But Lord knows that when I walk through the door after a long hard day at work and the first thing that anyone says to me is “I need help with this, and I want that.” I am so thankful that he goes away to his moms all the time. For the most part I never see him, which is nice.

Anyway why the heck would I want to make more of that. I am so happy to be childfree and that I can do what I want when I want. Not have to worry about a babysitter, or eat dinner at midnight just for the heck of it.

When I tell people that I have made the choice not to have kids, they gasp. One lady even said that I should breed just because Im a natural red head and I should keep the gene going. What?!! I didn’t even know how to respond to that.

I am so happy that I found this site so I can share my frustrations with people who understand my choice and my point of view.

I have been bingoed my whole life. I sign posts on this blog as “CFSinceSix” because I’ve known since I was 6 years old (and, I suspect, earlier, I just have no memories younger than 6) that I did not want children. From my own mother I’d get put downs such as, “You’re stupid,” “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” “You just need to grow up.” That last one I’d get from her and strangers while I was a young adult in my twenties.

Only once (and I remember this, I was around 6 years old) did I profer on my own I did not want children. Much to the immediate admonishment of my mom and her siblings (my own aunts and uncles.) I “learned my lesson” then - NEVER EVER tell anyone you don’t want children. Or atleast, don’t offer it up. So I never did. The only time I’d make a comment was when I was asked. So I told the truth. And guess what? BINGO! Now don’t anyone DARE tell me that me being “bingoed” was due to me. That is such a crock of … (self censoring here.)

I’ve been dating my partner for 3 years now. He does not wish to marry. In a way, us not being married has sort of shielded us from “When are you guys going to have children?” questions. And oddly enough, we haven’t gotten the “When are you guys going to make it serious?” question. Which is a good thing, because what we have is QUITE serious and I have a thing or two to say about that.

So far, the only comment I’ve noticed was a recent one and I posted about it in a response here on Britgirl’s blog. We did have someone say, “Better start having kids soon so your parents can still babysit!” (This was said to my boyfriend. I won’t even go into all of the implications of that comment alone.)

At anyrate, I have not done anything to draw ire of the childed towards me not wanting or having children. It is when asked and when I tell the truth that I start getting shutdown with “bingo” comments as listed in the link Britgirl provided.

I have a few responses, sometimes one of which is changing the subject or ignoring the statement. But if I’m ever told I’ll regret my decision I respond with, “So will you!” Sometimes they think I’m kidding. Those who know I’m serious get quiet and change the subject.

BTW, I don’t sit around all day thinking about how I don’t want kids. If that were the case, I’d never get my work done. (I’m a computer programmer - there are other things I need to think about.) But there are times where I am grateful I do not have children - and it is when I am around them and they act up. But other than that, to me, being childfree (I don’t even like that term, why does everything have to be defined in terms of “child”?) means not even *thinking* about kids. They’re so far off my radar that they don’t even exist in my world - until one decides to go running up and down shrieking like some posessed demon from the 9th realm of hell. Ok, so I kid, but you guys get the picture.

Shannon, don’t try to defend yourself. You have nothing to defend. You’re not on trial for any criminal activity, even though there are those childed who would like for you to feel that way. I’ve heard a few stories from coworkers that I agree with you, THEY are the one who should be censored - or atleast their nasty-ass stories about being a parent.

@mercurior - it’s well worth it. And I don’t feel we should need to justify anything we do.

@Tanya… I would say friends - real ones would not bingo a Childfree person. Bingoes are thrown by strangers - which is part of the reason they are so annoying and childfree folk get them as soon as it’s gleaned that kids aren’t in the picture by choice. Note that anyone trying to have a kid isn’t usually a recipient of a bingo… they usually get sympathy.

@Kat - beggars belief doesn’t it? Someone can be a total skank.. but as long as they’re popping out babies it doesn’t matter and it’s not questioned. But be childfree and you’ll be on the end of nosy bingoes.
Clearly there is more work for the childfree to do on the internet… and none of it apologist.

Why do people find it impossible to live and let live on this?

if they ask, i give them the information, i spend most of my time reading, writing short stories, poems, i rant about other stuff (to get it out of my brain to stop my head exploding), but i post a lot, because i like talking online. i like the ability to discuss deep and funny topics.

i have 2 cousins, that are the best, they are 8 and 10, they are charming and sweet, the best. i am all for everyone to have a choice on how to live their life. anything that denies anyone choice to have kids, not have kids, smoke or not smoke.. i am against.

on this board i gave a couple of people who thought they wanted kids, a perspective they wouldnt have have otherwise. thats why its important that boards like this exist.

if i can make some parents think about the future apart from the i must breed, then my ranting is well worth it.

Childfreedom is NOT my main topic of conversation. Even the childfree boards I seek out, I seek out the ones that talk about more than just being childfree because I don’t want to talk about being childfree all day. I have a childfree website and I get mail from breeders saying, “What’s wrong with you that you spend all day obsessing about other people’s children?!” but that’s ridiculous. I don’t spend that much time on my site at all. In fact, childfree people complain I don’t update often enough! LOL They are lucky if I post a new update once every two weeks. I spend far, far less time obsessing about my childfreedom than childed people spend patting themselves on the back for having kids.

Boobalah sounds like a classic breeder pleaser, so I wouldn’t take her seriously. On one hand, I don’t think people should be *rude* to parents, but I don’t think we should be ashamed of not liking kids (if that’s the case) or that we don’t want to have kids. We shouldn’t have to hide in the closet lest we make some parent feel uncomfortable! (In fact, they should be GLAD we don’t like kids, since they are afraid everyone wants to molest their kids and they won’t have to worry about us since we want nothing to do with their kids!)

Saying, “I’m not a kid person,” is acceptable. Saying, “I fucking hate little crotch droppings,” is rude and I don’t think anyone should do that. I still think there is FAR more rudeness on the side of parents than there is on the childfree side.

I also think that boobalah must not get out much or she’d know that we DO get bingos, even when polite. The reason a childfree movement popped up is that we’ve been getting crap from people with kids from the very beginning, before we ever even *considered* being rude to people.

There are plenty of times when all I mentioned was that I don’t have kids and I’ve had people give me shit. This happened several years ago:

Some gal at a company picnic I’d just met: So how many kids do you have?
Me: I don’t have any kids.
Her: Oh. (turned and walked away without another word to me, then whispered something to her friend and they both give me an unfriendly look).

WTF?! ALL I said was, “I don’t have kids.” I didn’t even have a chance to say anything offensive (not that I would have).

When I was a teenager I decided I didn’t want kids. But people would always say stupid stuff to me about, “When you grow up and have kids,” and it would annoy me. Not only because at 15 they shouldn’t be encouraging me to hurry up and have kids, but also because that’s ridiculous to assume every girl’s life goal is to be nothing more than a mommy. So back then I’d say, “Oh, I’m not having kids when I grow up,” and it never occurred to me that I shouldn’t say something like that. So even at age 15 I was getting a lot of crap about, “Oh, you’re just a silly little girl. You’ll grow up some day and want babies!” I was offended that they’d essentially say, “Not wanting kids = immature” even back then. I never once said to anyone, “I fucking hate kids!” but they were rude to me, regardless.

I’m generally a polite person, and I don’t like to be rude. I’ll only be rude if someone is rude to me first. Yet, I’ve gotten lots of bingos in my life despite being polite. Anyone who thinks that we’re only bingoed when we “deserve” it is just being an ass.

I have had a few of my friends try to convince me the other way. One conversation got particularly heated and I finally had to change the subject.

I would not say I have been bingoed often, but I am questioned. That said, I am not one to back down from my beliefs and if pushed, I will fight back and question THEM about their breeding choices.

And pester on Livejournal is a pain in the arse in so many communities. I have an account and oh man, she’s done some doosy comments.