Every so often I come across a gem of a post that validates things that as childfree people we already know, say, but hardly ever hear admitted. Thanks to blogs people are getting up the courage to confess their thoughts in a way that in their circles they could never ever do.
Thanks to Bella Online (great childfree forum well worth checking out) I found this post called
True Dad Confessions – Let’s hear it for the boys!
Dads saying what they really feel about becoming a parent. This is a must read! None of it is really a surprise to me. What does surprise me are the number of people who don’t think about the consequences of having children until it is too late or until they are forced upon them.
We’ve been fortunate to hear from the men’s point of view on this blog from time to time, but outside this blog their voices (and their wishes) are often drowned out and sidelined by the juggernaut of “I must have a baby no matter what…” voices of the wanna-be childed, women who feel they simply must have a child to justify their reason for being or who simply don’t think of any alternative.
At the end of the day though the men, for a variety of reasons, allowed themselves to be talked into having children. Now they are stuck with them. Read what they say.
There are so many nuggets here that I really can’t pick any particular one. But here are some quotes from the post that will have you nodding your heads…go and check them all out here.
Here’s one…
“I wish i’d never let her talk me into having kids. I didn’t really want them. And now that we do, we can’t go back to the way things were. Things were perfect before. Don’t get me wrong. I do love them and would do anything for them. Its just that life was so much better before. We’re living paycheck-to-paycheck since she quit work to be a sahm and we never get to do anything fun. Its just kids, kids, kids. I’d switch places with my childless buddies any day…”
And another…
“I stay late at work just to postpone coming home to a screeching wife and kid. I don’t know which one is worse. I have no freedom, I can’t go back to college, I can’t travel. I feel as though I’m wearing a ball and chain. If I could have one wish it would be to go back and get a vasectomy before I met my wife…”
And another…
“Having children ruined my life as well as hers. Why do women feel so obligated to have children even though they really don’t want them 24/7?”
Why indeed? I do feel for the men. But I fully agree with one Bella Online forum commentator DV who said, “I know that’s how life with a child is like, because I thought of the consequences beforehand.”
Very true. My husband and I sat down and thought through all the potential impacts to our lives and we came up with a good many of what the men in the True Dad Confessions are expressing. I wonder how many these marriages are going to survive. The ironic thing is that these men would probably have been happier childfree and might even have been childfree if given a choice.
At the end of the day though, they did make a choice and now they have to live with the painful consequences. Not a life I’d like to live.
When will the truth be told… that having children can and often does ruin a marriage? For the men there’s a very simple, accident proof passport to life on your terms… if you know you don’t want children get a vasectomy before you get married and be sure your partner knows you’ve had one.
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the fathers i know in my circle of friends could be the authors of any one of those posts! they seem worn out constantly and make comments all the time about how much of a pain their kids are. the moms, on the other hand, live in moo-ville and all they talk about is their kids and kid-related activities. i feel sorry for the guys. marriage is about each other, and kids… well, they pretty much screw it all up.
I’ve got news for you……WOMEN DON’T LIKE BEING PARENTS EITHER!!! Especially Because The Woman Is Just EXPECTED To Do Everything That Both Parents Should Be Doing…..24-7!!!!. We love our kids, but it’s even harder to be a Mother…Much Harder….Sorry!!
If “WOMEN DON’T LIKE BEING PARENTS EITHER!!!” then why do they insist on bringing children into this world and pressure men to become fathers because of their biological clocks? Let’s face it, women have more reproductive freedom than men do. Women can always have abortions. Are you saying that women don’t really know what they are getting into when they become mothers?
Women are just expected to do everything that both parents should be doing? Women choose between being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom while men are expected to continue working AND do chores and projects around the house when they come home at night and on the weekends.
Furthermore, women often take on so many projects that they can’t handle and then blame men when they stress themselves out. Then they file for divorce because their “feelings changed”, break up the family, take at least 50 percent of the man’s income and assets and collect child support. The man now has to pay for his own child to be raised away from him and he probably doesn’t even get to see his own child as often as he likes. Of course, the woman can spend that child support anyway she likes, such as bailing out her new boyfriend from jail, buying drugs and more – yes, it has happened.
Single fathers are more likely to be depressed. No wonder. Being a father is way harder than being a mother today……Sorry! That’s why so many men are going on a marriage strike.
Wow,
This is great! As a bar maid for over 20 years I have heard more sad stories then I care to think about. I feel bad for the guys that have been duped into fatherhood who didn’t want it. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told that same tale over and over. Fella’s, the female of the species is far more deadly. Please, head for your friendly urologist and have a vasectomy. It takes less then 10 minutes, its painless and you will never have to fear unwanted paternity. Don’t allow the female to dictate.I am female, childfree by choice and I LOVE my freedom. Lets get serious about stabalizing population and stop having unwanted children just because someone’s biological clock is ticking.
Okay let’s be honest here folks. First off, yes having kids is a major pain in the ass! Second off, having kids can also be one of the best parts of life for many people. For example, and this is me personally, before I had kids I took everything for granted. Now that I have kids, simply the thought of a day without them is like the first day of summer.
At the end of the day it’s a trade off. Is it worth sacrificing years of finances and hardship to potentially yield maximum joy from your life. Or is the sacrifice not worth it? Many times and for many people it’s not worth it, nor does it lend any amount of overwhelming joy for everyone. Having small kids is miserable, but the first thing I want to do and see when I get home is my kids. Even if an hour later I want to jump off a bridge lol. It sucks, but it’s awesome. I don’t think either answer is cut and dry. I would say though, that couples with no kids appear to be happier. But, there are different levels of happiness.
No One Duped These Grown Men Into Having Children, Unless The Man Was Raped. These Men Chose To Be Parents When They Had Sex…..Sorry!
Following your logic, women chose to be parents when they had sex but the law allows women to have abortions. Maybe instead of allowing them to have abortions, these women should be told….Sorry!
As I’ve said in another post, I’m a young single man who has already decided not to have kids. What I’m thinking to do is, to simply remain unmarried to avoid children! That’s how strong my desire to be childfree is. What are your comments on that?
Have a visectomy. Truly, kids are a financial drain, energy drain, emotional drain, time drain, and once they are grown they may just tell you to to hell and abandon you. That is the reality of having kids!
If that’s what makes you happy, go for it. You aren’t likely to fine anyone around here who’ll try to convince you otherwise. If you WANT to get married and aren’t because of the threat of children, I think that’s a little silly. Marriage doesn’t have to mean children, and staying single isn’t a fail proof prophylactic. Realistically, it’d make more sense to say you’re going to be celibate to avoid becoming a parent, but again, if singlehood is what’s going to give you the happiest life you can have, more power to you.
I love my finance, we’ve been together for nearly 6 years. We just got a great new place together but I feel that this perfect little world will collapse one day when we have a kid. I don’t believe the species has any real point to propagate itself and I am so deeply opposed to reproducing that I worry it will jeopardize our realtionship one day. I’d rather have several nice housecats and spoil them.
I see having a child as a life-altering event that will siphon my money and free-time ultimately ushering in my death quicker then I would please.
An alcohol induced coma seems preferable.
great comment Krull. funny yet absolutely 100% categorically TRUE. having a child is life-altering event that will siphon your money and free time.
If my man has a vasectomy when I meet him, I could care less. I don’t want children to be honest. This read has proved me wrong in thinking that all men want with women is kids. Thanks.
Hi. In asian culture, one part that we cultivate is like when you get older, your kids will take care of you. Is like an investment. You give the best of education to your kids, and when you get older, or retired, lonely, then the kids will be at your side. I wonder if anyone thought of this? I am not sure if americans/europeans think in this way.
Myself, I don’t have kids, and I am not 100% sure if i want to have kids, but I don’t want to age lonely, or having to live in senior housing one day….
The thought of having my kid to support me (emotionally) when I am old, that sounds like good reason to have kid.
What do you think of my reason?
Thanks,
There is no guarantee that your kid won’t drop you off at a nursing home one day, no guarantee that they will even like you….kids have far too many variables for me. lol
This is precisely why my father had not just one three kids. All of us have made it clear to him that we are not interested in taking care of him in his old age. Wrong reason to have a kid. If people had children for the *right reasons, the world’s population would probably go down by 80 percent.
Josh, in theory it sounds great to have someone to take care of you when you get old. Perhaps in Asian culture, children have more respect for their parents. But in the USA, children have become very spoiled. I worked in a senior home, and so many old people were very sad because their children hardly ever (and if ever) came to visit them. Having kids is no guarantee that you will have someone to take care of you when you’re old.
Karen, so if my solely reason to have a kid is because I want them to be with me if in case I either happen to be alone or disabled, am I dreaming too much? In your senior housing , were there any asian seniors? I once went to one for a voluntary function, and I only saw “white” .
I read this whole post, and I also read one article in another website, I am copying here one part which I think makes a lot of sense:
“As a couple, you both may want to spend more years together, to enjoy life and get to know each other more. Your child will benefit from this decision. Grow together with travel, time with friends and family, and dedication to your careers. This kind of life experience will rub off in such a positive way on any new addition to your family.
“
There are many Asians in nursing homes where I live, which is in a big city. Perhaps you live in an area where there aren’t that many Asians.
In any event, how do you know your children will take care of you? Maybe they will be unemployed. Maybe they won’t be able to take care of themselves, let alone you. Maybe they will be too busy working and taking care of their own children. What makes you think they will give up their lives to stay with you to wipe your behind and change your diapers? Why would you want them to go through the stress of taking care of you?
Women bear the brunt of the childbearing experience so to hear these men complaining about having kids is a joke! And by the way, not all women want kids but accidental pregnancies do happen and not all women are willing to have abortions.
redz, it is women like you that make me see RED.
Although women have 9 months of temporary difficulty, the fact remains they are still pampered by many men and women (ie, family, friends, strangers) through gifts, money, attention, spa treatments, free dinners, and in general, people will treat her extra special all because she is pregnant. Heck, even the malls/businesses now offer pregnant women close parking like they do for handicap people. Furthermore, if she happens to have connections she will have midwives, or other women to help her during the first few months.
Conversely, men have to shoulder the all the financial responsibilities of taking care of the said pregnant woman with NO HELP. His boss could care less his wife is pregnant, he might have to work MORE hours just to make sure things are paid, and nobody will give attention to the husband and buy him free meals at all while his wife is pregnant. And even after the baby is born, a man will rarely get a break, all bills must be paid and the family must be protected at all cost otherwise men are looked at as failures/”deadbeats”.
This makes me think of something I read that said women will always be able to produce breastmilk for their child, but men will never always have abundant periods were they can hunt wild animals or find jobs to feed their families.
The bottom line is that when a couple chooses to have a family, it’s mostly the man who gives up the greater portion of his LIFE to be able to provide the resources to ensure a stable family life. For women however, it’s OPTIONAL, she can be a good SAHM, she can be Mrs. career woman, or she can flat out be a good for nothing mom/wife. Regardless of her choice seicoty will not critise her at all.
BINGO!!!! BINGO!!!! BINGO!!!!! BINGO!!!!! BINGO!!!!! BINGO!!!!!! JB!!!!!
Your article is SPOT ON!!!!!!!!!! I agree with 10000% of what you said!!! I could type the word BINGO!!! until my finger or my keyboard broke……..one or the other!!! Way to tell it like is is JB!!!
Thanks!!!
Steve Timm
Oh my gosh. What do you have against women being pampered by others, or taken care of, or making choices about what to do with their lives? Women have been long criticized by society in the past if she chose what was not the rule. I assume that having a child is both parents’ responsibility. And you make me laugh about the “9 months of temporary difficulty”. Do you know that a woman can die during childbirth? Unexpected things may happen at that moment so it’s risky health-wise. Also, it is not true that new fathers are not considered by others. I personally know of fathers that are considered by their families at least.
I do not really see why lady’s comment made you see “red”. People are so wasteful with words sometimes. So vacuous…
I do no mean wrong but, do you know of the changes in the work legislation for Canadians? Men have now the chance of taking full maternity leave if they want to.
I don’t think it’s about the women being pampered or making choices for their lives. It’s about how men are not pampered and not being allowed to make the same choices. I believe the point of the comment was how society’s general opinion is that copulation is considered compensation for any consequences thereof, while society is forever beholden to the woman. Changes in legislation and examples of how the men are being considered is a misrepresentation of the reality of how society views men.
THAT’S IF HE DECIDES TO HELP AT ALL. MOST SINGLE PARENTS ARE MOMS
MOST SINGLE PARENTS ARE MOMS BECAUSE WOMEN CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE MOMS.
Most divorces are filed by women so they can collect the alimony, property distributions and child support.
Most women get pregnant after sleeping with some thrilling bad boy who humps and dumps them (or maybe she humps and dumps him) and then collect the welfare payment AND child support if possible.
Society subsidizes illegitimacy, promiscuity and divorce for women. That’s why we have a fatherless America. That’s why we have more people in prison than any other nation (more than 80 percent of criminals were raised by single mothers).
Oh my goodness it is so nice to finall have some people admit this! I am tired of people cramming down my throat that I must have a kid to be someone. I don’t think so. I am 25 single, out of college and trying to find my way in life. I want a guy who thinks and feels the same way I do. I have never had that “urge” to want to have a child. Most of my friends or people that I know already all have a kid and are married, and like when is your turn coming? I am like not anytime soon. Kids can be a blessing but they can also be a curse. After the way I have seen my brother do my parents I will NEVER want to have them. I am tired of women romanticizing the idea of having kids. There is nothing romantic about it. I want to be able to have a partner in life that will feel the same way and we can be child free and happy for years to come.
I never really wanted kids, but did it for my husband who did. 2 kids later and 4 yrs have passed and I still have days where I wished I never did have them. Women can’t say that, we are then criticized for being horrible mothers/women – like what is wrong with her? I would be willing to bet that more mothers feel this way, but push those thoughts out / live in misery & silence. Not everyone should have kids, and that should be ok. For the guys that get sucked into it, it sucks…..but in the end those kids are innocent, so you need to suck it up and live with it.
Josh, I don’t know if you’ll read this still as it’s been a few months. But let me tell you that first off you are incorrect about Asian culture. These days, middle class Asians aren’t any different- it is a matter of economics. People used to not have the option to plan their own retirement and depended on their families who all lived in the same city, and in some cases, in extended families in the same household. Now, Asian youth are getting educated and moving around for jobs and their parents are growing old alone too. Look at Japan for a good example of this. Look at India too where the extended family is now being destroyed and inflation is so high that it is very difficult for people to take care of their parents, plan their own retirement and raise their own kids. By the time your kids grow up, things in Asian culture won’t be too different than in Western culture.
Also, Asians always misunderstand something about Western culture. Most American and European old people want to be self-sufficient. They value their independence and don’t want to live with their children. This is something Asians never think of when they talk about Americans and their aging parents. My parents don’t want to live with me. We have a good relationship and we visit often, but they have their own life and enjoy it. They can take care of themselves.
Aside from all of that, I think it is a really horrible thing to do to have a kid just so he can take care of you when you are old. There are two problems with this. The first is that you are not giving your future child any options about how he wants to live his life and what he wants to do. He is born into a situation in which he is forced to take care of you despite his own plans and interests. That will breed resentment. I know that for generations, this was how it worked in Asia (I’m of INdian descent) but your kids will grow up in a different world in which they see the freedom of Western and middle class Asian culture- they will be resentful if they can’t enjoy that freedom. They will see options that previous generations did not have. Second, financially it is a poor investment. Kids are extremely expensive to raise. Right now, a four year degree at a state university costs about 40,000 dollars. That doesn’t count all the clothing, medical, toys, food, etc beforehand, plus the bigger house in a nice district where the schools are good or primary school tuition. Then there is the food, housing, clothing while the kid is in college, and then in the end, there is no guarantee that your kids won’t turn out to be a loser or autistic or something like that. So it’s an investment that averages around 250,000 dollars and has no guarantee of return. If you are really only worried about having someone to take care of you when you are old, invest the money in a retirement plan so that you can take care of yourself.
If you have other reasons for having kids, OK, but you say that the only reason you’d have them is to take care of you when you are old and that is just wrong.
Good post Ana! I agree 100%
I keep seeing this statistic, that it costs $250,000 to raise a child. Um, where? In Sri Lanka? Because I grew up in Brooklyn and my university degree, which I raced through in 3 years instead of 4, cost $120,000, and that was back in 1998 and did not include anything except tuition. As in, rent, food, books, clothes, transport, bills, etc., etc., etc. were extra. Maybe you CAN raise a child on $250,000 and that will provide food and shelter, but we are not talking about basics. We are all discussing raising Western children, who have their own bedroom, a bike, piano lessons, braces, baseball equipment, a computer, a phone, every single pokemon action figure, summer camps and designer jeans. Plus a thousand other things that all cost money. I am pretty sure that if I had a child, that decision would cost well over a million. Because we dont want to have a child that wears the same pants and plays with sticks on the street, we all would have a well-rounded child who plays this instrument and participates in that sport and goes to a very good school. So I don’t know what place and what decade the cost figure came from, but please, please stop using it. It does not reflect reality.
You know, so much money is thrown at Western kids but they still don’t amount to much.
These spoiled children grow up to be fat, lazy, and unappreciative of what they were given in life. Also, even though these children had all kids of lessons in a wide variety of fields, rarely do these children grow into adults who have actually MASTERED any of it so what was the point?
The truth is, it does not cost much money to achieve excellence, some of your world class sportsmen, or well known businessmen started from very humble beginnings.
Children are so overrated that it has almost become a farce to suggest that when you have them that it is a wonderful experience. It is a crap shoot and only the lucky parents go unscathed. They are a pain in the ass when they are small very expensive to maintain, demanding and extremely ungrateful. These are just the formative years when they become teens that is when the real stress begin they are rebellious and this is the time they get to blame you for their poor decisions. After you drop dead in the house you never get to pay for they stand over your coffin crying declaring how much they loved you. Wear a condom and when someone mentions how wonderful having children are run for the hills.
my husband and I are having difficulties conceiving, I never wanted children until I got pregnant “accidentally” and subsequently had a miscarriage. We did IVF and miscarried again.
I see people with children and don’t envy their lifestyle at all. I like the romantic idea of a perfect family.but I hate the idea of looking after a baby 24/7.
I am now considering a childfree like (better than childless which indicates a lack of something)
My hubby and I have been together 17 years and we love each other like on the first day, there is no reason for it to change. We have a great marriage, a great sex life, cash and freedom, a lot of people would kill for all this!
I am 44 female and childfree and very happy about it. I do not envy women pushing stollers when I bicycle past them.
The world is overpopulated. One is better to adopt, or donate your time to volunteer for children who have no parents. Or just babysit.
I am very happy and free and feel that everyday is a luxury and I am at peace.
Heya
YOU guys are all making an awsome point.
Most people will never admit these things coz they think it sounds heartless and horrible.
i have an almost 2 year old son and i love him to bits…but i must say having him really took a toll on my career which had to take a back seat. As he was constantly sick and in and out of hospital…..
I am 27 and my career stood still for the last 2 years as i only worked partime here and there.
I look at single people or even married couples without kids… to me they having a blast – going to theatre shows, doing sporting activities and doing tons of fun things without a care in the world.
I love the outdoors and doing things like road racing, hiking, running,surfing, sandboarding and many more but now i am limited simply coz i cant expect my parents or babysitter to look after my kid for long hours while im having fun.
I simply cant take woman who revolves their whole life around their children and never make time for themselves.
Some woman actually feel they have to have a child to prove they is capable and worthy.
I still believe that you come first. That a woman should have the freedom to have hobbies and go to gym everyday.
But it is truely something to think about coz kids really rip your time from you and they r unpredictable…………..
Thanks for this comment Cutie… I always appreciate the parents who are willing to tell it like it is. I wish more parents were as honest at least then others would be able to give more thought BEFORE they have children.
Don’t Have Kids. Don’t Do It……..Seriously…….Don’t Do It.
+1!
I appreciate what people are saying on this forum. I am happy to hear someone be honest about everyone not being happy as a parent…….especially as a Single Parent. No One Is Morally Obligated To Have Children. Raising even One child can be Extremely Stressful! Unless It Is your life long dream to take care of child and put that child’s needs before your own for all eternity……Don’t have kids.! Most people won’t admitt that having kids can be extremely stressful and that you can love your kids, but still regret the Enormous Responsibility that raising them can be……Especially if you are forced to raise them alone. Any Man or Woman can end up raising their kids alone because of things that can happen which may be out of their control. People forget that a cute little baby is going to be a teenager one day that may refuse to do what you tell them to do. What about dealing with stress at work and then having to come home and deal with more stress when your child gets in trouble at school for not listening or the stress of having to help your child or children with hours and hours of homework when all you want to do is come home and go to sleep after a long, stressful day at work? After the homework you have to feed the kids and put them in bed too. What happens as a Single Parent when you look forward to going out on a date after several years but you just can’t because the baby sitter cancelled on you at the last minute? Just remember that once you have a child……..you can’t go back. A Good Parent Will Always feel some type of stress from being a Parent because You Love your Child and You want to be a strong support system for your child. Being a parent is an extremely tough job that will last Forever. It is important to investigate and really think before having children. If you are not sure that you want to or are able to deal with the enormous stress that comes along with being a Parent……You may Not want to have kids at all.
When I was a teenager my mom made me babysit for families in our neighborhood.
I watched babies to toddlers over the course of a few years. Much to my mom’s disappointment, babysitting was the most effective birth control method I’ve experienced.
I never had the “urge” to have children, and when I was forced to babysit and care for others children I came to the conclusion that I never wanted children. I have no preconceived illusions or fantasies about being fat, pregnant, with sagging breasts and strapped down with a couple of kids.
Now when I go to a store or restaurant and I see a harried mom with screaming kids I just whisper to myself “birth control, birth control”.
I have an incredible husband and I cherish our marriage. I don’t need children to validate who I am, or what I want in life.
These comments are so wonderfully refreshing to read, living in a society that worships children more than any other period of time. Years ago every damn thing in the world didn’t have to be “family/child-friendly”, and it wasn’t a horrible idea to suggest an adult-only wedding or other function. Now, moms with strollers are taking over the elderly/handicapped seats on the buses, and everyone thinks it’s fine. Because “I HAVE A CHILD!! I COME FIRST!” Children are spoiled like never before, given cell phones & texting 24/7 by the time they’re 12, and when was the last time you saw lots of children playing OUTSIDE anymore? When I was a kid, summer meant being outdoors from sun up to sun down, we were tanned & exhausted at the end of the day, Mom had to yell at us to come in. Now, they are locked up inside playing video games & talking on the computer, since a day without these things is “boring.”
A parent’s whole identity anymore is their parent status, they are just Mommy or Daddy. Browse the Facebook profiles or any other social network site of these parents, every picture and post is about their kid. Mother is martyr like never before, and it’s getting out of hand, in my opinion. They spend so much time telling us how wonderful it is, and how it’s The Most Important Job In The World (Take THAT, brain surgeons, oncologists & firefighters!) , they just have to let everyone know how much they are sacrificing & how satisfying & awesome it all is. If it were so damn wonderful, they wouldn’t have to sell it so hard. Funny how anytime you observe kids & their parents in real situations, it doesn’t look like the Kodak moments they paint for us.
I am 33 & married 9 years, my husband and I have such a great life together that I’m amazed all the time how it’s still so good. I always believed everyone when they told me “it’s only like that in the beginning”, but I never realized they meant “until the kids come”… My parent counterparts are so much older looking, more exhausted, generally more worried day to day, and fit the stereotype “mom” or “dad” look, it’s scary. I have worked hard to keep my body trim & healthy, I cannot imagine disfiguring myself with ruined abdominal muscles, stretch marks, a permanent poochy “mummy tummy” even after losing the weight, & stretched out droopy breasts (and stretched out other parts), I would be so depressed & unhappy. *Shudder*.
All in all, if people want to have kids and truly enjoy the parenting experience, I am happy for them. Finding what makes you happy in this short life is really the goal & not the same for everyone. BUT, for the love of God, parents – stop trying to beat it into my head how incredible every waking moment is, stop posting every minute of your child’s mundane day (Little Skyler ate peas today!!) on Facebook, and most of all, STOP implying that your life is so much more meaningful & important than mine just because you reproduced. It’s not!
http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish/ I believe this article sums it up perfectly. Why is having children overrated? Well the answer is obvious. The parents are overstating the benefits and joys. Now why would they do that?
I believe some parents DO love being parents. They’re gluttons for punishment in a way.
Other parents know they’ve been duped but a) want others to make the same mistake, misery loves company b) know it is far too taboo to proclaim their bundle of joy is making them stressed and unhappy and c) cognitive dissonance.
The article I posted provides an answer for why so many parents assault us with bingos about how fantastic being a parent is:
“When we have invested a lot in a choice that turns out to be bad, we’re really inept at admitting that it didn’t make rational sense.”
There ya go. Parents lie because they don’t know they’re lying. They have to tell themselves and other that their choice was a good one. The alternative is too painful.
How weird is it that Facebook is the ultimate tool for showing off how wonderful your kidded life is…but then I see them later and they are all miserable! Like…really unhappy!
I asked my friend about this and she just said “Oh, well, the worse your day is with the kids, the better you try to make it look on Facebook or else you feel like crap.” (huh?, but…whatever.)
I had one mommie aquaintence who was constantly doing this, so I used to post things like: “Slept in until noon with my gorgeous hubs, now we are drinking margaritas on the beach!” just to annoy her. She is obsessed with the baby weight, so I would make sure to mention when I had second helpings of mac & cheese too. (So… I’m an a-hole. In this case…I defend my actions…she is just awful.) She defriended me, and at a party the other night one of my “cool”parent friends said; “Dude, when you used post that sh*t it made all of us with kids sick with jealousy. We all used to talk about how annoying it was to hear about how long your afternoon nap in the hammock was.” I was all like HA! That’s why I did it. Now stop posting pics of your kids dirty nappies….for god’s sake…STOP.
So…beware the glowing, all singing all dancing FB posts…it would seem they are from people trying to convince you that they are gloriously happy. Not all of course, I mean, I am sure parents are plain thrilled when little Satsuma or whatever gets her kindergarten diploma…but a good portion of those “my life is wonderful with toddlers!” posts are bogus. More than one person has fessed up now that I ask them directly.
And on a side (smug) note…
The rumers are true….every single one of my friends with kids says that their sex life is NON. I guess after being climbed over with grubby little hands and feet all day you just aren’t in the mood to get down.
I used to hear the “honeymoon” lasted two years…funny…this is usually when the kiddles start to come. I have been with my DH for over ten years…and trust…the honeymoon is still on.
If kids r so bad then I ask you, why do people have more than just one???
For some all they can aspire to be in life is a reproducing vessel, Dreams,adventure and improving the quality of life for their “already exsisting” fellow beings is beyond the scope of those individuals.
That leaves the rest of us one big mess to clean up and what a good thing we dont want kids! Because if we did WHO would be here to catch the falling world while they were busy changing diapers and wiping butts?
QUESTION EVERYTHING!
Rita, people have more than one because the damage is already done!
Also, this site is a refreshing change – there are usually oodles of responses from people with kids, telling us how wrong we are to make the CHOICE not to have kids.
If one BINGO fails then they usually have plenty more tucked in their nursing bras…..but there are a hundred and one reasons why people don’t choose to have kids.
People who post on Facebook all the wonderful things about their children, also, from time to time, mention the incredible experience on the occasional weekend or evening away from those kids. they talk about an evening out with no kids as if it is the greatest experience that ever happens in life. something simple like dinner and drinks. something that my wife and i do WHENEVER we feel like it
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