Have to say this gives a whole new meaning to the words “cutting back”.
Job Loss Leads To Spending Guilt for holiday season
I first came across this article a few weeks ago. Quite why it was in the Health section of CNN is a mystery I’ve not been able to work out. There’s nothing “healthy” about this story at all With the awful mess the economy’s in, along with job losses people were lamenting how this was going to impact Christmas/Holiday spending. For people with kids, it’s going to be a tough sell not being able to give their kids everything they’re expecting.
As a childfree family happily guilt isn’t something we experience. We like to unwrap presents under the tree, however mainly for the
What got me about the article though wasn’t this:
“It’s killing my husband not to be able to buy me a gift this year,” she added, “but our bills are three and four weeks behind.”
Which would be bad enough. It was this:
“Last year, Peterson and her husband, who works as a graphic artist, spent about $600 on gifts for their 3-year-old daughter. This year, Peterson wonders whether they’ll have enough money to pay the electric bill and buy groceries”.
OK, when I first read it I thought perhaps the story was a joke.. bit like an Onion story, where it seems real, but actually isn’t. But no, apparently it is real.
$600 on gifts for a 3–year-old child?!
But maybe I’ve lost the plot? Perhaps it’s perfectly normal to spend a ton on your child for the Holidays, because clearly the article was intended to generate sympathy for the couple’s present circumstances.
I know when we’ve bought gifts for our whole family (nephews and nieces included) I doubt it’s come to even half that. And I know my parents never spent even close to that on Christmas gifts for me… or my siblings. Were they cheap? I didn’t think so. We weren’t rich, but we never went without. Besides, we were always soon bored with the toys we got.
One thing I am glad I don’t have as a childfree family is the self-imposed guilt. It must be hard if you want to give gifts and can’t however maybe it’s a case of values? Does a 3–year old cares if s/he gets $600 worth of things? Likely not, but the parents certainly do. Is there also pressure from others I also wonder. From society, which constantly advertises the best way to be happy at Christmas/during the Holidays is to buy lots of expensive things for your loved ones. The adage that it’s the thought that counts isn’t enough these days. Get the “wrong” gift at Christmas and you may never be forgiven.
There’s pressure to get the latest and greatest accessories for the kids… heck – there’s the pressure to have the kid when you have none and then have two, when you have only one. And then there’s the pressure to have a girl if you have only boys and boys if you have only girls, and so on, until the perfect situation is achieved. At which point another dizzying target is set, be this the latest $1,000 stroller or feeling compelled to hire a limo for graduation (yes, parents have told me horror stories of how they couldn’t say no…). I’ll bet that many kids are expecting to find the latest gadget among their gifts… and will be annoyed if they don’t get it.
I am constantly told (usually by parents) that “Christmas is all about the children”, “Christmas is for children” and “if you don’t have children, you must be miserable at Christmas”. Christmas and the holidays is what you make it. I know that kids love Christmas…I did and still do (partly because of the excitement of getting presents, even though you never quite knew what you might receive) but if that includes keeping up with the Joneses in the spending leagues, taking part in the over – commercialization of the season, then it’s just one more reason I’m happy to be childfree.
But what say you? Maybe, being childfree, we simply don’t understand what it’s like.
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This is why I am completely against gift giving during an event or holiday, like Christmas or birthdays, etc. People get all caught up on the gift, giving, and what they’re going to receive, that they forget what the holiday is really for. So naturally I keyed in on this line from the article:
I don’t feel badly for them at all. Nope. Not a bit. I just got laid off about a month and a half ago. I have had to have a parathyroidectomy (surgery in my neck) and am having to keep up my COBRA just for follow up visits. Not to mention, my boyfriend just had neck surgery too – he had 3 vertebrae fused and he may need to have more in the future. He’s laying on the couch right now in pain and I still barely have a voice.
And these people are all worried about not being able to give Bratleigh $600 worth of junk this year? Look, I totally understand that excitement about Christmas, and opening presents, etc. etc. However, it was tempered by the fact that this was really a celebration of the Messiah’s birth. Not about me and my childish self centered wants. (All kids are childish and self centered. It’s NOT a bad thing.) And if I didn’t get a gift, oh well.
I guess growing up so poor (my mother would dig for food in the trash bins on occasion) that I have really learned what a celebration is about: celebrating the event – not about giving gifts and grabbing what you can. But coming to that realization takes time and maturity. And, OMFGWTFBBQ! Not all parents are mature, or mature enough to even teach this to their children.
Go figure.
Nope. I don’t feel badly at all. Not a bit.
Incidentally, the time I’ve been with my boyfriend is the only time in my life that I’ve been so stressed out during Christmas. Why? Because his family is all about the gifts and gift giving. And they’re the ones who go to church! eesh! Before I met him, I was juuuuuuuuuust fine – no stress, nothing. This year, however, they’re getting handmade crafted items.
One of my good friends has a seven-year-old boy. For Christmas, this boy is getting a 32″ LCD television for his bedroom (he already has a television in his bedroom–not sure why he needs a new one), a new Xbox 360, and a laptop computer. I KNOW that stuff combined costs WAY more than $600.00. She told me what he was getting and was laughing about it, saying he’s a “spoiled butt”. She thinks it’s funny. I do not. This child is having problems in school and has failed some of his assignments and tests lately. Looks to me like the TV and video games need to be put up, and the kid needs to concentrate on his studies. He’s seven, and school isn’t going to get any easier. (He’s also overweight, but that’s another story for another day.)
My parents never went overboard at Christmas. I remember very few gifts that I got at Christmas. There are only two or three I really remember. And when I was nine, my father lost his job, so Christmas gifts were really sparse at that point. My grandparents helped compensate in that area, however.
Personally, Christmas is my least favorite holiday. All the hoopla seems to start earlier and earlier every year. I’m a firm believer in no Christmas decorations or Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving, but I saw people putting up decorations on October 1st and started hearing Christmas music about mid-October. Pretty soon it will be a year-long celebration. The commercialization is rampant and people really do seem to forget the reason for the season. And every year I hear “Christmas is for kids!” which makes me want to barf. That’s why I don’t care for Christmas. I am always glad when it’s over.
I don’t understand what it’s like, and I’m glad I don’t!
I received my first Christmas gift yesterday, with the women group of my church we did a “Secret Santa” but the budget was about $20 and we were all perfectly happy with the little gifts we got, the important thing being to spend the evening together and share biscuits, cinnamon tea, laughter and friendship.
But before that each of them (10 women aged 29 to 44) had to tell all the others what kind of Advent calendar (among other goodies and games) they had bought and prepared for their kids (each has 2, 3 or 4 and one has 6), and that there had also been gifts for December 6th (the real Santa Claus day, a huge kiddy event in my town), and everything they were planning to buy for Christmas, because Christmas is about the kids, etc. etc. Needless to say, as much as I love all these friends, I felt like I was suffocating while having to listen to all of that.
My dad was born in Germany in 1941 so you can imagine how times could have been tough in his childhood years. He was happy as a prince when he got an orange for Christmas. The way he still talks about it, you can see how much happiness a little thing like that brought to him at the time.
I’ll start decorating my home around the 20th because I won’t have a minute to do it before. I’m buying my parents and sister fine groceries because the best food is out in the shops this time of year (the indecency of it is totally another matter), and this time I also got them a special sponsorship through one of our national charities: goats for widows in African countries (those women are often left with no resources at all). BF will also get a goat (lol) but other than that I’m grateful he doesn’t care for Xmas gifts either. My definition of a good Christmas gift is something that can have disappeared come the end of January. We’re “blessed” with everything already.
My husband and I refuse to go overboard for Christmas. $600 is more than our entire Christmas budget. Granted, we each have small families, but I don’t remember my parents getting us the “latest and greatest” gizmos and gadgets when we were growing up. No 45″ LCD tvs for a 4 year old. Heck, I didn’t even get a basic little tv until I was in high school and a cell phone until after I had graduated (and no, I’m not THAT old). My parents always bought us toys that were reasonable budget-wise. Stocking stuffers weren’t electronic and expensive. I remember getting coloring/activity books and my brother was into Hotwheels (which were like what? $2 a piece?). The problem these days is that common sense has gone out the window. Everyone is trying to keep up with the Joneses and that is especially true with how they treat their children. WHY DOES A 5 YEAR OLD NEED A BLACKBERRY?
Dogandmusiclover:
All this for a SEVEN year old?? That’s insane!
When I was about 10, my parents agreed to get me a TV for my bedroom if I got all A’s in school. I did, so they got me a 10-inch *black and white* TV (which in 1980, I was absolutely thrilled with).
Unfortunately, this boy isn’t learning the concept of value at all. Since all these expensive gadgets just magically “appear”, he’ll have no understanding of needing to sacrifice, make choices, etc…and he’ll just expect to continue, with more and more needed to satisfy him.
SwissBarb:
Thanks for the story about your dad and the orange for Christmas. I just happened to bring an orange for lunch to work today, and I’ll appreciate it a little more after reading your comment!
I remember going to my boyfriends’ family’s place for Christmas dinner and my jaw dropping because the gifts. covered. the. living. room. floor. When I was a kid, I would get one or two of the things I wanted and some little stuff. I certainly didn’t get a Wal-Mart’s worth of stuff.
What’s especially galling is that you know that most of these toys will be broken or unused by next Christmas. What a waste.
I have a hard time feeling badly for people whose priorities are so screwed up. Of course, you want your family to be cared for and you want your child to be loved and happy. But if, at any age, it expects $600 in gifts for any occasion, then you have screwed up raising your child. Food, heat, winter coats… those things come first, and should always come first. I don’t feel badly for people who misspend their money on stupid games or cigarettes and then find they cannot pay their mortgage. Every expense adds up, and we have to be responsible for ourselves. If you can’t say no to your child (about the latest doll, about a prom limo or graduation party, about a new pair of sneakers), then that is a reflection of your bad child management and you don’t get to complain. You chose to have the child, you get to deal with all of the consequences.
I’m not a Christian, but this time of year still has special meaning for me. I see it as a time to spend with family and friends, enjoying good food and company, and ‘doing unto others.’ I would rather give $600 to a homeless shelter or food kitchen or humane society than spend one cent on a child who expects a cell phone or TV or who knows what.
Wow. $600 for one kid??! No wonder they havn’t got enough for Christmas this year…if they spend that much on the little darling for Christmas how much for birthdays? If a parent feels less guilty by spending MORE money, then I doubt very much that the buck stops at Christmas….I’m willing to wager that child gets gobs of gifts for every occasion and maybe even no occasion at all! Taking into consideration how cheap most kids toys are $600 must surely buy a dumptruck load of toys! My family was pretty well off when I was growing up but that just meant to my parents that we needed to be taught that much more fiscal responsibility. I had no TV or phone in my room, no cell phone until I moved out for college (so my parents could find me) I had a part-time job through highschool and college. I am so glad for my parents and the great job they did teaching me of money and responsibility and hard work.
i’m childfree and i was raised Jewish, even though I’ve heard this kind of thing before it still shocks me.
My husband had the same shock when he first came to my family’s Christmas, presents were everywhere. However, there are 7 people in the family, so the space under the tree got used up pretty quickly. I don’t think my parent’s went overboard so much on any one of us specifically, but the combination of all of us and my mom having had some hard Christmases in her youth (and not wanting that for her kids) meant that I’m sure they went over budget some years.
I can’t really say that I haven’t been spoiled rotten during Christmases, as I had one brother, 3 aunties, 2 uncles, 3 live grand parents, childless grand auntie and uncle and no cousins. This means a motherload of presents during Christmas, even today. Even so, I never got anything hugely expensive and there’s only selected few gifts I recall. Barbies and that shiny new Commodore 64 which I had to share with my brother. And we had only one TV in the whole house, wonder how we survived?! :p
I don’t see our Christmas celebration gotten any less of an event even though me and my brother are grown up and there is NO children celebrating with us. it is still just as awesome to have everyone (who is still alive) over and spend that few hours with them. Before that it is a lot of fun trying to find that special gift that each of them will enjoy, regardless of the price tag attached. With children, you need to buy the latest and the greatest, they all pretty much want the same thing anyway, so where’s the challenge apart from coming up with the money and getting a better gift than their friends will get!
Admittedly I am from a family that goes very overboard for Christmas. We’ve toned it down as we got older and now do secret Santa exchanges rather than buy for the whole family. In hindsight my parents would end up giving us all the stuff under the tree that a lot of kids just got through the year; underwear, socks, sneakers, pajamas, books, notebooks, sweaters, jeans. Useful stuff that my parents were going to get us anyway but wrapped them in Christmas paper and gave us a ton to open. It probably helped keep us from asking for more stuff during the course of the year; Mom would tell us “you’ll have to ask Santa” throughout the year. We would get one or two really nice gifts (not a 32’’ TV or a computer or a Lexus mind you!) but it was focused on the necessities.
Of course I remember very little detail of the presents I’ve gotten through the years but vividly remember sitting around the tree with my parents, sisters, and dogs, sipping hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls, opening our gifts one at a time, discussing them, laughing, and saying thank you. We continue to get each other pretty practical stuff (my husband is begging for work socks, I want a new butcher’s knife, Dad like’s “old man” sweaters, Mom wants tee-shirts) and enjoy the family time around the tree ripping open paper and hugging each other after receiving that “perfect” gift.
The time we spent together was more precious than the actual stuff received and I think that is what far too many people (not just parents) forget.
Britgirl, you hit it right on the spot…again..!
It was great to look up this blog and once more find the comfort in the comments from the rest of you.
X-mas is ME-time and I look forward to not be hanging around with unsatisfied breeders! Isn`t it funny how other people can try to make you troubled simply because you chose smarter?
During x-mas I become even more glad to not have joined the parent group. It must be sad to waste you time and money on meaningless activties like buying nonsence to someone who already got everything. The greates miracle of x-mas is how grown-up people get sucked into the hysteria of living up to the “demands” of modern x-mas.
I am sure shopping for x-mas (and the larger the better), removes the unsatisfactory feeling parenting often leads to, but as always the fun has to be payed for sooner or even worse later. Still I think the parents excuse their own spending with the same attitude they excuse their sometimes bad manner, its all for their kids…!
As said before I dont hate kids. But the redicilous mentality of todays world is annoying me more for every day. When are those breeder-robots going to see where our consumer lifestyle is leading us??
It is pure pleasure to spend the money on myself and eat the food I like, sleep long, watch the x-mas movie once more and just have peace. Throwing a child, the child`s friends or parents of other children into this sacret harmony would simply just ruin a very good time.
There is a gal on LJ who is begging people to give her a few thousand dollars to catch up on her rent AND wanting people to send her gifts for her and her latest husband’s several combined spawn. But she’s not asking for CDs or books, oh no! HER kids deserve the best — they need Lapopts and PSPs and the like. Did I mention this woman doesn’t even work? Jobs are for us lazy slobs who she expects to help pay her bills and buy her kids loot.
Breeders are so pathetic.
I already sent the word out that people will be lucky to get Christmas cards from me. I was downsized back in March; now I work two part-time jobs that don’t pay much combined. I am so glad I don’t have kids, especially during the holidays. My circumstances would be even worse than they are if I did.
@CFSinceSix: Too true. The gift giving has morphed into something ridiculous. People going overboard to do spend to prove a point. While there are people in the world who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, spending $600 on a child at Christmas is quite mindblowing. Very sorry about your job loss by the way.
@dogand music lover – With parents like that, that boy is in for more problems. That stuff will cost well over $1000 – without accessories. I sometimes wonder if it’s the parents way of easing their own guilt. As for the Christmas being for children…makes me want to puke too. Of course it’s a good hook for commercialization… if people aren’t going to buy stuff for themselves you can be sure they will buy into the hype of getting expensive junk for their kiddies. The entire message of Christmas is missed – if it was ever understood in the first place.
@SwissBarb: Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.
@Mel:”Why does a 5 year old need a Blackberry?” for that matter any mobile phone. I’m told it’s because parents want to “keep in touch” with them. WTF? Oh an they also need an Iphone, or whatever new gadget happens to be hip. The older kids of course go to school with their shiny new phones and promptly get them taken off them by the school bullies.
@all – thank you for your very interesting comments
@Hillari: Sorry about your being downsized. I have to say it’s a relief not to have kids at this time. I also keep reading stories about people who are behind on bills or feeling the pinch… yet they follow by saying they have four or five kids and are upset because they won’t be able to give them as many presents…
@Lurker – thanks! We’re going to have a Christmas very much like yours
Quiet and peaceful and guilt-free!
@Explosive – ” We continue to get each other pretty practical stuff (my husband is begging for work socks, I want a new butcher’s knife, Dad like’s “old man” sweaters, Mom wants tee-shirts) and enjoy the family time around the tree ripping open paper and hugging each other after receiving that “perfect” gift.”
Can’t get more practical than that…lol.
This is just what we used to do! Now that I live in Toronto and my parents, brothers and sisters are in England, and it’s expensive to travel home at Christmas we can’t get to be all around the tree, but my husband and I do have fun with our own gift – unwrapping around the tree. And, would you just guess… he wants slippers
Sebastyne — the surprise element is so important. Also not having to be pressured into getting something expensive just because it’s expensive. People forget it’s the thought that counts… or maybe it isn’t for some people.
@boxermom – If a parent feels less guilty by spending MORE money, then I doubt very much that the buck stops at Christmas….I’m willing to wager that child gets gobs of gifts for every occasion and maybe even no occasion at all!
That’s very likely. I mean, why stop at Christmas…
@Lauren – I agree.. it’s interesting when I was reading the comments on the original article, there were quite a few posters saying those that didn’t feel sorry for these parents were…not nice. In many of the comments it seemed that as long as it was spending for kids the parents were right and “shouldn’t mind all those who had no sympathy for them.”
@Phoena: Wow! How do people have the gall to ask this? Has anyone told her to get off her ass and get a job? I wouldn’t give her anything. And anyone who did would be encouraging her… plus she’d probably see them all for suckers anyway. Why work when you can get the workers to send you their hard earned cash?
Britgirl, thank you for the note, re: job loss.
I was just thinking. I’ve been watching Suze Orman. If these parents were truly smart they’d get the kid a toy or two and invest the rest of the money for the kid’s future. I don’t want to hear them whining about how they can’t save up for college or afford college for their kid when they’re spending their kid’s college tuition every gift giving season.
Hey, check this out. Bored, I was reading the comments. hooo boy! Did a parent let the cat out of the bag on this one. And I don’t think she realized that she said exactly what is going on with all this rabid consumerism of parents and buying stuff for their children. Emphasis mine on the line that says it all.
Oh my. We now have to BUY some brats’ “smiles” because their idgit parents don’t have $600 to spend on their litters? Wow! Merry Christmas to you too! Where do people even come up with this “My kid deserves…” nonsense? No one “deserves” anything. You get what you work for and that’s that. Just because a child was born doesn’t entitle that child to a lap top, a spring break in the Bahamas, a college tuition, or $300 jeans. Especially if this child was born to morons who can’t afford anything of the sort, sorry. What is it with dummies and their whining about their “special” spawn “deserving” boatloads of expensive junk? Where is all this coming from?
I personally think that most people are miserable and resentful of their children and buy off their own guilt. Like, “I hate these stupid brats and their screeching, how I wish I could be rid of them. Wow, that was a “bad parent” thought. I must say 10 Hail Marys and buy them an iphone. See, I bought my kid an iphone! I am a good parent! See, I love my kid! If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have bought him this iphone? No! But I did, therefore I am a good parent, and if you question me, I will beat the daylights out of you with my kid’s iphone for ever suggesting otherwise, in an effort to hide the fact that you are spot on.”
I love Christmas because I get to chose gifts for people who I care about and who will aprreciate them, and the gifts are not an attempt to buy “smiles.” (Um, pa-the-tic!) They are practical things chosen to be enjoyed and suitable. A laptop for my husband makes a lot more sense than one for a 5-year-old. As our society grows maniacally obsessed with all things “children” and the children become more and more awful, I just see people breeding as more and more obscene. They live at home into their 30’s, demand bachelor and now masters degrees, and the cost of jeans is skyrocketing. Its insane to even contemplate a kid. I shudder at the thought of 30 Christmases ruined by some gluttonous child, plastic junk discarded all over the house a week later when they are bored. Oh well. Suckers!
When I was a kid, my gifts from the parents tended to be practical. I often got a bicycle, (because I outgrew my old one,) or before I learned to ride a bike, some sort of plastic Big Wheel. Art supplies were often under the tree, like crayons, pens, paper, clothes sometimes. There was the occasional story-record, a vinyl record in a story book. (I’m aging myself!) A few times I got a child’s vinyl record player. I do remember a Light Brite that I used long after the black paper was gone. There was other stuff, but I don’t remember it. It was never overly expensive, but it fit my personality. I never had presents that were discarded a month after Christmas!
The tree featured heavily in the Christmas celebration when I was very young. My older sister and I would play under it, and I would hang two or three Christmas balls on one hook, calling them ‘Bobs’.
Christmas taught me how to wait for things when I was young (about 6).
Children can be ‘given a smile’ with little expense if you get them things they like, such as if they are into hot wheels, a few two dollar cars. Artists can be pleased by a 64 pack box of crayons and bulk paper! Bicycles can be bought second hand. Balls too can please.
I was quite fortunate as a kid. I was the baby of the household and my brothers had grown up so I was rather spoilt. I would ask for one special gift from Santa and have a few small suprise presents. We were not particularly rich but for the most part, I received all the toys I asked for. My parents would tell me that they brought the gift and Santa delivered it…that was why Santa couldn’t get things that were too expensive. =)
That sort of money on a kid is just stupid! My little niece is an only child and spoiled but she doesn’t have that much wasted on her. I do know that as with many kids and like myself when I was a child, the toys just get left up the corner when she’s fed up. As said before, you shouldn’t have to buy the smiles of your child.
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@Denise: thanks, I will bear this site in mind when we next book a trip!
Everyone always talks about how sad I will be if I don’t have kids. I always think that the only thing I will miss out on is Christmas with them…Then I saw this video and it reminded me that the only thing I will miss out on is…spending hours getting them ready to see Santa and have their picture taken with him. But first, I have to plan the picture around their nap time and make sure they don’t get anything on the new outfit I bought for them that I probably won’t be able to afford. Oh and then I will have to stand in line for almost an hour with the rest of the parents who are wondering if having children was worth it…then by the time we get up to see Santa he looks like he wants to go home and my kid would sit on Santa’s lap and scream then I would pay $19.95 for a 4×6 picture that will end up in my dresser draw with the rest of my kids pictures that I paid too much money for!