What part of “I’m never having children” equates to “I’m going to wait a few years”?!

I’m not a freaking moron. I do actually get the concept of breeding while still fertile, I am choosing NEVER to do it. I will NOT “have trouble getting pregnant” later because I will not be trying!

Argh,

Going through the endless roundabout of whether/when to break up with my partner (who does want kids), these kinds of stories are really frustrating. People don’t get that I NEVER want kids and are acting like I’m stupid for breaking up with someone I love, who’d be a great dad, just because he doesn’t want to wait as long as I do.

I am not WAITING for anything you idiots, and this is painful enough already without being treated as though I am some ignorant, impetuous child who doesn’t understand the consequences of what she is doing.

Argh.

Aussie Childfree said:

“I’ve just turned 34 but have never spoken to any GP about getting it done before because I just got turned off the idea from all the other stories I’ve heard about women being turned down “because you might change your mind”.”

I’m in Australia too, and had a positive experience with being approved for a tubal ligation. I got my referral through the Family Planning Association and the surgeon to whom I was referred was willing to perform the surgery because I’d obviously given the matter a lot of thought. I was sterilised at age 29. Also, Medicare covers the cost of tubal ligation, so the surgery itself cost me nothing.

http://www.cbn.com/family/marriage/Littauer_Childless1.aspx

Bravewulf – That should shut them up. At least momentarily.

I was actually coming up with retorts to all of these as I read through the list. Some – okay most – of them are not especially polite, however.

Also here in the Land of Oz our family friendly government led by KRudd (our prime minister Kevin Rudd!) has upped the baby bonus to A$5,000. This $5,000 comes into effect on 1 July this year. The bonus used to be, I think, $4,200 and apparently some women are going to try and hold on until then. Somehow I think it might be a tricky to stop labour!

But you are right. What does that say about the disrespect for the vast majority of childfree women and men? Beggars belief that long term contraceptives are prescribed even when not wanted rather than the doctor simply doing what the woman wants. It’s sad. We haven’t got very far at all.

First off, thank you BritGirl for the endorsement of my list. While I am no where near the prolific writer on the topic of childfreedom as you, I do occasionally pen some of the triumphs and tribulations of our chosen path.

I am trying to take each bingo and “pen” (can we claim penning anything in our cyberworld?) an intelligent rebuttal. Here is my answer to the question/statement of the regret bingo.

AAAAAAAAHHHH.

That said, like Aussie Childfree, I met THE doctor I’m staying with for my gyn needs. I consulted for the first time three weeks ago, and in the middle of the visit asked about legislation on contraceptive sterilization, to which he answered “I’m not going to do it now, not even if you stand on your head and do cartwheels in front of me!”
But we started talking about it, and he was totally non-judgmental about it, and ended with “in any case, your decision NOT to have kids sounds a heck of a lot more well thought out than what I get from 40-year-old women who come to me wanting a baby at all costs.”
Turned out he and his partner don’t want kids either, at least not right away, so he could really understand my point of view. He recommended long-term contraception and said that if I hadn’t changed my mind about having kids in a year, or even six months, he’d be willing to do the tubal ligation then.

I was just so happy I didn’t get the usual bingoes I could’ve hugged him then and there. (And well, he’s cute too!!)

What does that say about being childfree, though? Why does even a glimmer of respect for our decision feel like winning the lottery?
I was just lucky in my previous job to have two colleagues who were also childfree – there really is strength in numbers, we didn’t get hassled about it once we made our views known.

As a side note – sorry to do this but I had to share my excitement with everyone – I have been on the hunt for a new female doctor (I prefer female doctors for personal women’s issues) and on the recommendation of a colleague went to this doctor yesterday. She took my entire medical and life history and then asked me if I had children and when I said no, she asked was it by choice or I just physically couldn’t. When I said it was mine and my husband’s choice, but also that I hadnt wanted them ever since I was a young girl, she said in a really enthusiastic manner, “Good for you on making such a great choice. It’s great to see people realise that there is a choice and realise that life isn’t all about just having children. You both obviously put a lot of thought in deciding that, unlike most people who just assume that having children is just what you do in life and then become bad parents”. Well dear CF-ers, I almost did cartwheels around the consult room I was so excited Needless to say, I have found the perfect doctor and I developed an instant rapport as she was also extremely compassionate and friendly. She was extremely supportive when, in answer to her question, I told her about how most people react negatively about our decision and she said for herself that she made the choice not to have children and also was criticised. But here’s a different bingo that I’m sure hasn’t cropped up on Like It Is before. My new great doctor told me that when she’s asked if she has children and then is questioned about why she doesn’t want them, here’s the bingo that she gets from people – “But you’re a doctor, how could you not want children since your profession is all about helping people and saving lives? You should be creating life”. I had tears in eyes from laughing so much!

Thanks all for hearing me out on my positive experience