A short life of misery and pain
Every time I read a story like this I think that people really should be vetted before they are allowed to become parents.
The story of Baby P is so horrific that I avoided reading it for ages. And then I was sad for what that child must have gone through… in just 17 months. 17 months of sheer hell. And then I felt angry, wondering why that child, why any child should suffer in like this in this day and age. Baby P was abused for months and eventually killed, if not by his mother, then almost certainly by the mother’s new boyfriend with her tacit consent. For shame.
When Social workers suspected something might be wrong he should never have been returned to that family. He was of course because the mother somehow convinced them all was ok. . But not until a whistle-blower sends a letter to the local dept of health does anything get started. Even then, bruises were missed when he was admitted to hospital– and a whole lot more. And then:
1 August 2007: The boy is examined at a child development clinic.
2 August 2007: Police tell the mother she will not be prosecuted after her case is considered by the Crown Prosecution Service.
3 August 2007: Baby P is found dead in his cot.
11 November 2008: Jason Owen, 36, from Bromley, and the 32-year-old boyfriend of the boy’s mother are found guilty of causing the death of Baby P. The boy’s mother had pleaded guilty to the same charge.
On my last post there was a comment about worthless parents and on reading it, I felt it was a bit strong. Not now. Because this was a bloody worthless parent. What kind of parent allows her child to be tortured and killed? Childfree or no, interested in children or not, this story is nothing short of horrific. And everyone should be horrified.
It isn’t the first. And it won’t be the last.
Children seem to be just so much collateral damage. Trotted out as trophies of “being a real woman” as proof of undying love, as the latest accessory; or “something to love”, set as the ultimate achievement of “womanhood.” And of course the sign of a “real marriage.” Go, on, have a baby. Life’s incomplete without one.
And at the same time they are casualties of people who should never have been allowed to have them in the first place.
After the baby’s dead of course, the usual blame game and buck passing starts. Everybody dropped the ball and now everyone’s trying to Cover Their Arse. For shame. The Government is blustering with outrage (as usual). Doesn’t change the fact that a child died when it shouldn’t have.
The father is heart-broken…reading between the lines it seems he had no access for a while to his son. But not a lot said there in this sorry tale. Everybody failed spectacularly.
There are bad, worthless parents out there. People who really should not be parents but are because they can.
Seems that there is very little thought for what’s in the interest of the child.
Most parents don’t fall into this category. We know that. But people should not have children just because they can.
At least no more hurt for Baby P. I hope they lock up his abusers and so-called mother and throw away the key.
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
They didn’t lock them up soon enough… according to http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1925012.ece
“The vile mother of Baby P has given birth to another little girl – while she was remanded in prison over her abused toddler’s death.
The new baby was taken into care hours after she was born – under police guard – in March.
She is reported to be taking legal action to gain access to her latest child. ”
No legal action should be available for this woman, she’s not fit to be a parent, fullstop.
Even as a childfree person, like you I was utterly horrified by this whole case. It came as little surprise to many that this happened in the same council area as the murder of Victoria Climbie. I was utterly lost for words when I heard about Baby P – it’s beyond horrific, and what disturbs me is that the people prosecuted for this will probably be able to apply for parole one day, such is the strange way that the British Justice System seems to work.
There was a comment in The Times on Saturday by some (and I don’t normally say this about Times Journalists) two-bit journalist who was spouting something about how abhorrent this case was to Mothers, as though it was not abhorrent to anyone else, and almost that other people who were not parents were somehow getting off on reading about the treatment of this poor child. Err…no, I think it has horrified everyone, parents or not, child lovers or not. Surely the horror of the public boils down to the fact that this was allowed to happen, rather than whether we’re entitled to express our horror only once we’ve proven ourselves by becoming parents?
Having seen that article in The Sun, I can only agree with you SwissBarb, that this woman should not be allowed any legal help, and she is certainly not fit to be a parent. If prospective adoptive parents have to go through such a traumatic, humiliating and invasive procedure, why not the case for anyone else wanting a child? I’ve said that in public before and been subject to some pretty nasty responses. As has been said, just because you can, doesn’t mean that you should.
Looking at this issue from my childfree eyes I wonder if this woman was ever given the opportunity to be childfree and understood that life without children is an option. Perhaps she expressed doubt of her mothering abilities and was fed bingos like “it’s different when it’s yours” or “it’s hard but it’s all worth it.” Perhaps she fell prey to the belief that she wouldn’t be a real woman unless she had a child, or was told she could keep/trap her boyfriend with a bundle of joy. Maybe she knew she wasn’t fit to be a mother and didn’t have the option, education, or understanding of how to ensure she never had children. This crime is horrific and even as a childfree woman I cannot comprehend how someone could have such disregard for any human life, let alone the human life of your flesh and blood. Let this serve as a reminder and example to all those “bingoers” out there that they should keep their peer pressure to themselves because not everyone should be a parent.
I think cases like this are sadly a fantastic argument for accessible, unstigmatized and affordable abortion as well as a change in the adoption laws and perceptions. This is precisely what happens when disturbed or violent people are denied realistic options and are presented with retarded “abstinence education” and the “joy of motherhood” lecture. I do not condone or in any way justify such horrific crimes, but I do see how lesser abuse can take place – slaps, shouts, insults. A poor, exhausted, miserable, and possibly impaired woman can very easily give in to the tendency to scream, throw things or slap her kids who she blames for her misery. I have seen it in the subway and in supermarkets – some disheveled scarecrow screeching at some sniveling child to “Shut the hell up you goddamn brat!” or back handing the kid. Is this really necessary? I mean, do we need new people on the planet at this cost? Why is this better than an abortion or an adoption? On some level these angry, haggard women I see with their children make me uncomfortable, I see them as so different, so less than, but on the other hand, I can see myself quickly losing my lady-like presence and becoming them if I was stuck with an unwanted child who screeched, whined, nagged, begged. Not everyone is meant to be a parent and that needs to be made ok by society. I mean, not everyone can be a model or a surgeon or a basketball player, we are told that it’s ok, why not this?
I would really hope the next time someone wants to tell ANYONE who has expressed a lack of desire to have children, “Its all different when they’re your own”, “your selfish for not wanting children”, “oh just have one, it’s great”, “You’ll never know love/happiness until you have a kid”, or “you can’t afford it, you don’t want it….keep it anyway”, that they just keep their mouths shut. The consequences of people having children they don’t want are too horrifying to encourage.
People who don’t want children, and as a result don’t have them…DON’T TORTURE AND KILL CHILDREN. People who don’t want children, but do… can still do a goodly amount of damage even without killing or torturing them.
Why can’t society just accept the fact that the only people who should parent are the people who are ready and willing to do all the work it takes to raise their children to be happy and productive adults? Why is that so wrong in so many people’s minds?
I do not want to read the story, but think I get an impression from the post and the comments.
It is not pretty to observe how self-centered some parents are. Even if the kids they are responsible for are suffering, some parents seem to self-pitty themselves so much that they become blind for the real important issue: their childrens pain!
Many parents have too much self-confidence when it comes to how they are raising kids and its pathetic to see how hard they try to cover up their own “personal faults” even if it harms the children.
I know its not easy to be a parent and also understand that kids are individuals not always following “the script”, but in my opinion this is not an excuse for the lack of attention many kids experience from their parents.
Too many kids are left unprotected from parents acting like predators because the law does not protect those who really need it. Especially in cases where good/bad parents fight about the kids, it is not unusual to see how the molester ends up with custody because of some redicilous interpretation of the law.
I have no good suggestions about how to prevent the “bad” persons from having children, but at least no delay should be allowed when it comes to end a case of bad parenting.
I’d like to add that I don’t think that abuse is limited to parents who are poor, impared, or insane. I think it is entirely possible for a sane, sober and well to do person, who has a child they didn’t want, to be just as abusive in any number of ways, and that it might even be easier for such a person to get away with abuse.
In the US, at least, abortion is legal (not really accessible in many areas), and contraception is widely available. While I think it should be a priority to ensure that abortion is as easy to get as possible, I think it is more important to make abortion more of a respected option. Even “pro choice” political candidates feel the need to couch their arguments with “the tragedy of abortion”, it’s just socially unacceptable in many people’s eyes. Even when it’s legal, it’s secret. A person can’t disclose their pregnancy to seek advice, because someone is going to chirp up with offers to help and the usual bingos. Certain organizations feel that it’s perfectly acceptable to offer free pregnancy testing services in order to lie, propagandize and bully scared, poor, pregnant women into keeping their children.
I was one of those scared, poor, pregnant women. I went to one of those organizations for a free pregnancy test. 3 hours and a tiny plastic fetus later, I had to lie and bully my own way out of the offices for fear that they’d keep me there for 9 months to ensure I’d have it. Neither myself, nor the father, had any prospects for the future. Both of us had dropped out of college and were dirt poor. We both thought we’d keep it and things would fall into place and we’d live on love based on the lies told to us by SOCIETY and this organization. We were fortunate enough to be empowered to make a rational choice after talking to my parents who had me under similar circumstances and were completely honest as to what it was like.
Feh: Great post. Seems you’ve got rockin’ folks!
What a truly heartbreaking story. I’m wondering if you were to go back a generation or two in the family tree of these “parents” if you wouldn’t find a history of similar types of violence. And the cycle continues. Bad parents create more bad parents/humans.
In the U.S., one needs a license to go fishing, drive a car or get married but any yahoo can pop out a child because they are bored, or lazy or think they will give birth to the next Albert Einstein.
We had a similar story in NYC last week, though the ending was somewhat happier. A young woman was arrested after a neighbor heard a child begging and pleading to not be beaten anymore and promising to be a good boy. The good samaritan called the cops and the police found a veritable torture chamber of special belts that the woman’s “boyfriend” used to beat the child. The five year old boy’s legs, back and backside were covered with welts and bruises. No wounds were made where they would show if the boy was clothed. It seems that the single “mommy” hooked up with a sadist and was willing to sacrifice her son to keep the uber-creep around. Child as pawn. I believe this phenomenon exists all up and down the socioeconomic ladder with differing goals in mind for the wonderful parents.
Brit-girl I wanted to share some positive CF links from US papers but I didn’t know how to contact you directly to get permission. I think you and your fans may enjoy them (they put a bit of a pep in my step) but of course feel free to delete if needed. There are a few snarky uber-parent types in the ABC article to which I say, “don’t you have a child to tend to”…
Hope you enjoy!
http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2003/05/06/breeding/index.html
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2006/jul/22/20060722-112056-7424r/?page=2
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFamily/story?id=3413039
one more link….
http://cfwomeninterviews.blogspot.com/ Interesting interviews of CF women of varying ages. Sorry guys, no men on this one. I noticed that in a couple of these articles, even though the subject is about the increasing number of people choosing a child-free life, the reporter still has to throw in a judgemental comment of his or her own at the end of the piece to let the world know he/she or the editorial team doesn’t approve of those who just say no.
It’s incredible that Baby P and his mother were seen by doctors, social workers and other professionals 78 times during his short life. Just a couple of months before his death, his mother attended parenting classes, which perhaps proves that you cannot teach someone to be a good parent if they don’t want to be.
I’m also reminded of the recent case of 9 year old Shannon Matthews, whose mother seems to have been involved in keeping her prisoner (apparently drugged and restrained at times) in order to collect a reward on her eventual release. It’s sickening what some people will do to their children for their own benefit.
By the way, I saw this article recently and thought that it might be of interest to you: What women can do when they’re young to be happy later on.
Great comments everyone – as usual. More childed people should think before trotting out the usual bingos about having kids… I’ve read them all but haven’t had a chance to respond to them all yet. Just wanted to also say thanks for the links Lee and PJ. Hope to do a few more responses shortly.
This is horrible. I may not like children, and dislike babies even more. But what that boils down to is that I don’t want them around me. That’s usually what the case is for CF people who don’t like kids. We just don’t want them around. And yet, if we admit that, we’re accused of being child abusers.
Uhm. No. That would mean being NEAR a baby in order to abuse it. And “near” is not where I want to be to a baby or a child.
That being said, I look at a baby, a wee child, a teenager, young adult, adult, and an elderly individual, as a Human Being. We are ALL human beings, regardless of age, race, general, personal beliefs. And that we all have a right to dignity as a human being. (To say it under the context of my own spiritual beliefs, we all have a right to dignity as a human being and as a child of God.)
Which is why I absolutely LOATHE when there is an emphasis of child injuries over adult injuries such as reports of an accident, i.e. train wreck, bus crash, etc. We all know what I’m talking about in that respect. I loathe it because a child’s death is no more tragic than an adult’s death. Why? Because we are ALL Human Beings. Period. But that is another discussion topic.
I read a bit about the Victoria Climbie story referenced in the Baby P article. I have not heard of either children. As I read about these two children I nearly cried. Cried to think that such abuse, no, not abuse, TORTURE to these defenseless human beings was perpetuated by other human beings who have absolutely no regard for another person. And in Baby P’s case, his own mother. As I read about the Baby P story I thought about the old adage, “Mother knows best!” I wonder how many of these people who were supposed to be the protector of children had a thought of, “Well, mother knows best” while interacting with Baby P and his vile monster for a “mother.”
I then thought about how that statement must have been started by a mother. And then when other women become mothers, they do get this attitude that they have the best way and know best (“Mother knows best!”) way to rear their own children. So that saying, what I’m going to call an “old wives’ tale” perpetuates. And, it gets worse.
I don’t know if any of those women are mothers themselves. Now, I’m not saying this is the case for every mother, (and remember lurkers, mother does NOT equal woman so I’m not talking about all women. Only women have become mothers, a subset of women. Get that?) but I do wonder how many of those mothers in these care giving positions (doctor, child protective services, etc.) sometimes fall back on that old wives’ tale for fear that if they do question another mother, this then allows OTHER PEOPLE to question THEM.
This is an atrocious tragedy. A DEFENSELESS human being was mutilated and tortured to death. And worse it was allowed to happen. Those supposed caregivers are as guilty as the vile monster for a “mother.” And now this monster is fighting for access to her daughter? It is not astonishing at all.
Evil criminals such as child abusers and child murders are some of the “lucky” criminals because they can produce their own victims and feel they have a right to do so.
Yes, ALL PEOPLE should be vetted before becoming a parent. The irony to not doing so and this belief that we have a right to reproduce at will makes these breeders no better than mere animals in the wild. And so many of these people like to think they’re better than animals. IME, animal parents actually treat their offspring far better than some human parents.