Being Childfree Is Good For Your Mental Health
25 06 2007And, according to this article in The Telegraph, having children “is bad for your mental health.”
Being childfree, I could have told them that. Most childfree people could have told them that.
While some parents would tell me, in their quest to get me to join their harassed ranks, that I’d miss the joys of bringing up kids, I always wondered why they selectively leave out the fact that parenting can drive you nuts. It would have driven me nuts anyway, so I decided it wasn’t for me. There was never a need to find out otherwise.
A study done in 2006 indicated that parenthood was actually bad for your health - contrary to popular opinion.
The study, according to the Telegraph, was published in the Journal of Health and Behaviour, and surveyed over 13,000 adults who were asked how many times in the past week they had experienced depression. The study found that “parents experienced significantly higher levels of depression than non-parents.”
How often are childfree people told that only by becoming parents can they understand what true happiness is. Only by being parents can we be more “evolved” as people. And that producing the “next generation” is the fulfillment we should be aspiring to. Any other aspirations as men and women are considered lesser to that of parenting. And it is assumed that childfree men and women are empty and depressed – of course they wouldn’t be, if only they had settled down and had a couple of kids.
It seems very hard for much of society (who seems to have bought this particular assumption without question) to believe that childfree people can be either happy or fulfilled. Tiresomely, they persist in telling us we’ll never know and can’t possibly be happy without parenthood.
Clearly, that is a load of rubbish. And clearly childfree people are getting fed up of people who presume to know what’s best for them.
I am beginning to wonder if these parents are really happy or whether they are simply acting out the script they were given, which seems to go something like this…
“Well, I’ve had children. I am raising the next generation. Ensuring the survival of the human race, no less. I am happy.”
Ricky Gervais and his partner of 22 years decided the cons of having children far outweighed any pros. They are happy without children. So is Dame Helen Mirren and her partner after 20 years of marriage. And so is George Clooney, who isn’t interested at all in reproducing himself. Good for them!
Parenting may not equal depression. Many people love parenting. And many will quote me the positives of parenting. I’m not denying that parents obviously find many positives.
However just because something is a positive for them does not mean everyone will find it so. And how nice it would be if parents would just lay off trying to convince childfree people to “try having kids” for ourselves to experience happiness. Unlike you, we don’t need children to be happy. We don’t have any sense of loss. And children are not an experiment.
I found the article was an interesting read – and props to Brightfeather for the flag.
As the writer says, it makes happy reading for those of us who have consciously decided not to have children.
Technorati Tags: childfree
Being childfree is also good for your sexual health.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/4074753a19716.html
It feels so good to read stuff like this. Some crazed mom just left a whiny comment on my blog and this is just what I needed to spring back.
I already have issues with depression because it’s prevalent in my family, but I can’t imagine what a headcase I would be if I had some little pissant to help drive me off the deep end.
Ick…horrifying thought.
Right on as usual, britgirl.
Childfree Chick, I read that post too. You set her straight, though!
I have a long history of depression, and it’s only recently I feel I turned a corner. Something women are generally not told is that studies have shown that women who suffer/have suffered from depression are a high-risk group for postpartum depression.
It’s just one of the many reasons I’m CF - my mental health is more important than bowing to societal pressure, thanks.
I couldn’t help thinking you could easily replace “childfree” with “single” in your post and come up with the exact same responses from people.
It appears any time you choose a slightly different path from the “norm” most people make judgments about your life. I think it’s because most people live basically unconscious lives, following along with the dictates of society without thinking about it. When confronted with someone living their life a little differently, they are forced to consider other ideas and this can make them uncomfortable. Most people don’t like to be uncomfortable so they try to change you to be like them or criticize you.
A select few do think about society’s dictates and decide this is the path they want. For them I say, hurrah, they’ve made a conscious decision! They also tend to be the people who have no issue with anyone else’s choice and they tend to actually be happier.
Just maybe not as happy as us childfree! Ha!
One by one the myths are dispelled. Thank you for another well written article.
Tanya - That’s a really good link, thank you. I can say that being childfree is totally absolutely good for your sex life. In fact I’d say that children and a sex-life are almost mutually exclusive. Except to have more children
CFC - :). I saw the whiny comment and I thought you set her straight. I had a lot of fun posting my comment
Oh, and I hear that many childed folk envy the childfree… I don’t know any childfree folk that envy them back - do you?
Liz - Thanks! When it comes to having babies it’s like society throws any semblance of common sense out of the proverbial window. When I think of women who have undergone depression being encouraged to “have kids to feel whole..” and when I think that some of these women may actually believe it - it’s scary. It’s a disservice to women. Thanks for sharing.
RMS… well said. People are told that it’s not okay to be single, you must have a mate. No matter if the mate is actually bad for you… just get a mate. Same with kids. Kids could be the end of you. But all other people care about is that you have them. Many people have said to me they had kids because it’s what everyone does. And they don’t want to feel left out. Well I’d rather be left out than be a lemming. There are a lot of sleepwalkers out there ;).
People just have to get a backbone and think instead of being sheep-like. If CF people can, they can too.
Cheers, Brightfeather. And that’s just what they are… myths.When you think of it you have to wonder how women have been buying these stories for so long. I suppose it takes a few brave cf folk to prove that they have no basis in truth. Here’s to exposing more of them
Sure we envy the childed. Uh-huh. Yup. We do. Lemme think…..
Tax breaks?
Uhmmm…..
I’ll get back to you.
Hi Britgirl,
I didn’t actually respond to this post (was it RMS you meant?) although I did say a few posts ago that the pressure to have children is the same as the pressure to have a mate. I think people tend to want to push “the norm” on everyone, and need to just realise some people want to do their own things, and happily so.
I am one working school day away from being childfree for nine weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xx
AM
Anne_Marie - I must have been thinking about you :). RMS, it is of course you I was referring to - and I am changing Anne-Marie’s name right now..lol.
Anne-Marie - you lucky, lucky thing. Enjoy!
Thanks for referring your comment back to me. I was starting to wonder if I was who I thought I was!
Not only is being childfree good for your mental health, it is also good for looking much younger than those with children. Just think, fewer worry lines, lower stress levels, getting consistent 8 hour nights of sleep, more disposable income to spend on relaxing vacations, eating a healthy diet that does not consist of chicken nuggets and Jello cups… The list goes on and on…
Ha ha Mel, it is totally true. My students, or should I say former students as of four hours ago, cannot believe I am 44. “But that’s my mother’s age and you look way younger than my mom!” is the standard comment. I just smile and say, “Well, sweetheart, it’s because I don’t have you to worry about, which would prematurely grey my hair and give me worry lines.” While I do think a bit of it is genetic good luck (my parents always looked younger than their peers), my sister, brother, and I (who are all without kids) are remarkably well preserved for our ages.
i know i would be a basket case if i had to deal with children all the time.
and i wouldnt be very nice either.. unfortunatly i only sleep like 3 to 4 hours a night, in my insomnia period, and i am a bit.. short tempered, but when i am not in my insomnia mode, i like to sleep, and i get really annoyed if someone or something wakes me then.
and mel i like chicken nuggets ;-).. to me its the freedom, i dislike most of humanity, i cant stand most of them, i just want a place miles from anyone, where i get food delivered, or grow my own, and never bother anyone or be a bother
Yeah, Mercurior, I kind of like them to, but without kids, I don’t have to worry about it practically consisting of my entire diet. And I second a place miles from anyone. I’ve already asked my husband if we can become hermits, and he isn’t opposed to the idea ;).
Anne-Marie… perhaps you’ve hit on the key to preventing premature ageing - being child-free
Mel and Mercurior - makes me recall a conversation I used to have with a friend of mine who has two small kids… sleeping in was getting up at 7 am every other Saturday - instead of 6 AM when she was usually woken by the kids demanding to play. Every other Saturday her husband was on kid duty so she could get an hour’s extra kip. And she worked full time…
My parents always tell me that kids are a worry and that at the tender age of 23, they still worry way too much about their precious daughter whenever I go out and indulge in something where I’m not clad in bubblewrap. =P
Judging by how stressed out they get when I have a happy outing as a grown-up and how stressed out people with little babies are, I can believe that your mental health can suffer as a parent. My mother has been honest with me about parenting though and says that it is very hard, can be stressful but it does have its positives. Having said that, they never force the joy of kids down my throat and as much as they’d have liked another grandchild, they respect and support my decision to be childfree.