The Times says this book comes from a “progressive” corner of the U.S. Don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that one. Being childfree is still to be frowned upon (no matter how they try to hide it) But suddenly, single-motherhood has become “hip” and “progressive.” Why is this? Because it proclaims the “new breed of single mother?” And by default, fatherless kids?
Let’s set aside the whole scenario of artificial insemination, because that isn’t really news any more. What is more disturbing is the flippancy of it all. Not having a man around isn’t a big deal if you can’t find one. Priority one is to have a child.
But wait - to conceive you have to have the sperm of course… so you make sure that the vital stats are all there.
At 28, she (Sloan) was ready to have children, but her partner put off having them. After eight years, they split up. “Women don’t understand the concept of a time limit. I think some in their forties haven’t got to grips with that. There’s a kind of wilful denial, which is what I was engaged in. I didn’t anticipate that relationship to end,” she says. “I certainly ended up paying for my arrogance.”
Scott was conceived two days before Sloan’s 42nd birthday – it was her 13th attempt at pregnancy. She had tried to inseminate herself with sperm from a donor eight times and there are vivid descriptions of her disappearing up the stairs at her Republican mother’s house with a Fed-Ex parcel to go to her room and “baste” (from “turkey baster”). Scott was conceived in stirrups in a doctor’s surgery. His father is a tall, handsome, green-eyed actor (“Favourite colour: blue. Favourite pets: dogs”). Twelve vials of green eyes’ semen are still sitting refrigerated in liquid nitrogen.
Sloan doesn’t think the child having a father is important, when it comes to wanting and having a baby citing the number of babies had by accident by married people. Huh?
She says that the married parents were nice to her…. because “they could understand what it’s like wanting a child” She says (and you can almost see it coming) that it was the “childless” women her age who were hostile, because, she says they felt “threatened and angry because it’s bursting the bubble..”
Bubble?! I think she needs to get out of her bubble, although it’s doubtful she will.
I know some single parents. Very good parents. Not one of them would call single parenthood a walk in the park or what they would have chosen for themselves. On the contrary they tell me it’s hard, hard, hard.
Sloan doesn’t seem to think her child might actually want or need to have a father. In fact she doesn’t appear to think of the child at all. After all, it’s her and her want of a child that is important. And no, adoption won’t do as far as she’s concerned. She wants the experience of being pregnant. Men are of no consequence… that is perhaps until the sperm donor is needed for his wallet later on as Andy Bathie, a 37-year-old fire-fighter, who donated sperm to a lesbian couple five years ago and is now being made to pay child support is finding out.
Pity the poor kids of these women.
Childfree, selfish? Right.
Read the sorry story here: No Man’s Land.
Technorati Tags: childfree
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Holy shite! How obnoxious is THAT?
Turkey basting? Nasty.
Yet another idiot breeds. And then writes a book about it. I’m so appalled.
I have no problem with women agreeing to become single mothers ON PURPOSE in this manner if they waive the right to apply for welfare, WIC, food stamps, etc. If they can’t afford to raise the kid on her own, she shouldn’t have a kid on her own.
I’m so sick of single mothers becoming a burden on tax payers!
theres even sites about it, i found one on my travels..
it shows and tells exactly HOW to breed with sperm only..at home..
http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/homeinsem.html
the only thing i can say about that woman is that she used a proper company rather than going out and screwing any one around. (i know a woman lik that she is on her 4th child)
when the child has some psychological problems maybe she will realize that having a father is inportent
I have an acquaintance right now who went down this same path and is not pregnant with twins where one is more then likely going to have a developmental problem (she’s due in a couple of weeks). She’s still in la la land, mostly because I think she has this notion that a baby is like an accessory, like she’s about to get a new pair of shoes. Guess we have Hollywood starlets to thank for that. She doesn’t have a clue that those “accessories” are quite hard to handle solo without the money to have a host of nannies or the ability to take more then 6 weeks off of work (her allowed maternity leave).
Not only will these children not have a father, but she will more then likely never experience being in a relationship with a partner and someone she loves; not many men are going to willingly take on the burden of a relationship with a single Mom of twins.
But you know, at least the kids will be beautiful… there’s one benefit to picking a father out of a catalog.
The kids might be beautiful. But they forgot to tell you about the paranoid schizophrenia or hereditary health problems that run in the family…
I love it. I want, therefore I will have. And if I have to screw over the taxpayers, my family, and my future, I will. Hope it’s worth it, girlfriend.
And they call us childfree “selfish”! At no time do these breeders ever seem to consider the well-being of the children they bring in this world. They seem to completely ignore any possible hereditary issues like Kat mentions or any benefit having a father would have as cerebral palsy mentions. It’s really all about what they want.
It makes me think about the post regarding “kidults.” I believe these kinds of people are selfish and immature because instead of considering the realities of being a single parent (time, energy, cost of education, etc.), they consider only what they want, how they feel. Never mind how it will impact the children they have.
My decisions only impact me. That’s the kind of “selfishness” I prefer.
Phoena-
Unfortunately, this seems to be a new trend among the elites….
That being said, many women choosing this are most likely making the big bucks and can afford IVF over, and over, and over again, therefore never having to worry about welfare, etc. And of course, why worry about having a partner in this scenario when you can just hire an au pair or nanny to watch the kid while you go to work?
*sigh*
If women want to do this, fine. However, they need to add to the waiver that list Phoena started with, “absolve the man of all financial responsibility.” If men would only STOP donating their sperm! This wouldn’t happen. If there’s a demand, there will be a supply.
Ah. The “If only…”s.
This is the epitome of selfish breederism. Children need both parents. What is she going to tell him when he starts asking about his dad? “Well, your father is a great provider. After I had you, your father was used to baste the Thanksgiving turkey.” When a woman is so intent on breeding and cannot see past her own womb, many more people are hurt for longer periods of time than her self gratification of nine months and then the birth.
Women like this disgust me. I’ve noticed that there is quite a bit that disgusts me about breeders as of late.
but if your not careful and even if you are, theres stories about getting a used condom and using the discarded items..so unless you wash it out, and gt rid of it in a safe place.. theres always a risk..
it disgusts me too, i have seen so many using selfish breeders who just want children.. luckily the one girl i know who was like this.. didnt think i was a suitable man.. and for that i am grateful
This story makes me think that a majority of women just are so “blinded” to have a child, that they regard men as only a sperm donor. I’m just scared of that, but I don’t know wich part. Just daring to think like this, or is this really the most essential part. (maybe for a small group of women I may hope!)
Strange that women then still want to know about the man’s physics and some kind of succes.
Do men really have to fit an imaginary picture in those women’s minds? Even with IVF?
Makes me think.
It makes us think, but breeders never think. It’s just I want, and will do anything to get what I want. And folks say junkies are bad? All they’re doing is trying to stave off sickness…this is much, much worse.
*sigh*
Just because you want something, it doesn’t mean you should get it.
*shakes head*
I’ll never ever ever understand how someone can desire a child when they cannot provide anything above overwhelming disadvantage.
*shrugs*
I know that they say that they don’t feel “complete” until they have children.
I think that’s sad…..
Self-worth and self confidence comes from the self!!
I’ve long been digusted with the attitudes of a lot of teenaged girls and adult women who are hellbent on having children out of wedlock simply because they want kids. They allow an obsessive longing for a child to overwhelm their common sense. What happened to waiting for the right person to come along, and sharing the responsibility and care of the kids with them? Where do these women get off thinking that society should accept their stupid decision or take on the burden of them and their kids when things go wrong down the line?
As for the treatment of men as disposable sperm donors, it’s deplorable. Hey, men get on my nerves from time to time, but I’ll never go around declaring that they are obsolete. It’s very disturbing that these single women by choice will send that message to any sons they may have.
Is this these females idea of being “superwoman” and “empowered”? Sounds more like the females are woefully misguided and mistaken.
Sloan’s entire attitude made me cringe on so many levels. The way she dismissed the men like so much loo paper – except for their attributes. The even colder way she dismissed the child’s need for a father. I read that article searching for some caring phrase where she actually showed (or pretended) she gave a damn about the needs of the child. There was none. And why? Because she wants a child? Obviously the only person she considers has any rights is her selfish self… certainly her child doesn’t. Just wait til it’s 16… by then the donor rules will be wide open and then kids going in search of Dad. She’ll probably be encouraging him to do so.
I also have to wonder what this negative attitude towards men would mean if these breeders’ children turn out to be boys. How would these breeders feel if their sons were viewed only as sperm donors? Even worse, will they teach this misguided, negative attitude to their daughters? Both boys and girls need a father in their lives; boys to learn how to be a decent man and girls to learn what decent treatment is from a decent man. How will either learn these important lessons without a positive male figure in their lives?
Like my fellow posters here, I can’t stop shaking my head and shuddering.
theres even questions about fatherless children, and i mean no need for sperm at all.
yes they can create embryos out of 2 sets of female dna.
they actually can choose the sex of a child in some european countries (italy)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,1072-2505381,00.html
The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) wouldn’t let them try sex selection here, so they tried — albeit without success — in Italy. However, they still believe that they were right, that people should be able to balance their families, and that all it does is bring much-wanted children into the world (as opposed to the thousands born “naturally”, but unwanted every year).
it could in the worse case be like it is in india, where girls can be killed for being a girl, this is admittedly worse case
I went through several IUI procedures and I must admit, it was weird, disorienting, and ultimately sad. I remember thinking as I lay there on this cold table “Gee, if this works, how will I explain to this child how they were conceived?” and it all seemed so odd and NOT what I wanted. Turned out it was not what my husband wanted either! We both found it a very unpleasant experience, and we discussed it at great length and took it very seriously. What bothers me most about the whole “turkey baster” thing is the cavalier attitude behind it all, as if these women just decided to do this “kid thing” on a whim. I truly believe that the insane focus on babies in Hollywood is contributing in great measure to this desire to “get a baby” in any way possible. Yuck, the whole thing is just so distasteful and it makes me wonder what kind of parents these people will be.
Hi there–
I would sure appreciate it if you’d actually read my book or at least spend some time on my website, http://www.knockyourselfup.com, before trashing me. I have not been happy with really any of the UK press I have gotten–one of the writers didn’t even interview me, and made up quotes! Do you really think you can form firm conclusions about someone based on what some journalist chose to quote her as saying? (Even the ones who interviewed me put some of my statements in their own words, not mine! As a careful reporter myself, I’ve been astounded at the sloppiness!)
You may still disagree with my choice after reading my book, but you won’t be able to say I had a child on a whim, or that I thought nothing about the child’s needs and rights, or that I don’t think fathers are important.
And besides, I think it’s ridiculous that those who choose to be child-free are labeled “selfish.” I think it’s MUCH more selfish to have kids because it’s what everyone else does, and then realize, oops, I don’t really like kids. There are way too many “traditional families” like that. It’s not selfish AT ALL to be child-free if you don’t want kids. But why, having had the experience of being attacked, do you feel the need to attack the choices of others?
Louise – First and foremost my article is my opinion based on the linked to article. If the media misquoted you a) that’s for you to sort out with them and b) there’s no way anyone knows that – except you.
Frankly I wasn’t interested enough to read your book – and who said anything about firm conclusions? My opinion is based on the article about you (which I had imagined you’d given your permission for them to print anyway). I assume you wrote to the Editor complaining about the wrong type of exposure right? And as for feeling the “need “to “attack the choices of others…” spare me. We’re still entitled to have whatever opinion we want to have. And for the record since it’s my blog I can write whatever I please here.
I will have a look at your site – and I’ll see if it does anything to change my opinion about engineering deliberate single motherhood, with the kids sans pere, or my commentary on your media write up. But I doubt it.
Update – I visited your site, which to your credit has all the media coverage (including the Times article) along with the interestingly titled chapters of your book.
One thing is very clear – it isn’t about the child’s needs, it’s about you or other women having something that THEY want – a baby – regardless of the childs needs and regardless of the fact that actually the child does have a right to have a father not just be an offshoot of a sperm dump. Or, let me put it another way, after consideration of the child’s needs the need to mother overrides them every time. So, child on a whim? No. It’s very deliberate.
With articles titled “are Fathers Getting Obsolete?” – perhaps that’s one only you can answer. Your response below in one of the articles (unless these are words put into your mouth) is interesting indeed…
She finally settled on, “Scott doesn’t have a dad; I had him on my own.” “It lets folks know the unusual answer in a gentler way. Then if they want to know more, I can go into the donor story.”
Right. But he does have a dad. Or at least maybe he would have liked the choice to have a Dad. Perhaps the deliberately “sans father” kids will let you know when they get old enough.
So, while the US articles may have been “gentler” on you than the UK press, from what I can see much of the same stuff appears in the publicity from both sided of the pond.
I’m yet to read anything that changes what I thought when I read the article in the first place.
Louise Sloan, I certainly hope you are reading this.
HOW DARE YOU assume that a child not want a father. Britgirl said this, and I quote:
She is absolutely correct. It would have been nice to have a choice on that matter.
My mother was a single mother – but through divorce, not because she selfishly needed a BAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYBEEEEEEEEEEE. Her original intent was to stay married. But things didn’t work out. That I can get.
My father decided not to be in my life. That *choice* of having a father in MY life was taken away from me. It PAINS me to see shows where fathers are passing on fatherly advice to their daughters. It just about KILLS me. Growing up, all my friends and cousins had their dads in their lives. I was the only kid without a father. (This was in the 70′s & 80′s.) And I felt like a freak. It never occurred to me that fathers should be in their children’s lives until I was older and I could see I was the only one without a dad.
Nice.
I guess the only difference between me and your current child is that so many women are opting for the sperm donor route atleast your kid will have other fatherless children to relate to.
I don’t like to mention that my dad left when I was 2 1/2yrs because so many people, when finding out about my father and me being CF they assume I don’t want children because I’m afraid the father will leave. I want to say that is NOT true. I’ve just NEVER wanted kids.
That being said, I’ll speak as an only (not “lonely!” I was never lonely) child without a father: It sucks. It sucked hard. I’ll never know how much easier my life could have been had he paid his damn child support. Or what it feels like to be loved by a man unconditionally. Because yes, that is what fathers *do* for their little girls. (I can’t speak as a boy. Obviously.)
I know what happened. Last November, after 39 years, I was contacted by my father. I don’t even call him my father because he went away, so the *circumstances* and *cause* between me and your child will be different, but there result is the same: growing up fatherless. It pains me, to this day, 2-3 months later thinking about how he stuck around to care for his two other children after having been remarried after leaving me and my mother. (Although she divorced him. He did not stick around.)
I was watching Snoop Dogg’s show, “Father Hood” a couple of weeks ago and he was having a moment with his daughter about how to start her singing career. I cried. I had to turn away because I ached for that as a child. I could see how my uncles treated, nutured, reared, and loved their daughers – my cousins. Or my female friends. Or how male cousins or male friends had special relationships with their fathers. Even my boyfriend. And a part of me envies that.
You think about denying your child the love, affection, attention, education, nuturing, etc. that you are denying your child by not having his father around. And don’t give me that lame, “But I have male friends who can give my child all that and be a role model” bullshit. Because it is NOT the same. I had male role models, my uncles.
But. IT IS NOT THE SAME.
Selfish breeder bitches like you are pathetic. Atleast you got what you wanted, regardless of the long term consequences are not just to your child, but to the man who you used to get sperm. It is no longer about you. It is about your child now.
BTW, I tried going to your site. It’s down. It wont’ change my mind anyway.
I managed to get to your site, Ms. Sloan. And I wanted to vomit.
I read an excerpt, how becoming pregnant was just a “matter of logistics,” ad nauseum.
I feel sorry for your children, having you women as their mothers.
How will little Scott feel when he is old enough to read his mothers book, which describes his conception as “knocking yourself up”? I wonder if she ever gave it a thought, how to explain to him how funny the book is. Maybe Scott doesn`t have the right to a father, but what about his right to a little bit of human dignity?
But it isnt him she was thinking of, it was her needs for a child. Forget everyone else. forget the mans rights to know the child. its all about the empowered woman. getting what she wants.. regardless of the outcome
I am just appaled at the people who come after sperm donors for money and “fatherly relationships.” I mean, where are morals and decency? I read an article recently about some 19-year-old who managed to find her sperm donor and ruin his marriage and the lives of his children with her retarded presence. She called and came around and the poor man was so shocked, and didnt want to be rude and say, You’re a nothing, I masturbated in a cup, I have no interest in playing family with you – i have one! His wife couldn’t tolerate it, and felt slighted, that now some sperm donation was on par with her kids and an equal “family member.” I am sure this donation is going to be asking for college money and her “share” of inheritance. Its just appalling. Her imbecile mother will probably sue him for back child support. It’s madness. I considered egg donation in my “poor student” days and am so glad I didn’t do it – I wouldn’t want some entitled-feeling brat showing up at my door demanding money and a relationship. Ugh. Ungrateful, awful people.
Good on her! At least she’s not putting her children through the trauma of divorce when loser dads (and lets face it, most dads are losers once children come along, sex goes out the window, and they become jealous of the attention their baby gets – if they’re not wife beaters, child molesters, and corporate thieves to begin with) take off to chase some skirt.
What do dads do besides earn money, come home to be taken care of by mummy, refuse to grow up, and chase skirt? Hmmm? Sorry boys, but if you want your place in the world of fatherhood, you have to earn it. Oh — and if you have babies, yes, you should pay for them! You don’t just get to rent them in return for having some sex with a woman while she’s still your wife — and then refuse to pay for them when you divorce because your ego’s bruised and you can’t get sex. Which reminds me — have you forgotten that sex begets children? If you don’t want kids, keep it in your pants. Or take responsibility for contraception yourself! Of course women will trick you into babies — just like you trick us into having sex. Biological urges are fierce, doncha know?
We’ve always wanted your babies more than we’ve wanted you: men want women, and women want babies. It’s time men woke up to the fact that our urge for babies is as strong, if not stronger, as your urge for sex. Duh – that’s what keeps the human race alive. That’s why women primarily marry, you fools, so of course they’re sizing you up as a glorified sperm donor (a.k.a. “father”) from the minute they meet you. The biological clock isn’t a fear of wrinkles; it’s a body craving a baby — yes, like a junkie. And that’s why they care about the size of your wallet – like it or not, a woman is physically dependent on a man for some of the time she’s pregnant and breastfeeding. She can’t earn with ease! I’m sick of little boys bleating on about women wanting babies instead of them. It’s always been that way! You get sex and your ego boosted in return! The difference is, now that marriage is hard to obtain, we’re not supposed to tell you. How many books are there on the market that tell us this? We’re supposed to downplay it in order not to make you run! Duh. Just like all your books tell you how to manipulate women into having sex by yeah, downplaying it in order not to make us run.
As for the argument that a single woman is sooooooooo selfish for having a child because she wants one – um, why do married women have children? Oh, that’s right, as “an expression of their love” (a.k.a. because they want one.) Sure, they can sugarcoat their biological urge in altruistic motives, but essentially, we all want babies because…we do. Personally, I believe many, many women will end up having babies on their own. And I applaud them. They can afford it (sperm donors are legally protected from providing child support payments) and they’re usually highly educated — not like the trash posting here. Miserable women who married men they only pretended to like in order to get knocked up (and there are loads of you out there, but I promise I won’t tell your spouse), foolish egotistical men who’ve only just realised that the world doesn’t revolve around them, and narrowminded bible bashers might not like it, but I don’t see how making a conscious decision to love another human being concerns anyone else.
To the previous poster: not all women want babies. There are some women who want men for their companionship and presence, and not merely as “sperm donors.” I know I want my partner not just because he can provide me sperm. Hell, I don’t *want* his sperm. I want his companionship, love, friendship.
You don’t “rock.” Women who rock treat men with respect and dignity – as human beings, and not merely sperm donors or walking wallets. (I am a woman.)
She Rocks,
From your post I can say with all certainty, you are a horrible waste of skin, pure and simple. You don’t even know what a human is. All you see are sperm, eggs, wombs with legs and wallets. What a horrific life you must have, being unable to actually respect and connect with any human who you haven’t pushed out your vagina. Enjoy your lonely life, because no rational and self respecting person would have any time for a skin sack like yourself…including your children, should they be strong enough to develop a sense of self-respect on their own.
Then again, you are so self absorbed you probably don’t miss much when it comes to human relations anyway.
She Rocks,
Your point of view has the humanity of… a pile of rocks.
Reading this made me feel grateful once more that I can love my man for the mind and soul mate that he is, not the sperm donor I don’t need him to be.
Enjoy your world where men “think” with their penis and women with their ovaries, but I got news for you, not everybody wants to be a part of that.
She thinks she rocks but I see bitterness and twistedness and not a little envy. All she does is show her inability to respect anyone at all… because clearly she has zero self-self respect. I pity anyone who comes in contact with her.