No Kids Please… I’m Working
29 10 2007One of the most misunderstood impressions of childfree people (or simply people who do choose not to have kids) is that they don’t like children at all in any way shape or form. While there are those who don’t like kids; in fact some who can’t stand them, “childfree” does not translate to child-hate. All it means is the person who is childfree has a choice not to have children. Many childfree people like children and have children in their lives from time to time, either through being an aunt, uncle or involvement with children through work, volunteering, or via charities.
For myself, through a charity, I support a child in South Africa. It isn’t something I necessarily throw into the conversation but it is relevant to what I wanted to say in this article. While I have no intention of having children, I consider I have been blessed with such a rich life that supporting a child who has a lot less than I do gives me a lot of pleasure, plus it’s one of my ways of giving back. I’d actually love to do more and it’s one of my goals for the future. I’m sure there are many childfree people who support kids in other ways.
When I see my friends who have young kids I’m quite happy to play with them… for a limited period. It’s great because a) my friends don’t push them on me and don’t bingo me, and b) I get to give them back post haste and their parents don’t suddenly take it personally.
What really gets on my nerves is kids in the workplace. Especially babies. Now, I like my colleagues. I really do. But some of them don’t seem to understand that bring their 3 month-old baby into the cubicle farm is disruptive to say the least.
Why? Because for some reason, when they bring their kid in, almost everyone stops work to gather round the child and the parent and coo and baby-talk. My patience when this happens is close to zero. Now we are not talking about just come back from having the baby, which is bad enough. People don’t seem to understand that not everyone is interested in their new progeny, even if most people are.
Once, when a baby appeared in one of my work environments I was hurrying to get something out on a deadline. It wouldn’t have made a difference if I wasn’t, the fact is, if I’m at work I am… well working. Ignoring the small crowd that had gathered around the parent and baby a few cubies down from me , there I was trying to slip further down in my seat so no one would catch my eye, and thinking.. well never mind what I was thinking. I hoped that the baby posse would pass on, and, more importantly, not call me over to join in, unwilling that I should miss such a momentous occasion.
Everybody had downed tools to coo over the baby. No way, I thought. I don’t want to. To be honest, if I had been passing by, rather than working at something, I may have stopped and said hello, simply out of politeness. Assuming I was in the mood to do so. I don’t like being pulled from my work to gather round babies or other kids. In fact I resent the expectation that I should be doing so. I’m simply not interested and I don’t like kids at work – as far as I’m concerned they shouldn’t be there. Period.
I thought I had escaped as the baby posse eventually dispersed and the parent moved on. But no. Walking past my desk the parent (it was a guy) calls my attention, and stops right by my desk baby in arms. There was no escape. Too late to make a dash for the ladies, that would have been too obvious. I was going to have to acknowledge the baby. Gahh!
“Hey, how is she doing? She’s bigger than the last time you brought her in isn’t she?”
Now, it was a cute baby. And I had nothing against it personally. I just didn’t want to be part of the admiring group,simply because it was expected. Alas, I was out of luck.
It just one more annoying example where a pro-child world took precedence over mine.
Shouldn’t I have had the expectation that being at work meant no kids?
Technorati Tags: childfree, childfree
I admit it. I do not like children. Period. But! I DON’T like to admit it to the general populace because, believe it or not, I’m actually thinking of other CF folks. I do not want to perpetuate the myth that child-”free” equals child-”hate” because I know it does not. I just so happen to not like children. But that’s just me not all people who have chosen not to have children.
But oh boy. Can I relate. Especially now where I work. I work with a mid to late 30’s crowd and they all have from babies to young children. And being parents they do talk about their kids in an internal company chat room. That’s when I minimize the window. So I’m lucky there.
However, with my boss, I can’t. His wife is a SAHM and they have a young son who just started kinder and twin baby girls. She calls him at work if they f’ing fart just to say they farted. Of course, they’re BRILLIANT and EXCEPTIONALLY smart (uh huh …) But what’s most annoying is when I’m talking to my boss and his wife just so happens to call he’ll take the call. Grrr.. that annoys me more than anything. Especially this past week when I’ve been on a deadline to get a project out that’s due today. I feel like it is a waste of my time because not only do I have to wait for him to get off of the phone, I in turn get an update on the brat wasting even MORE time when really, I just want to finish talking about the project and get back to work.
I have my own passive aggressive method, however. When kids are brought up, I bring up stories of my cats.
So, tit for tat. And while I don’t equate children to cats, I do equate the annoying relating of stories of either to be the same.
One more thing, Britgirl, when you mentioned your coworker bringing his kid to your desk I thought about when I was walking in to a group of people one night as we were all hanging out. One of the members had just had a kid (while being unemployed no less…but that’s a different thing all together.) One lady, a mother, was carrying the baby and cooing and cawing over it. As I walked in she saw me and started to walk towards me. As she got closer she said, “Look at so-and-so’s baby! Isn’t she CUTE!” and started to hand me the baby as if I wanted to carry it. (Uhm, I hate babies even more.) Immediately, my reflex action was to move back. I did not hold my arms out to receive the baby. The lady stopped and sort of looked at me and had a quizzical look on her face. I’m sure she’s never encountered someone who did not immediately smile and want to carry the baby. After a moment she did ask me, “Don’t you want to carry her?” Me, “ooohh.. nooo! I don’t do babies.” Atleast I didn’t get bingoed, but she didn’t offer me another kid ever again.
I think there should be the assumption that babies won’t be in the office. Especially in offices that are on the busier side.
Where I work, the amount of work we have come in waves. So we sometimes have coworkers bring in babaies. They aren’t interupting anything but internet surfing so I don’t mind. When it’s busy, they don’t bring them in. Besides, my coworkers coo just as much if someone brings in a pet as they do when it’s a baby.
I am not a hater of children but I don’t like them either. If you have kids, bully for you, but don’t pester me with them. I didn’t choose to have them and Do choose Not to interact with them. I get most frustrated by the mommies and daddies who asssume that everyone LOVES their kids and don’t mind the screaming, whining, and constant fuss they create around them. Have a teeny little bit of respect! I don’t bug them with my life, whine about the fact that I’m hungry or tired, start screaming because I’m bored, cry because my shoes are too tight… then expect people to smile and coo at me and tell me how sweet and precious I am (gag!) I definately think the workplace is an off-limits for kids kind of place. I discourage the people in my shop from bringing them in and have a kid corral for those that do. We have forklifts, and heavy metal tools, and heat stoves burning and parents don’t seem to care once they get into a conversation, or start reading, etc. After they all stop working and gather to admire the sprog that is… I wanted to get the sign that said that “Unattended Children will be Sold” but DH thought it was too unfriendly.
I can sense a child entering my building and it makes my coworkers laugh. I’ll break mid-conversation in a meeting and say “ugh, is there a kid around here?” More often then not, a parent passes by with their brood and everyone is amazed at my keen sense of smell. Little do I tell them that it’s actually my allergy, I start itching and breaking out in hives the moment they enter my world.
Now, I will say I support brining in children on “Bring your Daughter to Work Day.” What irks me is this has suddenly become “Bring your Child to Work Day” which ignores the very reason Ms. Magazinze started the program; to introduce girls to the working world so they would be empowered to choose a career outside the “normal” female careers. So I will go out of my way on that day to demonstrate to girls that they can work hard and bring in their own paycheck and take over the world without a man and without being a Mommy…..
LIking or disliking kids is a catch-22 for childfree people. If you say you don’t like being around kids, breeders label you an evil child hater. If you admit to liking kids and spending time around them, breeders will cop the attitude that, “SEE, you really DO love and want children of your own but you’re just afraid to have kids/infertile/etc.” I’ve had both happen to me.
Also admit to liking SOME kids, breeders will try to get you to endorse their kids, or will tell people, “Phoena doesn’t really like kids, but she likes MINE because I have good kids” even if I don’t like their kids and they *aren’t* good kids.
I do like SOME kids. Some kids with decent parents and the kids are sweet and nice and fun to be around. I don’t like kids who scream and throw tantrums and are demanding. In other words, I only like about 10% of kids out there. I don’t want to even be in the same room with the rest of them.
I’m totally against kids in the work place, too. THEY DON’T BELONG THERE. And I don’t acknowledge them. If anything I’d say to duh, “Are you off for the day?” or some other comment about his NOT WORKING. Then I’d probably complain to HR if I thought they weren’t total breeders.
But I’m also a firm believer of WORKING while at work. I hate when people want to do birthday parties or holiday parties in the middle of the afternoon. If you’re at work, work. If there is nothing better to do than eat cake in the break room (or coo over a baby), I’d rather just go home. But I have an unusual work ethic, apparently. That, and I never had a job where we were ever 100% caught up and had nothing to do all afternoon, either.
Like your other readers I’m a firm believer in working when I’m at work. Children do not belong in the workplace and I’ve had the courage to say so at more than one place of work. Doing so made me a persona non grata with those who expect to be paid to coo and oohhh and ahhh over someone’s drooling offspring but that didn’t stop me from saying what I felt.
I hate having to try to work over the noise of a crowd of baby admirers. What’s worse is when people bring their children that are a bit older to the office and let them run around like wild heathens, screaming and beating on the cubicle walls as they go by. Sure, there were times when I would occasionally have visit my dad’s office when I was growing up, but it was expected of me to sit quietly and behave. Of course, I got bored, but I learned to deal with it. He made it known that there were people working and they had much better things to do than listen to me entertain myself.
Luckily I work remotely these days! But when I worked @ Corp HQ, there were kids in all the time for ‘visits’. Our company is part of the Working Mother Top 100 Group so yes, my company is VERY VERY VERY pro-parent and pro-family. Which is great. What is not great is when the kid screeches from 2 rows over. Or when their kid screams AND runs around the cube farm where 200+ sales reps are on the phone from sun-up to sun-down. I had spoken up so many times with no results, so I submitted a formal complaint to HR and CC’d in all the Team Leaders. I said the noise was affecting productivity…which it was.
That’s all I needed to mention and within 2 days there was a new HR policy. Lots of people that were parents thanked me which made me feel like less of an ogre.
Ok, this next part will FREAK you out so read with caution.
When one of my personal friends and former associates came in to bring her newborn in for the first visit, she asked if…….ready?……
……………………………………………she could change her newborn’s diaper in my cubicle??
ABSOLUTELY NO WAY IN HELL NOT!!! I said it verbally. I said it with body language. She didn’t bring her kid in for the next year.
I enjoy children and like Phoena, I don’t deal well with ill-mannered ones. I may be the odd duck here but I don’t mind (except if I’m busy) when people bring their babies work. I even like holding them for a little bit. This amuses and perplexes one of my co-workers who is also childfree. I think it’s fun for a bit….but I don’t get the “baby bug” after a baby-holding episode.
I’ve have also gotten comments that I seem to relate well to babies ( I guess I do; babies and children seem to like me) but I make light of the comments by stressing I only like other people’s babies.
Great comments all…
First of all Kath… I read it slowly, but it still didn’t prepare me for the shock… changer her baby’s diaper in your cubicle??? What?! Mind you I had to laugh afterwards… imagining the look on your face…
My company is parent friendly but no way is it allowed that kids come in to the extent of your workplace. Thank goodness, because it would be awful, I’m sure we’d have twice as many kids coming in for all sorts of reasons.
EBchelle - Taking your daughters to work day - I am totally supportive of that, in fact I almost always offer to set up sessions for the girls when they come in. I think it’s a good idea to have girls meet other childfree women in the workplace. The thing is I’d have to look for an opportunity to bring it up as it wouldn’t otherwise, and maybe it should. Something to think about.
Phoena - have to agree with you re the catch-22. And I truly believe that the workplace is for working, it isn’t a place to offload kids if you don’t know what to do with them or if you’re busy. It’s as if sometimes they expect co-workers to help amuse the kids while they do whatever they have to do. Even if I do like some kids (which I do, particularly the well behaved ones) I still don’t think the workplace is the place for them.
Christine - people say babies and small children relate to my husband… and he agrees. It’s when they start with… “oh, you should just have one…” that they typically go and spoil it. Then he says “No way” and they wonder why… heh!
Mel - On the few occasions I went to my Dad’s office, I know I was well behaved. I can’t imagine myself running around screaming, hitting cubicles etc. I still wonder how some parents see nothing wrong with their kids doing that when they bring them into the workplace - they seem to be oblivious.
Brightfeather… totally. I often think that because we tend to “put up with it” we help perpetuate it because we don’t want to be singled out. Or because we want a quiet life (which we don’t get anyway because they still bring in the noisy kids). I like the fact that you spoke up, also like what Kath did and it’s clear that made things change. More and more though it seems that the norm is parents and kids first, and all others a distant second. Maybe it’s time to stand up for our rights in the workplace.
Shannon…”I wanted to get the sign that said that “Unattended Children will be Sold” but DH thought it was too unfriendly.” How about Unattended Children will be toasted?” Or is that even more unfriendly?
Honestly, if people leave their kids unattended in a place fraught with danger stuff they are stupid.
CFSince 6… I would have no patience with your boss. No wonder his wife calls every minute… she knows he’s going to be right there on the end of the phone. I think it’s called Control… as in he has none. But I love “I don’t do babies…” Next time someone tries to shove a baby in my arms.. I hope I remember to use it. At least it seems she got the message!
I am usually so busy when I am at work that I rarely have down-times. And I think it’s disrespectful to expect everyone to drop everything and gather round to see your offspring (and they do because they are puzzled if you don’t gather) simply because it’s been brought in. I try to imagine a comparable situation where I would expect everyone in the office to stop and pay attention to me… just because - and I can’t think of one. But it seems to be accepted that people are allowed to disrupt any activity they please because they want to show off their baby!
Our latest addition to the mommy ranks came back in last week with her baby, and the ENTIRE company (it’s only a small company - 17 people - but still) downed tools and tromped into the boardroom to pay their respects. Excepting yours truly, who was too busy for a start, and totally not interested for seconds. I did drop by briefly to say how fabulous mom looked (apart from the obvious sleep deprivation), but as for the replicant … meh.
A lot of wasted man hours that afternoon. Stuff like that annoys me.
Man, I *WISH* kids were not allowed in my work place.
Oh…wait…I teach, so, uhm, would that mean I am out of a job?
I do not think kids have a place in the work place…ever. I have been in the school during exam time, when we’re all working away, trying to get our exams made/marked, and because they are often half days, someone will bring their kid in. Yes, I know we are a school, but we have KIDS SITTING EXAMS!! QUIET!!!
If it’s a school, does that make it ok? No…I don’t think so. Not at all.
Kids are a major distraction in so many ways that it is not appropriate to those in the office to have them there…regardless of where your office is.
Yeah Kat… I can identify. At least the went off to the boardroom to pay homage
I’ll be blatantly honest here - I don’t like kids. I don’t HATE kids, and I guess some are okay, but I generally don’t like them, and don’t want them either. The trouble is I’m 23 and married, and of course, I’m automatically expected to either have kids or want them if I’ve wed. Wrong! And I just know that when I say, ‘Honestly…I’m just not interested in having children,’ I can see the wheels turning - they obviously assume there’s ’something wrong’.
And I also hate it when people bring their kids into work so that we can all crowd around and say how cute and brilliant the little baby is. I have coworkers who have kids and won’t stop going on about them. ‘Little Liam did this. Liam did that. You’ll never guess what…Liam ate a whole bowl of cereal yesterday!’ I DON’T. BLOODY. CARE. I don’t like children, so to me it’s boring. But again, if you really don’t bat an eyelid at Liam’s cute face or all-round wonderfulness, you’re obviously ‘jealous’.
Blegh.