According to this article in TimesOnline a growing number of women are
“intentionally becoming pregnant by men they don’t expect to be involved “ expect to have anything to do with and won’t tell they’ve nicked their sperm.” Translation = mine.
Women Who Conceive accidentally on purpose
I know we’ve discussed this topic from the childfree view on Like It Is before. Still, it’s shocking to read how far women will go to get that baby. From “knocking themselves up” to sleeping with even “disappointing” men (like poor old Phil) in this article, it seems that nothing, but nothing, should get in the way of getting that baby. Father consent isn’t required.
Men can look forward to a not so brave new world, where that torrid two week “relationship” is simply a calculated way to nick that precious sperm. Seems we are already there. Chances of men being consulted: zero to …er well, zero.
For the 37+ year-old women racing towards the wrong side of fecundity, driven by a need to breed, the only things necessary are being “financially secure” and “fiercely independent.” Lucky child. Not. At least the hapless sperm bank won’t be approached for maintenance. They’ll be oblivious.
That is unless hard times befall said mother, in which case, all bets are off.
The article asks is this is feminism or folly. I’d call it plain old deception and entrapment myself, but hey, what’s a little deception when a baybee is required?
The women profiled in this article couldn’t give a toss about whether their children know their father… nay, a whole chunk of their background which is going to be missing for ever.
As one child born of a deliberate casual relationship says:
“I resent the fact that, on a basic level, you don’t and can’t ever know half of your own background”, he says. “There’ll always be a void. In my case, do I have siblings? What about genetic diseases? Imagine not having an explanation for certain things you do, and not being able to find them, ever. At least with sperm donation or adoption you might be able to trace some answers. But when a woman decides to go it alone, she is ultimately trying to eliminate the father. What gives her the right to make that decision? It’s selfish, and I don’t see a difference between these women and the 16-year-old who has a baby because she wants someone to love her.”
Tough luck kid. You’re right of course, But since going it alone is inherently selfish, you’re stuck with it, while your mother tells us that folk need to get with the program and that it’s the only way if Mr Perfect-for- havin -kids isn’t going to come along any time soon.
Katya, though, wouldn’t have it any other way:
“I’m looking forward to bringing up my baby alone. Much better that than in a second-rate relationship,” she says. “And anyway, I’ve never relied on anyone else for anything in my life, so why should I start now?”
Clearly, committed, stable relationships are no longer required for bringing children into this world.
Read the article and the comments (which as usual are almost a better read than the article). I was also interested in the man who tried the single fatherhood route because he also wanted to ensure he’d produced offspring. He used a surrogate. But get this. He took a couple of months off to look after his son… after which his son went to nursery and he went back to work…”just like millions of other parents.” WTF? At 3 months??! Ah, but he’d had the baby, right?
My sympathy for men trapped into having their sperm nicked by baby-rabid women almost evaporated at that point, except of course I know that not all women nor all men do this.
Having said that, I wonder if the men are either unaware or simply not bothered. If they are aware, care and are bothered, then why aren’t they using condoms? In this day and age, if you’re not married or in a committed stable relationship it’s complete lunacy not to.
Any single men reading this, had better beware. Read the comments. And then read the article. Then, before the next unprotected roll in the hay, just stop and think…. it might not be love, but it might very well be your baby is conceived. You won’t be consulted on whether you want to be a parent… one of the most important decisions of your life.
But then, with no condom, … you give up any control. You will become a parent without your consent, simply because the woman wants to. Better beware.
Quite likely too.
As always, do share your thoughts.
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }
What all those women do is extremely selfish and disrespectful – for the man “involved” and for the future kid above all – but… why are so many men having sex without condoms? Contraception is not “a woman’s thing”, and what about STD’s? Both sides are being irresponsible here.
This said, I really hate the fact that those women are giving all women a bad name
P.S. Last week I bought “Childfree and loving it” by N. Defago, after seeing it recommended many times here, and I’m enjoying reading it!
That’s just lovely! It makes me feel so good about certain members of my gender. */sarcasm* Let’s forget the baby for a second. Why are these people having sex without condoms?! Dear lord. In some ways a baby is the least of your worries. There are plenty of STD’s out there that will ruin your health and may even take your life. Did these people miss that part during sex ed? Also, if these baby rabid women want a child so badly what’s wrong with the local sperm bank? That way at least they know they’re getting some kind of good quality in terms of genes. Well, baby rabies does tend to make sane people act completely insane…
Well, you all got to it before me…there was no mention of STD’s in the article, and there appears to be no worry on the part of these women that they’ll pick up something besides a pregnancy from a 2 week fling with the first wiling cocksman.
But then again, we all know it isn’t about a person wanting to raise a child, it’s about a woman(or man) simply wanting a baby.
A good number of those comments were definitely appalling. Especially the “If he’s willing to have sex, then he’s consenting to having a child and shouldn’t be surprised” bullcrap. Also, did I see a “Marriage is a consent to have children” thrown into the mix as well? DON’T.GET.ME.STARTED.
After a couple of years on the fence and hours of lurking around in blogs like this, I came to the final conclusion. Being CF was the best kept secret and It was simply better to risk not becomming a parent instead of risk making the “wrong” woman pregnant.
Both men and woman should not stop using protection against STD`s indepedent of what other contraceptives they use. But generally I dont think people decide to be CF so they can jump from bed to bed. Also I wonder if the CF/married are less unfaithful than childed/married?
I completely agree with Mel over the “Marriage = children” crap. Urgh!
Overall, this is one of the most selfish things I can think of. A person should have the right to decide if they want to become a parent. I know genuine accidents happen, but this is an abuse of trust and it makes women look really, really bad. It also makes the cases of genuine accidents look like some selfish bitch trying to ruin a man’s life. How will this help the genuinely desperate women trying to get former partners to pay child support?
Finally, I don’t for a moment believe that these women wouldn’t demand child support if they fell on hard times, on the grounds that “it’s his child too”. Never mind that he never wanted it or knew of its existence.
“I don’t for a moment believe that these women wouldn’t demand child support if they fell on hard times, on the grounds that “it’s his child too”. Never mind that he never wanted it or knew of its existence.”
Isn’t that bloody true. You can bet that it’s all fries and gravy until something happens and she runs short of dosh, and then listen to mommy scream. Daddy doesn’t have a chance.
I wish all sorts of nasty karma on any entitled bitch that thinks it’s her divine right to screw over an innocent party. Two innocent parties actually – let’s not forget the kid that’s not a child, not a life, it’s just a possession, to prove that she’s up there with the LifeScript. I hope your kid becomes hellspawn and makes your life miserable, and I hope by then the father is so far away you’ll never find him again, even if you try.
And I can only say for any guy that wants to keep the choice for himself – buy a box of condoms, use them, and flush them afterwards. It might be the best damn $5 you ever spent.
Kat – especially the flush them afterwards bit.
Mel/Irish girl… yeah, I saw the marriage = consent to have kids comment and the have sex = consent to be a parent. If women are really thinking that… things are worse than we thought.
And yes, conspicously no mention of STDs. Seems such considerations don’t merit even a mention despite the obvious risk. I also thought that the article itself did little in the way of discouragement. Perhaps their job is to simply “put it out there” but the tone was almost approving (like wow, brave woman) rahter than saying this is what it is… a despicable act of deception on the part of the women, and irresponsibility on the part of both parties, and a bum deal for the kids.
Keep the comments coming. As usual they are great and always insightful.
I couldn’t read the article. This whole idea makes me ashamed of my gender and totally furious. I had to step away and come back after a few days. These are the ultimate selfish, entitlement women. It’s all about what they want and never mind this baby is actually a living person with a mind of their own. The one quote from a child deliberating brought into the world that way made my heart hurt.
It’s definitely men beware. Wrap your package and not only to avoid a pregnancy. If some women are so desperate, you definitely don’t know what else they may have.
Oh, and just remember, us childfree are really the selfish ones. NOT.
I suspect these women are not the most brilliant ones…and I guess this also can be said about the XY`s falling for their trick. Poor kids…what a vicious circle..
I have no problem to “accept” that a women often is said to put more into it when she goes to bed with a man. But to turn this into “I consent” to be a parent because we are sleeping together…is just too brainwashed.
hmm…how does the edit work..?
Lurker… you should just be able to hover over your comment. But I made the changes for you
If you can’t edit comments let me know and I will get it checked out.
RMS – I felt so angry when i first read it that I nearly didn’t blog it. Fortunately I know very few if any, women like this.
The most annoying thing is still the barely concealed “acceptance” of this. Wonder what it would be like if a man tried to do the same… not that they could of course because they’re not equipped. But if they could there would be a furious outcry. It might even be louder than the outcry when these unsuspecting men refuse to pay child support.
Thanks:)
My sympathies are largely with the men on this. I believe that using condoms is smart, but some guys trust the woman they’re with, to their detriment, and I don’t think that it’s their “fault” for misplacing their trust. Perhaps ill-advised, but not something I would characterize as stupid.
I wish that there was an “Agreement to Conceive and/or Rear a Child” that must be signed before the gentleman in question is required to support any offspring. This supposes that birth control and abortion are freely available and funded.
The problem is that it used to be that the man could walk away, leaving a woman who had no access to birth control or abortion, pregnant and caring for a child she could not afford or care for. Now it’s the woman who can walk away with half the man’s salary should he commit the dire crime of not wanting a child she decided to have or not fulfilling her fantasies of happily-ever-after. Worse, it’s socially acceptable.
I think that many women want the power of choice for themselves, but aren’t willing to take on the entire responsibilities for their choices. Since only they have the choice (and should have the choice) about whether or not a pregnancy is brought to term, they should be willing to take on the entirety of the responsiblity unless the man clearly agrees that he wants to raise children with them.
I have heard too many women say they want the child but don’t need the man. It used to be that I would tell every young man I knew to be careful about what kind of woman he was dealing with. Now I see I have to tell the older men to be on guard, too.
What cliff can we drop these clueless, baby-raving women off from?
Hillary… I’ve heard that too. They don’t need the man but they probably will need his wallet (children are expensive after all) and of course they need his sperm. And even if she says she’s on the pill the only way the man can be sure now is if he’s using protection himself. Or had the snip.
But I always come back to the children. Don’t they have a right to a father? Or to the other half of their genetic makeup? Seems they don’t matter.
Bravewolf – you have a point about trust. Placing trust with these women is clearly misplaced since i don’t see how trust and deceit can co-exist. On a different but related note I commented on a post on childfree clique. Her post is on whether the father has a say if the woman decides she doesn’t want to have the child. I won’t repeat the comment here but I offered a suggestion that I think covers every eventuality. And it includes some of the points you made.
If the man wants the child and the woman doesn’t he’s screwed because it’s her decision. If he doesn’t want the child and she does he’s screwed because it’s her decision.
http://www.childfreeclique.com/2008/10/does-father-have-say.html
I’ve been thinking about this post since you posted it, BritGirl.
I completely agree. The child has a right to have both parents in their life as one cohesive unit, however we know that doesn’t always happen.
IMO, these women are practicing the height of selfishness. If, and that’s a HUGE IF, those women can get through life without hitting the man up for his wallet, AND the child turns out to be a productive member of society – it’s not easy but it is possible, I am evidence of that – only then can we see that she did a good job.
Personally, I don’t think a good majority of these women know just what, exactly, they’re getting into. Being a single mother is NOT easy. Even if they do have money. I still consider it selfish. A child needs their father.
IMO, there is NO WAY a woman doesn’t “need” a man to have a child. She will ALWAYS “need” a man – if for his sperm alone. Until women who want to be mothers without a man can sponaneously bear their own children, she will ALWAYS need a man. Even if she goes to a sperm bank.
Now, for the men.
I have to be honest. I don’t necessarily feel sorry for them. While Bravewolf did bring up the fact that these men trusted these women – I had not thought of that – I still place a lot of responsibility on these men.
Look, if a man does not want to have children he needs to wear a condom. It is unfortunate that men do not have a birth control pill there by allowing them to take more control of their fertility, but they do have condoms. And if they’re adamantly childfree, get snipped. And since women cry that it’s “their body their choice,” the same goes for men. Their body, their choice. If they choose not to wear a condom and to trust the women they’re having sex with, well, that’s on them. And if the women don’t want to use a condom, men can always say no.
I’m not trying to come off as self righteous about this. I can only speak about what I practice. Not only have I had a tubal, I am on B.C. pills (for menstrual control, but still). Now, I have a CF boyfriend who does not want children. While he trusts me, and I trust him, I respect the fact that it is HIS body. While I have taken my precautions to prevent pregnancy he is taking his and I need to respect that. So yes, we use condoms. We have been out of them on a few occasions and so we have refrained.
I think what is missing is respect. Respect that men have towards women, and even respect women have towards men. And most importantly, respect these women have towards children. Which is sorely lacking. While I recognize the fact that single parenthood is sometime unavoidable, I don’t agree with purposeful single parenthood. It’s not easy on the child.
I think that if a man can prove that he was tricked into fatherhood, he should be legally absolved from any responsibility and financial bleeding, as well as societal judgment, and should in fact be viewed as a victim. He should be expected to carry on as before and not be pressured to be a “father.” Unfortunately this is not happening, but really – you wanted it, you got it, you deal with it, as far as I’m concerned.
I imagine this will come up in court at some point.
A fabulous website for ladies considering trickery to get pregnant or who think that once a “surprise” child is born, the men will be enthralled and they shall all live happily ever after is http://www.truedadconfessions.com
It is full of fathers gushing about the absolute joy of fatherhood…NOT
Also useful reading for the on-the-fence crowd.
My brother got caught last year…
It’s not only about having a child – the child is often used as an instrument to blackmail and manipulate the man.
My brother’s GF of 2 months wanted to force a commitment – she already had 3 kids and was having trouble finding someone to commit…
My brother had expressed reservations as to their future.
This woman was after financial security and a commitment.
She wasn’t receiving child support for her three kids.
Many people don’t use condoms once they’re “in a relationship”…
my brother did initially, then was told not to bother she was clear of STD’s
and was on the Pill…he became a sitting duck.
She’s now moved into his home with her three kids and the new baby and
my brother’s life has turned to dust.
Men really need to protect themselves from these sorts of women – they’ll
stop at nothing to get what they want…
Just wanted to add this woman is not uneducated – she presents fairly well…it’s only when you get close, you pick up the skewed thinking…
The really sad thing – she’s a shocking mother and her kids have really had difficult and unstable childhoods….
She has children to cover her own needs and wishes…no thought for the kids.
Even in this case, if my brother had walked – she’d have been left with 4 kids to raise…an even harder life for her kids.
Wow interesting topic! The idea of women who get pregnant either to trap the guy they are with because they are paranoid or to use them as a sperm donor fills me with rage! Any woman who does this is completely selfish, you shouldn’t have a child just to make yourself better, it is not a toy you can hug when you feel sad! these are lives your are messing with and ruining! You are ruining your own life as you are most probably going to end up on your own if the man resents you, you are ruining the man’s life as if he stays with you there will be nothing but resentment and if he leaves, he will get grief from his family, plus he has to pay child support for the rest of his life. You are ruinig the child’s life as he or she will have been conceived out of deception, not love and will probably be smothered with too much attention from the mother that only had the child to fulfill a selfih need to own something. Be ashamed if yourselves, what gives you the right to mess with lives? Phew, rant over!
P.s my post is not directed at people on this site, it is at the type of person reflected in the article!
I have to not think about this too hard, because it always makes me raging mad when I do. I get murderous thoughts. Having a friend trapped by this very manner, and another one in a relationship with a man used like this, it just hits too close to home. All I can say is: Use condoms you buy yourself and FLUSH THE DAMNED THINGS after using them. The sperm is still alive by the time you fall asleep! A bit paranoid perhaps, but better safe than sorry.
@Sebastyne: Good advice. Men, take heed, take responsibility or take your place as the walking wallet and unwilling father.
To men: If you don’t want to catch a germ, or be a daddy perm, then you’d better hold on to your sperm.
The women profiled in this article couldn’t give a toss about whether their children know their father… nay, a whole chunk of their background which is going to be missing for ever.
Whatever. I had a lousy father whom I would have been better off not knowing. My oldest niece is the product of a one-night stand and doesn’t know her biological father at all. She’s somewhat curious about him, but she’s ultimately missing nothing. Better not to know a loser dad at all than to be unloved, rejected, and failed by one.
Although I will note that, if a woman really has to have a baby, she should pony up the money for a sperm bank. No muss, no fuss.
@skoora – lol Love it. Excellent points… if a man really doesn’t want kids getting snipped puts an end to all argument. No ifs or buts. So why not do it? Men, the choice is yours.
This kind of pissed me off.
Or, to be correct, some of the comments did.
If a man does not want to ahve children, he shouldn’t have sex without a condom.
It doesn’t take an idiot to figure out that sperm is a very big ingredient when it comes to making a baby.
It’s not THAT hard to put on a condom, I’ve been blind drunk and slept with equally drunk guys who still mananged to get the condom on. (come on, we’ve all been 16 once)
Of course sex doesn’t equal consenting to have babies, but if you want to make sure you don’t get the girl pregnant, put a friggin’ rubber on it! Otherwise, you’re just playing russian roulette, uterus-style! And If you’re dumb enough to do that, you only have yourself to blame when the girl gets preggers.
This whole topic is pointless. Men, if you’re too dumb to wear a condom knowing the laws and what the potential outcome may be then you really shouldn’t have sex. You’re not qualified for that privilege. Its men who are in denial of this reality and then cry about the outcome who are the selfish ones. You want to have sex without a condom (its YOUR responsibility to wear one) but not face the consequences if you don’t, is total and complete BS. STOP CRYING.
On another note, its not fair to judge single mothers for the fact that the deadbeat chickenshit of a dad decided to skip out on the child. In most cases its the father who decides that the child grows up fatherless, not the mother. Women can’t make men take responsibility so the gov’t steps in, which they should. These laws were put in place by supreme court justices and people ALOT smarter than you and for you to think you know better means that you’re even dumber than the guy who doesn’t wear a condom.
Bullshit! Why does it always come back to being a man’s fault!? Women fought like hell to say that sex is an equal act… great, but the second it gets to a tough issue it’s the man’s fault! You can’t have it both ways. You could easily also say that women shouldn’t be allowed abortions if they willingly had sex without protection. Also, what if the condom breaks? That’s way more likely than all those BS stories of getting pregnant while taking the pill. Both men and women should have an equal say on whether they should be parents… anything less is NOT equal rights.
You’re also very naive if you think that the issue is as simple as people smarter than the rest of us making the laws… weren’t these so called “smarter people” the same ones that decided that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote and african americans were property? A huge reason that these unequal laws were put in place was so that the government isn’t faced with paying to help take care of these single mothers… oh and don’t forget how many laws are made simply to win votes! If the people in power and making the laws actually were the smartest people, the world would be a hell of a lot better. People like you are the truly stupid ones!
Despite what all is being said on here about this topic!
What about guys like me that are married with one happily conceived child already. Then your wife decieves you about how she got pregnant again by lying and saying that when she caught a cold it affected the operation of the pill. We’d already discussed what we were going to do about contraception after we’d had our first child and I was always sceptical about her expalanation anyway cause a s far as I know the effectiveness of the pill is only affected by antibiotics. She wasn’t taking any! Any to cut a long story short she admitted that she came of the pill diliberately to try and get pregnant.
Althought I have a duty to my first child to try and make my marriage work. I feel betrayed, resentful, hurt, non-involved and unhappy about this new pregnancy, which my wife doesn’t seem to comprehend in the slightest, and as such our relationship is in a pretty dire state at the moment and I’m really struggling with which direction to turn. On one hand I feel that i’m married and I should try and make this work. On the other hand I just want to leave and let her to go thru this pregnancy on her own without my involvement in the scans and pre-natal classes from me, but I think this will be unfair to the child I have already.
Why would a womamn you trusted and married want to take away the joy and involvement and anticipation of being a father away from me to just leave an angry pissed off resentful, shell of a husband wondering if he can ever forgive this betrayal??
So yes even in a marriage trust gets destroyed if theses selfish women just cater for there own needs. So it doesn’t matter whether you in a marriage, longterm relation ship or just one night standing it just seems to me that you can’t seem to trust women on this issue regardless. Is this what this world has come to. These kind of women need to be treated with the comtempt and self-worthlessness and dis-respect that they deserve.
I have to try and forgive my wife for this and I don’t know if I can! Looking after my children financially is not an issue for me. But the deception is especially when you have taken vows!
Dishonest people usually show signs of dishonesty well before they pull the “big one” like your wife did. Not that you can go back and change anything, but for anyone else who read this, keep that in mind.
Also, I suspect that I was the product of an intentional “oops” pregnancy. I have recently begun to suspect it as I have gotten a little older and seen “accidental” pregnancies happen to friends and acquaintances and read articles about this. My mom was 21, living on the couch of a one bedroom apartment that she shared with her mother after her alcoholic father lost their house. She had no real career prospects, no hope at an education, etc. Kind of a shitty situation. Along comes my dad, a good looking, fun, charming engineering student with a bit of a reckless and impulsive streak (from a family with money) who was probably pretty easy to get into bed unprotected after a night at the bar. I have no proof, but I will continue to have suspicions.
Adrian, Sounds like a pretty rough situation, and I would find it incredibly hard to deal with if I were in it. One of the biggest advantages to being a woman is that nobody can get me pregnant without my permission! I’m sorry your wife chose such a dishonest and frankly stupid path. Best of luck in dealing with this.
“One of the biggest advantages to being a woman is that nobody can get me pregnant without my permission!”
The other side of the coin: one of the biggest disadvantages of being a woman is that you could be raped and thus forcibly impregnated. Many women historically have been and continue to be in many parts of the world. I have taken self defense courses and encourage other women to do so.
I have a true story to tell –
I broke up with a long-term girlfriend last year. Almost immediately, I was contacted by a girl I knew from work and through a mutual friend. She’d found out I was single, and was wondering if I was ready to go out on a date yet. This girl was older (34 years old, and I’m 26), had a good career, pretty, and seemed cool. I agreed.
We hit it off immediately and were in a serious physical relationship pretty quickly. This girl was cool — seemed almost perfect, really — but she wasn’t on birth control, and didn’t like condoms. I was nervous about accidental pregnancy and was considering a vasectomy but was placated when she told me “I was raised by a single mother. I’d never wish that on a kid — I don’t want an unexpected pregnancy any more than you do. We’ll be careful, but in the meantime let’s not worry about it unless a real issue arises.”
So, two months in, I was shocked when she told me she was pregnant. I was shocked, yes… but I was supportive and calm, because of our past discussions. She assured me that we had time to ‘decide’ what to do and I felt pretty good about the situation.
The next day, I went to her place to talk about it some more and… bam, she admitted she’d already told her mom about the pregnancy. She’d also told at least one friend. While I was sitting there, her phone rang — first her half-brother, saying congratulations. Then her brother’s girlfriend, also saying congratulations. An aunt called — congratulations!
Suddenly I I had a sinking feeling… I knew then and there that my girlfriend had decided ahead of time to get pregnant and to keep the baby. When I told her we were supposed to discuss and decide together, I was told it wasn’t my decision, that she’d decided she wanted to raise a kid and knew she could do it by herself, but that she hoped I’d help — if not, she told me, “you can just pay child support… but I wonder how our coworkers would feel if they knew you weren’t sticking by your baby?”
This situation was a nightmare. I lost sleep, was afraid to tell friends/family, and lost a lot of weight over the next couple weeks. We got an ultrasound, and I saw the baby. I realized my only choice was to ‘man up’ and try to make the best of the situation and accept this baby as a blessing…
Then, at the next week’s ultrasound, we discovered the fetus had stopped growing. There was no heartbeat — the doctor said “I’m sorry… at this point, you can schedule a D&C, or wait for nature to take its course.”
My girlfriend went into denial. She refused to believe the doc and refuses to go back for any more medical attention or further tests / ultrasounds. I tried to stick by her decision but realized I was better off letting her confront reality on her own. It’s been a few days since we’ve spoken and I don’t plan on talking to her again unless, in the event of some medical ‘miracle’, the baby rejuvenates and I’m once again on track to being an unwilling father.
This story is true, and I’m living it right now. Men, watch out — for yourselves, and for your partners and future/potential children. The intentional ‘accidental’ pregnancy is real. It does happen, and it’s a nightmare. Your careless night of fun is NOT WORTH IT. I know I got lucky. I will never make the mistake again of being sexually irresponsible. The consequences are just too profound.
Now, hang on just one moment. We’re all adults here (not that you’d believe it) and surely just going ‘it’s HER fault!’ isn’t fair? Like someone said about sex-ed, we were all told what happens when you have sex. We were all told what happens when you have sex unprotected. Now, women should not purposely sleep with men to get themselves pregnant, of course not, I would never condone this, but to be honest, I think for most it’s more a bit of fun but they don’t mind if it gets them pregnant.
Isn’t it the same for the man?! If he’s having unprotected sex knowing the possible outcome, surely at some point, he must think ‘well I won’t cover it up’, so isn’t that the same thing?! Are some of these men taking advantage of women and their womb’s?? Are they depositing their sperm into a free surrogate?
No. They are not. They are choosing to have sex unprotected and not minding the consequences. The women is choosing to have unprotected sex not minding the consequences. They are BOTH guilty. And, here’s the thing that might get you all to cry out ‘no! it’s the evil woman!’, they are BOTH as responsible for that child as each other. If you do not wish to be a parent COVER IT UP. If ladies to not wish to be mothers then we use the pill, implant, injection or whatever other method. Ladies who do not wish to be mothers rarely even just rely on condoms, which we know if we haven’t bought them and kept them with us at all times, might have been tampered with!
Would any of you leave your home unlocked when you leave the house? No. But I bet you all have break-in insurance, just in case. If you leave your house unlocked, then the insurance company will tell it’s your own fault. If you do not wear a condom, guess what? Same principle, your own fault. Stop making women out to be the devil incarnate desperate for babies. Sex is a two way thing. Unless she raped him for his sperm or he raped her to get her pregnant, then it is equal, no matter what the ladies private thoughts and idea’s.
In every case of “sperm-theft” the woman is obviously out to get knocked up. Sometimes that is a 40/60 share of blame because of the man not using a condom, but sometimes the women use whatever is left of their brains past the constant biological clock chanting “BABY!” in their heads…and if a condom is used…they sabotage it so that the condom will break by poking small holes in the reservoirs…devious…but it happens…
My fiance was 43 and kept talking about the biological clock. She got me all happy about being a dad and we decided to go for it. Then she left me with a note saying she is sorry but she was still married and going back home to Michigan and reconciling with her husband. She does not want me to have anything to do with my son and I am not allowed by any Michigan court to be a parent because they have a marriage certificate. My son is half mexican and they are both white. She thinks he doesn’t need to be torn apart by having a dad who is only around part of the time and that I need to move on with my life and stop being selfish and leave her alone and stop asking questions about my son. She asks me, “do you really want to pay child support?” When I ask her why she has done this she said, “you chose this because you did not wear a condom”!
Unbelieveable!
Most cases of sperm theft actually start with the man being responsible and using a condom, only for the woman to steal it. If women who did this started waking up dead, I think this problem would fade.
Pretty sure a good friend of mine’s girlfriend got pregnant “accidentally”. Yes, both parents are in part responsible, both were involved, but… when I think about his situation, it just makes me so incredibly sad. She was on the Pill. She told him they could stop using condoms, it was safe (I know, I know, he was stupid and should’ve used a condom anyway). She got pregnant. Figured out later she was skipping some (or a lot) of her pills. Her first response when I asked her about what she was thinking of doing about the pregnancy: “Well, we looked into abortion, but we can’t afford it.” This later turned into: “Well, I’m gonna have the baby, and we’re going to keep it. I can’t imagine killing the baby inside me.” And what makes it all seem even more suspicious is the fact that their relationship was going downhill well before she got pregnant, and he was the one who was less interested in a commitment. (Hello, relationship band-aid, anyone?)
He loves his daughter dearly, wants the best for her, and would never ditch her, but good god does he look unhappy these days. Stressed, depressed, working a ton to pay the bills (gf doesn’t work, stays home with the kid), going gray at 24, and he’s just not nearly the same person he used to be. It hurts to see my friend’s life going down the crapper like this, especially since the whole situation seemed kinda fishy from the start. I can’t believe any person would still think it’s ok to force pregnancy on someone else.