Childfree Alerts…Not
25 09 2007Now, I like Google Blog Alerts. I generally find them useful. I look forward to them with avid anticipation. I tend to expect them to be about… well, Childfree blogs really. Or at least Childfree articles. Or blogs about Childfree issues. Well, it does say Google Blogs Alert for: childfree. And I know key words are… well key. Like Childfree.
So what is wrong with this picture link below?
I wonder if my our childfree blogs appear in parent blog alerts.
Google Blogs Alert for: childfree,
Getting Pregnant After Moving To Childfree…Did It Help?
By Sandy Robertson(Sandy Robertson)
After struggling with infertility and the rigors and complications of fertility treatments, my husband and I moved on to childfree… twice. How is that possible you ask. Well after two cycles of IVF ending in miscarriage..
http://infertility-fertility.blogspot.com/
Time to be even more selective…
Hah! I got the same thing on my alert today. In the past, I’ve gotten posts from parents talking about how they went on a “childfree” vacation or a “childfree” night out. I usually just chuckle at the fact that they use the term “childfree” instead of “childless” (when they’re usually the first in line to condemn our use of “childfree” instead of “childless”), and move on. Who knows…maybe they use our verbiage because, deep down, they want to be more like us?
That read … weirdly. I mean, “…moving to Childfree?” and “…I moved on to childfree?” What in the world kind of language is that? It’s as if “childfree” is a place, a location, a destination.
erf. Already “placenta” brained!
CFsinceSix… for some reason it’s making me laugh. I kept trying to picture what “moving on to childfree” meant. I still can’t. Right, next stop…
@Emma, yes, convenient isn’t it
“When I finally decided to give up having children and enjoy my life, I got pregnant.”
Beautiful, beautiful schadenfreude.
Actually, this sort of thing happens more than you think, parents trying and trying to get pregnant, trying every wacko thing under the sun, spending assloads of money on “treatments”, going through heart breaks of miscarriages and other assorted baby-centric bullcrap, only to find that once they “give up” and relax and chill out about it, blammo…they’ve suddenly got their ‘myricle”
It’ kind of makes me think that maybe, just maybe, if a lot of these “infertile” couples would just stop freaking out about whether or not they can make a baby Right Now, and constantly stressing themselves out about it, it would probably happen naturally. But then again, when one’s got the Baby Rabies…well, they’re foaming at the mouth insane rabid, aren’t they?
You don’t “move in and out” of childfree. You are, or are not. Otherwise you’re a fence sitter, and a completely different kettle of turnips.
The fact that she got pregnant and had the kid indicates that she was never childfree at all. If everything changes when you suddenly discover you are “with zygote” then you’re a breeder, plain and simple.
Ugh. Good luck with coping with your teenager at 60.
I totally agree with Kat. The truly childfree would never know if they’re infertile or not because we’d never try to get pregnant. Nor would we care. If you still want kids but can’t have your own, that makes you “childless,” not childfree. Childfree is about not wanting kids ever. It would be nice if people could get that through their heads.
you can be childless and become childfree.. you could want but for one reason or another not be able.. times, problems etc.. then you decide no kids..
for some childfreedom comes later than than others. some dont know what they want or not want. then a bit of soul searching and there u go they dont want kids.. ever.
its a very grey area, childfree, childless, only with hindsight can you determin which is which.
in my case i didnt want kids, i still dont, but back then it was if it would give me some peace, let her have the damn thing and leave me alone afterwards.
was i childfree yes, would i have been a father i dont know, probably not. so with hindsight i now know i am 100% childfree and its given me peace of mind. free is a determined intelligent reason, less is a lack of, a pre intelligent decision.
Here’s the thing about the word “childfree” - it still labels a person based on a childed status. The word “child” is in it and is crucial to the label. I don’t like the term “childfree” because of that. This is the only thing about the “childfree movement.” IMO, if you’re truly “childfree,” why would you even label yourself with a word that has “child” in it?
kat & strawberry muffin: completely agree.
I used to pray All. The. Time. that I would be infertile. Until my payer came true when I had my tubal.
I’ve not met many people who used to pray, wish, and hope as a child that they had the “defect” of an inability to bear children.
I was really confused when I read that article. I think that my face is still twisted in disbelief as it was when I read it. How can you move to be childfree? It is a mindset, a life, not a place to vacation. But what ever works for her. I guess she can be over 40 and have a kid, yeah there is a reason Dr’s advise against that. What if her kid came out messed up? Then who would look stupid. The selfish mother for bringing a child into the world that she didn’t need.
The more I look at the “moving to childfree” thing the more I have to wonder whether people really understand what it means at all. And I agree with Kat and Strawberry, being childfree is a state of mind. You are. Or you are not. And key - it’s about a conscious decision NOT to have children, rather than a default twilight zone where you wait… having said that I also know that there are some childfree people who did decide not keep trying to get pregnant.
Are they then childless or childfree? I guess it would depend on whether, if they could get pregnant or found themselves pregnant today, would they be happy? Do they wish it had happened for them? (It gonna happen, but I wouldn’t be at all happy).
Also want to acknowledge that some had never heard of the term “childfree” so didn’t know they were or could be… but there is still no daft thing like “moving on to childfree.”
Vesta - when I “moved on” from my irritation that I was receiving yet another child-centric childfree blog alert, I was shaking my head at the sheer effort to become pregnant at over 40!! Whatever works. Now the childed are using the term maybe it’t time to reconsider.
mercurior - I don’t agree that it’s a grey area that you can only tell with hindsight. For me it was foresight, forethought and forward thinking. Which was not to say there was no consideration of the decision, there was. I would say a good number of childfree people could have had kids - IF they wanted to. But they decided they did not want to. Perhaps it is a grey area for a small minority, the fence sitters.
For those of us who never wanted to kids ever, or those who perhaps grew up up on the myth of the necessity of motherhood and decided it wasn’t for them, it’s crystal clear and there’s nothing grey about it at all. If a person doens’t know what they want they are a fence-sitter.
CFSince Six’s point has got me thinking… because she’s right. It’s the first time I’ve really thought about that… the term “childfree” is coined in reference to “child”. Literally, free of children. It’s an interesting thought - here we are as men and women who even if we could have them do not want kids and have never wanted kids have a moniker that has “child” in it! Why?
So, the question is, what should we be calling ourselves then?
You could borrow from the radio term AOR (Adult-oriented Rock) and just drop the rock and become AO. It does, unfortunately, sound like a blood type.
I don’t know about fence-sitting per se, just that I probably fall into neither category- not childless because I could have technically pursued the whole IVF route and possibly had some measure of success from it, (or adopted even), and not childfree because we really aren’t making sure we never get pregnant. It’s more that we don’t think of any of it all and just leave it up to nature to decide. I just have this feeling that, now close to 45 and having spent the last 10 years without any kind of birth control, I’m just not fertile and nature has decided already. It no longer matters, I honestly don’t think about it or really care about it. Life is busy enough the way I am living it now, would be busy in a different way if we had a child, and it’s rather pointless to think about what isn’t happening. So, for me, not really fence-sitting, but a kind of fatalistic indifference. We don’t always get what we want in life, and that’s not a good or bad thing- it just is, and so Plan B for me is enjoying what we do get and not worrying about the rest.
Britgirl, I knew that question would be asked by someone because I was wondering the same thing myself as I typed my response. Even after reading yours I could not come up with a word. Then it occurred to me. I think it’s quite clever, and perhaps even a novel idea as I have not seen it anywhere else.
How about we call ourselves adults?
Maybe it should not be just adults but free adults. We need to add the free in there so people know that we are just not some other kind of adult. But the kind that truely get to make their own choices.