I’m Childfree. And No, I Won’t Be Changing My Mind
10 03 2008Of all the bingoes that the Childfree get one of the most patronizing ones is the variation on this one:
“Oh, you’ll change your mind when…”
It’s usually pronounced by strangers and non-strangers alike, completely disregarding any other possible outcome. There are many translations of the “you’ll change your mind” bingo. Whether you’re going to change your mind because your partner/husband wants kids (and won’t commit without some promise that he’s got a chance of being a Daddy) or because you’re suddenly going to be struck with “baby fever” (and feel that life is simply not worth living if you don’t have an infant to make you feel “whole” ) the implication is the same.
The implication is that your childfree decision isn’t worth a bean in the face of your supposed directive to procreate. And, as far as they (the childed) are concerned, you don’t know your own mind. Just wait until the old biological clock kicks in they say. The odd thing is, it’s not as if as a childfree person I go around announcing my childfree status. Unlike parents and parents to be, who never lose an opportunity to tell anyone and everyone that they have kids, expect to have kids or are about to have kids. It’s usually in the process of informing the world of their childed (or about to be childed) state, that they decide to ask the childfree person about their intentions.
When they get the answer “I’m childfree” or “I don’t want /decided not to have children” or similar, it’s clear they neither expect it, nor like it. Whether they like it or not isn’t my issue. What’s clear is that they automatically assume that a choice to be childfree isn’t as valid as their own choice to procreate. In other words, they do not respect the decision.
Yet, we are expected to not only respect their choice to have kids, but to say nothing that doesn’t completely support it.
Respect is a two way thing. Trying to convince a childfree person that their choice not to breed is somehow less valuable than the choice to breed is disrespectful
The reality is, when speaking with many parents the very thought of there being a choice when it comes to reproducing seems to bring many up short. Which is odd,when you consider that women have fought many battles to be free of being defined by their ovaries.
Unable to separate the biological time limit of reproduction apart from genetic pre-determination to breed the childed burble on about maternal instinct, the biological clock ( which apparently can’t be denied) and the “parenting is what you do, isn’t it?” line. Umm… Parenting isn’t simply what you do… it’s a choice.
Biological clock? Instinct? How about a cultural fear of being left behind, of not fitting in with all their friends who have children, a fear of growing old and lonely, the fear that your partner will leave you if you don’t wish to have children, the fear that you’ll actually have to live your own life?Or because they fear they might regret?
When childed people advise a childfree woman (or man) that they’ll change their mind because (fill in fear reason) they haven’t a clue what they’re talking about. Such “advice” should be recognized for what it is. Disrespect for the childfree person’s choice and decision. It’s also an indication of how you’re shaking the hitherto status quo. Parents who suddenly realize that perhaps they could have and should have exercised their choice (and didn’t) will always question those who exercised their own.
Most of the childfree people I know most certainly have not, and will not be changing their minds – despite the hopes of the childed. In fact, since many have known they don’t want children from an early age, why in the world would they? Unlike many childed counterparts, we’ve usually given a lot of thought to our decision, and are driven by what personally works for us, not instinct.
And to be unconvinced that having a child is right for you, then to have one simply because you’re fearful of possible regret seems incredibly stupid.
Since childfree people have made good decisions in other more important areas why should this one be any different?
Technorati Tags: childfree, childfree, childfree
Great post, Britgirl. I’ve known I didn’t want kids since early childhood and I won’t be changing my mind. Out of all the bingoes, that particular one drives me daftest.
My experience has been that it’s always the breeders who give the childfree the hardest time. Parents, OTOH, realize that not everyone wants kids and are content to live and let live.
I agree with Liz. My close friends who have kids respect my decision and wonder why anyone would want to force children on people who don’t want them.
No, it’s the casual acquaintances — people who know us least — who seem to think they know enough about us to tell us we will change our minds.
“Oh, you haven’t meant the right person, yet.”
–Well, yes I have and have lived with him for over 9 years now. Pretty rude to tell me my relationship isn’t real.
“Oh, wait until you get older.”
–Honey, I’m 37 in a month. I know that these days you can have kids in your 60s, but it just ain’t gonna happen.
It is so irritating that these people think they are right to question me about my own mind and my own personal choices. I’ve been very tempted to tell someone who tells me she wants kids that she’ll change her mind, just to see the reaction. I just haven’t had the guts to do it…yet.
I have told someone who wants kids she would change her mind when…
“you spend 15 hours in labor, like your Aunt did with me”
“you’ve changed the 10th shitty diaper and realize there are at least 2 years of this left”
“the child screams for 8 hours straight for no apparent reason”
“you haven’t slept a more than a couple hours at a stretch for 2 years straight”
“you haven’t had a conversation about adult things for 6 months”
“you can’t stay out late, or go on vacation”
“you can’t have nice things”
“you can’t finish school or pay your loans”
She is my total breeder brained cousin. At least she did go into child care for a few years to see what it was like, but then stopped because pharmacy school seemed much easier. My advice fell on deaf ears though, she ended up getting pregnant half way through pharmacy school, having to give up the kid for adoption because she couldn’t care for herself at the time, least of all an infant, and dropping out of pharmacy school as a result of the depression Now she’s a cashier at Walmart who lays in bed and cries when she’s not at work because her husband won’t get her pregnant until he’s done with college and has a decent job.
I’ve washed my hands of that whole mess as I have nothing to offer, having never had a desire to have children.
For me, I don’t so much have problems with friends and people I know in my day to day life, I think they’ve all come to terms with my decision. No, it’s the people I know online that are most insulting about it. For instance, I know a guy, in an online writing cooperative that I used to take part in, whose wife had a little girl. We were talking one afternoon and I mentioned I didn’t want kids… ever! The first thing out of his mouth, “you’ll change your mind, you’re just not old enough to know what you’re talking about.” I was 27 years old at the time and had been married nearly 8 years!! When I informed him that not only was I old enough to know what I was talking about, but that I was never going to change my mind, he pulled an anecdote on me… he said, “My wife never wanted kids, but when got pregnant (at 30) she changed her mind.” Of course she did, not many parents are strong enough to admit that they have kids they don’t want. This particular couple now have 3 little ones in 3 years. He went on to tell me that my husband wouldn’t allow it, that he probably wanted kids and I was holding him back. Not that it was any of this guys business!!
I simply don’t understand why some of the childed make it their mission in life to “convert” people to parenthood! It baffles the mind. So does the idea that anyone thinks they have a right to tell you you don’t know your own mind by saying something careless and stupid like, “you’ll change your mind.” People like that aren’t worth the time and effort it takes to convince them that no, you won’t change your mind.
Great topic, Britgirl!
The selfish pleasure of having children, does far from overcome the downside of parenting. I am not a child-hater, but life is too good without them.
The best anticonceptive, is to visit public places where the kids are strongly represented. Observe the stressed out parents, and you dont need more convincing for that year.
I am sure a parent regret his/her choice more frequent than a CF-person. *And I dont believe “its different when its your own”.
I was one of those children who was already expressing that I did not want children. Boy do you get that “You’ll change your mind” comment when you’re a kid!
Lately, I’ve not been around people who’ve mentioned that to me. I did get a lot of that in my 20’s and early 30’s. I’ve also had variations on the theme. “What if you meet a man that’s perfect for you but he wants kids?” I love that one. Retort? “Then he’s not perfect for me. The man who is perfect for me wouldn’t want kids either!” And various others.
I haven’t really been bingo’d too much lately and have not been told I’ll change my mind in a while. Which is good.
BTW, I have told people who have said they wanted kids that they’ll change their mind. That comment has been met with varying degrees of shock to continued dismissal of what I was saying because I don’t know what I’m talking since I don’t have children. I loved it when someone would say, “Yabbut, it’s different when it’s your own!” and I always say, “Yabbut, you can’t give them back.”
Fortunately, however, I’m not getting many bingos lately, if at all. I’ve been on guard hear at work - a job I started last July. There are many parents here in this group I talk to but they’ve pretty much just left me a lone. It’s been refreshing and I’m starting to let my guard down a bit. There are the subtle comments that I don’t think people even realize what they’re saying.
Hi everyone.
I find this bingo one of the most insulting because as has been pointed out, it’s made by people who barely know you. A few months ago one of my hubby’s colleagues who’s wife had just had a baby started the “When are you guys going to do it?” When I said we didnt want kids he started with the “Oh but you have to, it’s great, it’s something you have to do, that’s why we’re here, oh you’ll change your mind” blah blah blah. Of course he saw nothing insulting about that, questioning our decision so I just said with a really sweet smile “Now come on Chris why would we f*%$@#! up a perfectly good life of peace and quiet at home, overseas holidays every year, time to ourselves and dinner out when we feel like it”. He was so taken aback he didnt know what to say. My hubby’s a much nicer person than me. He just lets people go on and on and not react to bingos whereas I’ll take people on. He said to me afterwards that I shouldnt be so rude to people because “You know, having a baby is what Chris and his wife wanted”. I said that we don’t want kids but we dont go around criticising people who choose to do it. We never go round spouting off at parents/breeders “Oh god why would you want kids” and spout off all the negative things about it. I have a friend who has an 18 month old boy and while she’s happy and adores him, the only reason she had him in the first place was because she was worried that she would regret not doing it. I think that’s one of the worst reasons to do it. What if she had him and then hated parenthood? You can’t turn back from there!
Auctions. Speaking from own experience?
Parenting: don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
I’m cynical because my friends who claimed to never want children were the first to have them. I’m kinda old and a mom.
I respect your choice, but why the bitterness?
Hmm.. just wanted to come back and apologize. I haven’t ever left a sort of negative comment before. I think your post simply hit a nerve with me. Again, sorry if my words had any sting.
Liz - thanks. I also find it the most irritating of all the bingoes. And you’re right, I find that parents usually aren’t the problem, but breeders are. The ones who can’t understand why you not only don’t want kids, but don’t want a brood of them - and proceed to then tell you how they had theirs…
Mindy - it’s funny that even those who have kids by accident suddenly think they’re experts on knowing whether I want kids or not…I haven’t had the bingo
too recently, but i remember when I used to. The next time someone does lob that particular bingo I think I really should tell them they’ll change their mind too. Like you say it would be interesting to see their reaction, which would probably be similar to what ChildfreeSince 6 described. Shock and instant dismissal. And Yabbuts
Kristyn - thanks…
“My wife never wanted kids, but when got pregnant (at 30) she changed her mind.” Well, duh, what else was she going to do? As you say, she could hardly say she didn’t the kid once it was there - since they can’t be sent back. Judging by his comment wouldn’t surprise me if he insisted she had the brood and thinks all women secretly want to breed.
“I simply don’t understand why some of the childed make it their mission in life to “convert” people to parenthood! It baffles the mind.” Yep!
Lurker - “I am sure a parent regret his/her choice more frequent than a CF-person.” Yes, but that’s a well-kept secret
As far as they’re concerned only the childfree will regret because they don’t have kids… which doesn’t make a lot of sense. By the way, telling a childfree person they’ll regret it is another bingo, similar to this one.
Aussie Childfree - I agree with you. And I liked your response to the couple…If people want to have kids that’s fine. but as you say, that does NOT give them any right to then presume or question a childfree person’s decision. Since they don’t seem to understand this, the only way they are going to learn it is by childfree people taking it right back to them.
Amy… thanks for your comment. Your words didn’t have any sting for me. Regardless of whatever your friends said/did though, it still doesn’t give anyone the right to tell a childfree man or woman that they will change their minds, want to and therefore should have kids.
And as for trying parenting - there is no “try.”
amy we have been told the same thing ad nauseum, so why get upset when its the same thing you have been told for all of your childfree life. I know me better than anyone else knows me, i can make judgements about my situation.
to be told i know nothing about my own personal existence. is the first sign of intolerance.
i got bingoed last nite, someone assumed i was an american indian, and they say its a pity your not having kids to pass your ethnicity onto.
Amy: how would you feel if people constantly told you that you will change your mind, you will give your child up for adoption, that you’re happy now but just WAIT until *random event* happens, THEN you’ll be sorry you had them!
We, the CF, are sick and tired of people not taking us seriously. Like we’re children ourselves until we have some of our own. It’s rare for a woman to get questioned about her pregnancy, but when she says her womb is not for rent… oh boy! What gives zealous parents the right to walk up to us and question OUR decision? They should be raising their own children, instead of treating us like them.
Ignorant person: “What?! You don’t want kids…!?! You’ll change your mind!”
Me: “Wow, you seem so confident in your opinion. Tell you what, the day I change my mind and pop a sprog into the world I will give you one trillion monetary sterling pounds. And when I hit the age of, say, 60, and I still haven’t popped one out, YOU can give ME one trillion monetary sterling pounds. I’ve got a really good solicitor who can draw up a watertight, legally binding document in just minutes… Whats that? But you seemed so sure just a second ago that I would change my mind…!? Your not that certain, that you can’t have a bit of a wager? No?! How very interesting”
Don’t know if someones suggested this in previous posts back, but maybe we should start betting with the ignorant people, that might shut them up…
I’m ALL for gambling when the odds are stacked in my favor.
Amy…like has been said before. there is no “trying” parenting. You either do it, or you don’t. If one has children they decide they don’t want to parent, they are affecting the lives of everyone who comes in contact with those non-parented children. If you choose to not have children, you are only affecting your own life.
Does my choice to not have children affect you, or any one else? Nope, not really. My partner can leave if he really wants to have children, my parents can mentor if they really want access to children in their old age and you can go have all the children you want.
..The betting..what an excellent reply!..
You will change your mind…, seem more like a warning saying…: ” if you want to be with us, you should be/do like us”.
When someone accuse you for something unfair, it often tells more about the demons of the accuser. So…is it really the parents who WISH they could change THEIR mind…?
Watching how the stressed out parents sometimes suffer from bringing up kids, they should instead use the opportunity a CF friend could bring, and say: ” I wish you DONT change your mind (about not having kids)”.
Being CF and posting here, has nothing to do about being bitter or militant. Its a place to ventilate the comments from ignorant people (but with kids and therefore self-presumed higher standard), and my daily life is certainly not centered about me not having kids.
Amy, while I realize you came back and apologized for your original post, I do want to say that if you don’t understand the “bitterness,” (which it is not bitterness, but more like frustration on our part), you may want to considering reading more about what it is the childfree go through in order to endure being around parents.
BTW, I most certainly can knock parenting, even though I haven’t tried it. Would you say “don’t knock crack until you’ve tried it?” Probably not. How about this, “Gangs: Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.”
“Murder: Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.”
I could go on ad nauseum but I’m sure I’ve made my point.
Further, why is it that we can take lessons of what NOT to do from OTHER people’s mistakes, but woe is the CFer if they’ve taken that to heart regarding being a parent and having children. It’s no different. Human beings have the ability to take from other people’s experiences and learn from it. They can take the teachings of Donald Trump and become successful in their businesses. They can take the teachings from university and go on to have successful careers. They can take the actions and consequences of a drug addict and decide NOT to do drugs. As well, they can take the actions and consequences of a person who has decided to have kids and decide NOT to have kids themselves.
While we always talk about how we can set an example for others on what to do in life, remember, there are people who set examples on what NOT to do in life. And it is up to the individual to determine their own path. (And not all paths lead to a desire for children, either.)
…if you dont try crack or murder someone, you might regret it…
ChildfreeSinceSix… Well said.
Great post! I’ve heard that bingo so many times. At first I got the “you’ll change your mind when you marry someone and they want kids.” I have news for you, if they wanted kids, I sure as hell wouldn’t be marrying them. I’ve also gotten “you’ll change your mind after you find the right person.” See above response. The “right person” doesn’t want kids either. When I was younger, I always got the “you’ll change your mind when you’re older.” Well, I’m now older and I haven’t budged on my position. Sure, probably a few people do change their minds, BUT that’s not the norm among the childfree and I hate the way our decisions are just completely disregarded by 95% of the population.
I also wanted to add that the latest bingo I seem to be getting all the time is “Well, accidents happen!” Now that’s really one that pisses me off. I tend to think that the childfree are much more educated and responsible about birth control options than those who either have kids or someday want to have them. Most of the childfree that I know have either gone the sterilization route (if they’re lucky enough to find a doctor willing to perform the procedure) or they use backups for their backup’s backup. It still amazes me that with all the information out there that so many people are still so ignorant.
“Well, accidents happen!”
“So do abortions!”
How I’ve missed your writing. I’ve been MIA of late but I’ve returned to hopefully, get back on track and to reading your blogs. Which reminds me, I’d love to link to your page if that’s okay w/you? I won’t unless you say it’s all good. =)
BTW - the Bingoes - how many haven’t I heard?!
Mel - isn’t it weird that no-one says to a person bent on having a baby that THEY will change their mind when they meet the “right person”? To use the “getting older” bingo says volumes… because they are driven by fear - of either a biological clock, imagined regret or that tired staple - growing old sans kids, they assume everyone is driven by these fears too. And I believe that when they say this they’re also trying to convince themselves… If we are so easily swayed by outside influences what does it say about a woman’s ability to make her own decisions about what’s right for her?
Stepher - Welcome back! Feel free to link to me whenever you want…and thank you.
I just have to tell this here: my mother is the ultimate anti-bingoer!
We were at my niece’s birthday party yesterday and my aunt told my mother that my niece didn’t want children, in a real hush-hush tone, as if she was sharing a horrible secret. I felt the need to defend my niece and said (politely) that I didn’t want children either. My aunt smiled and bingoed: “well, it might not be your call to make… you may get a suprise!”, to which my mom counterbingoed for me: “Oh, I’m pretty sure my daughter is smart enough not to accept gifts from strangers”.
Owned!
I often use the line:
“I can’t have children
[insert dramatic pause to make person feel bad and scratch violently if children are present]
I’m allergic to kids.”
The shock and confusion of that response is so priceless.
“It might not be your call to make?”
Sorry, but in my world it’s ALWAYS my call to make. Just because I made one screw-up and got pregnant, it does not follow I would compound it with another and keep the kid - a perfect example of two wrongs not making a right!!
Sanne had it right - “accidental pregnancy” = “deliberate termination”.
Funny how all these smug, self satisfied twits get all bent out of shape when you tell them THAT. Like, what, did you think I was JOKING??
And even if you have strong moral objections against abortion (or just aren’t comfortable with it), you can still carry the pregnancy to term and give the baby up for adoption. A pregnancy might indeed not be your call to make: birthcontrol can fail (even getting your tubes tied isn’t 100% foolproof!) and, heaven fobid, sex might not be consensual. However, parenthood is ALWAYS a choice! A tsunami, earthquake or the common cold are things that can ‘happen’ to you. Parenthood, is not.
Sanne said
“parenthood is ALWAYS a choice!”
I totally agree. And I think that everyone has to respect this choice. Though in many cases most people who always disagree are our parents. They would never understand why their children don’t want to give them a chance to have a kid (or a couple if lucky) again. I think that is the most tough thing - to make them respect your decision and try to understand it.
I can understand your frustration. I’m one of those bizarre childed folks who has some curiosity about your site, and this post really struck a chord for me.
I am pregnant right now with my second child, and I was violently ill for close to three months (the first three). IVs, anti-emetic drugs, etc. So I have told friends, family and others that I am NEVER doing this again. And I am making sure I never will by having surgery that will make it impossible.
Even though I will have 2 kids by the end of this thing, I still get those, “Don’t do it; you’ll regret it,” comments. Which leave me incensed. How dare someone presume to understand my decisions, my life, my needs better than I do myself? People come up with all kinds of convoluted situations to explain why I will regret not being able to have more kids.
I guess I just wanted to commiserate, even though our situations are clearly very different. People will always try to convince you that they have made all the right decisions, and that your decisions, if they’re different, must be wrong.
we dont mind reasonable people here, with or without kids.
I know of one girl, 3 kids all girls, is with a new bloke. She had a tubal, but she wants it reversed. because she changed her mind. this does a disservice to those like you who dont want more kids, or like us who dont want kids at all.
Its a similar sort of thing, they are saying you dont know your own mind, that we know better, we know everything about you. when they obviously dont.
its the same thing with us cf, we are told we dont know our own minds, which if you think about it, is a really big insult. so its not so different afterall.
One of the things I am finding is that miserable people just like to tell other people what to do. People who like to control are very miserable. They doubly for sure like to tell other people what to do.
I am, by no means, a breeder sympathiser, but I do hear their bleats of how people criticize them for having too many kids, or not enough kids, etc. etc.
I think it’s great when parents can find something to relate to when it comes to experiences with the CF. Hopefully they gain an understanding of what we go through and help other parents (since parents only seem to listen to other parents) understand.
The circumstances are different, but the question is the same, “Why would you ever prevent yourself from having (more) children?” In a child-centric world, that question is asked with horror and indignation.
KayEss, I hope you find strength here. Because “at least” you do have kids and you probably don’t get knocked around as much as we CF do, who have not had kids and so the assumption is we don’t know what we’re talking about.
I have been bingoed with this one SO many times that were I given money I’d be rich. I had an interesting argument with someone once about being childfree and he said to me “what if you’re really in love and the man of your dreams wants a kid?” To which I corrected him that it would be a nightmare, not a dream if any partner wanted me to breed. I would leave the relationship if the other side wanted a kid.
His next argument was that it’s the next step in being in love, that your love will be put into making a child that shares a part of both of you. I told him that if anyone loved me, they would respect my decision. Apparently not, as he reckons you can’t be in love with someone unless you want their babies. I guess to him, love is making a massive mistake, hurting lots of people and leaving your partner anyways.
Oh and the accidents part, I got that one and I think I got a full house with this guy. I told him that I would have an abortion because I am pro-choice and he treated me like I was going to break into an infant’s school and go on a spree killing.
As someone else said, if you do have a problem with abortion, there is always adoption. Personally, I believe that I would just not want to bring an unwanted life into the world because I don’t think it would be fair for the kid to grow up and learn that the mother couldn’t be bothered to raise it/didn’t love it.
This was a fantastic article.
I’m currently 16 years old, and every time I mention I don’t want kids (EVER) I get the usual: “You’re too young to say that, just wait ten years.”
Uh-huh. Sure….so I’m just a mindless, misinformed teenager who should be thinking about HOW MANY kids I want, instead of whether or not I actually WANT kids?
I don’t really tell anyone besides my parents for now. I tell them not to expect any grandchildren from me, but they’ll probably have some grandkiddies from my brother. They always get ticked off at this and try to tell me that all women want kids so I will want them too.
^^If that was true, this blog wouldn’t exist. No matter, however, because I’m not going to have kids (EVER) for any reason, let alone “because my parents want grandkids.”
And there was also one time where we had to write about our biggest fear for an essay in school (in my freshman year of high school). What did I write about? You guessed it: finding out I was pregnant and going to be stuck with the kid for 18+ more years. My teacher’s response? “Oh, I’m sure having kids seems ’scary’ right now, but don’t worry, you’ll change your mind.”
Honestly, I’d be more worried if I really DID change my mind (meaning I gave into the pressures to procreate). I’ve never liked kids and the older I get, the more I find them disgusting and unruly. And people expect me to give up 18 years of my life to raise this little monster? No thanks, I think I’d rather enjoy my life.
I’m 37 and have never particularly wanted kids. When people tell me “I’ll change my mind, there’s still time” I have to laugh. Time for what? Time to change the way I’ve always thought? Time to have IVF to ramp up my thankfully declining fertility? Time to have a child with birth defects, as are more common at my age?
Honestly, I do wonder what goes on in the heads of those with nothing better to do than try to convince the childfree to become parents. It’s not like the human race is dying out.
I’m 37 and have never particularly wanted kids. When people tell me “You’ll change my mind, there’s still time” I have to laugh. Time for what? Time to change the way I’ve always thought? Time to have IVF to ramp up my thankfully declining fertility? Time to have a child with birth defects, as are more common at my age?
Honestly, I do wonder what goes on in the heads of those with nothing better to do than try to convince the childfree to become parents. It’s not like the human race is dying out.
KayEss, At least YOU have the option of “permanent” sterilization. At 27 - the “you’ll change your mind” crosses the line into “interferes with MY RIGHT to CHOOSE”. I was ONLY “ALLOWED” to get an IUD. ONLY. I have been bingoed by EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR/NURSE/ETC with “Well, we can’t do that - YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND” when even my own mother is sitting there saying “No, she won’t.” or “Do your job.” if I had two kids I didn’t want though - boy howdy - I could get a snip in a heartbeat!
So I’m sorry to hear that you’re getting the same bingo - nice to know you can relate! But I’m not very sorry you have an option denied me. In fact, I feel quite a bit of envy that it IS an option for you.
L: I wasn’t able to get the ESSURE procedure (at that time, VERY new), until I was 35 years old. I’m 38 now. Hold on L… I KNOW it’s the most frustrating f*@!ing thing you’ll ever go through! But you will find an OB/GYN like I did eventually, hopefully you won’t have to wait as long as I did but even if you do, I can promise you it is WELL WORTH IT!. The freedom is unreal and it is incredible empowering to be able to say: “See, told ya so”!
I got the same b.s. you did from the time I was eight years old until I got sterilized at 35. When you know, you know. It’s those people who change their minds that ruin it for those of us who know and who are serious. More women who have had children change their minds about having more then those who have not, true fact. Those who have always known they never wanted kids will more then likely never change their mind. Keep your chin up, it’ll happen, just sometimes takes time and a little doctor searching ;-). If I can give you any insight regarding my procedure and tips on how to approach your doctor, e-mail me and I will be happy to share my experiences with you.
Good luck,
str8six