I had just had surgery in my neck so this came out as a whimper, but I know that I YELLED, “WHAT?!?” She sort of laughed and I said, “My not wanting children is not up for discussion. You’ve known I don’t want kids my whole life.” This, inspite of the fact that she was in the room when my weight loss surgeon told me that that surgery went fine and I was “snipped and burned” because I had had a tubal ligation at the same time. This was about 7 years ago. She has conveniently forgotten that conversation.

She then said, get this, your head will explode because mine nearly did, “Well, I know you don’t want kids but I thought that maybe you might want kids.”

huh?

I ended the phone call right there.

I’ve always come back with, “The RIGHT GUY won’t want children, like me.”

That always stumped them.

I absolutely HATE it when people tell me that I should have a child because once you have it you’ll fall in love with it and all that. THAT is not the point! No child should be brought into this life as an experiment. What if you still don’t want one? You probably do love the kid, but there will be times that you will shout in his face that “Why on EARTH did I have you in the first place?! I never wanted kids!” No child should ever hear those words, and people who do WANT to have kids say a lot of nasty things to their kids, imagine what one of us would say if we just decided to “give it a go”? I love my children too much to have them.

Bravewolf, your comment totally cracked me up! “You can leave them at home for hours alone, you can train them not to whine and when they’re teenagers, they die. *sweet smile*”

I may just have to steal that one!

Yeah, five hours of screaming, tantrums and bullshit. Give me two cats and a bottle of wine instead, thx!

And one of her favorites is “But most women want children…” Ha. She should have learned a long time ago that the “most people” argument has no effect on me whatsoever, still she repeats it incessantly as though she were a parrot.

There is maybe not much respect in such reply, but I never follow up the topic even if I sometimes get a bingo or two.

Earlier on I also even “admitted” becomming a little tired of all the personal time I got since I have no children…and that its not unlikely I would myself fall into the parent-trap one day.

If people wants to believe the “crap” I serve them so fine with me. Because up to now I am still going strong since the snip nearly 4,5 years ago.

Just as note. I truely do not mind children in the right doses and also interact well with many parented people. But I also like to cook sometimes without planning to become the chef.

Great post Britgirl, same with comments!

Me: Oh, I’d rather have dogs. You can leave them at home for hours alone, you can train them not to whine and when they’re teenagers, they die. *sweet smile*

“But isn’t your time running out?” (I’m 38, my wife is 40)

“Oh, there are a lot of people older than you who are having kids!”

“Kids give you something to look forward to at the end of a hard day.”

“It’s just what normal people do — everyone else does it and enjoys it.”

“Don’t you want a son to play sports with, and go to his games, etc. etc.?”

“Your family name will die out!” (I’m an only child.)

“Once you held your new baby, all your objections would go away!”

“It’s all worth it when they hug you and tell you they love you.”

“I/my sister/brother/friend/whoever didn’t want kids either at first, but now I/they have them and love being a parent!”

There’s probably more, I’m sure, if I thought longer and harder about it. Britgirl, I think you kept a list of these bingoes, didn’t you? If so, feel free to add any of these that apply!

Isn’t it amazing how the subject of childbearing (or lack thereof) is an area where some people don’t think there’s any question too personal to ask? They might shy away from talk of politics, religion, or money, but your sexual activity and the results of said activity are fair game for questioning and criticism!

Personally, I really don’t care who is pregnant, how many kids they have, etc…it just isn’t usually pertinent to any conversation I might have with them!

Also, I’ve always been, hrm, shall we say “fluffy”, so whenever someone eyes my tummy and says something like “Oh, does someone have a bun in the oven?” I just reply, “Nope, I’m just fat, thanks for reminding me.” They usually get embarrassed and leave or change the subject.

Well, we can all testify to the fact that plenty of people, most of them complete strangers, do seem to care. A lot. To an unhealthy degree even. They also don’t turn that question inward and ask why parents need to advertise to the world that their kid is an honor roll student or that their kids and their money go to Penn State, as if anyone else really cares about that. They aren’t privy to all of the times we have been bullied or cornered because, as parents, no one has ever done that to them so they cannot relate to where the defensiveness comes from.

But I have had people (not my parents, praise god) asking me how many children I want, and talking about WHEN, not IF, I get married and have children. I simply tell them I’m childfree, politely, because I know that it’s important that those surrounding me see that the breeders are the rude assholes. Most are at least polite about it, but if they say I’m too young to know, I point out that I wouldn’t be too young in their eyes to know if I wanted them. Apart from a few spluttered “Yeah, but, but…that’s different”, most people shut up after that.

Has anyone ever noticed that you’ll never be old enough to know what you want if what you want is different from what society tells you? On the other hand, you’ll never be too young to know what you want, if what you want is what society approves of. That’s why a thirty year old woman asking for a sterilisation will be told she’ll change her mind, but a four year old girl playing with her dolls and saying she wants to be a mammy when she grows up will be indulged.

Sorry, this is really long.

He shut up after that, but I did feel a twinge of guilt for perhaps being slightly nasty. That’s a response that seems to fell most people. I’ll keep using it for as long as it does! That said, I’ve had many a failing conversation over how there is much more to life than having children, and it always appears that few people can realise or understand that. Sometimes I despair