Who’s Your Daddy: The Search For Sperm Donors
22 05 2007I recently wrote an article on infertile couples in the UK heading into Cyberspace to hunt down fresh sperm, due to the drop in available sperm. The lack of sperm supplies is a direct result of the removal of anonymity for sperm donors in 2005, hitherto part of the package when men donated. The abolition of the right of all sperm donors to remain anonymous means that after April 1 2005 all men who registered as a donor could have their identity revealed to the children created from their sperm when those child turned 18.
Many men were put off – understandably. Many had visions of multiple children, spawned by their sperm (in what was probably a genuine wish to help) turning up on their door step looking for financial assistance or claiming to be their child. When you consider the fact that the men’s sperm can be used for up to a maximum of 10 families (eek!!), the prospect is even less appealing. Information as to exactly what requirements are expected are hard to come by for the sperm donors. And in a Britain that is subject to European legislation, I can easily see a law down the road where sperm donors are made responsible for some kind of financial assistance should their donor children turn up on their doorstep asking for it.
And why was the right to anonymity removed? Well, it was felt that donor sperm children had a right to know their genetic parentage and medical history when they turned 18. I think that donor sperm children have every right to know their medical history. We can argue that one person’s rights begin where another’s end, however it isn’t that simple. Most sperm donor kids are matched as closely to their fathers physical characteristics. So, many will never be told of their origins. But with anonymity removed, fewer men are going to donate their sperm anyway, since they never would have done so without it.
As a childfree person, the absolute need for a child that has many haring off to sperm clinics is completely beyond me. Most would say it’s laudable that many men feel so moved to donate their sperm to help women have babies, but now it looks like the good deed could come back to bite them. It’s a tricky one.
Reproduce at all costs? What about if there are implications down the line?
In the US, sperm donor anonymity is still allowed by sperm banks. But for how long?
According to this article in Salon, there is a growing sub-culture of kids looking for their biological relatives. That means donor sperm spawn seeking their biological fathers and their siblings. MTV is also soon to do a documentary on subjects seeking their biological fathers. And donor sperm kids can look for their biological dads online. They want to know who their fathers are. And many have every intention of claiming what they feel is theirs.
Am I the only one who smells big fat law suit? Or legal contract? If I was a sperm donor, I’d be having a few sleepless nights.
This quote from one of the sperm donor children is telling:
“I’m here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up,” writes Katrina Clark of her fellow donor-sperm spawn. “We didn’t ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It’s hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won’t matter to the ‘products’ of the cryobanks’ service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.”
To me this is another example of how some would be parents, in their overriding need to have a child, give little or no thought to some of the outcomes that may be the result, apart from the fact they will have a baby. (I am baffled that, being childfree, outcomes when having children bother me, yet don’t seem to bother those seeking to be parents.
It’s all about them being parents. End of story. Until the child turns 18.
After finding her sperm donor father, Katrina says the same:
“Those of us created with donated sperm won’t stay bubbly babies forever. We’re all going to grow into adults and form opinions about the decision to bring us into the world in a way that deprives us of the basic right to know where we came from, what our history is and who both our parents are.”
And this:
“My heart went out to those others, especially after I participated in a couple of online groups. When I read some of the mothers’ thoughts about their choice for conception, it made me feel degraded to nothing more than a vial of frozen sperm. It seemed to me that most of the mothers and donors give little thought to the feelings of the children who would result from their actions. It’s not so much that they’re coldhearted as that they don’t consider what the children might think once they grow up.”
You can read Katrina’s story at the link below. I felt for her.
The issue of donor anonymity isn’t going to disappear. I’d put money on it being abolished in the US not very long from now. Heck, some are even calling sperm donor father’s little short of “dead-beat dads” – which I think is unfair – but then again, I wonder, is it? Sperm donor children are going to be more and more able to track down their biological parent –and many will want to have a claim to some kind of family.
In many ways it is hard to deny they do have a right to know who is responsible for siring them in the first place. And wanna-be mothers who feel they must have a child at all costs – again, do they think about anyone other than their need to be a parent? Do they consider their donor sperm child, as an adult may want to find their biological origins? Are they ready for another family potentially not wanting that contact? Are they ready for the disappointment their child is going to face? Are they ready for the angst of the child if they can’t find and become part of who they feel they “are part of”? It is more than being about you. Really.
Even if there are no social or financial obligations sperm donors are going to have to think about the wisdom of simply donating sperm and creating children they know nothing about. If they aren’t going to be prepared for their sperm donor kids to contact them, then perhaps they should not be donating their sperm at all.
Maybe that isn’t such a bad thing.
Want A Baby? No Sperm? Try The Internet
My Father Was An Anonymous Sperm Donor
Technorati Tags: donor sperm, sperm donor kids, childfree, sperm donor
but you can see how a lot of these baby at any cost, may want to get financial support from other people..
donating will ruin a mans life as soon as ONE person decides to sue for child support backdated.
but what if the male donor didnt tell his wife, what if 25 of them turn up , that could destroy his marriage. theres a hell of a lot of pitfalls, and no benefit i can see to the man.
I’m thinking that removing the anonymity factor will mean that the sperm banks in the US will be in distress soon. And I’m wondering where will it all end? Will sperm donors resort to having their product bought and paid for under legal contracts to the effect of “no financial responsibility for any live offspring produced” and, if so, would the courts up hold such a contract?
BF - When I first began blogging on the topic of sperm donors I found I was thinking more of the protection of the sperm donor’s anonymity. Thinking about it having blogged it and read more about the sperm donor children, I find I have more sympathy for the donor children. If you think about it, we shouldn’t be at all suprised that sperm donor children want to find out where they are really from, this was bound to happen. The question will be “who has the greater right?” Right now, I find myself answering “the kids do have a right to know.” It might follow they have other rights too. I think we will see the floodgates burst with grown up sperm donor kids and sperm banks will be forced to remove sperm donor anonymity and allow them to find their daddies and siblings.
Scary.
In the past sperm donation filled a need (there’s that word again) the need and desire of someone to have a child and it looks like it’s backfired somewhat, because now the products of that decision have their own minds. Single women who wanted (and want) to have kids but who either didn’t see or didn’t want a husband on the horizon, headed for the sperm banks. Men, thinking they were helping, merrily provided their sperm - and DNA. What puzzles me is “Did NO-ONE think that these children might actually want to know their origins at some point?
Looks like either donors will have to accept that any of their numerous potential progeny might not only find them, but have the right to their support and assistance, et al, or stop giving their sperm away full stop. It’s more difficult and harder support the claim that when you bring a kid into the world (by whatever means) you have no responsibility for them at all. I’m not sure legal contracts will be enough, to be honest. But it’s a matter of time before we see the first test case. A field day for lawyers…
Mercurior - yes the kids might want support. They might even need support - or they may not. Even if it isn’t money, the thought ofone or more 18+ year olds turning up (or emailing) and saying hi Dad, I’m your son/daughter, you created me” should be cause to pause, so to speak. Anyway, don’t the sperm donors care that their genes are let loose out there? :). I agree donating sperm could be up there as a hazard… and I personally think any laws on removal of anonymity should be “grandfathered” in terms of support and assistance, so that those who had the expectation of anonymity when they donated are not liable. But, it could still be traumatic for both parties and their families. So, to your point, the best way is not to donate sperm at all. Or if they do, fess up to wife, partners and existing children that they have in advance.. and be prepared, with plenty of cash for a smart lawyer.
Of course there is always the chance they might actually want to meet their (potentially) many offspring… some men might feel quite chuffed. I suspect though, that many will simply not donate sperm, given the potential for claims.
yes, the the potential problems can outweigh the benefits.
there was a story about 2 lesbians, who asked a male friend to donate to them to give them a child.. now he is expected to pay, this is one of the stories, its opening up a major minefield.. what if their new partner doesnt know they donated, what if they want support (read lots of money), thats why genealogists never do living people, there is so much potential that bad things will happen, theres been murders and assaults when its ” discovered” that their is other children.. by other women thats just the non insemination route.
*
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: A sperm donor who helped a lesbian couple conceive two children is liable for child support under a state appellate court ruling that a legal expert believes might be the first of its kind in the US.
A Superior Court panel last week ordered a Dauphin County judge to establish how much Carl L. Frampton Junior would have to pay to the birth mother of the 8-year-old boy and 7-year-old girl.
“I’m unaware of any other state appellate court that has found that a child has, simultaneously, three adults who are financially obligated to the child’s support and are also entitled to visitation,” said New York Law School professor Arthur S. Leonard, an expert on sexuality and the law
**
http://archive.gulfnews.com/articles/07/05/11/10124356.html
http://www.canadiancrc.com/articles/Boston_Globe_Partner_child_support_lesbians_sperm_donor_01MAR04.htm
This will be very interesting to see how the whole thing pans out. As everyone has stated before, there are a lot of gray areas.
This brings up another question, what about women that donate their eggs? I haven’t had a chance to look into this yet, but do they have anonymity(sp?) too? Are their rights similar to those who are sperm donors? This is something I’m curious about and will check into. If anyone has the answers, feel free to enlighten me.
well i think i read somewhere, the similar sort of rules apply,
its an ever grayer area, its generally in regards to surrogacy,
http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/egg-donors-parental-rightsobligations.html
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04189/342889.stm
http://www.eggdonor.com/?section=resources&page=legalarticles
Merc - thanks for these very interesting links. Definitely a major minefield.
Mel - Good question. It’s funny I was thinking the very same questions myself. And I’m going to see what I find. Mercurior’s article links are a good strating point. My question would be if sperm donors will no longer have the right to anonymity, then why should the egg donor? And would the egg donor be liable for child support, should a created from that egg seek it’s genetic parents? Would they have a contract? Can women donate eggs and change their minds? Can the children have a claim to donor “parents”?
I bet nobody knows because there hasn’t been a precedent. Yet.
Given that a test case has happened with the lesbian couple, I wonder if we can expect the same with men asking for child support of an egg donor? Would be logical. It looks like the law is all over the place on this one though. At least in the states it looks like you pick your State according to their rules And then of course there is the surrogacy issue. I think the law around these issues is really going to evolve… and that it isn’t going to be pretty.
no worries, i am a living search engine ;-)…
so many people want their own dna replicant, they forget the other unwanted children, its as if they want to be the parents of the next einstein, but they could be the next jeffrey dahmer.
this pressure to change what nature has decided is very arrogant, if nature tells you by giving you miscarriages, then nature is saying its not for you..
donating, is bypassing certain natural restrictions. so not only is it messing with potential genetic flaws, there is also the financial aspect, the social aspect, hell even the possibility that in the future 2 children from the same sperm donor could meet.
it sounds cruel to the ones who are trying for a baby, but, if you cant do it, then it wasnt meant to be.
My husband and I have jokingly talked about him donating his sperm for money, but I always say that I wouldn’t want him to do it because he could have all these kids out there that he knows nothing about. He says that they wouldn’t be his kids - they would be someone else’s. I say that biologically they would be his offspring and that it would be sad and strange to have children you didn’t ever see or know. It would really bother me. Also, I have had the thought - what if a boy and girl who unknowingly came from the same sperm donor got married? Are there any ethical safeguards in place to prevent a nightmare like that from happening? If not, then the potential is there for horrible birth defects and major emotional trauma!
but donors, a so called privacy thing, they donor like your SO they could claim child support.. but they love trauma of severe birth defects. they live off the grief