Just wanted to comment that it’s funny, but I get told by my childed friends “I’m glad you aren’t having kids, you wouldn’t make a good parent”. I don’t know if that’s an insult or an attempt at being supportive….

i would have made a good demon king.. for pretty much the same reason..

i would have made a good millionaire too but for 1 thing.. i dont have any money;-)

Speechless. it would be funny if it wasn’t so blooming annoying.

We couldn’t so much as look at our baby niece without getting some variation of this bingo: “You look so good with a baby” “It’s people like you who should be having kids” “You’d be great parents” “Your niece needs a cousin”

Feh. I kept thinking “For cryin’ out loud, lady, I’m 40 years old. The factory is CLOSED.”

It all went away two years ago when I had a hysterectomy. Now I get the bingo in the past tense: “You would have made great parents”.

I think this summed it better up. There is definetly no Cf-bible. But if someone more agressively than me, want to express the Cf view, thats fine. Even just so people can see there is an option.

I am childfree too! A minor procedure 3 years ago, made that certain. And yes, I can understand your agony about all the quotes you get for making an “unpopular” choice.

The whole society is build up around having children. Just because having them, takes so much effort, and no parent would manage if it was different. The funny thing today, is that so many parents still wants to live their own lives, as if they did not have kids. I guess seeing someone not chosing to have kids, do not make their feelings any better. Struggling every day, to get time and money meet, no wonder they feel the need to attack those living less worried. But the mistake is their assumpiton, that Cf people are low standard, with no abilities except running from responsibility. This could not be more far from the truth. I wish the parents focused more about talking sence into those obviously not capable of parenting, instead of attacking a group of people, which is not a treat to anyone. Better to take advantage of what Cf people can contribute with, because we are not just a group of people only wanting to play, sleep, travel and have a clean house.

I recieve quite some pressure, from different people around me. I have mostly been easygoing, parents never had much problem with me. But! I have no desire, to be guided every step the rest of my life, even if I dont plan to escape my duties to the society.

Its nice being less dependent of our stupid politicians, its great some idiots with kids (not all of course), will not influence my life the same way they would if I had kids myself.

I would prefer 364 days per year of bingos, if only 1 day was filled with the sence of satisfaction my life has, by knowing I followed my own choice instead of taking the “easy” road like so many others.

This blog is great! Glad I got this off my chest.

While I’m confident about my own decision (enough to blog about childfree stuff) I always remember that there are many who aren’t as certain, or as confident get bingoed out of nowhere and have no means with which to deal with the supposedly well meant but ultimately thoughtless comments coming their way.

It was because of the stupid things that childed people say to the childfree that actually got me writing this blog - although at the time I had no idea that there were so many childfree people out there.

Brightfeather - you’re fortunate to be able to simply walk away. And I think may be easier to end a conversation with friends relatives and some co-workers. When people don’t know you and still presume, it’s not often easy to walk away - particularly when you’re in the middle of a meeting for example.

I’m not personally aware of anyone who likes to be bingoed for any reason… however I think the more people that hear that there’s an alternative to having kids the better, and the only people they are going to hear it from are those are childfree.

It seems to always be appropriate to talk about getting pregnant, not being able to get pregnant, having one kid, 2nd and 3rd kids, parenthood, everything kid related . while that is the case I think we need, in our own small way, to speak up for ourselves whether it’s replying to a bingo or correcting some childed ignorance.

Lurker - “Preaching from the childfree bible”? I hope you don’t think that’s what we’re doing here, because it’s far from it There is no childfree bible, every childfree person is different and I would say what unites us is that we took a decision not to have children and are happy with that decision. Unlike most childed people I have yet to see childfree people advocating that everyone should live a childfree life (though it would clearly have been a good idea if some had). From the time one is young, particularly women, it is drummed into them by everyone that our sole purpose is to breed children. There is a full list of “Though shalts” all geared to breeding. While there’s no childfree biblel, there most certainly is a childed one. I’m childfree and I could quote you chapter and verse!

Decided = “They said that parenting definitely isn’t for everybody…”
You know that phrase is beginning to irritate me… like only a certain type of exclusive person is qualified to parent, when in fact it takes no thought to become pregnant, they’re probably only doing it because it’s expected or some other predictable reason, and since you’re stuck with the child you’ve no choice but to parent it - good or bad.

Being child-free definitely isn’t for everybody. You need a spine, you need balls, a certain feistyness, a good bullshit reader and the ability to own your own identity - and your own mind.

EBC - “If any of those children grow up and realize their reproductive destiny is in their own hands then my battlescars were well worth it.”
Hear, hear!!

I started to question, wether I wanted to live life in stress and worries, for the sake of raising a child.

At first, I sometimes felt acting against my instincts. I started to read numerous articles and message boards about being Cf. But I was maybe more a fence-sitter during this time.

I made my permanent decision about 3 years ago. Been evaluating my choice since then, but finally stopped jumping back on to the fence, and know I made the right choice.

Its not my responsibility to produce children, for either future wife or potential grandparents. I have informed them all about where I stand in this matter.

If today`s young people, think more about the Cf coice, that would be progress. Maybe not for the owners of the large coorperations, but surely for the planet.

I am not very militant when it comes to being Cf, but for those preaching from the Cf bible, I want stand in the way. We need to reduce the number of people in this world, if we want to deal with alle the problems of war, pollution and poverty.

i could never see me being a father, if i was with a woman and she felt she needed a child i would have said oh go on just leave me alone. I was fooling myself. Once i realised i wasnt alone, that we area group exists, it was a very liberating feeling. i didnt need to hide what i knew in my heart. i could come out and say, no kids for me.. the sense of peace and enjoyment the idea has, is something i would love to spread the idea you dont have to have children to be fulfilled. I am an activist in fat acceptance, childfree and mens rights (i want everyone to be treated the same, the 3 i mention affect me personally so i fight for equality and for those reasons)

Being Cf, is not the most essential part of my life either. But if you sit on the fence in this matter, like every other matter in life, you stand much weaker when your decisions are being tested.

My strongest card, is that I really dont envy the parents, even if I can become facinated about their kids.

If I start to doubt myself, I think about overpopulation and remind myself of the less attractive parts of parenting. The extra FREEDOM and money, is also important.

Having a child, seal your fate. I find no logic reason to reproduce, its all about selfish and emotional longings. If the worlds survival depended on it, I would surely take my responsibility.

Its time to start planning my next vacation. Beach, palm-trees and nice meals.

A lot of the younger cf are the more radical,more vocal, and that shows that the older cf have had an effect on the younger. its becoming more and more accepted by the newly cf. and they will fight back however they can at the injustice.

like any movement, as it grows and people know the truth, feminist organisations in the 60’s, the black rights in the 50’s, the gay rights in the 80’s all started by a similar process. so yes you get more rabid but you also get the people like britgirl like aussie like cf since 6, and lurker and many more who are the more stable, who actually can use the power of these people.

so anything that helps us as a group, is good. (but there are massive divisions that we need to solve before we can truly become accepted, some have the idea that all cf are women, that men are the breeders forcing women to have children after children. that religions are to blame for all the breeder actions. THIS is what is going to cause more problems within ourselves we have the power of self destruction) at least this is my opinion and thought.

Granted that giving up does take some people longer than others to accomplish but I helped them along. Whenever the subject matter was aimed at my childfree state I walked away from the conversation. It didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing I just got up and walked away without a word being spoken.

However, I have observed that some other younger childfree folks like to be bingoed so they can enjoin in battle and reassure themselves that their decision was the correct one. Or, alternatively engage in the battle so they convince others to make the same choice. MEH

Never forget that if you are firmly decided, then you do not have to convince anyone else that your reasons for remaining childfree are sane and legitimate — you do not even have to share them with a single soul. Your reporductive choices are your own personal business and no one else has a right to pry into your personal affairs.

i am always polite, unless someone has a go at my family then the gloves are off, i try to put a balanced view. neither pro or anti.. just balanced.. and it does work on occasions i have had a few people on the fence and they say.. maybe i wasnt right..

i just like putting the view of the cf.

Really, that is all we can do. Politely smile. It’s called being courteous. And by my count, childfree are far more courteous to breeders and parents than we, as a group, have received from them, as a group.

I’ve had to do the same with a coworker whose wife recently had a baby. I hated that baby shower - surrounded by parents and them telling their stories, I had money extorted from me because it was assumed I’d willingly give.

I admit, my motivation for that was to keep peace at my job since I like it there and at the time I liked my team mate. Now.. he’s an even worse prick lately. And such a breeder!

Just wanted to express, that after reading almost all the comments from earlier posts here, by you and the other longtimers…I found much support.. and it would have been impossible to not pick up something. But thanks anyway!:) Now! Finally I hope we have sorted it out..haha..:)

I often find myself thinking: ” This is no illusion, I am really so happy its not me”, when I see parents strolling their kid in the baby-wagon. My conclusion is, that I like kids and think as myself as good parent-material, if I just could overcome my agony for parenting:)

BritGirl - looking forward to your next entry. Reading your blog makes me feel better in this childcentric world

Some friends of ours has a 1yr old. We did our best to stay in contact with them through the pregnancy and becoming parents, and like to see them happy with their baby. They are good parents.

We have never kept our childfree decision a secret from any of our friends, but it’s not a normal conversation topic. A few months ago the conversation somehow turned to whether we would have children, and we had to reveal that we didn’t want to be parents. They are good friends of ours, and they clearly enjoy being parents so we tried to put it delicately, and not offend them. Luckily it seemed to work, because their response wasn’t defensive, and didn’t annoy me.

They said that parenting definitely isn’t for everybody, but they had presumed that we were more interested in children than we are. They said that they thought we would probably make good parents, but then again they thought we would probably make good accountants too, and they would never expect us to do either of those if we weren’t interested.

Conversation quickly changed topic, and we happily moved on. We still see each other regularly, and neither of us bring up the topic. Part of me wonders if they still think we’ll change our minds, but I’m glad they didn’t say something like that! :o)

I can relate to that! Sharing here, dissolve the issue for me.

Time for some good Cf-sleeping (sorry mercurior…). Good night everybodyl!