How about we call ourselves adults?

I don’t know about fence-sitting per se, just that I probably fall into neither category- not childless because I could have technically pursued the whole IVF route and possibly had some measure of success from it, (or adopted even), and not childfree because we really aren’t making sure we never get pregnant. It’s more that we don’t think of any of it all and just leave it up to nature to decide. I just have this feeling that, now close to 45 and having spent the last 10 years without any kind of birth control, I’m just not fertile and nature has decided already. It no longer matters, I honestly don’t think about it or really care about it. Life is busy enough the way I am living it now, would be busy in a different way if we had a child, and it’s rather pointless to think about what isn’t happening. So, for me, not really fence-sitting, but a kind of fatalistic indifference. We don’t always get what we want in life, and that’s not a good or bad thing- it just is, and so Plan B for me is enjoying what we do get and not worrying about the rest.

Also want to acknowledge that some had never heard of the term “childfree” so didn’t know they were or could be… but there is still no daft thing like “moving on to childfree.”

Vesta - when I “moved on” from my irritation that I was receiving yet another child-centric childfree blog alert, I was shaking my head at the sheer effort to become pregnant at over 40!! Whatever works. Now the childed are using the term maybe it’t time to reconsider.

mercurior - I don’t agree that it’s a grey area that you can only tell with hindsight. For me it was foresight, forethought and forward thinking. Which was not to say there was no consideration of the decision, there was. I would say a good number of childfree people could have had kids - IF they wanted to. But they decided they did not want to. Perhaps it is a grey area for a small minority, the fence sitters.

For those of us who never wanted to kids ever, or those who perhaps grew up up on the myth of the necessity of motherhood and decided it wasn’t for them, it’s crystal clear and there’s nothing grey about it at all. If a person doens’t know what they want they are a fence-sitter.

CFSince Six’s point has got me thinking… because she’s right. It’s the first time I’ve really thought about that… the term “childfree” is coined in reference to “child”. Literally, free of children. It’s an interesting thought - here we are as men and women who even if we could have them do not want kids and have never wanted kids have a moniker that has “child” in it! Why?

So, the question is, what should we be calling ourselves then?

kat & strawberry muffin: completely agree.

I used to pray All. The. Time. that I would be infertile. Until my payer came true when I had my tubal. I’ve not met many people who used to pray, wish, and hope as a child that they had the “defect” of an inability to bear children.

for some childfreedom comes later than than others. some dont know what they want or not want. then a bit of soul searching and there u go they dont want kids.. ever.

its a very grey area, childfree, childless, only with hindsight can you determin which is which.

in my case i didnt want kids, i still dont, but back then it was if it would give me some peace, let her have the damn thing and leave me alone afterwards.

was i childfree yes, would i have been a father i dont know, probably not. so with hindsight i now know i am 100% childfree and its given me peace of mind. free is a determined intelligent reason, less is a lack of, a pre intelligent decision.

The fact that she got pregnant and had the kid indicates that she was never childfree at all. If everything changes when you suddenly discover you are “with zygote” then you’re a breeder, plain and simple.

Ugh. Good luck with coping with your teenager at 60.

Actually, this sort of thing happens more than you think, parents trying and trying to get pregnant, trying every wacko thing under the sun, spending assloads of money on “treatments”, going through heart breaks of miscarriages and other assorted baby-centric bullcrap, only to find that once they “give up” and relax and chill out about it, blammo…they’ve suddenly got their ‘myricle”

It’ kind of makes me think that maybe, just maybe, if a lot of these “infertile” couples would just stop freaking out about whether or not they can make a baby Right Now, and constantly stressing themselves out about it, it would probably happen naturally. But then again, when one’s got the Baby Rabies…well, they’re foaming at the mouth insane rabid, aren’t they?

@Emma, yes, convenient isn’t it

erf. Already “placenta” brained!