Here’s a question I thought is worth a discussion, sent in by a reader. And by the way, if you have sent me questions and ideas, watch this space – I haven’t forgotten them.
Childfree people who want a sterilisation still have to fight tooth and nail to get one. Even though it’s our decision and our own bodies, too often childfree people are told to “go off and have a couple of kids first” because they might change their mind.
Our reader (we’ll call them M.L.) is about to approach their doctor about the possibility of getting sterilised. But they are also wondering if it’s a good idea to include that they’re sterilised on their resume, CV or job application. Paraphrased slightly, here’s what M.L would like your advice on:
“I was wondering what advice would sterilised or soon to be sterilised childfree people give to others when they apply for jobs? Particularly women.
Would it be a good idea to mention on a CV or application that you’re sterilised? Though my husband and I discussed it, we never came to a conclusion. I can think of pros and cons:
Con: the company/organisation you’re applying to might deem it rather odd that you’re so very open about it.
Pro: could be that this company/organisation have a certain amount of assurance that you’re not going to work for them for a few months and then disappear off for a year and get paid to do nothing, then bitch and moan about hours and conditions when you return.”
Before I share my own thoughts on this I’m curious to know what you all think. Would you tell a prospective employer? Do you think it will help or hinder? If you’re childfree and you hire people what would you advise? What other things should M.L. consider?
I personally have met people who have told me they wanted to get a job mainly for the maternity benefits. They planned to work for the stipulated time (in the UK it’s 2 years) in order to qualify.
They then planned to get pregnant and go off on maternity leave with benefits – generally a year. In the meantime their positions had to be held for them and of course they are paid maternity benefits – a proportion of their salary. I’m sure there’s a name for it, but I can’t recall what it is. At any rate there’s nothing an employer can do about it. The practice isn’t confined to the UK I might add. And if the woman has a second child shortly after, they go on mat leave again a couple of years later. This is a lot more commonplace than you might think.
Anyway, over to you. What advice, thoughts do you have for M.L or for any childfree person? Share them here.
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve been applying for jobs in the horticultural sector (a big change from my administrative experience but it’s time to switch careers). Almost without exception I have been asked by recruitment companies (but not employers) if I have children.
The problem is that people look at your date of birth, look at your marital status and extrapolate towards what they think is the natural conclusion. My solution was, when I was asked if I had children, to say “No, and my husband and I have made a conscious decision not to have any”. Last thing I want to do is piss off the moo recruitment consultant who has dropped her parenthood into the conversation at any available opportunity.
On the application form, under the “No. of children” I’m tempted to put “childfree”. Anyone who then thinks I hate children only has to look at the sheer wealth of teaching and outreach experience I have to know that can’t possibly be the case.
But I sometimes worry if prospective employers think “the lady doth protest too much”, and that if we go out of our way to say just how childfree we are, that we’re trying to mask a secret baby rabies and intention to get knocked up as soon as that all-important anniversary clicks round.
I think this is where the somewhat crappy maternity benefits in the United States actually evens the playing field for childfree women. Paid maternity is not guaranteed, but an employer (company over 20 people) must grant unpaid leave for up to 6 months. What employers pay for is the health benefits for birthing the child and the cost of being down one employee during any leave they might take. Additionally perspective employers are not allowed to ask if you are married or have children on an application or an interview; if they do they are breaking all kinds of laws.
With that being said there is still the issue of being a 20 or 30 something year old woman and the assumptions about childbearing and rearing that are made about women in that age bracket. When interviewing for my current position I debated on the wedding ring vs. no wedding ring for the interview. What would a potential employer think of a woman of my age being single; would they think I was irresponsible, still partying and going out, busy trying to find myself a man? If they knew I was married would they assume I was busy with or trying to have children? What would be worse? I ultimately decided to do the interview without the ring and made no mention of my personal life whatsoever. Don’t know if it made any difference, but I got several offers using that tactic.
In the USA, I believe the law is that an employer cannot allowed to ask a person applying for a job anything about whether he/she is married, has kids, plan to has kids, etc. If a prospective employee offers that information in the interview or in a resume, that’s up to them.
A sneakier way to put in on your resume is to join a Childfree group of some sort, and put that under activities/other interest – you prove that you are proactive, social, and don’t want children. You may as well take every advantage you can when applying for a job. They aren’t allowed to ask (and technically aren’t allowed to consider it in their decision even if you tell them) but it couldn’t hurt.
I had a job interview 10 days ago and it didn’t go at all like I thought it would, with the usual questions about “what are your strong/weak points, etc.” At some point the guy asked if he could ask me a personal question, I said yes, and he asked if I was married, and I just said no I’m not. I had prepared myself to talk about my total disponibility at work etc. when the time for those questions came but it never did! I felt dumb afterwards, because I SHOULD have said that I wasn’t married AND would not have kids.
I’m not sure why he asked since it was already written on my resume. Maybe he was the unprepared one for that interview!
In this particular case I would not have said that I didn’t want to have kids, as I know this man is about to become a dad in a few weeks, but I would just have stated that I would not have any, and then they can imagine whatever they want (biological reasons, etc.).
In principle it seems like a good idea to mention you are childfree on a resume, since it would definitely be to the employer’s benefit to hire someone who isn’t going to be calling out sick and leaving early every other day due to children issues.
However, I don’t think this is the type of information that belongs on a resume. At least here in the States, it would be considered too personal. It is against the law in the US to inquire about marital status, children, religion or sexual orientation during an interview – the idea being that prospective employers would use this information to discriminate against people. Also, as a person who does HR where I work, I always find it jarring and off-putting when people put too-personal stuff on their resumes, like religious affiliations or clubs, hobbies, or other personal information that seems like TMI for a resume (and irrelevant). Putting personal information down like this can a double-edged sword. For example, if you put down religious affiliations, you might scare away someone (like me) who is wary of organized religion and religious fanatacism. Likewise, considering that most people have children, putting down that you are childfree might scare away someone who is very oriented around their kids, or parenting in general.
I think the better option is to (if possible) bring it up casually in conversation during the interview. When asked a question about what you can offer the company, list all the usual things and then casually add something like “also, I am not going to have children and am very dedicated to my career, and very dependable.” Don’t use the term “childfree” in an interview. It offends some people because it implies that kids are something negative to be rid of. By saying, “I am not going to have children” (which is vague and could just as easily imply you are infertile as imply you don’t want kids), you get the benefits of letting someone know that you don’t have kids and are not going to be torn away from your job due to childrearing responsibilities, without putting the interviewer on the defensive by sounding militant.
Get the job and THEN promote your childfreedom openly.
I would leave that information off a resume, as it doesn’t really speak to your effectiveness on the job. Also, it seems like it would be something that could open up the employer to accusations of discrimination based on sex or family status (both of which are protected by the Human Rights Code in Ontario). If it’s information that you don’t think a man should have to include on his resume, don’t add it.
Being open about my childfree status actually secured my current job in a way, but I left it off the resume. I told my now-boss in advance: I have a temper and a powerful dislike of children.
I got hired. In part it was also because one of the people leaving the firm was doing so because of her child taking up too much time, but as my boss told me later on, he was impressed that I was up-front with the person that I am. We’re a small firm, so that too plays into it.
I do think that it should not be in a resume, but there are ways to bring it into an interview that would not damage the outcome. One of my favorites was used by Childfree Chick (in an earlier blog post) wherein she says that her two cats are very flexible with travel arrangements. In any forthcoming interviews, I would definitely use a similar approach
I don’t think I would put it in my résumé or bring it up without being asked, because it does seem like a weird topic. A lot of people assume that anyone who doesn’t want kids must be “different” or “wrong” somehow, and that might hurt your chances of getting an interview. But once you have the interview, when they ask you about your family (even though it really shouldn’t be anyone’s business, but they’ll likely bring it up in friendly conversation as they’re ‘getting to know you’), that might be the time to bring up that you don’t plan to have kids. You don’t need to elaborate, but they might be assured to know you don’t plan to wind up pregnant and be out of work using their benefits to raise your child right away.
Although hiring someone on the basis of their CF status alone and not hiring someone who has kids simply because they have kids is a sort of discrimination, and probably illegal.
I wouldn’t put it on the CV or resume, but I would probably find a way to mention it in the interview. Why not? it can’t really hurt unless you go off on a rant about how much you hate kids and people with kids!
I’m just afraid breeders are going to pick up on this, start lying and claiming they are childfree, too, then get the job only to proptly get pregnant and soak up all the maternity benefits, thus making employers no longer take you seriously when you tell them you are childfree. I don’t doubt some of them will try this tactic.
I would not put it on a resume. If I feel that one’s childed status has nothing to do with one’s effectiveness for the job (although, it does demonstrate a possible LACK OF AVAILABILITY for the job – i.e. gotta leave early to take Bratley to ballerina practice) and if I feel that a parent should not use the fact that they’re a parent as a way to boost themselves as a better candidate, I hold the same as being true for a childfree person. I’m about equality.
That being said, we (anyone in that “we,” CFers and parents included) should use whatever means necessary to give us an advantage over other candidates – especially in “these economic times.” Sounds like a contradiction? Probably.
I personally feel that a person’s childed status, ya OR nay, is irrelevant and should not be put on one’s resume.
I have had to interview numerous people and I live in the States. I know I can’t ask a person’s childed status, so I ask other questions. ‘What, if anything, would hinder you to perform this particular task?” Is a valid question. Ooh, another one. Overtime. “What would hinder your availability for the times when overtime is required?” There are others, it’s been a while. People generally volunteer their childed status at that point. Some even volunteer their age!
Had a woman come in at a job one time for an interview. She wore an over sized blazer (you can see in the shoulders it was too big) and had a folder that she kept in front of her belly. I knew something was up. Having read about tricks that preggos use. While I don’t blame her for trying to hide her pregnancy so it wouldn’t be used against her, it kind of pissed me off that if we hired her she’d be gone in a couple of months.
Two can play at that game. I found several VALID reasons why we should not hire her. (Lack of skills in a particular area.) Guess what? We hired her. The cunt then went on maternity leave not 4 months later. My boss was all about giving her paid maternity leave when the company came back and said nope. No can do. She had to have been an employee with the company for a year. There are some things companies CAN do to prevent some abuses. And I believe having been with the company for a while is one of them. I don’t know if she stayed on after that. I know she came back for a bit but I had already found another opportunity and was leaving that company anyway.
IMO, that information is not necessary on a resume. I know us CF folks are anxious to show employers why we are a better fit because we’re not going to be pre-occupied with a bratley or a snotley, but remember, companies are run by people. And many of those people who make hiring decisions ARE pre-occupied with bratley’s and snotley’s so they may take offense to someone who is childfree, by the mere and simple fact that we ARE childfree. So be very careful in this arena. They may just hold that against you.
Instead, come up with ways that reflect your availability for a company (because really, all employers and companies want to know is if you can do the job, do the job well, and be there when they need you) and show how effective of an employee you are. Mention you work late when required. Provide solid concrete examples of when you came in over the weekend, etc. etc.
As I type this I realize the double edged sword to this: employers may pick you over the childed for these situations – we know this happens. It is at that point when you start to put your foot down and mention unfairness, etc. and a preference towards the childed. Which is NOT easy.
At anyrate, I was laid off last October and I still don’t have a job so all of this is hitting close to home.
Britgirl, I haven’t been posting as of late because life has been so busy for me, and I’m unemployed! Not to mention my boyfriend’s sister had her kid. They’ve been trying to get me to “hold The Baby.” Then, they decide to pick my S.O. and SOME OTHER KID (who is only 20 years old and still in college) to be the godparents, thereby ignoring me and COMPLETELY disrespecting our (non-married yet committed for LIFE) relationship. Trust me, I had a talk with the S.O. about this. I’m still hurt. And yet, they wanted me to “hold The Baby” after all parties were asked. My thoughts were “Fuck. You. I’ll still make your damn scrapbook, but fuck you. And you have just guaranteed there will be NO BABYSITTING that cunt loaf by me.” (*whew* I’ve been wanting to say that but have been pent up.) And yes, the S.O. felt badly, apologized, and doesn’t care that I don’t want to hold the baby either. He’s been super cool and will be talking with his family about respecting our relationship.
So anyway… well, I know that’s a side issue, but I just wanted to get that out there.
Back on topic, don’t put your childed status on your resume, whether you’re a parent or childfree, but during interviews, bring up ways (related to the job and company requirements) how you are available and the perfect candidate for the job without bringing up your CF status, but all the while injecting subtle cues that you don’t have children. I promise you, more often than not the breeders are so proud of their progeny that they CAN NOT WAIT to bring up their children they do tend to volunteer that information.
I wouldn’t recommend putting in the fact that you are or plan to be sterilised. One, it brings the same kind of “TMI” reaction that people mentioning IVF brings. Two, it’s a bit like the people who mention something like their religious beliefs – or lack thereof – on their CV. If you care enough to put it in, then you may well care enough to make it an issue with customers or colleagues. I’m not saying that you would, but that is what the person reading it has to consider.
However, employers are worried about maternity leave/pay, as well as the problems which come with having parents – especially mothers – on staff. They usually drop hints, if they’re not allowed to ask outright, about whether you would be able to work during the holidays etc. If they ask, answer honestly. I honestly don’t think people are against hiring women, despite what the feminist whiners say. I think it’s a genuine and realistic fear that women will become a huge burden on them. Handled correctly, childfreedom can be a huge bonus.
BTW, I wanted to add. One of my favorite bosses, during my interview (and at that point I knew I was hired anyway) asked if he could ask a personal question. I told him sure.
He asked if I had kids.
I said no.
He then said he was fed up with women coming in then immediately going on maternity leave. (Which, the woman I mentioned in my last post did exactly that, at the same job! But by this time, my boss who hired me had quit.) He’s a father of 3 girls himself.
Then he said, “You don’t know what you’re missing.”
*I* then said, “Oh yes I do.”
And the interesting thing about that conversation, and this is EXTREMELY rare, we both knew that we could be 100% honest and straight with each other.
I agree with the general sense that it’s too much information. If you had any other kind of surgery, whether something essential like a triple bypass, or elective like a nose job, would you mention that on a resume? If an employer is going to make hiring decisions based on worries about having to pay for maternity leave, they might also balk at employing someone who airs past surgeries and might take advantage of insurance benefits to have more.
I think there may be legal issues in the US in terms of discussing a potential employee’s medical record anyway (recently enacted patient privacy laws).
The word “sterilized” is a little jarring also, full of negative connotations — brings eugenics to mind, at least for me. They don’t even use that term for pets any more; it’s either neutered or spayed.
Being sterilized myself this a valid topic. I have been more “concerned” about what my girlfriend could answer if she was asked about wanting kids. Should she say that she will not because I am sterile or that she and me are not planning kids? My experience is that people do not take you totally serious in the way they would with another member in the parent-club, its like they cant understand something so strange as someone not having children and not with the same worries as them.
I am in a steady position. But in the interview for this job I asked my present collegue if it was a problem that I did not have children. As a rule though I would not flag my CF status applying for a job and would tone it down if being asked about it.
It’s a very personal information that shouldn’t be on a resume, nor asked in an interview. If it’s not related to your studies, or work experience, or any other professional merits (since when having kids was a professional accomplishment) shouldn’t be on resume that’s it. Saying you plan to be sterilized has nothing to do with the ability to do the job either, not like they’d take your brains out or cut off your arms. You shouldn’t have to say what kind of contraceptive method you use on a resume or an interview, sterilisation is exactly that.
When I got my job no questions were asked about kids, probably because I just got out of uni and they thought “oh she’s too young for that yet” and combined to my young appearance did the trick. But I think that it’s mostly because it’s not the kind of questions that is authorized. But not it’s not just women who can take maternity leave, dads can take paid parental leave as well (At least here in Quebec), so technically they should ask the baby questions to guys too as well as they do with women, although it’s mostly the women who leave early when the kids are sick at school.
I agree that going as far as to say you’re sterilized or getting sterilized is a bit too personal. The topic has never come up for me in an interview and like it has been stated before, there are tricky laws in the US as to what prospective employers can and can’t ask.
However, since I unfortunately live in the Deep South, where they have the whole “family values” mindset, employers would probably be more put off by the fact that I’m childfree as opposed to having a brood to care for, or potential brood. It’s the “You’re not like us” mentality. Almost everyone else where I work has kids or is either planning on it with the exception of one other woman who is happily single and childfree (in the true sense of the term, not the I-don’t-have-kids-at-the-moment-but-can’t-wait-to-stop-popping-them-out definition that the breeders go by). It wasn’t until after I started working here that I realized it was considered a very “family-friendly” place by the employees. It hasn’t gotten too out of hand since most of the family functions are after hours and not mandatory, but it’s still very different from the last place I worked (where you had to pay for the soft drinks, but the beer in the fridge was free
).
Hey, Witch on coffee, I’m in Montreal too.
Can’t wait to read your posts on childfreedom!
Mrs. Ogre
I’m not sure I’d be quick to volunteer for all the overtime hours, since that’s just an open door for them to hire me, then make me work late every night while the parents get off early for the same pay. I guess it would depend on the type of job and how badly I wanted it.
I wouldn’t put it on a resume but I did mention it in the interview, as it relates to me being able to work very flexible hours and travel as needed.
Remember, folks, while you’re being interviewed for a job as a prospective employee, YOU are interviewing THEM as a prospective employer!
Don’t be afraid to ask them questions about work hours, what the work environment is like, and even their “family friendly” policies. It’s worked out to my advantage. You can gather a lot of information about the company, it’s culture, and your immediate boss and team mates. Ask them about the job you will be performing, what sort of hours it takes, what tools you’ll be using, etc.
I think that in our efforts to become employed to pay our bills we don’t think about the fact that an employer has to prove they’re worthy of our service. Yes, even in “these hard economic times.” (I swear, that phrase is so fired.)
Mel said
).”
“but it’s still very different from the last place I worked (where you had to pay for the soft drinks, but the beer in the fridge was free
Good grief! Whatever made you leave there?
I think it depends. If you proudly announce the awesomeness that is your childfreeness and your prospective employer turns out to be a first class breeder with five kids and two more on the way…
Ouch.
CFSince Six makes a great point about interviewing the employer. Odds are, when you ask about their “family friendly” and “work/life balance” policies, they’re going to start throwing around examples of their flexibility with employees who are parents and/or their maternity/paternity leave packages. This gives you the opportunity to say a lot with one little sentence… You could reply with something like one of these lines:
*Does the same flexibility apply to employees without children?
*So I could get an afternoon off to take my pet to the vet if I needed to?
*Is there a leave package available for employees who will not be using the maternity leave package?
Replies like these tell the interviewer that you’re CF or CL without actually saying so. They also tell the interviewer you expect equal benefits/compensation to that experienced by the “No OT, no travel, takes random afternoons off” Mommy types and will not be a slave to the workplace just because you don’t have kids.
If you’re desperate for the job, chose your words with care, but I feel it’s important to make this point -even if you have to create the opportunity- in an interview. An employer who provides no balance in benefits and/or compensation to that experienced by parents of young kids probably shouldn’t “pass” an interview with you.
Stacey said:
Those are EXCELLENT questions! Which is PERFECT timing for me as I have a job interview tomorrow.
But enough about me. I’m so glad you posted these very excellent and nicely worded questions. Thanks!
Late to my own party! Personally, I wouldn’t put my childfree status on my resume because i don’t see it has anything to do with whether or not i can do the job or not.
Plus, I wouldn’t want an employer to think that just because I didn’t have children I was available to work over time or hours when said childed person wasn’t. I wouldn’t even bring it up in an interview, except if I was asked directly if i had children… and in large Canadian companies you are not allowed to ask those questions anyway – everything must be directly related to the job. Not to say that employers in smaller companies can’t find ways of getting at the information… I did really like Stacey’s suggestions though – asking those questions in the way she’s stated them is a great way to get the information you need and let them know what is important to you as well.
And as has been said – an interview is a two way thing… you are interviewing them as much as the other way around. You get “bad vibes” it’s probably not the place for you.
Thanks for these thought provoking answers everyone…lot’s to take away and use here.
I’m sorry, I guess I just don’t see the point of even considering sterilization a resume topic. It seems a bit peevish and too personal for the topic at hand. Unless of course your career field is something regarding handling hazardous waste or your operating in a BSL-4 enironment, the topic shouldn’t even come up.
From the interviewers point of view I might even consider a person who admits to sterilization as a bit unbalanced.
I recently secured a new job. The employer in question is casually known to me, and in casual conversation mentioned, “I don’t hire women of childbearing age…not if I can help it”. And..as wrong as many people would see this, is completely understandable YET unavoidable. It would be discrimination to advertise for ‘Childfree’ staff, but believe me….many employers would jump at the chance. I do believe I was primarily hired for the sterilization (again, it was dropped in casually), but my experience was relevant. As one of the posters above suggested, mentioned it your social interests, OR, be bold! When they ask what can you offer, say “Everything! Basically as I will not and cannot have children; I am dedicated and not distracted easily.” It is usually against the law for them to inquire, but it isn’t if you offer the information. Companies want people who won’t cost them the earth. Don’t be afraid of letting them know how valuable you truly are, whether it is PC or not, the end decision is about money and economical, safe decisions.