Childfree? Imagine Having Dinner In This Restaurant…
25 04 2007Actually you really don’t have to be childfree to appreciate this. You could, in fact be a parent who doesn’t think hysterical screaming kids in a restaurant is particularly funny or even cool. You might be someone who has consideration for their fellow diners and exits with hysterical toddler(s) if unable to calm them. Just so others don’t have to suffer, you know? You might even be a parent who got a baby-sitter and was dining out.
A friend sent me the link to this article and for a minute I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I read it all and then the comments. You have to read the comments.
I read it again, thinking I’d missed something, but no. I still failed to see the humour.
Apparently the parent did have some initial thought for those who were trying to enjoy their meal, however this was obviously short-lived:
“As I attempted to place her in her highchair, all toddler hellfire broke loose. This wasn’t a meltdown — it was more like self-combustion. Absolute hysterics, I tell you. In fact, I’m sure she was way past the point of even knowing what she was crying about.
As Dashiell was trying to talk over her to show me something about the maze on the kids’ menu, and my sister and I were trying to calm her down, the waiter approached and introduced himself. All I heard was “person,” “serving,” “today.” Lucky him.
We couldn’t hear him over the babyshrill let alone concentrate on what we’d order, so we (loudly) requested more time. By now I was thinking we might just need to go. Pitying those around us and not wanting to ruin their evening, I was about to suggest this change of plans when my sister headed off to the salad bar to grab some finger food to console the wild beast….”
These “parents” are perfectly happy to have their screaming kids creating mayhem in the restaurant. Sod anyone and everyone else who just might be wanting to eat their meal in peace. They think it’s OK to make snide comments about the waiter, hostess and manager of the restaurant, ignoring that they might be well a little more concerned at screaming brats than said “parents” were and whose duty, by the way, is towards ALL patrons, not just attention hogging “parent” and their badly behaved brats they are seemingly unable or unwilling to control. And yes, the restaurant is “kid-friendly”.
But when did that mean other should have their meal spoiled?
But get this: it isn’t just OK to them. It’s actually funny!
I commented on the blog of course. But I was very restrained. I’m still pretty retrained, come to that.
No doubt as a “selfish childfree person” who “doesn’t understand kids,” and given the other comments, my view will be most unpopular. Parents like this make me think that both they and their uncontrollable kids should be banned from restaurants altogether or at the very least asked to leave.
Word to mamagigi et al. Screaming kids, and bratty behaviour in restaurants and ruining dinner for others is NOT funny. It isn’t even humorous.
It’s inconsiderate.
Edit: I think my comment’s been deleted from said blog! 
Sssh!
Technorati Tags: childfree, parent, restaurant
Whenever I enter a restaurant, I immediately scope it out. If they try and seat me anywhere near small children (with the potential to scream or if they are already making noise) I ask to be reseated to another area…or I leave.
My time is too precious to have my dining experience ruined by screaming toddlers.
Granted, when you do visit ‘family establishments’ you do run the risk of a larger percentage of children…still, I have sat thru enough ruined dinners to be a stickler on this point.
Plus, I am a GREAT tipper and I don’t fling food on the walls.
i replied, and i was very polite.
heres my comment
ok, i have a few questions, what about the other patrons, dont they deserve a nice night out.
what about the screaming, the hysterical child, dont you think that caused disruption, to other people.
parents complain when people are concerned about screaming kids, and yet they want the “village” to look after them.
what would you think if a group of adults where in the restaurant, and made the same noise that the child did. would the adult be asked to leave for disrupting the place. are there different rules for children, as a lot of parents say its never too young to start teaching them good manners. i know some parents that actually would take that child out of the place, if it was acting up, but a lot of parents only see what they want not the needs of other paying patrons.
Yeah, your comment was deleted. Too bad, I was curious.
I almost never end up in restaurants where there are little children. It just seems to work out that way. I tend to dine later in the evening or in places that are not really kid-friendly. Plus I live in an urban area as opposed to the suburbs where there are more families with children.
I’ve never witnessed a restaurant tantrum (really!) but I have seen a few Zellers situations.
Kath - I have no problem with quiet children in restaurants. They are usually older and not disturbing my peace and quiet. When I go out to dinner, it’s completely ruined if a screaming/crying child is in the midst. For some reason, a toddler screaming or a baby crying is impossible to ignore.
Most of the time the parent eventually takes the offending child outside, but often, it’s ages before they even make a move and even then only after other diners have begun to give them irritated looks.
I find it really strange that even late in the evening you find some parents coming in with strollers with a tired baby who has not got sleep on its mind. … and sure enough, shortly after they’ve been seated, the crying starts. I have to say that if there is a disturbance like that and nothing’s done about it, I’ll leave and I won’t go back. And I know that “kid friendly” means kids are welcome, but even so, they don’t have the right to disturb other patrons having an evening out. The thing is, from the comments, it’s clear that they see nothing wrong with rowdy children in restaurants, in fact as far as they are concerned we should all just put up with it.
Mercurior - wonder if your comment got past the censors? Yours was far, far more pointed than mine….heh! Good comment btw - particularly the question about adults behaving badly…
Christine - I said something like “a kid having hysterics. By your own words, (almost) mayhem in a restarant. And this is supposed to be funny?”It was only two lines I think. TT’s comment was deleted too, and it was something like “How is this funny hysterical..” something along those lines. If I’d known MGG would delete it I’d have copied my comment!
On the other hand, nah, why bother? Obviously no dissenting comment is allowed over there 
She did come over to check out where the comments came from though…. and promptly turned her comment moderation. Probably to ensure no more childfree riff-raff get a word in and sully her blog LOL.
Edit: Well, been accused of looking for a fight online… and making mean comments…nice
And both merc’s and TT’s comments are there. Well, how dare we complain about a rowdy child in a restaurant.
It’s not just younger kids that can misbehave in restaurants. I was in a restaurant where two older kids (probably around 10 or so) were acting quite rowdy on their bench seats, standing on the seats, physically fighting with each other the way boys do, and yelling. The parents just sat there and let the kids misbehave. When that family finally left, I glanced at the group of mid-twenties sitting next to us. Many of them had a shocked look on their faces and rolled their eyes. I can only hope that when or if it comes time for these folks to have kids, they’ll remember this experience and teach their children to behave better in public.
The main point is, it isn’t about the kids, it’s about the parents not bothering to teach their kids about public behaviour and private behaviour. Probably why this blogger doesn’t want to hear from us is she feels threatened. It’s easier to stay in the entitlement mentality or try to be your child’s “friend” than to risk being a bad guy because you insist that they act in a civilized way. I hate to break it to these parents but no matter what you do, when your kids hit their teenage years they’re going to hate you anyway! That’s how they try to differentiate themselves from you. So while you’ve still got influence over them, it might be worthwhile to instill courtesy and manners that will serve them as lifelong skills, instead of cultivating an attitude of entitlement which only leads to anger and unhappiness.
Yikes! Sorry about the over-long reply. I’ll shut up now!
I left a comment at that site as well, and tried to explain in common sense terms why others in public places would not appreciate a screaming kid in their midst. She’ll probably delete mine, too.
Christine, my wife, left a comment on said article… and it got deleted as well. Today, I posted my own comment about the deletion of comments, agreeing with TimeThief that it’s piss-poor form to delete opposing viewpoints. I also said, in effect, that healthy debates bring forth knowledge.
I’m not holding out any hope now of my comment being published. She’ll probably reason that it’s not pertaining to the subject of the entry… or some tripe to that effect.
Here’s what Christine said:
Well, I have read the blog and am stunned. i cannot believe what i have read here. btw, mommamarci-two wrongs dont make a right. stealing is wrong period. no matter what. yes, us” humor-free,”(sarcastic tone there)child free types have standards too. there are more of us in the world.
unruliness is not funny nor condone-able, no matter what age group you belong to. if someone was being rude,loud and obnoxious at your house and it was driving you insane, wouldn’t you kick them out or call the police?
The blog and a majority of the responses indicate many immature and irresponsible parents, that hide behind their kids ages, instead of taking responsibility for their kid and their behavior. such a shame.
it is perfectly acceptable for spoiled meals from us considerate types out there, to speak with the manager and get that child under control or we will leave and recommend to our many friends and family members never to go to that restaurant again.
I am grateful,however, as labeled”humor-less,selfish”childfree types, our numbers are growing and we should not have to be subjected to all of this loud,rude,disrespectful conduct in a public restaurant. Many decent managers will allow patrons to leave with either seriously discounted meals or sign off the receipt, and lose money due to that kind of disturbance and inconsiderate/irresponsible types.
Chris - how sad that a “blog-owner is so scare of debate, that she deletes any comment that that to the letter doesn’t concur with her ill-informed view. Thanks for sharing both yours and Christine’s response here - great responses on both your parts.
Judging by how immature the responses on the blog were, it proves to me that many parents, as well as being unwilling or unable to control their unruly and rowdy children are perfectly ok with ruining other people’s enjoyment - and think we have no right to complain. As Christine says, there are more childfree people in the world, and I for one am not prepared to put up with screaming and rowdy kids and selfish ineffectual parents ruining my dinner. I suspect that very few of us are.
RMS - excellent points. Yes, I have also noticed how some parents simply look on when their kids are being rowdy,uncaring as to whether anyone else is affected. Unfortunately since these parents appear to have no clue what good manners are and very much a sense of entitlement, I’m not holding my breath that they would even know where to start. Deleting comments that seek to introduce a different view is a pointer in that direction.
Oh, and as always great reply by the way!
Hillari - LOL… I’ll bet she does delete it…I’m surprised she hasn’t shut the thread down for fear she may have more humour-less childfree responders infiltrating the blog :).
Yes, Hillari - As expected your commonsense comment was deleted! As was Christine’s, and Chris’s. And mine.
but was mine, aww i feel bad that everyone elses, but mine as of today has been deleted..
I left a comment on Thursday, I guess it’s been deleted. Basically, I suggested some good old-fashioned discipline, using the example of my friend J. who’s an unabashed spanker. But, you know, gawd forbid anybody dare suggest she actually punish her kids!
These breeders think they know how kids think but they don’t. The moo on that blog needs to take a psychology class and learn about conditioning. If Brat misbehaves and is rewarded with food, Brat learns that misbehaving gets her good things and so she will continue to misbehave. But, if Brat misbehaves and gets a swift slap on the rear (or hand), Brat learns that misbehaving=pain and won’t misbehave much anymore.
At 1 year old, kids don’t understand much more than that. They don’t care why they shouldn’t scream in a restaurant, they don’t understand why either.
And I totally agree, it’s very poor form to delete opposing viewpoints. The only comment I’ve ever deleted was spam.
Shock of all shocks! Most of the comments have been re-posted. She says there’s still one that’s not approved, due to the vehement nature. However, I don’t think that one would be Britgirl’s comment, which I still don’t see resurrected. Hmmmm…. -.-
You should read her response to it all. Interesting the way she tries to save face for the way she worded the whole incident. Even though it IS her blog, I daresay she’ll be more careful in her future wording.
Ya, no matter how mild mine was, I bet she still won’t publish it
Just read all the “republished comments” on her blog. Funny she says that there are still 2 comments outstanding and one was saying “hit the child…” well she still hasn’t published my mild one. So I doubt her sincerity.
No matter, you all have said what I’ve said and more. It’s interesting how she’s republished the previously deleted comments… maybe she’s learned something something from what we’ve said. Or not. I do know there’s traffic from her blog reading the comments on this blog…so maybe not everyone appreciates her censorship! Interesting the way she explains her post though.
And hey, even Jerry Steinberg founder of No Kidding felt moved to comment and a commentator tore strips off him!
Strawberry - you’d think they’d know that wouldn’t you? The kids are smarter than they are. Suggesting a wee bit of discipline might be in order is probably on a par with eating Bratley for lunch.
And I love the way some on the thread think that only people with kids can dare venture an opinion on badly behaved brats … no wonder we have so many of them. Go figure.
THANKS EVERYONE by the way for all your great comments both here and over there!
Hi. Found your blog through a Google search for all things wonderful and childfree. I like it!
I love eating out. It is one of those things in life that I, being CF with a damn good job, get to do often. Nothing better than grabbing the latest freebie magazine and choosing a new place to go. Fabulous!
When I go out with my friends, I want a nice meal, a nice glass (or 2) of wine and adult conversation. I do not want it to be interrupted by screaming, crying, food being thrown and monkey howls….even if those are coming from my friends.
I understand kids get cranky. A whimper and a cry here and there is not horrible, but an all out screaming, red-faced tantrum is just not necessary. Please, for everyone involved, remove your child.
There is another blog http://diningwithmonkeys.blogspot.com/ that deals with the *joys* of dining with kids. Check it out if you like.
Love your blog. I’ll be coming back!
We have two children, a boy 3 years and a girl 7 months.
I just wanted to throw some counter-balance into the discussion.
We lived in NY when we were not yet married and went out to dinner almost every night. Now we live in Paris, and for a few years were going out every night here too. Suddenly having to fit into a kid’s schedule was quite a shock. Or could have been. Our son’s first time in a restaurant was at 7 days old. We’ve brought him to many restaurants since. Same for our daughter. And when we can, we get a sitter to go out for a night alone (akin to the feeling you get when you’ve put down heavy shopping bags and can relax).
One thing we’ve never done and would never do however is let our kids get away with tantrums or carrying on in a restaurant. Or on planes, for that matter. What’s the secret? Being involved. We don’t go when they’re tired. Or it’s late. Or they’re fidgety. And when we do go, we’re on duty the whole time. Cutting off risky moments at the pass. Anticipating problems. Or, when necc., grabbing the kid and going outside for a breather… until the dilemma passes. On planes, we leave the seat and head immediately for the dividing section in the middle of the plane to help the child calm down. It’s exhausting. But that’s what we feel like we signed on for.
It’s partly our own sense of guilt, honestly. We don’t want the people around us to hate us for not managing the kids. And it’s partly just what seems right. It’s not fair to those around us to have to suffer. And frankly, it’s not fair to our own kids to let them learn that exploding like that in public, without consideration for those around them, is appropriate.
I have to say, though, that a lot of the people we’ve met when we’re out have been wonderful too. Sometimes they’re also parents, sometimes they’re not. But it’s amazing how many people will come up and talk to you, compliment the kids, even play with them… in all kinds of scenarios. And that’s been true on the planes, in the U.S., in France, London, pretty much everywhere we’ve taken these kids. People of all kinds are a lot more decent than we sometimes give credit.
On the flip side, it’s terrible for us to see young parents who NEVER go anywhere, NEVER get a sitter, and NEVER do anything because they feel like they’re new status as parents prohibits it. That only makes one resentful.
Being a very strict mother of three small children, I feel I have to comment. I would NEVER EVER subject an establisment full of patrons to the hysterics of my children. But there are a couple of points that might be being overlooked.
First: Whoever said to use some “good old fashioned discipline” might be dead on… except that the child in question isn’t even two years old yet. I would never spank a 21 month old. Even pro-spanking experts agree that a child can not actually be controlled by spanking until they are at least 2 1/2. If anything it teaches young baby with little or no vocabulary that “if I cry because I can not express myself in words and something is wrong, mommy hits me”. It’s not punishment at that age, it’s a useless form of agression. I spank my children, so don’t think I’m a gentle-discipline nazi.
Two: To those who were concerned about the “stealing” of the food: No food was stolen, as they actually purchased the salad bar for the children. It’s rude, but not stealing; akin to opening the pop can in the grocery store to take drinks while shopping and paying for it on your way out (though, technically, the entire dining experience falls into the category of eat first, pay later)
Three: Being a mother of three, I know full well that this entire scenario could have taken place in under 45 seconds. There is no indication that the toddler’s behavior again turned sour after the first cookie was presented. The point is, the fit only lasted a breif moment. Would you expect me to immediately, without thought, get up and leave at the first sign of unacceptable behavior, or would you afford me the opportunity to reign in the child and continue our evening in peace? Most children as young as the one in question are quite capable of turning off a fit the very moment a need is met. In this case, food was presented and the girl stopped screaming.
Four: To those who say children should be held to the same standard of social conduct as adults: Are you serious? You honestly believe that a 21 month old is capable of logically translating her surroundings, recalling all socially accepted behavior pertaining to the situation, and manipulating their environment to achieve their goals in the same manner of a 21 year old!? These are not miniature adults, they are babies. Yes, at 21 months, this child is still a baby. She can not talk beyong a few words, she can not make descisions that enable her to independently meet her own needs (i.e. get up and walk to the salad bar to fill her empty stomach), etc. Not only that, but consider all the life experience you’ve gained in the last 21 months. That’s all the time she’s had.
Yes, parents should be expected to guide their children into socially acceptable behavior, but you didn’t learn it overnight and neither will this generation of toddlers. In essence, you are holding them to a higher standard to expect adult behavior from one who was born less than 2 years ago.
All that being said…. I am the parent who will only give her child a moment to calm down before we just up and leave. But I do give them a moment. I understand the frustration of the other patrons who have been subjected to upwards of an hour of a screaming child, but a breif moment should be tolerated by anyone with a heart. Afterall, if we had to rush home each time our chidren cried for a second, non-child-free households would cease to function.
it wasnt so much the tantrum itself, it was more the mothers attitude to the tantrum.
thata what we are objecting too.
yes, a short thing ok, we all understand that, but there was no time scale for the screaming kid. true story i was in the midst of my first tantrum, red face, screaming, kicking the floor the works, my brother was worse and my grandma, said we are NOT having you do that like my andrew, so she threw a pan of cold water all over me, it shocked me, enough to never do or try to have one again.
as i said we are ok with brief moments, but when it reaches 15 minutes or longer, something is wrong, and most of those parents NEVER look, never discipline (which can be a stern “NO”, a small smack on the wrist )
but when the parents let them scream, and do not even consider other patrons, thats when it is bad.
and i have dealt with children on 2 hour flights, screaming, and kicking the back of my seat, i tell the parents, and they just say they are just being chuildren.
Amie, thanks for commenting.
At the risk of repeating what mercuror has said, what was objectionable was the writer’s attitude to the tantrum, not the tantrum per se. As far as the age of the child is concerned, that didn’t even appear in the article - until the writer included it when trying to defend her initial post. Hiding behind the child’s age to save face I thought was rather pathetic.
There was also no mention of how long the tantrum lasted, so there isn’t any proof that it lasted a few seconds. Perhaps it did. I’ve been in situations where the tantrum most certainly did not last a few seconds. Again as mercurior has said, most people can tolerate screaming fits or misbehaving, of fussing kids IF the disruption is brief, and IF the parents are showing signs of at least trying to do something about it. To me 5-10 minutes of a baby crying in a restarant is a long time when I’m when I am expecting to dine out having a peaceful and enjoyable experience.
Babies are babies. They cry. They fuss. They scream when they’re tired or irritable or hungry. They fidget, act up, whatever. That’s what they do and I don’t expect them to behave otherwise. Older kids, depending on their age can also misbehave. What we object to is that in many many cases, the
parents do nothing about it, either oblivious of their child’s behaviour, unwilling or unable to do anything about it. I speak from experience. In one such experience I was expected to “understand” because the baby was teething. Why on earth would a parent bring a teething baby to a late evening
meal?? Knowing that very young children are very likely to act up it mystifies me as to why parents would bring them to an establishment where their child is more than likely to inconvenience other patrons. I felt sorry for the poor baby. No wonder it was crying.
That’s what baby sitter’s are for, surely. There seems to be this underlying reasoning on the parents part that anyone who doesn’t wish to to put up with crying babies noise pollution is hard and heartless, even though their own evening out is part ruined because of said disturbance.
I do not think that anyone is suggesting that a parent leaves as soon their child starts crying. If the child refuses to quieten in a few minutes then retiring either to the lobby or outside (on a nice evening) to try and quiet it isn’t unreasonable. After that, leaving definitely should be a consideration. If parent’s can’t or won’t get a sitter those are their choices - other than staying home with the child in the first place. Why should I or other patrons be expected to have to sit there for 15-20 mins, let alone upwards of an hour enduring a crying child (think of how long a meal is in the first place) and still pay top dollar for my spoiled dining experience? Actually I’d have left before then, and I would refuse to pay the establishment.
A parent might think it’s perfectly reasonable for others to endure their children crying for any length of time - given that they probably hear crying for a lot longer. Moreover, they think it unreasonable that anyone should dare complain - saying well, that they are just babies/children etc… However, I and many other people who have had many a meal ruined by a parent who can’t or won’t deal with their crying child/child acting up, think it is far from o.k. And it certainly isn’t in the least bit humorous.
There’s a simple solution, though. They can get a sitter.
I certainly agree that you should not have to endure a screaming child for longer than a breif moment.
It didn’t occur to me until just now why I didn’t address the issue of the mother’s attitude: this is a common, normal, everyday sort of thing for most parents of young children. They cry, they scream, no big deal. It’s as routine as changing diapers and nursing. Now, not knowing this woman, I really don’t know why she acted the way she did, but I know if it were me, I might have written that story in exactly the same tone.
I didn’t even read the comments on her article, but I did see somewhere the age of the child. I guess I incorrectly thought it was in the article itself.
I wasn’t trying to insist that the length of the tantrum was quite breif, only that it was highly likely that it was. My own children go from total meltdown to giggles in 3.2 seconds… especially when there is a cookie involved.
I guess the entired point of my comment was that is was possible that, not having actually been there, many commenters were overreacting. Having based their mental picture of the events on their own unpleasant dining experiences, projecting those feelings onto the mother in question here might have caused a scewed view of her attitude, actions, etc.
For the record, the only time my children ever made another restaraunt patron unhappy and I didn’t do anything about it were the times people complained about me nursing at the table. Heck, I was even told by management to cease or leave once (I was already putting my coat on before he finished his lecture about how I ruined the dining experience of those around me). I have had to do all the things you mentioned: lobby, outside, bathroom, etc. All except the babysitter. Those girls do not come cheap.
ok, just imagine for a moment, i go to a childrens play ground, and i start swearing, i am loud, i am screaming, i use every swear word going within
the hearing of the children. is that acceptable.
if i do the same thing in a restaurant, is that acceptable.
now make me younger, 2 years old. is that acceptable. if yes, then at what
age is it NOT ok to cause havoc in restaurants.
i have seen 6 and 7 year olds, running in restaurants, nearly knocking over staff, is that unacceptable, i have see 4 year olds drawing with wax crayons on the walls, is that unacceptable.
at what age do children get a pass from being bad.
now, some parents will take the child outside, great, to calm down, some have sat in their car, some walk round the block, now these parents are ones who understand that the world is not JUST about you and your child.
people went out to enjoy themselves, and when inconsiderate people ruin that night, then they will be unhappy.
some parents use the excuse for bad parenting, they are only a child, they dont know enough etc.. ok, but you can never start too early in teaching children as young as 2 that they cannot just do anything they wish.
you have said,
**this is a common, normal, everyday sort of thing for most parents of young children. They cry, they scream, no big deal. It’s as routine as changing diapers and nursing.** well there are other people about, some of these parents do NOT respect other patrons. (as an aside i have seen people and known of stories when they change the babies nappies on the table in front of everyone. when there was a changing room elsewhere is that acceptable, because they dont know any better)
a lot of parents forget, that they can have a life without their children, a night out away from their kids, but they have to take their children with them everywhere (including at 2 am to a restaurant another personal experience).
a lot of parents cant or wont see beyond their own selves, they dont care about others, and what happens around them, effectively they want us to worship at the alter of motherhood, and let them do anything they want, no matter how disgusting, how annoying their children are, they give their kids a free pass, because they are kids. (this was also said of the bulger killers, they are only kids.. )
Hey Tanya! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Everything in moderation I say :). But there are few things more annoying than going out for a meal and having the experience ruined. I’m less and less likely to put up with coninued crying or screaming or child tantrums these days and it seems the only way to get that message across to the establishment is to complain or leave or refuse to pay if my experience hasn’t been what was promised. We’re all entitled to some peace and quiet after all. Hope to see you here again!
JF - thanks for commenting… on planes - I think if people see that at least an effort is being made to calm the child they understand. I know for a fact that on take -off guaranteed if a baby’s on board they are going to scream because take off hurts their ears and of course they don’t understand - they just know it’s painful. I’ve been on a flight recently where the baby screamed for what must have been a good hour and nothing the mother could do made any difference - and there wasn’t anywhere she could go either. Everyone just had to endure it and it was pretty awful. I think we all put our headphones on. I actually felt sorry for the baby but I heard those screams in my head for a good few hours after it stopped crying.
It’s when the parents seem to do nothing at all that it gets to me particularly with older kids on planes. They seem to think that because their child’s noise and fidgeting and bad behaviour is familiar to them it should be for everyone else. Not so. I do not like having the back of my seat kicked incessantly or or my seat climbed upon.. as far as I am concerned it’s the parents responsibility to make sure their child behaves.
Having just had my husband’s birthday dinner destroyed by a screeching baby that parents didn’t bother to take out, this really strikes a chord with me. We were not at a “family friendly” restaurant. It was a five star establishment. Dinner for two there, with one pre-dinner drink and wine will run to about $350.00. We made our reservations late deliberately to miss the “family” hour.
To our horror, just as our appetizers arrived, a large group, complete with a kid about 18 months old, traipsed in and were seated near us. We had deliberately requested a quiet table for two. The kid started to scream, holler, squirm, thrash, roar and wail. There are NO provisions for children at this restaurant. The people with said kid began to “shhhhh!” loudly. It was like being around something with steam escaping. The kid paid no mind. It hours past what would be considered a reasonable bedtime for a child that age - by that time it was after nine at night. The hollering from the kid went on, with incessant “shhhhhh!” from the other six people at the table.
This continued unabated through our appetizers and main courses. Normally when we visit this restaurant, we have three courses (the max), pre-dinner cocktails and wine, as well as dessert wine and coffee. When it became obvious that the people with the kid had no intention of doing anything to ease anyone else’s pain and that the restaurant management were going to pretend that they didn’t hear what was happening, we got up after our main course and went to pay. This way our dinner tab came to about $150 instead of the usual $350 or more.
The headwaiter was shocked that we were leaving, and asked why. My husband told him in no uncertain terms that if we wanted to listen to screeching babies, we would have booked a table at McDonald’s, and that when we went to a five star establishment to blow a wad of money on dinner, we certainly didn’t expect to be subjected to an out of control child and his inconsiderate family. What was more, these people were ordering far less than we would - in fact, their table wasn’t going to bring in much more than our own dinner tab!
Why do restaurant owners and management put up with this kind of crap? Do they just see a big table coming and think they’re going to strike it rich? Having been in the food service industry, I can say for a fact that big tables are really often not worth the trouble, often because they have children, want to share plates and make so much noise and racket that other diners leave early or just turn away when they see the melee going on.
I won’t be back to that restaurant, that’s for certain. Why they didn’t stick that table in another room, away from the rest of the people who were quietly having dinner, I can’t say. There was room available, two unused rooms that would have sufficed. We’ve been through so many similar situations, including toddlers being allowed to run amok at ten at night in one restaurant, that we’re considering calling the in-home caterers for special meals from now on. Somehow, though, I feel like that’s letting the ill-behaved and inconsiderate parents win the field, letting them believe that their kids can do whatever they want, and the rest of us just have to suck it up.
TF - thanks for sharing this. Having experienced this quite a few times I know how you feel. I think you got shoddy treatment. The management should have insisted that the child be taken out if they could not calm it down. I blame it entirely on the restaurant management’s non-handling of the situation.
I think that until managers start taking all their guest’s dining experiences seriously and not subject them to screaming kids and ill-behaved parents (and this will happen if people get up, and complain and/or walkout) we’ll continue to run into this. I intend to complain and/or withdraw my custom from any restaurant that can’t control inconsiderate parents and ends up spoiling my dining experience. I see no reason why I should put up with it.
I’m so with Kath on this one. I always scout the restaurant before I sat down, and I’ve pulled up stakes a couple of times, with apologies to the waiter, if a baby-toting group has come in behind me.
I don’t care that “kids are just being kids”. I want to eat in peace and have a conversation with the people I’m with that is not punctuated with ear splitting shrieks, inane giggling, flying projectiles and small people crawling around under my feet (yes, this has actually happened!!). If they open a child free restaurant where I live, I’d be all over it.
I had a screaming argument once with a friend who was telling me “how badly she was treated at Denny’s”. She took her 18 month old and a friend with a similarly aged child there, and the two kids decided to have a food fight. Neither mother apparently did anything to stop it, it was just “kids being kids”, and then she complained that the waitress got “all snotty”. Um, probably because she has to clean up the unholy mess after you leave, on top of her already frantic day. I was told that “when you go to family restaurants, you have to expect stuff like that”. On which damn planet? If I bought my dog into your house, and it upended food all over your floor, and I left you to clean it up, would you be pissed? But it’s just “dogs being dogs”!!
Someone mentioned people changing diapers on food tables as well. I can’t BELIEVE this. If I ever saw that happening I would leap to my feet and make such a scene they’d NEVER do it again. People have to EAT off that, dammit. What the HELL are these people thinking??
You know, I think you are absolutely right! People with kids think the rest of us are here to deal with it no matter what they do. I get sick and tired of it! The folks that have kids need to learn to make them behave in public and not fault us for not wanting to deal with their brats! Their choice to breed their responsibility! I am not a burden on their dinner. Unless they are paying for my meal they need to keep it quiet and keep them in their seat!