Since I’m tired of wasting my time even reading about breeders who can’t seem to stop spilling their collective guts about they think they’ll die if they don’t breed, there won’t be any similar comments on this thread.

one question … WHY? ask yourself the real reason WHY?

wow, “but im happy to settle with 2″ settling for 2.. its all about what you want, i admit he is a fool for falling in love with someone he knew was suffering from baby rabies. but you are equally a fool because you thought you would change him.

for all of you who choose not to have children you can go ahead and critisise but i know there will be hundreds of women like me who googled “i want more children he doesnt” who will understand me, we are not alone x

I have recently discovered that he is under the impression that he thinks I am basing how many children I want on how many were in my family. Fair point, but I have been keeping from him I wanted a much larger family than I had (which means even bigger than he grew up with – he is a twin).

I know this is completely the wrong blog to write on about this, but it is a very different point of view from other people I speak with. Which is what I feel I need right now. Even if just for knowledge, point of view, …basically…just information.

Again, I repeat what i said the other night. While I choose to have children and the majority of people on this blog don’t…we all have our reasons and understanding this is making my life a little bit richer with a newer, updated view on what I want and need in life.

Thank you again
JT

As to Like It Is being a childfree blog…it is very clear when you read through even a few of the posts, as well as it being in the right side-bar of every page. I look at it this way… commenting on any blog (however you arrive) is like entering a conversation or going to someone’s home. Before joining in I generally “listen” to the conversation by reading some posts and comments, see what people have said, read a couple of recent posts… see who lives here and then see if I want to comment, so that when I add to the conversation it adds something – even if it’s a different point of view.

I have read most of the posts on here and gone through anger, defensiveness, understanding, questioning, and many more emotions. Probably the same way I have been dealing with my feelings with my husband over his wanting to wait to have more children or even discuss it.

I firstly need to address one issue that is bothering me with this blog. You keep saying it is obvious that it is a CF blog, but in the title bar, it says nothing about that. In your top banner nothing. The only two places I have seen any mention to that is the write up on the right of your site (which I didn’t originally look at because I just was reading the posts b/c that’s what google brought me to) and within the posts. So, I guess my only thing about saying it is obvious that it is, it isn’t until you read through a lot of posts.

Okay, so back to my original reason for being here. I was searching for answers that I can not explain on why I want another child. My husband and I have been back and forth on this issue for a while (as you can guess, I am for and he isn’t).

This blog has actually made me think that there is good reason to think about why I want more children. I do not have the answer, at least not yet. I am NOT out to trick my husband into having more kids. If he doesn’t want anymore, then I can not and will not force him to do this. It is unfare to him, to our twins, to myself.

Have I had thoughts of doing all of those things??? Yes, and I believe now that it was in desperation of having to answer the question of why I want more. Because I can’t. I have a loving relationship with my husband, my kids, and myself.

I know my husband will be happy that I have read your post. I obviously need to do some soul searching, more communication with hubby and enjoy life as it is right now.

I was originally searching ways to put into words “why I want more children”, which my husband asked me to do. The fact of the matter is, I can’t actually answer that, other than to say I liked being pregnant, I loved having newborns, I love our girls…is this selfish? Not sure, don’t care, but obviously needs more reflection than, I want what i want when I want it.

Thank you for your blog, whether I am on side with all of the views or not. You have made me reflect on what I need to do.

Now, you can start bashing me…hee.
JT

To go from your point mamaelle, you have a nice house not much of a mortgage, plenty of room a nice way of life.. unfortunatly kiss all that goodbye, once you have another child.

“But mutually we tried to focus more on the reason we had the kids we already did. (To watch them grow up, have their own families, be proud of their accomplishments and help them through their mistakes.) ” what about your accomplishments, giving back to the community or are you just going to live vicariously through your children. what about the quality of life for your other 2 children, with a new kid, taking all the time and money and love from them.

be honest, the only reason why you are having kids is that you are selfish and want a life form totally dependant on you till its 4 or whatever.. to fill a void in your life, cant anything else do that animals, old people, adoption, sponsoring a child abroad, but you want a dna replicant, that is totally selfish.

And as for throwing out jibes to tell other posters they are being a “smart-ass” or other similar rude line… don’t go there. When you post here your comments are to every other reader on this blog (many I might add have been here a good deal longer than you have). Read my disclaimer and either seek to comply with it or don’t post comments.

And for the record. Realise is spelled with an “s” or “z”. “Z” is North American and “s” is UK, where either is acceptable.

And is your identity so subsumed by your kids you can’t even leave them out of your screen name? Just asking!

Regret is something no coulda/woulda/shoulda fixes. But to each their own. It could be just as easy to regret having kids as it would be to regret not having them. My brother and his wife have no plans to have children and are very open about it. If I was going to try to preach to anyone, it would be them, not the masses.

In a marriage, nothing gets resolved if one can not say what they mean and mean what they say. The women in the original post obviously do not understand that concept. It’s pretty damn sad that they can not take a word for what it is. In our case, I didn’t want hubby to have it done, but instead we chose to look on what the future holds with the kids we already have. There are women out there who don’t feel the NEED to have more kids, but just the option to later down the road if hubby feels the same way.

The marriages in the original post will probably end in divorce due to the lack or respect by both parties.

This is a childfree blog, in case you haven’t realised.

So here we are, looking up what we were warned to be informed of by the doctor before my husband went in for the procedure. We were warned!…lol! With some people, the reasons for not wanting more children disappear within time. We had the procedure done because we were worried about college funds, expenses, room in the house, free time for us, etc. Of course, ANY of those things can change for the worse or the better ANY time within life. We just regret making what seems to be a permanent decision based on those things. The doctor says that the chances of us conceiving another child if we wanted to is slim after a successful reversal…so it’s like…what’s the use?

There are other options out there instead of vasectomies if you are married. We really wish we would have looked into IUDs for me before taking the big step.

It would be interesting to hear his side of the story. But –
He told you early on he didn’t want any more children. You (presumably) ignored this and told him you wanted one child of your own. Why is it that when people (usually men) say this others decide not to believe them? When he said he didn’t want children, why did you stay with him when you knew you wanted one? Did you expect him to change his mind? Or did you think you would change it for him?

When my husband and I met, he told me he didn’t want children. At that point I had the opportunity to stay with him or leave. We had many conversations over many months. None of them involved me telling him I wanted a child, however I knew had I wanted one he would have had them, because he wanted to make me happy. Men are like that. Why didn’t we? Because I listened to him, to what he was saying. He said he did not want children and I believed him. And I did not want him to have a child if he didn’t want one, not even to make me happy. Neither of us would be happy unless we both wanted children. I had no great longing for them and decided they were not necessary. Years later they are still not necessary.

Yet, based on one conversation you married him, and tossed the birth control immediately? According to you he never said he WANTED children, only that he’d have one with you. And now you’re blaming him? If, as you say, you tried to have conversations about it post marriage and he evaded giving you a straight answer, most definitely he should have been honest and told you straight out. But if you didn’t listen to him initially, when he was telling you what he felt why should he believe you’d listen to anything that didn’t dovetail with you having a baby of your own? And he was telling you, you just weren’t reading the signs.

Rather than worrying about how it looks to other people, I think you need to deal with the fact that having baby with your husband is unlikely to say the least and you need to deal with how you are going to come to terms with that yourself and with him. Not sure why you care so much about what the family thinks, but the honest answer might be that your husband never wanted children in the first place. Blaming someone else for what we allow to happen to us may help in the short term, but never works long term. When you’re married it’s never just one person’s fault.

He finally admitted to me last year that he essentially “shut me off” so that I could not get pregnant, figuring he’d wait for my biological clock to stop ticking. How did I feel? Betrayed, suckered, resentful, angry, sad – mostly like I got suckered. I mean, I really do love him and I know he really loves me. At 40, it’s too late – and no, I know it’s not too late for a woman my age to have a kid, but I know it’s too late for me to want to have one now…and I regret that I didn’t figure out what was going on much sooner so that he and I could have talked it out.

It’s also too late to start all over again in the dating scene. Not to mention…since this is anonymous…I can say he gave me the wonderful gift of herpes back in the beginning, but we were young and in love, so I didn’t think much of it. Now…how the hell would I be ABLE to start all over again?

I’m so sad these days, I don’t even know which way to turn. I’m embarrassed at how naive I was, and there really is not anyone to talk to. Admitting it “in real life” would be hell…to whom? How? When someone in the family asks why we didn’t have a kid…when they know I wanted one…I say “we’ve tried.” It’s an out-and-out lie, but what SHOULD I say?

To top it all off, we rarely have sex, and when we do, I initiate it. Never him anymore. I feel like a piece of shit.

People suck. Even loved ones sometimes.

And as for getting over ourselves, three words for you: Pot. Kettle. Black.