-Martin

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I wish I had knonw the line, “If you don’t do it, someone else will.” But at the time, I had no real and regular medical care.

Several years ago I had weight loss surgery and a tubal at the same time. So I have finally been sterilized. I tell ya, it was such a FREEING feeling that I felt a HUGE weight lift off of me when I woke up in my hospital room and the doctor told me I was “snipped and burned.”

I was that kid who got a vasectomy at 19, (sorry I made you see red) I still had to work on my family doctor before he caved in…

…but nowadays in a litigious society where everyone thinks to sue someone like a doctor is like the lucky golden ticket…

the line that finally worked on my doctor was …if you won’t do it, someone else will…

DON’T give up …tell your doctor you sign a liability waiver absolving him…

I’ve come to the conclusion that my experience was not the norm.

I really think it was because I had a plan that included answers to the “if you change your mind” question. I don’t blame doctors for asking this, because there have been so many women who have this done and then whine that they can’t have more children.

I told my doctor that I would adopt if I really felt the need for a child in my life, as I thought that the world had too many people already. If I didn’t have the $5000 to reverse the procedure or the money to arrange an adoption, then I couldn’t afford to have a child anyway. His response: “I wish more people thought like you”. Apparently I had lucked out and found an OB/GYN who had a crackwhore on her fifth kid as a patient.

I think it helps to have an answer that addresses the possibility that you will change your mind. This doesn’t mean that you will change your mind, but it makes doctors more comfortable about treating you when they think it isn’t a knee-jerk reaction to another pregnancy scare.

I had an X-ray a couple of months ago for an unrelated issue and there were my clips shining out in the darkness, still protecting me from the worst STD of all…

Jennifer

When it comes to this area of the medical profession, our decisions are not respected at all, as has been said, whereas men’s are. Excellent point.

But when it comes to going into debt to HAVE a child, well then, suddenly they fall over themselves to encourage it. Why? Because then women are “fulfilling their prescribed gender role.” I believe it all goes back to “gender norms and expectations – even though they would never admit it.
Every woman is different. So why don’t doctors take each case on it’s own merit? As they probably do in most other situations?

Pendrift hit the nail on the head and I will quote her for emphasis:

Men have easier access to vasectomies not just because the procedure is simpler, but mainly because their opinion is respected. Women, on the other hand, not only have to contend with the patronizing double standard (”oh, we know what’s best for you, there there”), but with the bad reputation left behind by other women who change their minds just like that, because it reinforces the stereotype of “they don’t know what they want.”

She’s right. Women’s opinions aren’t respected. And it is only other women who make all women look bad by changing their mind and getting ‘babies rabies’.

At my last visit I mentioned that my husband and I were in the great debate… she thought I was going to discuss the have kids or don’t have kids debate and instead I informed her of the vasectomy vs. tubal vs. another 5 years of IUD. I still have a year to make the decision but it is nice knowing that I can make any decision and have the support of a good doctor. Anyone in Minneapolis who needs the reference, just let me know!

Mind you, this guy was light years away from the other chauvinistic doctors I’ve met in the past. He applauded my decision, offered alternatives (long-term contraception in the form of an IUD, in my case), explained that he and his partner didn’t want children either (and that she had an IUD as well), and said that if I hadn’t changed my mind in a year, or even six months, he’d perform the tubal. And he was telling me that all in all, in his practice anyway, there were more women regretting the operation and wanting it reversed than there were being happy with their decision.

What does this tell me? That childfree women who have thought things through (sometimes over several months or even years) and are firm in their decision are most undermined by those women who choose the procedure on a whim then change their minds.

Men have easier access to vasectomies not just because the procedure is simpler, but mainly because their opinion is respected. Women, on the other hand, not only have to contend with the patronizing double standard (“oh, we know what’s best for you, there there”), but with the bad reputation left behind by other women who change their minds just like that, because it reinforces the stereotype of “they don’t know what they want.”

It’s akin to the situation of legal travellers having a hard time getting tourist visas because too many of their fellow countrymen have overstayed theirs and become illegal immigrants – they’re paying for the sins of others.

Food for thought.

Kat – Perhaps it’s because they don’t know enough about the procedure and how it would benefit them if they are sure they don’t want children and want to take more responsibility for ensuring they don’t “accidentally” appear.

Obviously they would need to thoroughly research and be sure it’s what they want. Knowledgable Doctors, and more public information would be invaluable There is still not enough information out there on more permanent reversals – for men or women. The more men talk about it hopefully the more men can realise that it’s a viable option, and women can support them in their choices. Also it’s a good way as you say, for men to take responsibility for their own procreation choices….no chance of being oopsed.

And it really does seem that on the whole, while men might not always get a suitable doctor first time, they are less patronized, unlike women who get told “go and have a couple of kids first, then come back and I’ll consider…” I think that’s unacceptable.

As for the double standard regarding female sterilisation – I can see from a doc’s point of view that it’s a much more invasive procedure, with much higher risks from a liability standpoint, and for this reason alone they’d probably balk at it as elective surgery. But the smug, condescending chauvinism (or even worse, the rampant breederism from a female doc) that greets most women has to go. if you want it, and are willing to sign the waiver saying so, then it’s nobody’s business but yours.

And the whole thing about reversals makes me want to bang my head on the desk. If a guy makes a life altering decision like this, then why do women assume that they’re sooooo special that he’ll just be dying to have it reversed? Arrogance much? Sheesh!

I think it’s great that some men decide to relieve their partners of the contraceptive burden, especially if it was their choice. There may be regret (ah! that word again) but there won’t be resentment, which I think is much worse.

That said, I know my husband is definitely queasy about having the procedure, and I wonder how many men decide not to have one because of fear that “something will go wrong with the plumbing”, even though they really don’t want kids.