Enfants Terribles… Would Parents Lives Be Better Without Children (Childfree)?
3 09 2007Corinne Maier certainly thinks so. Most childfree people would agree with her, but then they’ve known that for ages. I know I agree with her. Oh, and in case you thought she was childfree, she isn’t. She has two kids.
I’ve heard of Corinne Maier’s book No Kid – 40 Reasons not to have Children and I’m not surprised how scandalized the general populace is. It’s the same general populace which loses no time in quickly criticizing childfree people for daring to say not only do they not want children, but that their lives are so much better for not having them. To the childed we are selfish, abnormal, cold heartless, empty etc, etc. Maybe the record’s about to be changed.
The more I hear of Corinne Maier’s book though, the more I’m inclined to get hold of it and add it to my library. I think it would make great summer reading. At last, someone has said what’s been the ultimate taboo for so long, but which we childfree have known for as long as we’ve decided we wanted to be childfree. And talk about it coming from the bosom of fecundity – La belle France itself. What could be more shocking. France, where they PAY women to have babies. The more they have the higher the benefits paid to them.
Says Maier:
“Children are there to stop you enjoying yourself. It’s a child’s hidden face. Believe me, he will be very inventive in this area. He will be ill when you (finally) arrange a night out, he will bug you when you celebrate your birthday with your friends, he will hate it if you bring someone he’s never met back for the night, and beyond that you won’t dare tread for fear of traumatising him for life.”
And as an example of hitting one of the many nails on the head, her concerns I believe are justified :
Maier’s concern is that no one is doing anything to temper the idealised view of motherhood perpetuated by two equally potent forces in France: the State, which wants lots of babies to pay for future pensions, and greedy capitalist enterprises, which make a fortune selling baby clobber to gullible parents.
The gullible consumer who’s happily trapped between the State and capitalism, convinced that they need more stuff to cater for the children, be it bigger house in the ‘burbs, bigger car, or bigger job.”
“The child has become so vested with importance, such a huge burden requiring so many changes to one’s way of life that having one has become inhumane, so my advice to people is don’t have any,” says Maier.
As to what she feels about the childfree?
“People who do not have children are pitied, she laments, rather than viewed as people who have chosen a positive and sensible alternative. Far better to label them “child free” than “childless” she argues, as the latter term is loaded and pejorative.”
And if you dare say that your life would be better without children? Well, as a childfree person Not only are you immediately greeted with looks (and choruses) of shock and horror, but you are then lectured on on how children will change you into a “Better Person” and make your life perfect. And whatever thing it is you have to give up. You’ll be told it’s All Worth It. In fact, you’ll be told that life without children, simply isn’t worth living.
As we know that’s complete crap.
I’m glad Maier admits (as some parents must surely feel but never ever say) that there are times she regrets having children. People tell childfree folk that it is they that will regret not having children, that we’ve made a mistake in our choice, but I think it’s the other way around. Regardless of whether a parent regrets having their children, they are here to stay and remind them of it. They don’t get to send them back.
And, Maier would not tell a childless (not childfree – the writer clearly doesn’t quite get the difference, hence their use of quotes…) not to have children, as she doesn’t feel it’s her right to tell them what to do with their lives. She would, however like them to hear the counter-arguments against having children.
I think that would be a good thing. The only argument we tend to hear is the one for having kids. It’s blared at us every minute of every day of our lives, and most seems to accept it unconditionally. Most, but as we know not all. I guess not many of the refuseniks live in France though. Hopefully Corinne Maier’s book will get the counter-argument out there.
I think it’s time this was said, and not just as a one-time flash in the pan. It needs to be heard. Judging by the storm it’s created (and check the comments for the usual pro-child nut bars: “why wouldn’t anyone want to have kids?”) people are talking. It takes something like this for the parents who agree with Ms Maier to also speak out.
Also – check the comments for some really thought provoking comments.From parents thanking the author for saying what they think.
Bravo Corinne! For being brave enough to say that having children is a choice, not a forgone conclusion. And not having them does not make a woman defective. Nor does it make a man childish or irresponsible.
Over to you. And thanks to Brightfeather for this link to the article called
Angels or Savages? ” in The Daily Mail.
Technorati Tags: childfree, childfree
i have done some research, and it wasnt out on amazon.co.uk this last week, maybe its only available in french or not on amazon. (maybe part of the childfree/childless confusion is the author thinks in french)
i wouldnt mind it either.. (btw the link links to the daily mail, not telegraph)
Mercurior - It may be coming out on Amazon later. Thanks for the catch about the newspaper!
When I said the author didn’t get the difference I meant the writer of the newspaper article not Corinne Maier. CM does get the difference. But you could be right that the journalist may be French and thinking in French. But if she was then I wondered why she puts childfree in quotes.
w00t! I love it when I see you go for it and tell it like it is.
And I love being childfree
This book sounds a lot like “I’m Okay, You’re a Brat” by Susan Jeffers, another terrific book that dispells the myth that being a mother is only about Kodak moments. I think these books are important, not just for those of us who are childfree, but to allow parents to realize it’s okay to be exasperated by their kids on occasion. You won’t go to hell if you sometimes wish you hadn’t had kids! Parents need the support to learn it’s okay to express their doubts or disappointments with being parents. Unfortunately, society has raised the idea of parenthood to saint-like status. I think this is why we, the childfree, illicit such ire from breeders. They’ve been brainwashed into denying their own misgivings so they push it on us.
Corinne Maier’s book and Susan Jeffer’s book blow the lid off this dirty little secret and I applaud them for being brave enough to speak their truth.
They both rock.
As I always ask bingoers of all stripes, “Why should I have to have a living being that I don’t want to care for? I don’t want to train and care for a dog, so I don’t get a puppy and you say that’s a good decision. Then you turn around and say I should have a child that I don’t want to raise because …because why exactly, if I don’t want to care for one?” And I’m always met with a terrified stare, or a mealy mouthed “it changed my life” as a response.
I enjoyed her book, Hello Laziness: The Art and the Importance of Doing the Least Possible in the Workplace - nice to see she’s a versatile writer….;-).
I don’t care how many people say how “important” parenting is or how “fulfilling” it is or how “enriching” it is…I’d rather chop off my own head and eat it than have children. Parenting is the 9th circle of hell in my book and if I lived in some totalitarian nightmare where secret police told me to have kids or face the firing squad, I’d put that bandana on myself and shout “FIRE!”
First, I must start off with… I’m thankful to those that truly want to have children. Some women feel it is their purpose, and thats great! The world needs more well-adjusted people. People should be smarter about their decisions. I was really surprised at my families reaction 2 weeks ago. I’ve explained it to my mom, my relatives, and friends. Everyone agreed with my decision to not have kids. They all know how dedicated I am to music. I’m going into the Audio Engineering field, and you have to work a lot of odd hours (like 3am). Plus I want to keep singing, songwriting, etc. It wouldn’t be fair to a child at all. It would grow up being the rich kid at home by itself with the nanny. That’s just not fair to a child to be raised by a nanny. I know what it feels like to not be wanted as a child. I grew up asking my dad, “Why does mommy hate me?”. Now that I’m grown we’re really close. Plus, my husband wants to start his own business one day. After explaining my sensible reasons, everyone actually agreed with me. My grandmother, great-grandmother, step-great-grandmother, mom, uncles, etc… They all said I was being smart about it.
If you really think about it… There must be a reason rich kids send their kids off to boarding school. My mom says thats the one thing she regrets about my childhood. She wishes she would have sent me off to a boarding school. I actually begged them as a child to send me off to an Arts-oriented boarding school. lol!
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