As all of us cf are, But we thought about it, why, should we, every reason, as in the top post says.

And we decided not to, The decision to not do something, is hard but rewarding, the decision to just have a child irregardless of others feelings is so easy.

Its a pity that you had to discover, this truism how you did melissa. At least you Know now that sometimes its best not to have a child.

Good luck.

Yea, I’m SO lonely and sad…..NOT!!!

But people dont think about this situation…

You got that right, mercurior. People just don’t think. Sometimes some women are so filled with “I gotta have a baaaaybeee!” that they don’t truly listen to what their husbands are saying or what they want. And they are surrounded by their mothers and sisters who are on “their side” and help to pressure the man. It’s sad, to be sure.

I can only hope that Melissa has learned from this and apply this to all areas of her life. Hard lesson to learn, to be sure, and the child suffers.

Most men agree, to have a bit of peace and quiet to stop the nagging. When a lot of men, dont want them.

But thats the problem with a lot of couples, one thinks the other should change, you knew your husband didnt want one, and rather than respecting his beleifs, *you* chose to have a child. Wouldnt it have been better if you had split before the child was born, that bringing a child into a single mother household, with all the detrimental effects involved, would have never happened.

so which would have been better, a childfree life with your husband, or a single motherhood? But people dont think about this situation, its always i will change my partners mind.

I am a 46-yr-old childfree who is writing a book called “Kidfree & Lovin’ It,” which explores the reasons we’re childfree (like your list above), and the issues we sometimes face (i.e. lost friends who decided to breed.)

I have an online survey that over 1,600 childfree people from the U.S., Canada, U.K. and around the world have taken, and I would love you to take it too! (As well as all of you childfree people out there!) The results and many of the quotes will be posted in the book, and you can remain anonymous if you wish. Just click on this link to take you there:

http://tinyurl.com/2lcjah

Have a great time in England! (My sister-in-law is from Kent), and thanks for introducing me to this great childfree blog!

Kidfree Kaye
http://www.kidfreeandlovinit.com

When I then think about what parenting is really about, the Kodak-moments are turned into a black and white horror-movie.

I am sure many people find meaning in life by struggling to make a family with kids go around. And if you spend enough time in a situation you will sooner or later quit thinking about how unsatisfactory things are around you. Probably thats why some people are so hostile towards the CF, because it reminds them…about how it could have been and how it used to be..!?

I am still glad my family-jewels are childproof.

Now, let me add to your list of why we childfree should be grateful:

* We can take showers when we need to. I don’t know how many times I’ve read about how some mothers have not taken a shower in days because they’re so busy with the bratlings. Uhm. Ew.

* You can take a crap alone. No worries of some kid barging in and just standing there and talking, or knocking on the door and asking if you’re in there (when you JUST walked in!), etc.

* No refereeing fights.

* Sit down meals with not so many dishes to wash.

* You don’t have to pick up toys, dirty underwear/socks/clothes that the kids leave All. Over. The. Place.

* No banal cartoons on the TV in the background.

* You won’t have the La Leche militia all over you if you decided not to breastfeed… because you don’t have kids!

* You won’t end up with poop, vomit, snot, half chewed food, or other gross liquids all over you. (Had a coworker show up to work like this. It was disgusting.)

* Your vacation won’t have to be family oriented, although it could be if you wanted.

* This is something I see with many men who are fathers or single women: You’re not beholden to a job due to a family to support. We do have more disposable income, sure. Maybe. But we also don’t have the stressors of supporting a family that parents have. While some parents have this luxury, many do not. I have been able to simply walk off a job if I was not comfortable with it. I would have the support of my boyfriend, but I also don’t have the worry of children to support. I am able to find a work situation that I enjoy and like, rather than “put up” with The Man because of having a family I have to support. (This is to extend your point about choosing where to work and live.)

* Not as much housework. There was a recent study done that married women do more house work than married men. By 7 hours. I know that in my household, my boyfriend does all of his own laundry, cleans his own room and bathroom, and anything else that is “his.” I do the same with my “side.” I have a litter box to clean, but that is because the cats are mine and so they are my responsibility. But! When it comes to the common areas, kitchen, living room, etc. we share in the responsibilities. Since we both work, we share household expenses. I have found that this is the case for many childfree couples. Couples where there is a stay at home mom.. well, guess who is beholden to the money maker?

* You don’t have in-laws or other family members butting their business into how you should raise your family (excepting the fact that they butt in with the “you should have children” noseyness.)

* I’m a gamer. Do you think I have to wait until after the kids’ bedtime to play Guitar Hero and relax? No. I can do that right when I get home. Now, I know a lot of parents would simply say I’m being selfish. But I’m not at all being selfish.

* You won’t have some sullen teen ager cause you angst and anguish, depleting you financially and only showing you gratitude when you go away and quit embarassing them by being around. I completely agree the being a parent is a thankless job.

* You already KNOW your kids won’t be around to help in your old age - because you don’t have any. Rather than end up disappointed and bitter because you EXPECTED your children to help and they decide not to “pay you back” by helping you.

Ok, I think I’ve made enough points. I like what Anne-Marie said: we get to enjoy the perks of our lifestyle choices. If someone else doesn’t like it, tough. Three words for them: Bed. Made. Lie.

But that’s just my opinion… I could be wrong!

Your post reminds me of people who complain that I, as a teacher, have those long summer holidays and that I’m lucky to have them. I do acknowledge that I am quite fortunate to have that time off, but luck had little to do with it. I worked my tail off to get into Teachers’ College, at a time when there was a glut of teachers and you needed to be extra special (or French speaking!) to land a job. I went into a profession I thought would be fulfilling, and look back 18 years later and still think I have one of the best jobs on the planet. I always tell the people who want my job or envy it that there are plenty of teacher colleges waiting for their applications. I never apologise for the perks that I enjoy because I did not choose them and they come with the job, which anyone can choose to do if they find the perks so great. It’s easy to complain, but harder still to make decisive choices and live with the results. Good for the childfree for enjoying the perks of their lifestyle choices.

xx
AM

( And for what it’s worth, it’s a great perk, but it doesn’t make the other 40 weeks easy you don’t like what you do)