Infertile? What About the Childfree Choice?
23 06 2008Every time I read about women’s “struggle” with infertility I have a hard time understanding how it gets magnified to such an extent as to warrant much of the attention it currently gets. People say it is not discussed enough - to me it seems that it’s all some people talk about. It seems always to be on childed people’s minds as if I happen to mention I chose not to have children, one of the more idiotic comments I get back is “what about women who can’t have children?” presumably to encourage me to reconsider my choice. Well what about them?
Of course, I know that, since I don’t feel sorry for women who “struggle with infertility” or women who try to move heaven and earth to have children, I’ll simply be written off as “harsh” “unsympathetic” and “insensitive”.
I read many of the comments – there are over 300 of them. And one thing I noticed was that, in the main anyone who suggested anything less than sympathy was deserved was generally labeled as negative, adoption was not welcomed as a solution to infertility even when some commentators suggested it and that the need to have a child coming from one’s own body was the ultimate goal.
This is what I find hard to understand: If the object of the yearning for a baby is to give love to that child then why is it that the thousands of abandoned children (supposedly also once wanted) are not a suitable objects for that maternal love? As one commentator said, imagine the impact on one changed child’s life.
If the object isn’t to give the child love then how does one describe the (want a child, must have a child, must have THEIR OWN child that is the driving force behind the quest for a child/children?
Adoption isn’t necessarily an instant solution. But here it seems to be bio child or no child.Which leads me to think that it’s not being a parent that is key here, it is giving birth to a biological child.
Perhaps counsel about being childfree should also be offered before people shell out all their worldly goods for IVF. Only that must be hard, because so few people actually understand or believe that being childfree as a choice can be liberating. Neither do they know any childfree examples.
Peppered through the comments are several telling phrases, such as what constitutes a “normal” woman’s body( one that produces children) and how anyone who dares voice anything other than sympathy is “hostile”, and an example of what these infertile women have to face from society.
I wonder if it’s anything near the comments that childfree men and women get on an almost daily basis. No sympathy for us, because of course WE are not striving to make our own bio-child… or any child for that matter.
Anyway, I am sure you can make up your own minds.
I hope parents and would be parents read these posts of yours, especially people who feels like having children is just a normal part of family life. Like it is no big deal to bring a child in this world. Other people have more than they can support and doesn’t even bother them a bit.
People should be responsible enough to provide not only the basic needs of their children, but to give them the chance of having a promising future as well. If you they don’t even have an idea how to go about this, what makes them think they have the right to have children in the first place?
OMFG, the hypersensitivity of those “struggling with infertililty” is staggering. I was recently looking at a feminist blog, which had a poll about which birth control, if any, the viewers used. It later featured an apology, saying that the poll was insenstitive to women facing “fertility problems”. Like even talking about trying to NOT become pregnant is an insult to these women! And it’s the same in real life. Even a suggestion that not being able to have biological children is not the end of the world, or that you’re not interested in talking about it 24/7 turns you into public enemy number 1. It’s got to the point where I don’t talk to many of my older friends any more.
I’ve always wondered why these people don’t adopt, or foster, or whatever, if they’re really so desparate to be parents. Do they really think their genes are so superior?
This is a tricky one. I have a friend who has been trying for about nine years now to get pregnant. But they’re absolutely fixated, and they’re about to start their third round of IVF, taking out a huge loan to do it and risking their financial future. For what? it hasn’t worked up until now, maybe it’s time to take the hint. But to say so would make me the biggest bitch on the planet, so I’m forced to just sit and shake my head.
As far as adoption goes, I have to agree in theory that if you really want a child for the right reasons, then adoption would be the ideal solution. But I’ve heard so many stories of bureaucratic BS, shyster agencies, shady deals and general nastiness that I’d really think twice about going down this path. It’s also expensive, and there’s also no guarantees. There’s some horror stories out there about kids adopted from overseas with all sorts of health and mental problems, and they have to serve as a warning to prospective parents who in trying to do the right thing, could end up with a lot more than they bargained for.
It’s sad, but really - you do need to learn to roll with what life gave you. I’d like to be blonde, gorgeous and rich, but I’m not, and I’ve learned to cope with it. I actually found most of the comments on the article to be level headed and sensible - although I guess, that depends on your perspective.
I have a real problem with infertility treatments for a variety of reasons:
1) With healthcare costs on the rise and contributing to worldwide economic problems/recession, spending valuable health resources on fertility treatments is a waste of precious dollars and research grants. Many argue that these treatments should be covered by insurance or government health programs, yet these same people complain about the staggering cost of healthcare. Guess what? If you stopped wasting your money (and ours!) on unnecessary medical treatments maybe there would be more money for problems like cancer and heart disease.
2) So you paid for your fertility treatments all by yourself, taking out loans and selling off kidneys, good for you. But children conceived through IVF are more likely to be born early, whether they are multiples or not, which means your high risk pregnancy and stay in the NICU actually does drain money out of the healthcare system from the rest of us.
3) Ever think there is a biological reason for some people not getting pregnant? Maybe the body has a natural defense mechanism to protect women who could be harmed by pregnancy or birth, or who carry some genetic issues that will be passed on to a child. Is IVF and other fertility treatments messing around with Darwinism?
4) The long term costs to society overall for children born early with permanent health defects; healthcare, schooling, social programs, long term public assistance, is staggering. The increase in women knowingly pursuing high-risk pregnancies due to advancing age of the mother or the birth of multiples causes economic repercussions for everyone.
Every time a family argues that their decision to pursue fertility treatments is a personal one I want to present these arguments. The decision is selfish and contributing factors to the rising costs of medical and social program spend.
This issue makes me irrationally angry because simply, no one has ever DIED from not procreating. It is NOT a life or death issue, and as far as I can tell, it’s mere vanity, “I must replicate my own DNA, I can’t possibly ever care as much for someone else’s DNA”. Yet, people treat it like it’s the most horrible thing to happen…EVER and have the nerve to get offended when someone suggests that maybe, just maybe they consider all the good things that they do have in their lives and deal with it because they could be cursed with much, MUCH worse afflictions.
Yes, adoption is difficult but most of the time it results in a child, and well, you should be prepared for some life difficulty if you are going to be a parent anyway. IVF? That seems to mostly result in more money for IVF doctors and clinics.
Mere procreating is NOT parenting. People who want to parent children have plenty of opportunities to do that. We don’t need to encourage simple procreation any more, there’s enough of that as it is.
Adoption and infertility treatments are more alike than they are different. There’s no guarantee that either one is going to work and they’re both expensive. And just like with adoption, there is no guarantee when you have your own biological child that the child will be healthy (physically and/or psychologically).
To some extent, I do understand the desire to have the “whole” experience from conception to birth. But once a couple (or woman…whatever) finds out that is not feasible, assuming they still want to be parents, I don’t understand the eschewing of the adoption option.
I’m in agreement with Feh about the need to have a child “by any medical means necessary” is largely an ego problem. But at what cost? Ending up with a child or children (depending on how the fertility drugs work) who have long-term or permanent medical problems? Having some of the kids be stillborn or dying not long after birth?
Some people just will not accept that having a child the natural way is not intended for them. I have much more respect for those who will adopt, especially those who will take in older children (I have a problem with those who just want the “cute” babies).
You know, I’ve never had a desire for children, ever, that I can ever remember. Not even an inkling of, “Hrm.. maybe.” Nothing. So I can never understand this obsession with having your own baby. This is definitely a situation of “It’s different when they’re your own.”
I know we quip with responses to, “Yeah, you can’t give them back.” etc. But there’s a kernal of truth to the “different, ect.” statement. People don’t generally want to take of anyone else, just themselves. It is still a very selfish endeavor.
Of course adoption is not a choice because the kid isn’t “their own.” There are excuses of cost, barriers, the whole “crap shoot” argument or “broken” child idea - i.e. the kid will have issues or problems. Of course, all of the same things occur for the IVF route.
But to get back to the title of this post, Britgirl states the obvious. What about the childfree choice? Because in society, being childfree is considered “selfish” and having your own children is considered “altruistic.” So it then becomes an obsession to have your own, to say that they “did it” by FINALLY having their own child and then everyone can call them brave, and strong, and persistent, and all of a sudden the child is then a “miracle child.” IMO, it tends to become an obsession with some of these people that they will “overcome” their “medical condition.” I like that someone said these people just can’t handle the fact that THEY were NOT meant to “live on” through their genes.
And again, it’s all about the breeders who are trying to breed.
I’ve mentioned this before here. I’m in an interesting situation. My boyfriend is CF. His sister (he only has one sibling) has been trying IVF treatments since her and her husband are not able to conceive naturally. Since BF is not having children, I understand that their mother has been puting huge pressure on his sister to adopt, atleast. He knows EXACTLY how I feel about children, IVF, adoption, and even how I feel about pregnancy. I keep my mouth shut because I actually like his family and they like me. But seriously, I want to sit down with her and say, “Ever consider simply being childfree?” But, it’s also none of my business so I make no comments or feign sympathy.
I just don’t GET the desire or need, or rather, obsession. I’m grateful every single day that I don’t have children. And since I work with childed people, I hear their stories and inside I say a prayer of thanks that I don’t have ANY of that. Not even the “cute” stories that do make me laugh. I also have no sympathy OR empathy or any feelings what so ever for the “plight” of these infertile people. My first reaction is, “yay! NO WORRIES of pregnancy!” But I also realize not everyone is like me.
Right now, people are ripping on a woman called “karlie”, who openly admitted in the comments that she regrets having her twins. She is being chewed up and spit out just for saying that raising her ‘blessings’ (barf) has not turned out the rosey dream everyone made her believe it would be. It’s disgusting! Like the downsides of parenthood (and motherhood especially) are some kind of big secret that must NEVER leak out to those unsuspecting saps who are still on the fence.
Here’s what I don’t understand about people who break the bank on fertility treatments, trying to have a kid…
If you go neck-deep in the red trying to get knocked up, what the f@&! are you going to support the kid with once you have them? You went broke just trying to conceive and now you can’t even afford to take care of the kid. What kind of Grand Dukes of Idiocy are these people?
I guess the reason they couldn’t have kids naturally is because natural selection was trying to stop morons of this magnitude from polluting the gene pool.
Miss Q - you know the best part about karlie? She was infertile too and had her twins after fertility treatment. (She explains it somewhere in the 200s.) So much for all the idiots telling her she has no idea what kind of pain they’re going through. Unfortunately, I doubt any of them stayed long enough to read her reply - the gist of which is, “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”
I too think that all these heroic efforts to have a child from one’s own body are nuts. And a huge waste of money and medical resources. Maybe I feel like I can throw some stones because my mother struggled with infertility in the late 1950’s-early 1960’s, and because she and my father wanted to be parents for the right reasons, they adopted. And here I am! Even my mother used to think these people would have done better to adopt. I just can’t grasp why these people are so fixated on having a biological child, if the whole purpose of the exercise is selflessness, raising the next generation, etc.
I have three friends who dealt with infertility. Two of them made the CF choice and are happy with their lives. They get their kid-fix from nieces, nephews, and god-children. One set up and helps to run the day care center in her church. Both of these friends and their husbands are now in their 50s and have no regrets about the decision to embrace a CF life.
My third friend’s wife decided she had to have her own flesh and blood, and they nearly bankrupted themselves with IVF treatments. Twice they achieved a pregnancy, only to have miscarriages early on. Examination of the fetal tissue showed severe genetic defects. Finally, after years of turmoil, disappointment, and near divorce, they adopted (not that adoption was easy either). My friend had wanted to go the adoption route much sooner, but his wife wouldn’t hear of it — the whole “it’s not really your baby unless you carry it” and “you can’t love it the same if it doesn’t come from your own body” claptrap.
That’s only true if you choose to believe it. Nobody could ever tell my mother that I wasn’t really her daughter, and I don’t think she loved me any less because I didn’t emanate from her uterus.
These people need to get over themselves. They also need to seriously re-examine why they want to be parents.
Strange, I can see your comment fine Pendrift. If it isn’t showing up sometimes it’s due to the link inclusion. Doesn’t seem to be a problem here though.
I saw the post by Karlie too. I thought “finally some honesty”. But no. Didn’t take long for the virtual lynch mob to uter cries of “how dare she complain that ivf and motherhood don’t live up to the hype Good on her. The same ripping was reserved for those that had no sympathy for the “struggling infertile” They too were branded.
Thanks for these marvellous and down to earth comments.
Hmm, my previous two comments didn’t show up. Good thing I copied it
Attempt #3:
Pendrift - “be careful what you ask for” indeed! Look here: hubpages . com/ hub/ For_Unhappily_Married_Men
The comments are nearly all from people (mostly men, since the article was directed at them) who had kids and now wish they could go back in time and undo “the biggest mistake of their live”. Tsk… *shakes head*.
I’m willing to buy the whole “you’ll never truly understand what it’s like to be a parent” bingo that breeders fling at me all the time. But people, there is such a thing as common sense, and it can get you quite far! I don’t need to give birth to a baby to experience the joys of sleep-deprivation. I’ve had my fair share of that already (curse you, videogames!), and frankly… it sucks. It causes headaches, lousy focus and moodswings. I don’t think a baby hanging off my boob will somehow make those side-effects magically go away. And that is just ONE aspect of parenthood that can me simulated without poppig out a kid.
I have never actually felt what is was like to be burned alive, but I’m still pretty sure I won’t like it. Same for kids
P.S.: Britgirl: I also have problems getting my posts to show, so I’ll follow your advice to pendrift and try fooling the site that there is no link (remove the spaces). Hope this one works!
It’s interesting to note how many of the infertile couples complain about how adoption is so expensive and invasive and rigorous, etc. Having a kid is expensive, no matter how you go about it, and surely pregnancy and childbirth are invasive and rigorous experiences anyway?
I’ll never forget reading about one moo wannabe who compared the pain of infertility to stage 4 cancer. As someone who nursed a family member through terminal cancer, that’s the most insulting, revoltingly self-absorbed thing I’ve probably ever heard.
I haven’t read all the comments, but a lot of the people who refuse to consider adoption seem more worried about gene propagation (as in theirs) than anything else. If you truly want to raise a child/ren, surely you wouldn’t care whether it had your DNA or not?
I’m going to give into my cynical side and say that I think it would do the world a whole lot better in general if the psychiatric profession would take up the cause, and immense profit to be gained to offer “infertility counseling” and help infertile couples accept their infertility in a healthy and positive manner, instead of just throwing money hand over fist down the IVF hole.
Feh,
I’ll give into my cynical side as well.
As long as there’s a demand, there will be a service or product. IMO, many of these IVF clinics come off as being “caring” and “concerned” and that they “want to help.” Really, they know desperate and obsessed people will pay to get pregnant and so they know they have a market. Ah yes.. capitalism!
Miss Q - I actually meant you, not Pendrift…
Anyway I think the link is what caused it. My set up thought it was a spam link…(I have a spam-unfriendly setting) which of course it wasn’t.
Good on you for trying again. Thanks for that site though…a great post. Look out for my opinion on it in the not too distant future.
All - When I think of these women shelling out hundreds of thousands because they must have a bio-baby to feel “like a woman” or whatever other need they must fill and then I think of all the poor kids who have been abandoned and who would truly benefit from a loving home.. it makes me want to throw up. If they can’t have kids there is also the childfree option, but while having a baby is an obesssion (fuelled by the hypcritical IVF clinics that is never going to be presented. For every post talking of a successful adoption, one pops up with an adoption story of woe). I was going to suggest these women get a life, but then I thought their retort would be that’s exactly what they are trying to do. Not. Their need seems to be less about selfless parenting and more about selfish need. And for this, they want sympathy?!
Have I said already that these are great comments? If I have I’m saying it again. I truly appreciate everyone who’s posted and responded not just to this but to other posts too.
CFSince 6/Feh - It’s an industry. And they have found the perfect market. Like you say, demand and supply. And a distinct lack of common sense. Watch for infertility counselling to take off. After all the money spend on the IVF of course.
Lisa - The most annoying thing about their fixation (which I don’t understand) is that everyone is expected to sympathise with them. No can do. it also entrenches the lie that every woman wants to have children and will do anything to have one and that any other experience is second best.
I left my two cents there, and now I’m patiently waiting for (wanna)breeders to come out and maul me on the spot:
“Jo, I could not agree more. The choice to be childfree should be suggested to people ’struggling’ with infertility. In fact, I’d like to go even further: why even invest money into fertility research at all? Finding ways to allow people to have (more) babies, is like installing a sprinkler system in the rainforest. Honestly, the planet is crowded enough already, and I highly doubt your genes are so special that we will all spontaniously turn purple and burst into flames if YOU don’t procreate.
Why not, rather than continue flushing money down the infertility drain, invest that cash into cancer or AIDS research that may actually SAVE lives, instead of just creating new ones?”
Miss Q, I’m “jo” that you responded to there.
I forgot I had left my initials, as opposed to my CF “nick” of CFSinceSix. LOL!
Thank you for the support. I completely agree with you. Monies towards infertility research could best be used elsewhere to benefit more than just some obsessed breeder.
Here’s a twist on the breeder bingo of “My child could cure cancer!” and that’s, what if all the money spent on infertility research could have gone to curing cancer and been just the tipping point in funds that found that cure? Their child begot from infertility treatments now has cancer, but no cure.
Aw.
(Okay, I know I’m eeeevil!
)
Thanks for posting this, Britgirl, I read most of the comments today, and the commentary is some of the most thought provoking and insightful I’ve read for a while. The ‘childless’ outcome is so often forgotten, yet some of these people will end up being our childfree friends even if they come from a different space. Awesome as always!
Feh-
But what would happen to all those making money hand over first administering these IVF treatments to the “unfortunate” couples if counselors helped them find peace with their inability to have children ;-)?
You made very deep witting…I have this problem too in my family. The doctor has diagnosed that we have very little opportunity to have bio child. I am thinking to adopt children, but my husband refuse it. For me having bio children is not a must. A family exist because of love and care…That’s the main aspect. I will share your article with my husband. Hope it could gives him new perspective. Thanks.
Melisa: don’t let ’scary stories’ steer you or your husband away from adopting. You only hear about the times it goes wrong, never the times it goes right. My cousins are adopted and they don’t even want anything to do with their bio-parents. They accept my aunt and uncle as their parents and I accept them as my cousins, whether we’re related by blood or not. I remember when I was a little kid, that I asked my mother how we could be family. I was white, they were white, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle and everyone else was white, but my cousins were black? What was up with that? Then my mother said that people were like M&M’s: different colors on the outside, same filling on the inside. I never forgot that story.
But the childfree choice is also one to be considered. You can be involved in a child’s life in other ways than parenting. Have you looked into the Big Brother/Big Sister program? Or maybe spend money that is used for adopting for schools and waterwells in Afrika? Or research to cure children’s diseases? There are so many options, and since your biological clock isn’t ticking, you can afford to take all the time you want to decide what is best for you and your husband.
I couldn’t even continue reading the comments after the article. To me, it all boils down to the entitled attitudes of some that you should get everything you want in life, and that you deserved sympathy if you don’t. We were never able to “get” pregnant, and discovered along the way that, since we weren’t pushing to adopt in any conscious way, perhaps wanting children wasn’t really that much of a priority and so we decided not to go through any hoops. We stopped thinking about it, decided to enjoy the life we have, and got on with it. There’s a deep selfishness in those who believe that they should have what they wish for, not to mention an arrogance. I have no sympathy for them, much like I wished none for myself. When I went to get an ultrasound a few years back, just to see why we were having trouble conceiving, the technician asked me if I was there to check for cancer. When I told her the reason, she said that it was good that it wasn’t cancer, which was the main reason she saw women my age (I was about 40). Sobering thought, no? I was never one of those women described in the article as desperate, but it put things in such a clear perspective.
“Then my mother said that people were like M&M’s: different colors on the outside, same filling on the inside.” - Miss Q, I love that! I’m totally stealing that idea! It’s wonderful and so right!
I agree there is a sense of entitlement going on with people desperately trying to conceive their bio children. I understand it must be initially painful to realize this isn’t possible but the lengths people go to try to conceive their “own” children is what show their entitlement position. This whole idea that we can have it all is a sham. Life is full of choices and decisions. We can’t have everything. We’re choosing one path over another our entire lives. Such blind obsession with fertility treatments is just a way to get stuck staring at the closed door and ignoring the open door that leads to the rest of your life.
RMS said:
That’s awesome. Love it!
Hmmm I DO understand what you are all saying and kinda agree but I and my brother are adopted from two different families and were adopted as babies. My birthmother had a break down and worse from giving me up (she’s OK now.) My adoptive mum and dad didn’t know that my adoptive brother’s biological parents (different family) were big drinkers - possibly alcoholics. My brother battled alcoholism and drugs from when he was about 14 till when he was about 23. This made life very difficult and sad for me and our parents and they even said to me once that they were never told there were alcohol issues in his family when they adopted him. HOWEVER, in the 70s when we were adopted we were adopted through what is known as a CLOSED adoption and we didn’t met our birth parents until much later. Today as far as I know things are more open and people are more likely to go into adoption with their eyes open.
I often wonder if he was their biological son would he have gone through that and mum and dad DIDN’T KNOW what genetic problems they were taking on - with a biological child they WOULD — HOWEVER like I said I was adopted too and though we have had our moments
overall I am grateful to my birth mother for making the choice she made. I have had and do have opportunities I would NOT have had from her, had two parents etc. So on the whole for me it worked out well that I was adopted!! And I am VERY glad my parents who couldn’t have kids decided to take a baby into their home who really benefitted from a stable home and parents who actually WANTED her. But after seeing what my parents went through with my brother, things CAN go wrong VERY wrong with adoption! HOWEVER
I am VERY aware they can also go VERY wrong with biological children too, it’s just that none of our adoptive cousins had alcohol and drug problems and I didn’t either.
AND obsessions are NOT healthy things and getting seriously into debt etc. just to have a kid seems nuts to me. Then again, I never wanted one! I wouldn’t adopt a baby out. I saw how it messed up my birthmother. So me not having a child doesn’t deprive ANYONE just because they can’t have their own. I considered VERY briefly considered donating my eggs before going OH HELL NO!! among many other reasons because I don’t know all my genes being adopted and sometimes that IS a disadvantage!
But all your comments are excellent. (And yes it DOES seem selfish to only want to have their own when other kids NEED homes and those people want kids!)
Athena: you never 100% know what you’re going to get if you adopt, but you take even a bigger risk with IVF and other artificial ways to cheat nature. But if I have to believe those who are ’struggling’ with infertility, your parents wouldn’t have minded your brother’s alcohol problems, if he had their magic genes. Because it’s different when it’s your own! *rolls eyes sarcastically*
Props to your folks for honestly wanting children, and not just little copies of themselves!
As for your brother… alcohol can damage a fetus if the mother drinks, and he was probably born an addict from getting alcohol through his mother. And if an addict kicks the habit (or is forced to, since most babies can’t buy beer on their own), they can NEVER EVER drink again! Not one sip! But unfortunately, neither he or your parents could have known that.
Athena, while I can appreciate what you have said, and no one here has ever said that adoption should not be an option (that’s mostly breeders who refuse to consider it an option) the point to this particular blog entry is that if someone is “suffering” from being unable to conceive they have options IN ADDITION to IVF an adoption. One of which is to choose to be childfree.
That is the point of this blog posting. Good luck to you and your brother.
The problem with the IVF “argument” is that it’s always one-sided. Even though there are risks of multiple births and many of the unfortunate babies die or have horrendous birth defects - health issues that ensure their quality of life is shaky at best - none of that ever seems to register with those “struggling” with infertility. Put another way, it seems to be well worth the risk.
Of course they are fully encouraged by their supporters - led by the IVF industry but followed closely by the clueless people who want it to be politically incorrect to be unsympathetic with any woman who can’t breed.
There’s never any question but that an IVF bio-child is always A Good Thing”. In fact, they make it to be A Necessary Thing, judging by the comments on that thread. It’s as if having a child by IVF guarantees a problem-free solution.
As CFSince 6 and many others have said.. these women do have other options: accept they can’t have children, and choose to be childfree, adopt, and/or foster. But for some reason in their mind having their own bio-child is the only way. Clearly their other choice is to continue the “struggle”.
Its funny/irritating to me that when this discussion comes up there’s always someone telling adoption horror stories, and IVF success stories, but not the other way around.
My husband was abandoned at the hospital upon his birth. His adoptive grandmother was the attending nurse, contacted his adoptive parents and they adopted him “under the table” so to speak. There is no document ANYWHERE that has any information on his biological mother. While he realizes that is it helpful to have some information on his genetics, it’s not possible so…he deals with it. The people who raised him are his parents, his sisters (who were also adopted - in a more legitimate fashion) are his sisters.
They have all grown up to be decent people with good sense.
No situation in life will be perfect, we should accept that and adapt to what we are dealt to the best of our abilities.
@ Miss Q
Thanks for your MnM story. You are definitely right. Physical similarity is not the reason of a family, but love and care are. Near my hometown there is an orphant house. This place accept the unwanted children. I think I will take my husband to that place. I hope by seeing the children his heart will be touched and his paradigm would be changed.
“Well what about the women who cannot have children?” Is that an idea along the lines of “finish your dinner - there are lots of starving children in Africa!” ? I don’t get it. Are we supposed to have kids because we CAN and we should be grateful for the ability to have them? Talk about assinine.
I’m infertile myself (100% - I was born without ovaries), but after reading a book called “Childfree After Infertility” I decided to be childfree. I too see absolutely no point to getting upset about infertility. If you can’t have kids, so what? It’s not like there aren’t enough in the world. Plus, not having kids frees YOUR WHOLE LIFE for doing whatever you want without having to worry about the kids and often your financial gain is fantastic.
Having said that, I still like kids and I have a great relationship with my two nephews and niece. I don’t need my own when they’re around. Often they are examples of why I shouldn’t have kids
Still, my younger nephew and niece wouldn’t have come about without IVF so I don’t know my stance on infertility treatments.