This may be the shortest post yet, but I’ve been thinking about it for weeks months. I read over the comments often think they are among the most inspiring and thought-provoking and down to earth I’ve seen anywhere. From the frequent thank you notes I receive I know I’m not alone in thinking that.
I’ve been thinking… maybe we should be writing the next childfree book. Or the one after that. Someone asked me a while back “When are you going to write your book? You have some great posts and insights here.”
Because that had never really been my intention, it hadn’t really occurred to me. I know many bloggers start a blog with the intention to write a book – I wasn’t one of them. I have plans to write a book one day (who doesn’t?) however given my hectic schedule it wasn’t likely to be soon and it would probably be on some tech marketing subject. Then I thought – I could write a book about the childfree life from my perspective. Somehow that idea didn’t feel compelling enough.
Later on I was looking through some childfree books and thinking some were either old (set back in the ‘80s and ‘90s or even earlier) or full of stats and studies. Studies are good, and sometimes necessary. I wasn’t interested in writing a research piece, though. If I did anything it would be to raise our childfree childfree voices in a very real way and celebrate the childfree life – because it rocks. The last contemporary Childfree book I really enjoyed was “Childfree and Loving It” by Nicky DeFago. And I have read almost all the ones that came before in my own childfree journey. The earlier books have a place in my heart… they were the ones I read when I first became aware there was even a word called “childfree.” My next thought was the actual posts – edited versions. That, however is only part of the story.
Then I had a brain wave. What about a compilation of top posts and comments from Like It Is? (With the same anonymity). The articles spark the comments. The comments spark the conversations – and the YES! moments, and the “I never thought of it like that” moments.
How many posts, how many comments? Which posts? Which comments? I have no idea right now. But the thought of being able to give someone a book of what we share on on this blog just thrills me to bits. Heck, I’d love to have it as my bedside reading…
I’ve no idea of the hows right now. Maybe I’ll self-publish…I don’t have a timetable and I don’t have a plan yet. The idea of a compilation has refused to go away so I thought it’s time to throw it open and see what you think. Oh, and of course everyone who contributes on the blog gets a free copy – if I do write it. 
There are too few Childfree books out there. I’m not sure we can even have enough of them. More to the point our voices still aren’t heard often enough and when they are we are often misinterpreted. While I’m not aiming to set the world alight I know that if we want another childfree book to share our unique views on the world and our voices we may well have to write it ourselves.
That could be any one of us. Blogging has given us a wonderful opportunity to share and publish ground-breaking stuff. At the same time there are still many people who don’t read blogs or who don’t know the body of childfree conversation exists here.
OK, I’ve put it out there. No promises yet – but the idea is out there now. What do you think? Share your thoughts here… if you’d prefer to email me, feel free to do so… email’s on my Contact page.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I think this is a very good idea, as there have been some really interesting and thought-provoking posts on here. It’s certainly necessary to put out something that’s updated and realistic. Some of the CF books that I have read in the past tend to sound a bit apologetic in nature, and I can understand that this is because the CF notion was practically unheard of, so it was best to probably introduce it more delicately. However, there seem to be a lot more people who are choosing this path, and a modern outlook on what it’s truly like being CF will be beneficial for many. We can be genuine and forthright without feeling a need to make excuses for our CF status, simply discussing what the facts are. Go for it!
Whatever format you choose, it will be a great contribution to the limited literature out there. The childfree choice definitely needs more exposure.
That is an exciting idea!
Apart from Defago’s, I too was under the impression that the books about being CF were a little outdated, so a new one would be most welcome!
I love it! There is a woooonderful book caleld CHILDFREE (title written in Englsih) written by a Russian author whose name I do not recall, and that was the best childfree book I have ever read, and one of the best books, period. I liked DeFago’s book too, and would definitely like a wider variety of books, fiction as well, with childfree characters. Why is all chick lit about meeting a guy to have babies with, anyway? (and why does the happy ending occur with a proposal and the book ends before the babies materialize, hmmm?) I would like to have better beach reads than ones that begin with “She was 30, and her clock was ticking.”
Much as I’d like to read something meaty in the non fiction section, what I’d really like is some nice fiction. I totally agree with og217. All the chick lit seems to be about how women ALL HAVE OR AT LEAST WANT (to the point of neglecting and underappreciating everything else in her life) A HUSBAND AND BABIES. I’ve noticed that in the Irish titles especially. Any woman character who focuses on her career, friends, and possibly a partner is always secretly unhappy and must be redeemed with a decision at the end to find a husband and have babies and stop focusing on “foolish” things. Men don’t want it either, but that’s only what they think they want and by the end they will want all that too. God, I see why I’ve mostly abandoned chick lit. It’s a shame, because it could be so good if it was just more inclusive.
@Irishgirl: As a young girl I was a bit brainwashed by chick lit. It wasn’t until I gave some serious thought to who I was as a person that I was able to break free of the ideas about motherhood. I would love to read CF themed chick lit!
@Britgirl: I actually haven’t read any books on being CF! And I read quite a bit. It was my husband who told me about Happily Childfree when we first met. Until then I thought I was in a voiceless minority, because I knew NO ONE in my “real” life who was CF. A book, in whichever format you choose, would be a huge boon to both women and men who feel much the way I felt: a little lost and without guidance. Especially, when it comes to finding your voice in a community that has to defend itself from an overwhelming (and sometimes rather unpleasant) majority of childed folks. Please do keep us posted on this book project!
is anyone interested in reading this blog from an Australian news site…
http://blogs.news.com.au/moneymum/index.php/news/comments/is_having_kids_really_that_important/
I think a book would be a great idea just something simple that expresses how people feel. Something is needed out there to show how many people really feel this way about not wanting children…
I think it’d be nice to have ANY childfree book (fiction or non) used in a school setting, possibly in a sociology class, or some sort of family oriented class. Even in a college setting, the fact that having children is a choice people can opt out of, is never addressed.
I wasn’t interested in writing a research piece, though.
Exactly! That is EXACTLY why I wrote “How to (not) Have Children.” (The link to it can be found at my blog.) I maintain that women not wanting children isn’t something any more deserving of study or analysis than is, say, why this person or that doesn’t want to be a lawyer or a pilot.
I wanted to write something that simply empathizes with those who have been confronted too often by “why?”, discusses the regular questions we ask ourselves, remembers when “we” first realized we didn’t want kids (I wasn’t very nice to my doll), and unapologetically celebrates the freedom associated with being a no-children household. Also: announce it to family or not?
I hope you’ll check it out – it’s (if I may say) a fun read.
Speaking of testimony, a cf friend of a friend of mine is making a documentary about cf women in their 20′s and 30′s in Quebec. She offered me to participate, but I didn’t feel like being on camera. I have no problem answering to questions by email, though. So if any of you happen to be in Quebec and is interested, let me know.
Thanks for all the feedback everyone. The point about childfree fiction is interesting. I used to read all the chicklit I could find. I had this “chicklit” phase a couple of years ago. But the tedious predictable endings (no matter how happy the unattached single woman was, her story always ended up with her craving marriage, babies and domesticity – in that order). made them annoying… so I stopped reading any chicklit at all. I am more into crime/espeinnage and mystery anyway so I can’t say I missed the chicklit much. The best book I read in that genre (and I am not sure it’s actually CL) is called “We have to talk about Kevin.”
@Feh – I couldn’t agree more. What a difference that would make.
@Irishgirl – not just in Irish literature either. That’s what turned me off chicklit completely. The subtle message is always “whatever else may be important for a woman, however independent she is all this is no replacement for having babies.” And as for the men… they just needed to be brought round… I really liked the Shopaholic series – until she just had to have a baby – that whole book was nauseating but predictable. it was like Sophie Kinsella was trying really hard by that point. I couldn’t read it.
@Kawi – Thanks – yes it’s definitely a different time and place.
Have you ever read George Gissing’s “The Odd Women”? it was thought to be modern in its day, even “feminist,” but it seemed even Gissing couldn’t get past the prevailing perceptions of women’s correct roles.
The independent, child-free feminist women were described in the most unflattering physical terms until, at the end, they (ALL) somehow ended up being maternal in one way or another, and miraculously, their appearance softened and became more beautiful.
Feminist and modern, my boo-tay.
Britgirl – I thought that “We need to talk about Kevin” was a great book, something really different. It really should be prescribed reading for all parents to be, fencesitters, and hormone-racing teenagers. It clearly points out that having children is not all Kodak moments. For anyone who needs a break from the predictable cycle of chick lit, I suggest you read it.
Mrs. Ogre, I’m a 25 chilfree woman who lives in Montreal, I’m interested in your friend’s documentary, so feel free to contact me (I speak French and English).
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I personally find chick lit pretty boring, the girl, although is single at first, look like she’s only interested in herself, my future boyfriend, my futur baby, my white fence around my house, ect. She doesn’t seem to have interest in the outside world, well, maybe that’s what makes her so keen to get that baby in the first place.
Witch on coffee, is there a way I can pm you?
Mrs. Ogre.
I think it is a great idea to write a childfree book. The posts you write alone are content enough for a great inspiring book. But the comments I agree with you, are such great content as well. I will be looking for more info on this idea, and would be happy to contribute some of my articles on the childfree subject. Thanks for writing.
This blog is the best childfree resource I have found yet. It allows ongoing discussion without the time commitment of actually being in a social group, the topics are interesting, and the comments are useful. So far I haven’t even seen any unfriendly or angry comments here.
It’s a great idea!