Like It Is

That’s right people, Huzza and I celebrate another year of wedded bliss today. It’s truly been a blast and it gets better. Not bad for an on-line, international, transatlantic couple from Toronto and London, England. Seems like only yesterday we were celebrating three years… and I have to say the memory of how we met is just as sparkling as it was when we met seven years ago. Because we met on-line and we are an Internet success story, and because I’m British (and as soon as I open my mouth you can tell) and live in Canada people who meet us – well, meet me really – are always intrigued to hear how me met. Read the rest of this entry »

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When socialist Rene Almeling decided to look into the operations of U.S sperm banks and egg agencies she thought she knew what she would find. She found something very different from what she expected – a market that not only defies conventional wisdom but also the basic law of supply and demand. Her research findings,which appear in the June issue of the American Sociological Review are revealing. She found that, in terms of assisted reproduction:

“Men donors are paid less for a much longer time commitment and a great deal of personal inconvenience,”. They also are much less prepared for the emotional consequences of serving as a donor of reproductive material. Women, meanwhile, are not only paid more for a much shorter time commitment, they are repeatedly thanked for ‘giving the gift of life.’

“ Egg donors are treated like gold while sperm donors are perceived as a dime a dozen.” Read the rest of this entry »

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No, it isn’t quite the same as the previous articles, but it is eerily similar. I came across this particular Google search: “how do I make my husband want kids” and it led me to this message board. A woman wants a baby and her husband doesn’t.

She posted on the Women’s Sexual Health – Australian Health Message boards. I had a sinking feeling as I read the question, but I was appalled at the responses, which ranged from “your husband is a selfish man with no thought for your needs,” to “leave him,” to “you should go and find someone to do the job while your husband is abroad,” to “poke holes in the condom, to “leave him, but get pregnant and prepare to bring up the child on your own…”

Simply awful. John Hanson in his comment on this blog yesterday is not far off. For some women (and if the responses on the board are representative, more than just a few) babies, not their husbands – and certainly not their partners – come first. No babies, the husband’s value is negligible, judging by the feedback. This is sad. Very sad.

The writer of the question (to her credit) was also appalled and said so, although, in my view, her fundamental problem is that she wants to force her husband to want baby when he doesn’t want one.

Below is my response to the thread. I’ll probably be called selfish for even mentioning that I’m childfree…but I felt had to say something. Read the rest of this entry »

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I found this chart on Vhemt (remember Nina Paley anyone?) and thought it was great. Click the thumbnail for a sample…

Want more?

Read the: front page …

And the back page

Lots more on the site too, particularly under Biology and Breeding so I’ll be sharing more here. Lovely!

I recently wrote an article on infertile couples in the UK heading into Cyberspace to hunt down fresh sperm, due to the drop in available sperm. The lack of sperm supplies is a direct result of the removal of anonymity for sperm donors in 2005, hitherto part of the package when men donated. The abolition of the right of all sperm donors to remain anonymous means that after April 1 2005 all men who registered as a donor could have their identity revealed to the children created from their sperm when those child turned 18.

Many men were put off – understandably. Many had visions of multiple children, spawned by their sperm (in what was probably a genuine wish to help) turning up on their door step looking for financial assistance or claiming to be their child. When you consider the fact that the men’s sperm can be used for up to a maximum of 10 families (eek!!), the prospect is even less appealing. Information as to exactly what requirements are expected are hard to come by for the sperm donors. And in a Britain that is subject to European legislation, I can easily see a law down the road where sperm donors are made responsible for some kind of financial assistance should their donor children turn up on their doorstep asking for it. Read the rest of this entry »

I thought this thought-provoking comment to my post My Husband Doesn’t Want Any More Children and I Do from Anonymous Female was worthy of being an article in itself. So I’ve made it into one. It’s also my way of saying thanks to AF for sharing her story on Like It Is. To those selfish people who feel that trying for a particular sex is a good enough reason to have child, or that your childhood dream of having four kids, your own ego, need for a child or your dream of a cooing baby are good reasons for bringing a child into the world and for insisting that, by the way, to be childfree is the “selfish” option – read on. I would call this story a cautionary tale. As AF says, think before you breed.

“I think that trying for another child just to have one of the opposite sex is really stupid!!! This is my life. Read this carefully before you decide to have more kids based on their male/female sex.”

“My mom had 2 boys already ages 9 and 11 years old when I was born. She had all of us with the same man, also had fertility problems which delayed my coming along when she’d planned to have me 2 years after my middle brother as they were 2 years apart. She actually told my dad that since he had ”raised the 2 boys” that she was ”raising this girl”. Read the rest of this entry »

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She has two of her own, thought she was done… and then the unexpected hits.

This article from Salon is almost the reverse of my last article in which the husband does not want more children but the wife does. Fascinating. The actual situation is interesting. The advice from Cary Tennis – well, read on. The reader responses are equally interesting.

Summarizing the Salon article, RM (Reluctant Mommy) did not want to have children past a certain age. She’s been married for two years (her second) to a man she loves dearly. She has 14 year old twins from her first marriage. He is 13 years her senior and has never had children. It’s his first marriage. Before they got married she had said she did not want to have children past a certain age. Even though she loves her children, she did not love parenting at all.And she told her hubby that children were not a guarantee.

After they married she discovered she had endometriosis. Interestingly, she wanted to have her tubes tied – her husband asked her to hold off. She held off.

Before trying hormone therapy for the endometriosis RM wanted to have a hysterectomy. She allowed her gynaecologist and her husband to talk her out of it.

Then she became pregnant. Read the rest of this entry »

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“My husband tells me today that he made an appt. to get a vasectomy because he doesn’t want anymore children. We have two wonderful sons that we both adore more then life itself but I have always dreamed of having a daughter since I was a little girl. I wanted to keep trying for her..”

I came across an interesting forum thread through following a Google search term used to find Like It Is. I thought that it made an interesting read coming shortly after my article
Men, Vasectomies and the Childfree Choice. This article isn’t so much about childfree men as much as men who don’t want any more kids and are having vasectomies to ensure they don’t make any more additions to the world.

Tip – I’ve provided excerpts, but you need to read the responses in the thread. (I have also left the excerpts exactly as is in terms of spelling etc.) Read the rest of this entry »

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It’s Mother’s Day in North America on Sunday.  Mother’s Day in England is in March. So, thanks to my darling Canadian husband, I end up having two Mother’s days. I’ll never be a mother, and, though many think I should be upset about that, I’m not. Mother’s Day can be a time when the childfree can feel completely sidelined in more ways than one. Almost an excuse for others to give you that sidelong look and ask… “so when are you going to….?” Fill in the blanks.

But a friend sent me this today and I was so tickled (translation = it made me laugh) I thought I’d share it. Mothers or non-mothers, here’s a reminder that we are all someone’s daughter or son. And we’ll probably be wishing our Mums happy Mother’s Day.

Enjoy!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of
next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to
the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.” Read the rest of this entry »

Technorati Tags: Mother’s Day, childfree

Paris Hilton. It’s only 45 days. Shame.

When I saw the news that Paris Hilton had been ordered to report to a county jail by June 5th to serve a 45 day sentence for driving with a suspended license, I thought “Great!” It’s about time stupid fuckwit celebrities who drink and drive and fall foul of the law get exactly what law-breakers get – jail time instead of a slap on the wrist and a fine.

Before they head off to re-offend. Read the rest of this entry »

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