Childfree… And Coping With The Grandma Effect
25 02 2008Recently a newcomer my blog sent me an email. In it she said she was happy being child free and supported by her partner. A good situation to be in as I’m sure many would agree. What wasn’t so great was the pressure from certain families to produce grandkids.
Make no mistake, a bingo can appear in many guises and from people who know you (and therefore who should know better) as well as strangers. In fact, I believe the worst bingoes come from family. Where you don’t have completely supportive parents, you will more often than not have to square your shoulders… and face the pressure to re-produce, which, if you live in close proximity to them or see them often can be hard to escape. The pressure can often be accompanied by feelings of guilt – parents are adept at playing the guilt card to the hilt when it suits them – unless you’re able to:
- develop a thick skin
- be prepared to state or restate your child free intentions
- steadfastly avoid treading on the liberally sprinkled land-mines or
- move to a different country
Either way, the pressure to have children so that someone can have grandchildren is still very prevalent and it can be unsettling to have to deal with pressure from one or more of your parents. They know all the buttons to press.
I covered this topic about a year ago and while I acknowledge that for some parents the desire for grandchildren runs deep. However, like those who say they “need” a child to feel fulfilled, (or for whatever reason) neither children nor grandchildren are a personal “need” they are a desire. So putting pressure, however subtle, on children to have children is self-centred – again only the needs of the ones who desire the grandchildren seem to come into play.
And while I am fortunate not to be under parental pressure to have kids, I know there are many other childfree people who are.
Of all the bingos childfree people get this is one of the most devastating. Read the rest of this entry »
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