The Childfree Bingoes - Revisted Part 2
30 01 2008Continuing with the links of my previously written articles on the bingoes childfree people (particularly, but not exclusively women) regularly put up with from their childed counterparts. I had almost forgotten how many of these there actually are. I’d have liked to say “were” but sadly they are alive and kicking. I am beginning to wonder if calling them “bingoes” actually takes away from the actual impact of what are in fact nosy intrusive and ignorant questioning.
And while many of these are put to the child-free by strangers, often family members have no hesitation about asking their own and piling on the pressure – as you’ll see in some of the ones to come later on. They should know better, and should be a source of support. Not always. As I sit here compiling these, I’m scratching my head and asking myself how many childed people are questioned on their re-productive choices by childfree people? How much energy do we waste answering these pointed and private questions that people have no business asking us?
Leave aside the fact that many people with children really should be questioned as to why –because it’s plain to see they have no business being parents.
On the bright side there’s always the opportunity to educate - that’s why it’s so important, particularly if you are just considering that, actually you do have a choice here, to not only be aware of these childfree bingoes, but to be prepared with your own thoughts and response. It’s very easy to be caught off guard with one or more of these bingoes - they almost always get thrown at you when you’re not prepared for it.
Add your comments - not that I need to tell you - and don’t forget you never know who they may be helping.
Childfree? But Raising Children Is the Most Important Job In The World!
Childfree? But Weren’t You Once A Child?
Childfree? But Women Are Programmed To Want Children…
Childfree? But You Both Have Good Jobs
Childfree? Don’t You Want To Leave Your Genes Behind?
Technorati Tags: childfree people, child-free
This is totally out of context, (sorry!), but as I don’t have my own CF blog, I thought I’d post this snippet here. From last weeks ‘Now’ magazine (UK), article on the actress Orla Brady who appears in the new UK drama ‘Mistresses’. I think interviews with CF celebrities like this can make all the difference for us ‘non-famous’ CF’ers, and it might cheer everyone up a bit. And look! No ‘Bingoes’ in the questioning!?! Although the title of the article, in HUGE letters [as if it’s the most shocking thing anyone has ever said], is:- I never felt the need to have a child.
“Playing cheating wife has given Irish actress Orla Brady, 46, food for thought about fidelity. Happily married to photographer Nick Brandt for the past five years, Orla admits that her character Siobhan is nothing like her and trying for a baby through IVF is the last thing on her mind. However, there is one similarity: she loves hanging out with her Mistresses co-Stars, Sarah Parish, Shelley Conn and Sharon Small.
Qu. Your character in Mistresses is desperate for a baby. Can you relate to that?
Having kids just isn’t my thing. I’ve never felt the need – I have two beautiful godsons that I spend time with and that’s enough for me. My husband Nick doesn’t want children, either, so we’re very happy just the two of us.
Qu. Was this a decision you made years ago?
I remember thinking I should make up my mind about it when I was young so that it didn’t become a decision by default. I thought about it for years and I’m at peace with my choice. People struggle to understand how you could not want children, but you have to be true to yourself and your feelings.” – interview/article by Karen Dunn
Britgirl. Thanks again for great posting. I think “Strawberries” silent bingo-hum, might be an good idea when cought off guard. Its important to quickly reckognize the comments as bingos, and not give them any more value. As the usual way to consider “critics”: you try to find any justified cause, for that person to give you insulting comments. People on this blog, know bingos are just empty words, with no legimit background.
UkShell. It is nice to read about the famous Cf. And what is more important, than being true to oneself? Many great childfree people in the past.
It has been great looking back at your articles about bingoes! Thanks. I have encountered most of these, and some others.
My most-encountered bingo is “You’ll Change Your Mind!”
I also get “It’s different when it’s your own!”, “You’d make great parents!”, and “It’s such a selfish way to live!”.
If Cf is selfish, then its great to be selfish.
You know.. I’m tired of trying to “educate.” Like, actively educate. I’ll say my piece, but generally speaking, those parents who are parents and not breeders, don’t really need to be educated. There is a couple at work who are parents of two children but have done nothing to make me feel less than when they found out about my CF status. Although, she did one time made a comment about how she did a laundry list of things in the morning that had to do with her two children and the dog and was still able to get to work by 7:30 am when I whined about a 9am meeting. Essentially saying if she could do all that stuff what right did I have to whine about coming in by 9.
I did respond with, “UHm, you HAD to do those things.” She didn’t say anything to that. Because it’s true. The other dude who is sort of CF did say that I had a point. Maybe that’s why she didn’t say anything back.
Now, that “sort of CF” guy (I’ll get to that in a minute) did mention at lunch one time about how he decided to not have children. How did hesay it? By saying, “Yeah, I decided to do the selfish thing and not have children.” My simple comment and response? “It’s not selfish to decide not to have children.” He just nodded and agreed.
I say he’s “sort of CF” because his current girlfriend at first didn’t want kids. He had to evaluate why he wanted kids and that yes, he did want to be with her so he decided not to have children. yay! One for “us.” Right?
Well…
She’s rather psycho, IMO, and because all of her friends are having kids, NOW she wants them. Oi. He’s annoyed by that. He’s actually annoyed by her period. But that’s his issue.
Regardless…I got my one moment to “educate” in and make my statement. I didn’t appreciate his comment because it just perpetuated the false notion that CF people were selfish. And so I made *my* comment back. This was during lunch when other parented coworkers were present.
I have smart ass responses for most bingos and present them as a backhanded joke. If I’m in the mood. Generally speaking, those that really need to be educated, won’t be because they’ve got their own prejudices and refuse to see any other way - for whatever reasons they have.
I was pointed to your blog by a friend of mine — I love it! Thank you so much for being here. I’ll be visiting regularly.
Personally, the most obnoxious bingo I’ve run across to wit is: “The very best of TL would come out, if those four cats of hers were changed into…” (you guessed it…) “CHILDREN.” This, from my mom and a family friend.
If my four cats were changed into children, the best of me would wither and die. I haven’t the slightest interest in the noise, chaos, and hustle-bustle of the childed lifestyle.
How ridiculous, regressive, and annoying, when people assume that the best of any woman must always be motherhood.
i educate, i dont mind arguing in fact i love it.
the more i can change the better things will be. thats why i think its great online the cf are talking more, and the more militant cf who can and will argue takes on board the points raised and we run with them.
if you notice my posts.. i am a very talkative cf. over 1500 posts on bratfree, over 1000 on the one i run, and 32 on here just this month.
so i educate, by being sincere and honest in my reasons. do i mind that other cf dont educate not at all..in fact they do in a way they bring their views, like the brit girl, like aussie cf, like cf since 6. all reinforces the cfness and helps me take heart in knowing there are others out there. and i am not alone anymore. and thats the greatest education i get from the cf on this site.
the worst/best bingo i had was, oh but you would be a good father because your intelligent, and we need smart children to counteract the dumb ones.
they only know me from maybe 1 hour a week to talk too, and they know what i am like at home? i know myself better than anyone
Cf-people are just as diverse as any other group.
Here’s a bingo that I was made speechless by - I was reading a magazine called Good Weekend which is a lift out from the Sydney Morning Herald and a journalist has done a story on a woman called Shannon Lush (yes i’m actually cringing as I type her name!). She wrote a book about household cleaning hints and has made a name (and a motza of money) for herself. Here’s what was in the mag:
Journalist: We retire to an outdoor table where she can smoke and the conversation turns to the low national birthrate - another subject on which she has strong opinions.
Lush: “This business with people not having kids - I’m sorry, I dont understand it. People are supposed to have kids. It’s a biological directive”.
Journalist: I make the point that being childless is not always a calculated decision. Sometimes the circumstances just aren’t right.
Lush: “I think it’s laziness really” [she has two daughters, one from each of her marriages] “Laziness and greed. Too many individuals simply have the wrong priorities, ‘I want money before I have children, I want this and I want that before I have children’, what a load of codswallop”.
What an insulting shrew! It made MY blood boil reading it but then my thoughts went out to the people reading it who may actually want kids and who may have been trying for many years to have kids. It’s wankers like her that totally undermine the depth of soul searching and thought that goes into making the decision we do. I want to write to the magazine to tell her what she can do with her book but I’m pretty certain the editor would refuse to publish it as it’s considered a very respectable magzine
but seriously, this just reiterates my point in past couple of blogs that Australia isn’t really the openminded trailblazing nation regarding childfree issues that it likes others to think it is.
Anyway good night all. there’s my rant. It’s 11pm here in Oz (on 2nd Feb) so I’m off to bed. For those of you where it is still early(ish in the day, have a great Saturday/ Saturday night.
Bingos seem to be nothing different, than mockery. It is attacking those who “are different” and do not conform to the rest.
From now on, there will be no mercy towards bingos/mockery.
Aussie childfree - that woman is one of the more stupid ones. But the interviewer probably knew her views before she stuck a microphone in front of her so she’s equally stupid for not having a balancing view.
“I want to write to the magazine to tell her what she can do with her book but I’m pretty certain the editor would refuse to publish it as it’s considered a very respectable magzine”
Can’t be that respectable if they can allow one-sided views to be published in their mag… you can write to them and even publish what you wrote here
That way they - and a lot more people - will hear what you (and others) think.
CF Since 6 - Hmm, I think the “Sort Of” childfree guy better watch out… he might be getting oopsed sooner than he thinks.
Decided - Never fails to amaze me that people think having children is “unselfish.” When you think of it, and when you consider the reasons people usually give for having children, plus the resources they need and use it’s probably the most selfish thing I can think of.
There are absolutely no unselfish reasons for having kids! Some say having children is unselfish, because they contribute ot the survival of human race. Most probably, this is a comment they use, to justify for themselves how all the trouble is really worth it. If they wanted to be unselfish people, there a plenty of other things they could have done, instead of having their own children. The comment about: “How everything will be different, when you have your own”, is nothing more than a proof, how people mostly care about their own children and their own happiness. Raising kids have never been an easy job. Up to now, the parents had monopoly for complaining about how though their life was. Suddenly some people are tired of their complaining, and even dont care about parenting. It is just human nature, to attack someone who is more content than yourself.