“The thing I can’t figure out about not getting pregnant, is why I was given such a sex drive! I would tell my husband, What was the purpose of my attracting him, enjoying him so much, enjoying sex so much, and then not produce a child! What kind of plan is that?”

How sad for their marriage. Couldn’t it just be possible that she was given the sex drive in part BECAUSE she was infirtile? That maybe she should use that drive as a means of connecting emotionally with her husband? There’s no reason to not have/want sex just because you can’t get pregnant (quite the contrary, IMO!).

Having said that, I still like kids and I have a great relationship with my two nephews and niece. I don’t need my own when they’re around. Often they are examples of why I shouldn’t have kids
Still, my younger nephew and niece wouldn’t have come about without IVF so I don’t know my stance on infertility treatments.

My husband was abandoned at the hospital upon his birth. His adoptive grandmother was the attending nurse, contacted his adoptive parents and they adopted him “under the table” so to speak. There is no document ANYWHERE that has any information on his biological mother. While he realizes that is it helpful to have some information on his genetics, it’s not possible so…he deals with it. The people who raised him are his parents, his sisters (who were also adopted - in a more legitimate fashion) are his sisters.
They have all grown up to be decent people with good sense.

No situation in life will be perfect, we should accept that and adapt to what we are dealt to the best of our abilities.

Of course they are fully encouraged by their supporters - led by the IVF industry but followed closely by the clueless people who want it to be politically incorrect to be unsympathetic with any woman who can’t breed.

There’s never any question but that an IVF bio-child is always A Good Thing”. In fact, they make it to be A Necessary Thing, judging by the comments on that thread. It’s as if having a child by IVF guarantees a problem-free solution.

As CFSince 6 and many others have said.. these women do have other options: accept they can’t have children, and choose to be childfree, adopt, and/or foster. But for some reason in their mind having their own bio-child is the only way. Clearly their other choice is to continue the “struggle”.

That is the point of this blog posting. Good luck to you and your brother.

Props to your folks for honestly wanting children, and not just little copies of themselves!

As for your brother… alcohol can damage a fetus if the mother drinks, and he was probably born an addict from getting alcohol through his mother. And if an addict kicks the habit (or is forced to, since most babies can’t buy beer on their own), they can NEVER EVER drink again! Not one sip! But unfortunately, neither he or your parents could have known that.

Such blind obsession with fertility treatments is just a way to get stuck staring at the closed door and ignoring the open door that leads to the rest of your life.

That’s awesome. Love it!

I agree there is a sense of entitlement going on with people desperately trying to conceive their bio children. I understand it must be initially painful to realize this isn’t possible but the lengths people go to try to conceive their “own” children is what show their entitlement position. This whole idea that we can have it all is a sham. Life is full of choices and decisions. We can’t have everything. We’re choosing one path over another our entire lives. Such blind obsession with fertility treatments is just a way to get stuck staring at the closed door and ignoring the open door that leads to the rest of your life.

But the childfree choice is also one to be considered. You can be involved in a child’s life in other ways than parenting. Have you looked into the Big Brother/Big Sister program? Or maybe spend money that is used for adopting for schools and waterwells in Afrika? Or research to cure children’s diseases? There are so many options, and since your biological clock isn’t ticking, you can afford to take all the time you want to decide what is best for you and your husband.

But what would happen to all those making money hand over first administering these IVF treatments to the “unfortunate” couples if counselors helped them find peace with their inability to have children ;-)?

Thank you for the support. I completely agree with you. Monies towards infertility research could best be used elsewhere to benefit more than just some obsessed breeder.

Here’s a twist on the breeder bingo of “My child could cure cancer!” and that’s, what if all the money spent on infertility research could have gone to curing cancer and been just the tipping point in funds that found that cure? Their child begot from infertility treatments now has cancer, but no cure.

Aw.

(Okay, I know I’m eeeevil! )

“Jo, I could not agree more. The choice to be childfree should be suggested to people ’struggling’ with infertility. In fact, I’d like to go even further: why even invest money into fertility research at all? Finding ways to allow people to have (more) babies, is like installing a sprinkler system in the rainforest. Honestly, the planet is crowded enough already, and I highly doubt your genes are so special that we will all spontaniously turn purple and burst into flames if YOU don’t procreate.

Why not, rather than continue flushing money down the infertility drain, invest that cash into cancer or AIDS research that may actually SAVE lives, instead of just creating new ones?”

CFSince 6/Feh - It’s an industry. And they have found the perfect market. Like you say, demand and supply. And a distinct lack of common sense. Watch for infertility counselling to take off. After all the money spend on the IVF of course.

Lisa - The most annoying thing about their fixation (which I don’t understand) is that everyone is expected to sympathise with them. No can do. it also entrenches the lie that every woman wants to have children and will do anything to have one and that any other experience is second best.

Good on you for trying again. Thanks for that site though…a great post. Look out for my opinion on it in the not too distant future.

All - When I think of these women shelling out hundreds of thousands because they must have a bio-baby to feel “like a woman” or whatever other need they must fill and then I think of all the poor kids who have been abandoned and who would truly benefit from a loving home.. it makes me want to throw up. If they can’t have kids there is also the childfree option, but while having a baby is an obesssion (fuelled by the hypcritical IVF clinics that is never going to be presented. For every post talking of a successful adoption, one pops up with an adoption story of woe). I was going to suggest these women get a life, but then I thought their retort would be that’s exactly what they are trying to do. Not. Their need seems to be less about selfless parenting and more about selfish need. And for this, they want sympathy?!