I may have passed up some nice guys, but quite frankly they’re not worth the trouble that old baggage of children with a previous woman brings.

Good luck to you!

Having kids absolutely can ruin a marriage. And I disagree with a previous post in here (and others) that this happens because the couple didn’t know why they wanted kids, or didn’t really want them.

No. It happens because young parents don’t realize how pervasive, life-changing, and RELENTLESS an effect children will have on your life. We are fed these lines of bull from our parents, and child-rearing books, and from society in general, that it will be only “temporary”, that we will rearrange our lives and find ways to keep the “spontanaeity” there - “you just have to work at it.” That the reward of watching your children grow will be worth all the time you miss out on with each other.

These are the same idiots who describe giving birth as “a little uncomfortable” (no joke, that’s the term our childbirth instructors always used).

That’s how it happens, man. It looks like it will be nothing but joy and satisfaction to raise a darling child with the woman you love. Then you wake up 20 years later, look back on all the quiet, soulful, intimate time you have lost with your wife, and realize that you basically traded a passionate, care-free, loving relationship with a woman for 20 years of stress, work, and loneliness.

If just one man reads this, decides not to have children, and 20 years from now wakes up in the morning with his wife in his arms and thinks how lucky he is and how glad he is that they have dedicated their lives to each other, then my posting all this will have been well worth it.

and these women who were obsessed with having a child and killed for it.

And these are “better” than us??????

http://www.crimelibrary.com/notorious_murders/women/women_killers2/12.html

These are women who want children so badly they will kill other pregnant women, just for the child.

Really? Then what kind of people must Andrea Yates, Susan Smith, Diane Downing, Debra Jean Mike, Susan Eubanks, Michelle Sue Tharp, and Darlie Lynn Routier have been before they had children? Children, I might add, that they murdered.

Interestingly, according to the American Anthropological Association, more than 200 women kill their children in the United States each year.

I think that’s a pretty good statistic to thwart the “having children makes you a better person argument.” But if you want to go on believing that women who choose to have children are somehow “better people” that those who opt for a different path in life, you go right ahead and live in your perfect little bubble world. Me? I prefer to live in reality.

Interesting definition of better. So are you in essence saying you are better than us. Only people with children are able to see our own faults. I do charity work, with old people, i help others, does that invalidate my self worth, my self knowledge.. Or can a person only grow if they have children. Its no longer about you, hell people have parents to look after, sick brothers, sick family, so are those people selfish. or is it only when you have children do you become UNselfish.

Cant you see, that This is the very thing that annoys childfree. The idea that a childed person is better knows more than a childfree person.

As for children making you a better person - if you want to believe that - fine. There is plenty of evidence that it does no such thing. But it doesn’t stop people trying to convince others that they need children to be ” a better person”. Happily some of us would rather pass.

While many find that children can bring out all sorts of aspects of their character, (good and bad) having children isn’t necessary for self-discovery or self-development for that matter. And that isn’t their purpose.

And yes, we’d rather that the childed didn’t judge childfree people - including trying to convince them to parent. That would be nice.

and yes sone men are afraid and they go along with it.. to men its the path of least resistance, i was using pro woman in the bad sense, the sitcoms etc..i seperate the pro woman pro child areas (which i did put), for the very reason. Its essentially pro motherhood masquerading as pro woman. that does the childfree no good at all.

it is nice to see another cf male about..

Many are probably afraid of being alone and so they go along with what women want.

Further, women who are bloated with “babies rabies” pull all sorts of crap on men which really start to whiddle down their self esteem. It’s a form of verbal abuse with what they say.

I don’t see this world as being “pro women,” being a woman in the workforce here in the United States I know for a fact that we don’t have equal standing. But I do acknowledge that there is a huge trend of emasculating men - especially in the media.

I hate shows like sitcoms where men are essentially kicked in the balls. You can see it in the way they joke around and are treated like dumb asses. Even commercials do this. I personally hate that and I certainly don’t blame men for feeling the way they do.

Paul, it certainly is freeing once you realize that you don’t HAVE to have children, isn’t it? Welcome!

1) I’m not a freak for daring to think about “I don’t want to have children”
2) My own subborn mind was holding me back when my girlfriend endlessly whined, jelled, tried to convince me about having children.

We broke up because of that (after 3,5 years), and now she is desperately searcing for an other ‘victim’, who will be dad soon.

I always thought that you just got children, just like everybody else. Now I read stuff like ‘It’s a choice!’ yes or no. Aaaahhhhh, so simple. Mindboggeling, freaking out and comleting a journey, like a quest for freedom.

Finally!!!!

Yes my social network talked to me, she tried (but only from her point of view), my collegues think I should be in a psychiatric hospital (7 out of the 12 woman are pregnant at this time).

There is actually someting like childfree.

But there are still windmills to fight (where is my dusty sword)

A comment I want to make is like an expression in Dutch:
De grootste fout die je kan maken is iemand onderschatten!!
(The biggest mistake you can make is to underestimate somebody!!)

That is for CF people but also for “breeders”
(still having to find the right words, but give me a wile and everything will go smoothly)

And also something else

The articles of Ruut Veenhoven, a Dutch professor sociology and sexuology and specialised in “Happiness” (and that’s no joke, he has a chair in the board of the University for that) are just great!

He stated that a couple without children is happier that a couple with children. (with scientific data)
And because of that he almost lost his job!!!

This is the link:

http://www2.eur.nl/fsw/research/veenhoven/work-on-parenthood.htm
(sorry, in Dutch, but everything he published about childfree)

http://www2.eur.nl/fsw/research/veenhoven/
(his own homepage, whith articles in English)

Maybe an addition to some of knowledge about CF from all over the world.

I have a question:

Why do men (in general) always let woman make a choice about parenthood (children yes - no) and just agree with her decision?

so, i am sorry if i took it a different way. childfree people who work get the same, because we put more effort into the job and we rarely take the same amount of time off. If, going back on topic, men and by extension childfree women are considered kidults, because they dont have children, then all the ones who work and work hard are reduced into selfish children. which is a bingo in itself, we are too selfish to be treated like adults because we dont follow the life script.

as i said its all about choice, and the choices people make that affect work places and finances. because we the childfree generally work more than a lot of parents, isnt that a definition of adult, to provide for yourself and your family (however that family exists). But once again they are saying we are irresponsible, and selfish, because we work harder??? we spend money on ourselves to have a happy content life?? that we care for the enivronment?? if thats being a kidult then i will embrace the term.

People should take responsiblity for the consequences of their actions. and a lot of parents dont.