some say: “because I felt the need and the desire in my gut!” Well, me Sinead and hubby, don’t have that desire and need in our gut!!!!!!!!
We just don’t have the urge.
The childfree community is very misunderstood and we need to make people sensible to the fact that we exist. They have to deal with it. We shouldn’t have to justify ourselves, they should just accept us the way we are, just like we accept them!
I was on a very nice new website yesterday: bigkidsnokids.com, and the moderator has a very nice quote that seems to be her motto: “The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.” That’s a very nice quote that sums up exactly what we should do: start an awareness campaign just “like” the gay community did. People don’t understand what they don’t know!
Sinead
M’s experience with that shithead (excuse my french) proves that the message will not get across as easily as it may seem, but it’s worth trying! If I wanted and had kids, I would like them to be tolerant!
Ish- thanks for visiting! It is really lame. What I have observed is that, in fact there is little logical reason for having kids. Few people ever question why people do/did have kids. And those that are asked give a range of reasons ranging from “because it’s what everyone does…to I don’t want to be alone” to because “they never even thought about it, just did it…” Doing things because everyone else does is totally lame. It’s amazing just how many people are living under the smug illusion that they are “doing their bit for society” by having kids… they are doing it for themselves, but envy those who choose to contribute in other ways.
Sinead – welcome! Hopefully the existence of the conversations on Like It Is will let me people know that we very much exist. And we aren’t going away, so people had better learn to live with us being around. It is amazing that our society considers itself so tolerant, yet is so intolerant and insensitive to those who deliberately choose not to have kids – and it doesn’t even affect them.
As you say, we should not have to justify ourselves to anyone. We are the ones who get to say how we live our lives – not those with kids!
theres only one reason, i can see, spare parts. thats the only reason to have kids, harvest their bodies, so we can live longer
i am half joking. but only half.
Telling that rude “Go straight to hell” comes to mind. My idiot half-sister, who has three adult kids, two born out of wedlock, one the product of a failed marriage (she was the cause of the divorce) has told me and everyone else that same thing about me. Just one of the reasons why her and I no longer speak to each other.
As for anyone else who spouts such nonsense, they’re not worth having a conversation with. They can’t put back the kids they had, and they can’t change your life.
What more can I add? This “fuckwit” typifies so many Neanderthals that my husband and I have endured over the years. And this is what I said to the last person who tried to pull that on me:
If humans had truly bought into “the only thing that matters is family” thinking we’d all be living in caves. There would be no public education and health care systems and no day care centers. There would be no Big Brothers and Big Sisters organizations. There would be no Boys and Girls Clubs or Scouts and Guides, nor would there be any of the countless other organizations for children like 4H that currently rely on the man and woman power provided by many childfree administrators and workers.
Through these organizations and throughout the course of our marriage Beloved and I have freely invested our time, energy and money into parenting many children who didn’t get what they needed at home. In fact we have invested in 3 of your children and I hear that although your new girlfriend is nearly 40 you apparently have another one on the way.
The “fuckwit” gulped like a beached goldfish for a few minutes and then he and his common-law wife left the party.
This is why we blog.
It was nice to read all these comments, the show of support. I have always avoided forums, the risks and rewards are greater perhaps in a public debate. Forums feel safer.
Thanks for telling M’s story here. There’s a lesson in it for all who read it.
Teri -Thanks for dropping by. This is indeed why we blog. Some forums are safer than others though.
If just one person reads M’s story, or AF’s story and it makes them pause for thought and act differently towards someone than they otherwise would have done… I think that’s a great plus for us all. The beauty of a blog – to share.
I teach college. I write published poetry and fiction. I partake in the larger academic conversation by presenting at conferences. I was a veterinary assistant for ten years, during which time I made a lot of people happy by helping to keep their pets alive and healthy. I advocate for adoptee rights.
Sue me if I think this trumps the hell out of Mr. Self-Righteous and his two kids. If he’s like a lot of men, he did not do his fifty per cent share of raising them anyway, but left most of that work up to his wife.
Don’t let him get you down, M. Apparently family is literally all this guy has going for him. And that’s sad for him, not you.
Shakespeare had this one right: “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Only in this case, the lady was a very rude fellow.
From what I’ve seen, a parent who freaks out and foams at the mouth at the very idea that others might not want to have children has some issues. Their little reality is completely threatened by the fact that someone else is living differently. Down inside, they may be trying really, really hard to convince themselves that their way of living makes sense and is somehow selfless and magical. If they were truly confident about their role as parents, why would they need to berate the childless or childfree?
This works both ways, of course. When childfree people go out of their way to attack parents/children/families/parenting, they look the same way: like someone who doesn’t feel like their own life choices are legitimate, so they have to lash out viciously.
When I’ve gotten shit for being childfree by choice (which is how I spent most of my life), when people like this numbwit you describe suggest that having children is the only way to contribute to society, I wonder: what the hell do assholes like this say to infertile men and women???? “You are physically incapable of giving birth, therefore you are selfish”???
Also, we have to assume that childlessness is of evolutionary value to our species. Voluntary and involuntary childless and childfree people have been part of our society forever.
Oooh! Steam came out of my ears too, on reading that post.
I do have to wonder if the man who came out with the comment was inwardly seething with resentment at M’s freedom and general contentedness with her lifestyle. What he’s basically saying is that all childless (not just childfree) people are worthless. Should all infertile people be banished from the planet then? Is a bad parent of thirteen children genuinely contributing more to society than a childfree man or woman who pays taxes, works in a responsible job and is fully engaged in the life of his or her community?
I’m VERY happy with my childfree life as a teacher. I know my students benefit from the classes and that this is the role in life where I can do most good. We don’t all have to contribute to the world in the same way, as long as we give what we are able to, freely and willingly.
Let’s say we attack this question from the negative. Can it really be argued that society is not better off if that people who don’t want children, don’t have them? There’s a ton of evidence that when people who don’t want, or aren’t sure that they want children have them, the result is a dysfunctional family, and neglected and unhappy kids who grow up to perpetuate the dysfunction in their own lives. What does this contribute to society? Abuse, violence, welfare mentality – all wonderful social objectives, to be sure. Um, not.
The joy of democracy is that generally, people look out for people. So you contribute in school taxes that you’ll never use, childrens programs that you’ll never attend, medical research that you’ll never benefit from. In return, the people who benefit from these things get to look after you. This is how it works. Individually we might not agree, but that’s not the point.
In the meantime, you could point out to someone that your choice to not have kids means more for you, sure. It also means more for them, and more for their kids. Only so many resources to go around, and the less people clamouring to use them, the better. You’re doing this guy a favour. I doubt he’ll ever see it that way, but each to their own.
What an ass. Other posters are right … it must be sad to feel so threatened by the choices of others.
I never wanted children, never gushed over babies as some women (and men) do wanting to hold them and cooing at them. I don’t mind children, but other people’s and in small doses! After 13 years of marriage I became pregnant, an accident, I was terrified my husband was extatic. I plucked up the courage to voice my fears to people, but all I got was “you’ll be fine once you’ve had it” Well I did have him in 1989 I felt nothing, I stared down into his cot whilst in hospital willing this love to come with tears flooding down my face, it didn’t. Once I got home things got much worse I became very depressed and felt so guilty, I was convinced there was something missing in me or that I was evil. My husband in contrast was over the moon andyou could see the love for his son in his eyes. I ended up going back into hospital with postnatal depression, whilst I was in there my huband divorced me. I believe he thought I would harm the baby as I did not love it, could not bond with it and, if I’m honest, felt very resentful towards it at the time (even though I knew deep down it was not the child’s fault) I felt such a failure and my mother’s words: ” there must be something wrong with you if you don’t love your own flesh and blood” rang in my ears for years.
My son is 19 now, he has always lived with his dad but I have always seen him on a regular basis. We get on well and I like him, but to this day I do not love him as I feel a mother should. I have never told him of my lack of love now, and never would.
All I can say is, if you don’t want children then don’t let anyone or anything make you have them, because you may not be “alright when you’ve had it” love doesn’t automatically come after you have given birth, if ever, and you’ll just be setting yourself up for years of heartache, regret and, the worst of all, guilt.
Thanks for sharing this with us Norma. If anything underlines how important it is not to have kids if you really don’t want them, this does.
I personally think that the vast majority of work is a contribution to society. Unless what someone does is pretty unethical – e.g. selling recreational drugs – then you’re probably making a contribution. Bagging groceries? Not many supermarkets in the UK seem to do this and sometimes I feel SO rushed without it! Especially when there is a queue of people behind me! It feels nice to have your groceries bagged even more so when done with a smile. I am a teacher so I help kids learn their alphabet and basic numbers etc. and to begin to share etc. I contribute. Plus their folks maybe couldn’t work without me or someone in my place looking after their kids and they’d have less money. (State nursery, doesn’t cost them much if anything.) Vets and SPCA and animal charities make their contribution to the animals of this world. My husband is a carpenter. He helps towards getting people a living space that works for them, looks nicer, maybe more roomy, I’m sure that’s relaxing for them too. Every time you are nice to someone also you make their life a little brighter. And then there are charities. We are currently giving money to one and have done so in the past too. Almost every single product or service people do (not all!) are helping people’s lives be at least a little bit brighter so I think that is making a contribution in itself. Even if we are not all doctors, saving lives on the operating table! Besides, not all kids grow up to be a contribution to society, criminals can be drains on society. And someone mentioned Osama Bin Liner and Sadam Hussein? Let me add to that Hitler, Dahmler and Virginia shooter Cho. If ONLY THEIR parents had been childfree! Society would be BETTER for it!
I’m not sure if this post is still rolling, but I do have an addition which I feel everyone here may have either overlooked, or just never thought of.
I, myself am struggling with the decision to have, or not to have children when I’m ready. Reading through all of these posts, I found it quite unsettling that no one attempted to nail the reasons why one SHOULD have kids.
Plain and simple, Life, the process of life, and everything that life itself entails, is amazing. Think about it. Without life there would be nothing. Just an empty void of dust. I truly believe that people should decide to have children FOR THE CHILDREN, as a favor TO the children themselves. IF one should decide they want a child, it should be only based on the fact that they want to give him/her the opportunity to experience this thing we call “life”. It should be considered a gift!
Granted, this world is pretty messed up right now, but I feel the only reason someone should have kids is because they WANT to TEACH them about life and all it’s phenomenons. They should be wanting to do their kid/s a favor by letting them simply live.
I truly believe there should be no other determining factors. That is the only unselfish reason to give birth. If everyone thought of it that way, then this overpopulation issue has potential to be solved. Of course, we’d have to realize that we should only be teaching one or two kids in a lifespan. haha And I think that is where the main issue lies to begin with. But, I digress..
If this thing is still active, shoot a reply!
–Franky
Franky – no one has overlooked it, it’s just been mentioned in one of the many other posts and/or comments elsewhere on this blog. Having children has always been a selfish or at best self-centred action. It’s just dressed up to look otherwise so people can feel good about a choice that’s essentially all about them.
Franky – maybe so. Problem is, the VAST majority of kids are not made or born for this “unselfish” reason as you called it, and there are way too many kids in the world who are living truly miserable lives. Why not help them instead, since they’re already here? That’s how I see things anyway.
I hate to jump back to M’s story, but if I was in your shoes, I would have shot back an icily sarcastic comment such as “A childfree career woman is the most selfish person you’ve met? Then you must surround yourself with humanitarians. How simply NOBLE of you.” Then ask his opinion of Mother Teresa, or Ghandi.