Girl Could Give Birth To Her Sister.. What About Her Choice Not To Have Children?
9 07 2007This story came out last week, and I first read it on BBC Online but I was so stunned that I felt I’d rather blog about other things. No doubt you’ve probably read it elsewhere since it was carried on every major news channel. I had a view though, I thought it’s worth sharing on Like It Is – and thanks to everyone who sent me links to the story.
Girl Could Give Birth to Her Sister
In summary Melanie Boivin, 35, from Montreal, Canada has placed 21 of her eggs on ice for her seven year old daughter Flavie Boivin to use when she grows up. Daughter Flavie Boivin has Turner syndrome, a condition in which one of the two X chromosomes normally carried by women is missing. It usually causes infertility, though women who have the condition can conceive with donated eggs.
This is thought to be a first for a mother-daughter egg donation. Perhaps that’s why she went public with her story? Her mother, not wanting her to miss the chance of having children because of her condition, or meet a shortage of donated eggs, has frozen her own eggs so that her daughter will be able to use them. Should she wish to.
I have to say when I first read of this I felt more than a little disturbed. Because beneath the “act of love” that this is being hailed to be by many is the not so subtle message that, no matter what, a woman cannot have a happy, meaningful and productive life without children. So, move heaven, move earth, ignore any ethical questions that might niggle – but make it possible for her daughter to have children. A childfree choice? Accepting that she might not be able to have kids? Not if medical science could find a way around.
Who is to say that the daughter would not be totally happy without children? Even though the mother says her daughter “can use her eggs if she wants to,” has she not made it just that little bit harder for her to freely make that choice?
I mean, what an act of sacrifice on the mother’s part. What maternal love, in helping to create a future “miracle” that no doubt both science and press will be gasping over should Flavie decide to go ahead and use her mother’s eggs. She’d be a strong woman to turn down such a gift. Or a determined one.
I’d bet that mother will be reminding her every day that, though she may have Turner’s Syndrome, her chances of reproducing (and carrying on the family name and DNA) are assured through the frozen eggs. Set in ice to be exact.
Is that going to put pressure on Flavie as far as her choices are concerned? Will her mother be asking her for grandchildren at all? You decide. It’s not quite the same as deciding you do want kids, going off to the fertility clinic to get eggs that have already been donated or that you have to wait for. Then again, maybe it is. Except that these eggs aren’t just any eggs, they’re her mother’s. Will Flavie have a guilt trip if she decides not to use the eggs? Does anyone care?
And her mother says it’s “just in case” she wants to have kids. Since she’s too young to make an informed decision now, it’s an interesting thought.
But let’s put that aside for a minute and think of the potential offspring… what will their relationship be? The child’s mother will also be the child’s sister. Or brother. What is the child going to feel about their identity? Is the child going to end needing therapy to determine the age old question of “Who am I?”
Judging by some of the comments around this story (see comments at the Times Online link), that’s unimportant. After all, as someone has said, does anyone think anyone is going to be bothered about ethics and such silly stuff by the time Flavie wants to have babies?
Actually, I would like to think that we would be bothered.
It’s an act of maternal love, we’re told, which enables the great and wondrous experience of having kids. Of course no woman should be denied what is every woman’s right – right? And since every egg is sacred, so nothing else seems to matter.
What will the future husband/partner think? Might he not have a view as to the biological origins of his child?
This story is yet more evidence that the worshipping of motherhood is alive and well.
The media, even in the face of concern from the medical profession are hailing the mother-daughter egg donation story as A Good Thing or, at the very least, A Wonderful Act By A Loving Mother. Society’s message isn’t even subtle. Even though there are many childfree women (including women who wanted to have children and have come to terms with the fact that they cannot) living happy and fulfilled lives the message is that as a woman, you may have degrees coming out the ying-yang. You may be President of a corporation or a country, you may have walked on the moon. You may even have solved world hunger and fought in or stopped wars. But motherhood will still be presented as the “best and most rewarding” option for you and “the hardest job of all,” thus relegating any other achievements you may have to some lesser place. What a shame.
Nowhere is there any consideration for young women to even consider whether they want children or if they are even suited to being mothers and rearing kids. It’s just a foregone conclusion that all women are suited to being mothers and will want to have children. No other option is ever presented.
There are many women who are very good at being mothers and there is nothing wrong with that. Good for them. There are also many more women who probably should never have had children and who may have been better and fulfilled persons for not doing so.
But we are indoctrinated from babyhood that a “real woman” is one who not only wants and has children but who values bearing and having children above anything else she might achieve.
There are many women who, after much consideration decided that motherhood was not the route for them and are living happy and completely fulfilled lives on their own terms.They decided that being childfree was just as viable an option. They did this despite a pro-natal society.
How many young women ever get to meet and talk with these women or see that there may be other options? I would imagine few, if any. These women end up hearing just one message – the message that says have kids or you will be unhappy and regretful. This has to be the biggest lie we’ve been sold. Yet many still buy it and the media happily runs with it.
I hope Flavie will be able to consider all her options. Not simply the option of having children. And I hope if she decides not to have kids, her choice will be equally respected.
Your thoughts and views?
Technorati Tags: Melanie Boivin, Flavie Boivin, childfree, childfree
I read about this item a few days ago on a British CF forum I often post on. This raises soooo many issues it’s unbelievable. I can just imagine the conversation the girl has with a boyfriend / husband later in life…
“You want kids, darling? Of course we should have kids, that’d be wonderful! There is one catch though, our children wouldn’t technically be mine, they’d be my mother’s. So, if we had a son, he would also be your brother-in-law! That’s not a problem, is it?”
Britgirl, you’ve hit the nail on the head, as per usual!
The thought that Flavie may feel pressured to use her mother’s eggs, regardless of what the mother now claims, occurred to me too.
Obviously, glorification of motherhood is alive and well.
Cured cancer? Good for you. Oh, but how sad, you’re not a mother (sarcasm off)
How sad that society persists in selling women the motherhood myths ie all women are meant to be mothers, all other accomplishments pale in comparison, because it’s not possible to have a happy meaningful life unless you become a mother.
Don’t agree with that? (and childfree people obviously don’t) Better develop a thick skin!
I read that a few days ago and was rather creeped out by it. You’re right, there are so many issues that it brings up. Not only is this just one more way society assumes that all women deep down want children and it is just fate, not a choice, but I just find the whole thing disturbing.
As you mentioned, I’m sure she will be extremely pressured for the “sacrifices” her mother gave for her. Knowing how moms can be, I’m sure it’s something she won’t be allowed to forget about. If she does decide to go that route, what about the child? With all the media coverage this has gotten, I’m sure once the child is born, it will get additional media coverage and will follow that kid around as well. Geez…why does everyone think that in order to have kids it has to be biological or at the very least it has to come from the mother’s own body? Why can’t people see that adoption is a perfectly acceptable solution to situations of infertility/childlessness?
This is disturbing and bothersome on so many levels.
I kinda wanna go throw up right now even thinking about it.
My first thought re: these eggs was “Is this syndrome heriditary?”. I suppose it could have been from the father, and that the eggs the mother put on ice are not ensuring that any female offspring Flavie might have would also have Turner’s syndrome. I found it really egotistical on the part of the mother.
Jessica, that thought also crossed my mind.
this has some information about turners syndrome
Common symptoms of Turner syndrome include
Short stature ,Lymphoedema (swelling) of the hands and feet ,Broad chest (shield chest) and widely-spaced nipples ,Low hairline ,Low-set ears ,Reproductive sterility ,Amenorrhea, or the absence of a menstrual period ,Increased weight, obesity, Other symptoms may include a small lower jaw (micrognathia), cubitus valgus (turned-in elbows), a webbed neck, soft upturned nails, Simian crease and drooping eyelids. Less common are pigmented moles, hearing loss, and a high-arch palate (narrow maxilla). Turner syndrome manifests itself differently in each female affected by the condition, and no two individuals will share the same symptoms.
There is no equivalent syndrome which results in a Y chromosome with no X, as such a condition is fatal. Because an embryo with Turner syndrome doesn’t have a Y chromosome (or, doesn’t have a functional SRY on the Y chromosome), it will move along the path to female development
http://turnersyndrome.researchtoday.net/about-turnersyndrome.htm
and it goes onto the more dangerous things as well
What this mother is really telling her daughter is that she’s not good enough the way she is - that the effects of her disability make her unacceptable. So in swoops Mother Martyr to save the day. Very twisted and sad.
All - thanks for all these comments… I always say that one of the great things about blogging is that as you share, you examine your own thoughts through other’s contributions. The more I think about this the more disturbing it is. I’m not sure what is more disturbing - the fact that a genetic mish-mash is probably in the making down the line, or the fact that the swoons of joy over the “great maternal love act” have drowned out any dissenting voices, or the fact that the sacred cow of childbearing aka the glorification of motherhood is still clearly the message being given to women.
And think about this… how many other mothers are enquiring about how they can give their eggs to their daughters? It’s only a matter of time. Then think of the crazy genetic pool we’ll have. Background checks will take on a whole new meaning.
The implications are really mind boggling. Disturbing and bothersome? Very.
Mercurior - but is TS hereditory?
Liz - thanks. All the more reason why we cf will keep saying that we disagree and we can prove it. But we will still need the thick skin, though! And I cannot imagine Flavie not being pressured to use those frozen eggs even though she didn’t ask for them. Mother can now plan the grandkids, instead of being resigned to not being a grandmother. Pretty selfish if you think about it.
Mel - Good question. I believe that when it is all about giving a child a chance at a better life, then people are more able to look at adoption. When it is all about “I want a child from my own body…” it’s really not about the child it’s about them. But of course that’s the message that is peddled.
ChildfreeChick - I know what you mean.
JSDarwen…that’s scary. I had a hard time getting my head around the implications of such a conversation. And it raises many questions - like - will the girl’s mother have to revoke all rights to the child? Can she have a say in the what a child would do later? As for the relationship to the future boyfriend/husband…it makes me feel queasy. If I was a guy I’d be running fast in the other direction.
Life is complicated enough….
since children suffering it, are generally sterile, that line is gone,
During meiosis in either parent, a nondisjunction event can occur that leaves the gamete, either oocyte or spermatocyte, with neither X nor Y chromosome. When this gamete combines with a gamete from the other parent (with a normal X chromosome), the embryo lacks the normal two chromosomes. Normally, humans have 46 chromosomes, so this leaves the embryo with 45 chromosomes and a single X chromosome, denoted 45,X (or, sometimes 45,XO, where the “O” is used as a placeholder). This is found in 50% of individuals with Turner syndrome.
sounds like it could be. but there are different versions of turners, some have a half defective y, some have one x (they die)
It sounds to me like the mother wants to be a grandmother. There are just too many creepy factors here, but if were the daughter, I might not want to be using the eggs with the very genes that made me unable to conceive in the first place.
This issue is getting really scary. It sounds so wrong. If I am a guy, who is impotent and unable to have a child with my wife and I use my dad’s sperms. Is the child MINE or my DAD’s? If we are talking about a daughter who may give birth to her mother’s child, what is the difference?
Yep, Anne-Marie - sounds like she’s simply hedging her bets. I mean, the mother knows now that she can be a grandmother….
sleeping youth… That’s too creepy for me. Might be your Dad’s. Anyone?
Wow, this is really interesting for me.
I’m 21 and was recently diagnosed with gonadal dysgenesis (swyer syndrome), which is very similar to turner syndrome in that I have the same level of development and infertility.
Everyone has been telling me I can use my sister’s eggs to have a baby… but you know what… I want to be childfree. I got my first ever period the other day and it made me realise how much I DON’T want my uterus. I intend to have a hysterectomy in a few years time.
This makes my brain hurt.