Every so often I come across a gem of a post that validates things that as childfree people we already know, say, but hardly ever hear admitted. Thanks to blogs people are getting up the courage to confess their thoughts in a way that in their circles they could never ever do.
Thanks to Bella Online (great childfree forum well worth checking out) I found this post called
Dads saying what they really feel about becoming a parent. This is a must read! None of it is really a surprise to me. What does surprise me are the number of people who don’t think about the consequences of having children until it is too late or until they are forced upon them.
We’ve been fortunate to hear from the men’s point of view on this blog from time to time, but outside this blog their voices (and their wishes) are often drowned out and sidelined by the juggernaut of “I must have a baby no matter what…” voices of the wanna-be childed, women who feel they simply must have a child to justify their reason for being or who simply don’t think of any alternative.
At the end of the day though the men, for a variety of reasons, allowed themselves to be talked into having children. Now they are stuck with them. Read what they say.
There are so many nuggets here that I really can’t pick any particular one. But here are some quotes from the post that will have you nodding your heads…go and check them all out here.
“I wish i’d never let her talk me into having kids. I didn’t really want them. And now that we do, we can’t go back to the way things were. Things were perfect before. Don’t get me wrong. I do love them and would do anything for them. Its just that life was so much better before. We’re living paycheck-to-paycheck since she quit work to be a sahm and we never get to do anything fun. Its just kids, kids, kids. I’d switch places with my childless buddies any day…”
“I stay late at work just to postpone coming home to a screeching wife and kid. I don’t know which one is worse. I have no freedom, I can’t go back to college, I can’t travel. I feel as though I’m wearing a ball and chain. If I could have one wish it would be to go back and get a vasectomy before I met my wife…”
“Having children ruined my life as well as hers. Why do women feel so obligated to have children even though they really don’t want them 24/7?”
Why indeed? I do feel for the men. But I fully agree with one Bella Online forum commentator DV who said, “I know that’s how life with a child is like, because I thought of the consequences beforehand.”
Very true. My husband and I sat down and thought through all the potential impacts to our lives and we came up with a good many of what the men in the True Dad Confessions are expressing. I wonder how many these marriages are going to survive. The ironic thing is that these men would probably have been happier childfree and might even have been childfree if given a choice.
At the end of the day though, they did make a choice and now they have to live with the painful consequences. Not a life I’d like to live.
When will the truth be told… that having children can and often does ruin a marriage? For the men there’s a very simple, accident proof passport to life on your terms… if you know you don’t want children get a vasectomy before you get married and be sure your partner knows you’ve had one.