Since the RM is already pregnant, I say have it. I’m totally against abortions, but that’s a whole other topic. She supposedly didn’t want the baby, but it takes 2 to make one, so don’t give me that crap about her hubby being selfish.

My mom already had 3 kids and didn’t want any more. She was planning on going back to school so she decided to get her tubes tied. Well, come to find out that she was already 4 months along w/ twins! She had those twins and I couldn’t imagine life w/ out them. We have so much fun as a big family. Sometimes things happen cuz they were supposed to happen. Try to think positive and make the best out of what you have.

i know i would be a bad football player, so i dont play, its a personal thing, she may have had a child before, but by having that child she may understand the problems of having a child that you may not be aware of. not that she doesnt love the child she already has.

So I guess I should thank my lucky stars, respect my wife’s wishes, but it is hard. I always have wanted a “traditional” family. I read all the things about a man’s ego and his DNA, but I want more than just to spread my DNA. I take care of my step daughter now, being the “mom” like figure. I even said I would be a stay at home dad. I am torn…but as I said I should be thankful I am not in this lady’s situation.

Sorry for the long response…

Jared - yes - there are worse things… like having a child you know you do not want and do not have to have. That’s bad for the woman and even worse for the child. Kind of precludes the likelihood of her having someone new to love. Regardless of whether she eventually does so, just because she’s pregnant, she doesn’t have to have the baby. My view - a child is not like a meal you can send back if you don’t like it. It will know if it isn’t wanted. So if she doesn’t want it, she shouldn’t have it. As to her being talked out of doing the procedures - I agree she is not a victim here… and she wasn’t forced into her decision. She was the one who said OK.

feh - True. I found very little evidence that either of the pair had even thought about the child and its needs as a future human being. It’s all about them. “I want to be a father..” “I want to save my marriage.” Lack of desire to be a parent is more than writing on the wall… it is a clear sign that if she does not want to be a parent she should not become one for everybody’s sake. Thinking of becoming one to please her husband’s desire to replicate his DNA…. almost as bad as the “advice” she was provided. That child will have a poor start from day 1, because it will always be in the way.

Triana - Well, if one believes that having the child is above all, like Cary Tennis does, then I suppose even a suggestion that makes no sense is better (to him) than having an abortion. To him, new life is a miracle that must be a sign. Or something like that. Not saying new life isn’t a miracle, but what a way to lay on the guilt card, right? And yes, she has a tough choice, but she had at least two occasions when she could have avoided this situation and she chose not to. Duh!

Catherine - And what about the risks to babies born to women over the age of X as well? But, you know, if he’s set on being a Dad, then you can bet he will be “willing to take the risk” that wife won’t be in that bracket and neither will the baby.

Ann-Marie - It looks like a no win situation to me. But as you say, if she has the abortion at least she will not bring into the world a human being who has the right to expect and receive its mother’s AND its father’s love - unconditionally - and clearly won’t be getting it. I feel sorry for the child if she does decide to have it. Another fucked-up person in the making.

RMS - Yes - her choice. And she should toss the idiotic advice out of the window. But then, she should have done that too when her hubby asked her to hold off her procedures…

Stupid advice given, agreed.

I don’t think he’s saying that’s a good reason to have a child, I think he means “you run the risk of getting pregnant and having to deal with the consequences if you’re going to have sex”. Cause honestly you can protect and protect, but without actually removing organs or abstaining completely, there is no guarantee.

I feel for this woman’s hard choice, but I’m kind of inclined to say “DUH”. She tried numerous times to stop it, she knew she wanted to, she should have made it final.

The advice is dreadful. A contract? Who puts a contract on the care of a human life? That just sounds horrible.

Bad situation all the way around. I hope they make it.

I think his answer is asinine! As others have pointed out, there’s no way to enforce such a “contract”. Plus her husband is 13 years her senior; I hate to say it but he’ll probably be gone from that child’s life well before the mother would be.

I feel for this woman and her difficult choice but it is her choice to make. I think she should be true to herself. Marriage counselling would also a good idea to help her and her husband work through this, if they can.

One final point, I disagree with Jared above. “Because that’s what sex does” is not at all a good enough reason to have a child.

Yes, there may indeed be some guilt associated with having an abortion, but doesn anyone seriously think that having an unwanted child who you don’t intend to care for is better? A baby will develop into another HUMAN being, and with improper care, lack of attention and possible resentment from the mother will most likely develop into a miserable human. Why on earth would you put that on someone?

Anyone has AMPLE opportunity to experience some of the responsibilities “parenthood” without actually becoming a parent. Be a mentor or big brother/big sister, foster a child, take care of your nieces and nephews for a week during the summer, volunteer at a local day care or provide child care during church…whatever. Perhps you will find once you actually are in charge of a child for a few hours, days or months, that it is a LOT OF FREAKING WORK, and may indeed realize that it’s not all “butterfly kisses” and “kodak moments”.

Listen, there are alot of things in life I myself want as well. I really want to experience space travel. I really want a third arm. I really really want to live on my own island and never work again. I want Paris Hilton’s life of ease and partying. I want to be a princess and ride around on a unicorn. However, being an ADULT I know that I will rarely get what I want, and sometimes that’s a good thing. Simply wanting a child isn’t a good enough reason to have one, you also have to WANT to do the WORK involved in RAISING another human being.

First, no one talked her out of anything. The Big Bad Men didn’t force her into any decision. She is not a victim. That’s why there are other doctors, and second opinions.

Second, she may not have wanted another child, but she’s going to have one. They should’ve been more careful. My wife and I aren’t planning to have more children, but are fully aware that it may happen despite our best intentions. Because that’s what sex does.

Third, as far as her possibly resenting her husband or child, the answer is simple: don’t. Get over yourself, take responsibility for your actions; realize your family is growing, and that you’ll soon have someone to love, and to love you.

There are worse things in life.

She’s not asking for advice; she’s asking for absolution. She wants to be told that hers is the right position, and that she needn’t feel guilty. She wants to say to her husband, ‘See, all of these people think I’m right.’

there is no legal contract, thats worth a damn, yes i can see her doing it, and him refusing, what will happen then, immediate divorce, the police watching over him and the child to make sure its legal.

but its her body, her choice, his precious DNA, is more important than a marriage.

he is behaving exactly like the women in the prior article. there can be NO compromise when it comes to children. HE knew she didnt want them, and yet, he wants her to have one.

some of the commentators, well, they are the all happy clappy, pregnancy is a myracule. and some say the “guilt” of abortion, but what about the “guilt” of having an unwanted child.